It's taken me a week to get to this, not because it was unimportant, but because it's taken me this long to
a) find the time to post and
b) process just how quickly and efficiently God answers prayer (why I'm still amazed at this, I don't know!)
Last Monday, I felt a powerful "urge" to have coffee with a friend. I'm a very impulsive person, but most others aren't...so I was surprised when she said, 'Come on over!'. I did have something I wanted to talk about and it was a conversation she'd already heard part of, so I thought if I talked about it with her, maybe I could process through my feelings better. To be honest, I was confused, frustrated, hurt, sad, and most of all a little bewildered that after all these months of living according to how I believe the Holy Spirit has called me to...just one conversation can still make me feel all of these emotions! Ugh!
So I headed out from home thinking I would process this all out loud or even if I didn't get to verbalize it, just being around someone else that understands would make me feel better. But as usual...those Holy Spirit urges always have a bigger reason than I ever could guess. Driving down the highway toward me friend's house, I saw a church sign that blew me away. I usually read these & brush them off. Most of the time I feel they are trite or cliche' or judgmental...none of which I believe is helpful to people seeking God. But this one I think was written just for me.
It simply said, "When you're down be a blessing to someone else"
I may not be quoting it verbatim...but the message hit home and I felt teary at how, yet again, Holy Spirit gets His Message through to my heart.
I did still process my feelings with my friend and it did help. But when I got home that day, I knew I needed to ask the members of a group I'm in to reach out and help another mom that's been experiencing an overwhelming stressful few weeks. And Holy Spirit has done some amazing things...one lady handed over $100 to me that night to use toward this 'love-gift'. That was just the beginning! I know Holy Spirit has blessed my hurting friend in many others ways too...but I would have missed out on the chance to participate if I'd let myself stay "down" about my own situation.
Actually, the only times I've even thought about the conversation that brought up all of these negative feelings in me has been when I've remembered the sign I read at that church or when I've had a chance to reflect and marvel at how Holy Spirit helped me get out of my funk so quickly...by simply being a blessing to others!
It's difficult to wallow in my pit when I'm helping someone else get out of theirs!
Amen!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I Could Say a LOT, but...
Actually, the title doesn't mean I'm going to rant. This is what I feel Jesus is saying in John 8:26. The religious Jews have been questioning Him...the more correct term would probably be "grilling" Him...on who He is, what He is teaching and most importantly, who His Father is.
In verse 8:15 of John, Jesus says, "You judge according to the flesh, I am not judging anyone." He does add that if He should judge, because He judges according to the Father, His judgment is true.
I pray I'm not reading too much into what Jesus is saying here, but it's almost like He's to the point of exasperation when He finally says, "I have many things to speak and to judge concerning you, but He who sent Me is true; and the things which I heard from Him, these I speak to the world." (John 8:26 NASB)
I even picture Him throwing up His hands (okay, that's more what I would do!) looking at them and saying, 'You know...there's a WHOLE list of things I could tell you you're doing wrong. Then maybe your eyes would finally be opened to who I am. BUT, I'm willing to lay that aside and only speak Abba's words to you because I know ultimately, that's who you need to listen to and who will create the biggest, lasting heart change in you.'
This reminds me again of the passage that I need to get rid of the plank in my own eye before showing a brother or sister the speck in theirs. I'll confess, I'm REALLY struggling with this right now.
I have felt for many months that the scales have fallen from my eyes. Sara Groves writes, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I've also thought of it as a bubble that God has propelled me through and I see so many still trapped inside. I want to help them out, but I have to wait for them to let God pull them through it.
So I carry these burdens for people...not that they have health, wealth and happiness...but that they'll be able to experience the deep, abiding love and relationship with the Holy Spirit that I have found. But the enemy knows my weakness is usually my strength too. And as the Spirit lays someone on my heart & mind to pray for, I catch myself getting angry that they can't see what is so obvious in front of them. What do I choose? Do I judge them, feel self-righteous in my choices and congratulate myself for moving past these weights that ensnare? Or do I pray for them, grieve for them because of the time they are losing with their Abba and thank the Holy Spirit for the mercy He gives me every day? Unfortunately, too often I choose the first!
There is no answer to this...no formula I can adhere to...no example set in stone that I can follow. There IS the example of Jesus. But didn't even He adapt His response to whom He was speaking. Gregory Boyd says the only right we ever have to judge is when it is a case of religious sin...like the Pharisees, etc....judging, self-righteous. Or if someone we know has invited us into a relationship with them where they have expressed a desire to be held accountable, then we can point out sin to them as well.
But what is the protocol when the enemy makes you feel self-righteous for pointing something out to a person that invited you in, then non-verbally retracted the invitation once uncomfortable discussions were had. I don't see an example in Scripture of Jesus chasing anyone down, asking them out for a chalice of wine so they can renew the conversation. He never goes back later and says, 'You know what, I may not have explained myself fully...listen again to what I have to say.' No, like the rich young ruler or the disciples that turned away (see previous post Bread of Life) from His challenging words, He just let them walk away.
I'll confess, that's not the option I want because it hurts to lose a friend. It hurts to feel unwanted, uninvited...unloved. So I wait and I pray and I try not to take it personally...because I know it's not ME that they're really running from...and I hope that there will come a day when the Holy Spirit can restore a friendship that I once cherished. In the meantime, the only thing I can do is bring them through prayer to the Abba that loves us all as His Spirit brings them to mind. That's what I should have been doing all along anyway!
In verse 8:15 of John, Jesus says, "You judge according to the flesh, I am not judging anyone." He does add that if He should judge, because He judges according to the Father, His judgment is true.
I pray I'm not reading too much into what Jesus is saying here, but it's almost like He's to the point of exasperation when He finally says, "I have many things to speak and to judge concerning you, but He who sent Me is true; and the things which I heard from Him, these I speak to the world." (John 8:26 NASB)
I even picture Him throwing up His hands (okay, that's more what I would do!) looking at them and saying, 'You know...there's a WHOLE list of things I could tell you you're doing wrong. Then maybe your eyes would finally be opened to who I am. BUT, I'm willing to lay that aside and only speak Abba's words to you because I know ultimately, that's who you need to listen to and who will create the biggest, lasting heart change in you.'
This reminds me again of the passage that I need to get rid of the plank in my own eye before showing a brother or sister the speck in theirs. I'll confess, I'm REALLY struggling with this right now.
I have felt for many months that the scales have fallen from my eyes. Sara Groves writes, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I've also thought of it as a bubble that God has propelled me through and I see so many still trapped inside. I want to help them out, but I have to wait for them to let God pull them through it.
So I carry these burdens for people...not that they have health, wealth and happiness...but that they'll be able to experience the deep, abiding love and relationship with the Holy Spirit that I have found. But the enemy knows my weakness is usually my strength too. And as the Spirit lays someone on my heart & mind to pray for, I catch myself getting angry that they can't see what is so obvious in front of them. What do I choose? Do I judge them, feel self-righteous in my choices and congratulate myself for moving past these weights that ensnare? Or do I pray for them, grieve for them because of the time they are losing with their Abba and thank the Holy Spirit for the mercy He gives me every day? Unfortunately, too often I choose the first!
There is no answer to this...no formula I can adhere to...no example set in stone that I can follow. There IS the example of Jesus. But didn't even He adapt His response to whom He was speaking. Gregory Boyd says the only right we ever have to judge is when it is a case of religious sin...like the Pharisees, etc....judging, self-righteous. Or if someone we know has invited us into a relationship with them where they have expressed a desire to be held accountable, then we can point out sin to them as well.
But what is the protocol when the enemy makes you feel self-righteous for pointing something out to a person that invited you in, then non-verbally retracted the invitation once uncomfortable discussions were had. I don't see an example in Scripture of Jesus chasing anyone down, asking them out for a chalice of wine so they can renew the conversation. He never goes back later and says, 'You know what, I may not have explained myself fully...listen again to what I have to say.' No, like the rich young ruler or the disciples that turned away (see previous post Bread of Life) from His challenging words, He just let them walk away.
I'll confess, that's not the option I want because it hurts to lose a friend. It hurts to feel unwanted, uninvited...unloved. So I wait and I pray and I try not to take it personally...because I know it's not ME that they're really running from...and I hope that there will come a day when the Holy Spirit can restore a friendship that I once cherished. In the meantime, the only thing I can do is bring them through prayer to the Abba that loves us all as His Spirit brings them to mind. That's what I should have been doing all along anyway!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Bread of Life
I LOVE the summer, but it was nice to sit on the back patio with some coffee this morning while the sun was shining in the bright, blue almost-cloudless skies and it was a crisp and cool 60 degrees. One of the blessings of heading into Fall...cool mornings, cool nights & still hot days!
While I was enjoying those great moments on the patio, I continued my study of John. At this point, I'm still marking my text, so I'm not always picking out the details that I know will hit me later. For today though, I was struck by some of the names that Jesus is called or even calls Himself.
In the first six chapters alone, He's called the Word, Lamb of God, Son of God, Rabbi, King of Israel, Son of Man, Messiah, Christ, Savior, Prophet, Bread of Heaven and Bread of Life. I'll admit, these last two have me a little perplexed. And they must have some significance, because He discusses either one or the other of these for about 30 verses.
So what does Jesus mean when He says "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him." (v. 56)? It was evidently so disturbing that some of his disciples grumbled and many withdrew from Him (v. 66). I'll admit as I read through this passage, it sounded very morbid and a bit disturbing. Is this simply a foreshadowing of the Last Supper? Does He mean something literal? Or is it that when we accept His sovereignty in our lives, we can expect to endure the same sacrificial purging that He did? Okay, we won't all literally be crucified, but we have to crucify our desires, wants, pleasures, whims and so much more.
I know I'm rambling, but I truly do not understand what this means & will have to ruminate on it some more. With the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I hope to glean something from this passage. But I'll confess that it disturbs me to think of what Jesus may be asking of me...and maybe that's the point!
While I was enjoying those great moments on the patio, I continued my study of John. At this point, I'm still marking my text, so I'm not always picking out the details that I know will hit me later. For today though, I was struck by some of the names that Jesus is called or even calls Himself.
In the first six chapters alone, He's called the Word, Lamb of God, Son of God, Rabbi, King of Israel, Son of Man, Messiah, Christ, Savior, Prophet, Bread of Heaven and Bread of Life. I'll admit, these last two have me a little perplexed. And they must have some significance, because He discusses either one or the other of these for about 30 verses.
So what does Jesus mean when He says "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him." (v. 56)? It was evidently so disturbing that some of his disciples grumbled and many withdrew from Him (v. 66). I'll admit as I read through this passage, it sounded very morbid and a bit disturbing. Is this simply a foreshadowing of the Last Supper? Does He mean something literal? Or is it that when we accept His sovereignty in our lives, we can expect to endure the same sacrificial purging that He did? Okay, we won't all literally be crucified, but we have to crucify our desires, wants, pleasures, whims and so much more.
I know I'm rambling, but I truly do not understand what this means & will have to ruminate on it some more. With the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I hope to glean something from this passage. But I'll confess that it disturbs me to think of what Jesus may be asking of me...and maybe that's the point!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Giving Update For This Summer
There sometimes is so much going on, that I forget to share how we've been able to watch Holy Spirit move & work to provide. I want to do this as anonymously as possible, so I'll be vague...while still trying to give enough information that God receives the glory for what He is doing all around us. I also need to add, that this is not all given to us or by us. We are just the coordinators for this great, amazing work that Holy Spirit is accomplishing!
June- Gift cards for groceries, diapers & formula were collected and given to a single mom.
July- One couple was able to do 2 small home repairs for a single mom.
July- 5 adults coordinated a single mom's picnic in the park. Two families (moms and 8 children) participated. We received donations for pizza, the picnic shelter and all the families (single moms too!) helped pitch in food. Bottom line...we had fun & met some new people!
July- Holy Spirit laid upon the heart of one single mom to have a mini-food drive for another single mom. Several families participated and I'd conservatively estimate that over 125 pounds of food, cleaning & household products were donated. One person also donated a $200 grocery gift card.
August- Several free Reds tickets were donated so that some families that otherwise couldn't, were able to have a night out at a Reds game.
August- One family received financial donations & gift cards.
August- One mom in a difficult marriage/financial situation received a $200 grocery card.
August- One family received a gift card for back to school shoes.
September- One family going through multiple life-changing events received about 50 pounds of food & household products plus some newborn baby clothes.
I'm sure there is much more! What we give in secret, only the Holy Spirit knows...and that is as it should be. But I also never want to fail to give Him the glory for what we KNOW He is doing!!!
June- Gift cards for groceries, diapers & formula were collected and given to a single mom.
July- One couple was able to do 2 small home repairs for a single mom.
July- 5 adults coordinated a single mom's picnic in the park. Two families (moms and 8 children) participated. We received donations for pizza, the picnic shelter and all the families (single moms too!) helped pitch in food. Bottom line...we had fun & met some new people!
July- Holy Spirit laid upon the heart of one single mom to have a mini-food drive for another single mom. Several families participated and I'd conservatively estimate that over 125 pounds of food, cleaning & household products were donated. One person also donated a $200 grocery gift card.
August- Several free Reds tickets were donated so that some families that otherwise couldn't, were able to have a night out at a Reds game.
August- One family received financial donations & gift cards.
August- One mom in a difficult marriage/financial situation received a $200 grocery card.
August- One family received a gift card for back to school shoes.
September- One family going through multiple life-changing events received about 50 pounds of food & household products plus some newborn baby clothes.
I'm sure there is much more! What we give in secret, only the Holy Spirit knows...and that is as it should be. But I also never want to fail to give Him the glory for what we KNOW He is doing!!!
Feeding the Multitudes
I've previously blogged, (July 26, 2010 How Dare You) about when God has already given us so much, should we ask for more when someone else's need arises? Or should we take what He's given us and pass it on to provide for the other person? Now, I feel like I have Scripture to back up what I quoted Tony Campolo as saying.
John 6:1-15 is where John records what we in the church often call The Feeding of the 5000. (But it was really thousands more, the 5000 were only the counted men!) In vv 5-6, it says Jesus "tests" Philip by asking him "Where are we to buy bread, so that these may eat?" Obviously, Philip has no clue. He even does a quick estimate that it would take over 200 denarii (a denarius was about a day's wages...so more than 3/4 of a year's wages) for everyone to get a little food.
But Andrew (the 1st documented disciple in the book of John) steps up with a little boy's lunch of 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. Now Andrew admits it's not enough...but it's something!
Once again, I feel Holy Spirit reminding me that there is no way I can ever possibly help or feed everyone that I want to...but He's already given me some barley loaves & fish (or the American take...some wheat bread & chicken sticks!) and if I'm just willing to share even this meager offering...He will multiply it in an amazing way!!!
And one more thought on this passage...I would venture to guess that Jesus didn't point to this little boy and tell the thousands there that they owed their gratitude for lunch to him. No, we are told He thanked His Father for the provision. We're not even told whether the boy offered his lunch or if it was just confiscated by the disciples...my guess, is that it was given willingly. And it's not documented that this little boy ever received a word of thanks. But, he went home that day with a full belly, the witness of amazing signs and wonders and the confidence & peace of the blessings that only come from obedience!
Amen!
John 6:1-15 is where John records what we in the church often call The Feeding of the 5000. (But it was really thousands more, the 5000 were only the counted men!) In vv 5-6, it says Jesus "tests" Philip by asking him "Where are we to buy bread, so that these may eat?" Obviously, Philip has no clue. He even does a quick estimate that it would take over 200 denarii (a denarius was about a day's wages...so more than 3/4 of a year's wages) for everyone to get a little food.
But Andrew (the 1st documented disciple in the book of John) steps up with a little boy's lunch of 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. Now Andrew admits it's not enough...but it's something!
Once again, I feel Holy Spirit reminding me that there is no way I can ever possibly help or feed everyone that I want to...but He's already given me some barley loaves & fish (or the American take...some wheat bread & chicken sticks!) and if I'm just willing to share even this meager offering...He will multiply it in an amazing way!!!
And one more thought on this passage...I would venture to guess that Jesus didn't point to this little boy and tell the thousands there that they owed their gratitude for lunch to him. No, we are told He thanked His Father for the provision. We're not even told whether the boy offered his lunch or if it was just confiscated by the disciples...my guess, is that it was given willingly. And it's not documented that this little boy ever received a word of thanks. But, he went home that day with a full belly, the witness of amazing signs and wonders and the confidence & peace of the blessings that only come from obedience!
Amen!
Studying John
Studying in John now and was concerned that I'd heard the stories of Jesus so often that this last of the four Gospels might not glean anything new. As I'd hoped, Holy Spirit is reminding, teaching again or anew so many truths that I need to hear.
I wrote this in my journal yesterday:
"Holy Spirit, I do not ever want to detract from Your Holy Word. I know John the Baptist was only human...but he had Your Spirit upon him...and I believe the most profound words I may ever read in Scripture are his: "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) I don't think I will ever reach the total depth of meaning contained in these 7 words...but I pray that with the help of You, Spirit, I will try! Amen!"
I wrote this in my journal yesterday:
"Holy Spirit, I do not ever want to detract from Your Holy Word. I know John the Baptist was only human...but he had Your Spirit upon him...and I believe the most profound words I may ever read in Scripture are his: "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) I don't think I will ever reach the total depth of meaning contained in these 7 words...but I pray that with the help of You, Spirit, I will try! Amen!"
Friday, September 3, 2010
When Is It Enough?
Following on the heals of God's great provision for us, I kept asking myself (or was it prompted by the Holy Spirit?) is He just trying to say, "Relax, I'm going to take care of you and don't worry about the job either."???
To tell the whole story, SMX had scheduled me to start work on 9/4. I took a 2 weekend night assignment because it sounded good for our family. Yeah, Sunday & Monday would be hard (& an adjustment for the kids), but I'd only have 2 shifts instead of 5, get the same hours/pay, and still be able to homeschool PLUS we'd still have Dale's days off of Wed-Fri.
BUT, I hadn't heard from them for 2 weeks & had this nagging "feeling" that I should call to verify they still wanted me. So if you know our lives for the last few months, you can probably guess what happened. SMX: "We cancelled that shift.", Me: "Why didn't anyone call me?", SMX: "It says in our system that someone did.", Me: "I didn't speak to anyone & they didn't leave a message.", SMX: "We may have something in about 2 weeks, we'll call you when something comes up."
This is the THIRD time they've cancelled me. I went to orientation on July 8th and they still haven't worked me into a shift. I have yet to feel that "check" in my spirit that I shouldn't do this job...but have told Holy Spirit that if He shuts the door at any point, I won't force it open. So...at what point to I say, "Well that door's just closed," and move on?
To tell the whole story, SMX had scheduled me to start work on 9/4. I took a 2 weekend night assignment because it sounded good for our family. Yeah, Sunday & Monday would be hard (& an adjustment for the kids), but I'd only have 2 shifts instead of 5, get the same hours/pay, and still be able to homeschool PLUS we'd still have Dale's days off of Wed-Fri.
BUT, I hadn't heard from them for 2 weeks & had this nagging "feeling" that I should call to verify they still wanted me. So if you know our lives for the last few months, you can probably guess what happened. SMX: "We cancelled that shift.", Me: "Why didn't anyone call me?", SMX: "It says in our system that someone did.", Me: "I didn't speak to anyone & they didn't leave a message.", SMX: "We may have something in about 2 weeks, we'll call you when something comes up."
This is the THIRD time they've cancelled me. I went to orientation on July 8th and they still haven't worked me into a shift. I have yet to feel that "check" in my spirit that I shouldn't do this job...but have told Holy Spirit that if He shuts the door at any point, I won't force it open. So...at what point to I say, "Well that door's just closed," and move on?