Seems like every time I go back through one of his books, I find something new to hit me in a different way. This time it was near the end of Forgotten God.
"If you have not known and experienced God in ways you cannot deny, I would suggest that you are not living in a needy and dependent way. God delights to show up when His children call on His name and when they are trusting fully in Him to come through, whether that is in relationships, in battling sin, in strength to make sacrifices, or in endurance to be faithful in daily life. Are you living this way? Or are you surviving only by your own strength, by your own wits?"
Ouch! I've been so distracted the last few months (read any post between October and December) that I've been trying to solve this community thing in my own strength. When all He's wanted was to have me ask Him for His guidance, His wisdom, His love. So if this weren't enough of a lesson, a few paragraphs below I read:
"The church is intended to be a beautiful place of community. A place where wealth is shared and when one suffers, everyone suffers. A place where when one rejoices, everyone rejoices. A place where everyone experiences real love and acceptance in the midst of great honesty about our brokenness. Yet most of the time this is not even close to how we would describe our churches."
Double ouch! He just described everything I want, miss and yearn to have in community. Yet, I know it's not my job to change anyone else. My dissatisfaction is my problem, not theirs. If God wants to draw them into genuine community, he will reveal that to them...in His time.
Then Francis Chan says (okay, writes) what I have more or less said to myself repeatedly in the last few months. Again, I can only focus on me...
"As for me, I am tired of talking about what we are going to do. I am sick of talking about helping people, of brainstorming and conferencing about ways we can be radical and make sacrifices. I don't want to merely talk anymore. Life is too short. I don't want to speak about Jesus; I want to know Jesus. I want to be Jesus to people. I don't want just to write about the Holy Spirit; I want to experience His presence in my life in a profound way."
Is it possible to have a triple Ouch!?
I am only responsible for myself, and I've been so discouraged by others, that I haven't been doing what Angela needs to do. I need to 'be about my Father's business." and no one else's.
The great thing about what's happening right now in my life is that once I finally spoke all of this out loud to my husband a few nights ago, I discovered that once again...we are both processing, mulling over and struggling with the almost exact same thoughts. Again, confirmation from Holy Spirit that He has us both headed in the same direction. I don't know why I drag my feet in telling Dale. I guess I'm afraid he'll think I'm overreacting or making too much of a little thing. So I wait and in this case stew...I wasn't even really praying about it because I was so afraid of what Holy Spirit would say.
What can I do about community and serving others and living out the Holy Spirit's call?? Only focus on myself, not others. And pray some day, I'll get this right! Also, when there's something pulling me away from my Abba, not to run from it but to turn to Him...because that's right where He wants me to be. [Funny, as I'm writing this, a version of Fanny Crosby's Draw Me Nearer that I really like just came on my Ipod...appropos I believe!]
Also, I do believe I need a boat-load of discernment about several things right now...so I'm attempting to fast (I think I even posted about this previously). Being driven back to Holy Spirit over and over...I can't think of a better way to end 2010 and begin 2011. I'm praying not for answers...but for wisdom and guidance...let Him worry about the answers!
Okay, I'm almost in tears, so I have to finish with this:
"I am Thine, O Lord,
I have heard Your Voice
And it told Your Love to me.
But I long to rise
In the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.
Draw me nearer,
To the Cross where Thou hath died.
Draw me nearer,
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer.
Draw me nearer.
Consecrate me now
To Your service, Lord
By the power of grace divine.
Let my soul look up
With a steady hope
And my will be lost in Thine.
Draw me nearer
To the Cross where Thou hath died.
Draw me nearer
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer.
Draw me nearer.
There are depths of love
That I cannot know
Til I cross the narrow sea.
There are heights of joy
That I may not reach
Til I rest in peace with Thee.
Draw me nearer
To the Cross where Thou hath died.
Draw me nearer
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer.
Draw me nearer."
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Officially Declaring 2011 as the "Year of Conversion"
If you've clicked over to my second blog, you know I'm attempting to live a Vegan lifestyle. On that blog, you can read about how I want to convert the family to this way of eating too.
But at the heart of this "Year of Conversion", I know there is so much more. I truly believe that eating the Vegan way is just one more way that Holy Spirit is trying to strip me down so I can run His race. I really don't anticipate this being a "fun" year...but it will be amazing, I'm sure!
I think He's going to continue to challenge us with our finances...not for the sake of making it tougher on us...but to teach us even more dependance upon Him. I think He's going to continue to give us "opportunities" to trust Him. Yes, I need to look at these as opportunities, not issues.
I think He's going to ask us to give up more...our time and what we fill it with. I'm already envisioning a "media-free Mondays" plan to approach Dale & then the kids with. I'm going to have to get really creative with school and my time if I expect them to give up all computer, music, tv, texting phones & video games for 24 hours each week. But can you imagine the reconnection for our family to have people over or to play games, do crafts, cook dinner together, go to a park for a walk or just sit outside somewhere and listen to nature buzzing all around us? I think I'm liking this one already! Yes, that means no Facebook, Wii Fit or running errands for me too. I don't want to leave the kids at home to be bored while I escape to run errands.
Believe it or not, I think there's even more...but I'm not ready to put it on here yet. I still need some clarity. So I think He's calling me to a 2-3 week juicing fast. (If I get too run down physically with just juice, I'll only have fruits and veggies.) But I can't think of a better way to finish out the last week of 2010 & begin the first week of 2011 than asking Him what He wants for our family this next year.
Stay tuned...I know from His track record it promises to be anything but boring!
But at the heart of this "Year of Conversion", I know there is so much more. I truly believe that eating the Vegan way is just one more way that Holy Spirit is trying to strip me down so I can run His race. I really don't anticipate this being a "fun" year...but it will be amazing, I'm sure!
I think He's going to continue to challenge us with our finances...not for the sake of making it tougher on us...but to teach us even more dependance upon Him. I think He's going to continue to give us "opportunities" to trust Him. Yes, I need to look at these as opportunities, not issues.
I think He's going to ask us to give up more...our time and what we fill it with. I'm already envisioning a "media-free Mondays" plan to approach Dale & then the kids with. I'm going to have to get really creative with school and my time if I expect them to give up all computer, music, tv, texting phones & video games for 24 hours each week. But can you imagine the reconnection for our family to have people over or to play games, do crafts, cook dinner together, go to a park for a walk or just sit outside somewhere and listen to nature buzzing all around us? I think I'm liking this one already! Yes, that means no Facebook, Wii Fit or running errands for me too. I don't want to leave the kids at home to be bored while I escape to run errands.
Believe it or not, I think there's even more...but I'm not ready to put it on here yet. I still need some clarity. So I think He's calling me to a 2-3 week juicing fast. (If I get too run down physically with just juice, I'll only have fruits and veggies.) But I can't think of a better way to finish out the last week of 2010 & begin the first week of 2011 than asking Him what He wants for our family this next year.
Stay tuned...I know from His track record it promises to be anything but boring!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Some Good Conversations
I'm amazed at how my daughter is growing. So many times now she doesn't speak like a child, but rather the adult that is emerging. From day one, I knew my goal as a parent was to raise the children God gave us into responsible, productive adults. And I prayed they would love God too. But whether they accepted Him or not, they had to become adults.
So I talked to my children as adults from the beginning...probably to a fault some would say. But 15 years later, even knowing this would happen, it catches me off-guard sometimes when she says something so grown up, so mature.
This past week she brought up some very valid points about some things that I've also been struggling with. It seems I'm not the only one in our family whose heart's cry is for closer community...better relationships. And some of the things she said to me where observant and mature, without being condemning. She was truly seeking some answers, expressing her frustration and yet open to the possibility that maybe there was something for her to learn in the situation.
Granted, she's still a teenager and a lot of what concerns her is very ego-centric. But given that she's only 15 and already gets that a life with God is all about relationships...well, she's already 20 years ahead of where I started!
So I talked to my children as adults from the beginning...probably to a fault some would say. But 15 years later, even knowing this would happen, it catches me off-guard sometimes when she says something so grown up, so mature.
This past week she brought up some very valid points about some things that I've also been struggling with. It seems I'm not the only one in our family whose heart's cry is for closer community...better relationships. And some of the things she said to me where observant and mature, without being condemning. She was truly seeking some answers, expressing her frustration and yet open to the possibility that maybe there was something for her to learn in the situation.
Granted, she's still a teenager and a lot of what concerns her is very ego-centric. But given that she's only 15 and already gets that a life with God is all about relationships...well, she's already 20 years ahead of where I started!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Stealing My Joy
Met my friend yesterday for some much needed adult conversation and she said something that I think summed up most of how I've been feeling. I've been struggling to get my finger on what's been going on spiritually and I don't want to believe that I'm just always going to be this hot and cold person.
I know from experience that there are definite times when God feels closer and there are even times when we are allowed to feel the "dark night of the soul"...when He just seems absent or maybe silent is the better word. But I don't think this is a time when He's backed off so that I can pursue Him more...I'm pretty sure it's me.
I know I haven't been reading Scripture as much and that is part of it. I've done this in the past and I'm fairly certain it's because I'm afraid of what He's going to tell me. So I think my friend telling me that while I'm probably right about a situation I've been dwelling way too much on, I don't have to let the attitudes of others steal my joy was exactly what I needed to hear. Holy Spirit said those words, not my friend. Obviously, she said the audible words...but Holy Spirit said them to my soul.
And again, I know this all revolves around that C word...community. I want it...no, I long for it...I need it. Yet, this is one area where the enemy expertly keeps us so busy, wrapped up in ourselves and feeling so isolated that community sounds impossible to live out. I want to gather regularly with other Jesus followers that are so passionate about knowing Him more our conversation always gravitates toward what He is doing in and through us. These conversations take place frequently, comfortably and naturally as we eat and socialize in one anothers' homes and as we work and serve beside each other as active participants in living out God's kingdom work.
The thing I think I'm avoiding is ultimately a pride issue...and while I'm so focused on not looking weird to others, I'm not focusing on serving others either...and it then becomes a whole cycle of selfishness that needs to stop.
Another interesting idea that's coming out of all that I'm pondering is that basically, I'm worried about appearing counter cultural which as Lohfink says in Jesus and Community is exactly what a Jesus follower's life should look like. I mean, we already homeschool, we eat differently than most people I know and we attend a church plant...what more would Holy Spirit want??
I know there's much more to say about all of this, but it would just be me rambling (what's new, right?). I really think what needs to be said will come from Holy Spirit and will be life-changing for me.
Now, if you can make any sense out of any of the above, you are one step ahead of me. I had numerous interruptions while posting, am pretty certain I have ADD and really just can't get my brain around what God is asking me to do. The best thing I probably could have posted would just be one little word...Pray!
I know from experience that there are definite times when God feels closer and there are even times when we are allowed to feel the "dark night of the soul"...when He just seems absent or maybe silent is the better word. But I don't think this is a time when He's backed off so that I can pursue Him more...I'm pretty sure it's me.
I know I haven't been reading Scripture as much and that is part of it. I've done this in the past and I'm fairly certain it's because I'm afraid of what He's going to tell me. So I think my friend telling me that while I'm probably right about a situation I've been dwelling way too much on, I don't have to let the attitudes of others steal my joy was exactly what I needed to hear. Holy Spirit said those words, not my friend. Obviously, she said the audible words...but Holy Spirit said them to my soul.
And again, I know this all revolves around that C word...community. I want it...no, I long for it...I need it. Yet, this is one area where the enemy expertly keeps us so busy, wrapped up in ourselves and feeling so isolated that community sounds impossible to live out. I want to gather regularly with other Jesus followers that are so passionate about knowing Him more our conversation always gravitates toward what He is doing in and through us. These conversations take place frequently, comfortably and naturally as we eat and socialize in one anothers' homes and as we work and serve beside each other as active participants in living out God's kingdom work.
The thing I think I'm avoiding is ultimately a pride issue...and while I'm so focused on not looking weird to others, I'm not focusing on serving others either...and it then becomes a whole cycle of selfishness that needs to stop.
Another interesting idea that's coming out of all that I'm pondering is that basically, I'm worried about appearing counter cultural which as Lohfink says in Jesus and Community is exactly what a Jesus follower's life should look like. I mean, we already homeschool, we eat differently than most people I know and we attend a church plant...what more would Holy Spirit want??
I know there's much more to say about all of this, but it would just be me rambling (what's new, right?). I really think what needs to be said will come from Holy Spirit and will be life-changing for me.
Now, if you can make any sense out of any of the above, you are one step ahead of me. I had numerous interruptions while posting, am pretty certain I have ADD and really just can't get my brain around what God is asking me to do. The best thing I probably could have posted would just be one little word...Pray!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Losing Focus
I know I've been in a rut for a several weeks and I think I even know why. But what I've noticed is that I'm trying to get myself out of it. This is what I've always done...prayed harder, dug into Scripture more, and basically beaten myself up because I can't "feel" God anymore. I mean, He's always there right? So doesn't the saying go that if we can't feel Him, it's because we're the one that has moved?
Problem is, I don't like beating myself up over this. And I don't think God wants me to either. One thing I think that is frustrating my Bible study efforts is that the anal person in me thinks I have to finish this study in John before I can move on to the next book to study. But, so what if all the chapters aren't given a title? Can't I come back to that later? Why not instead ask Holy Spirit to lead me into the next book He wants me to study and enjoy His leading instead of my own?
Second thing that I know is distracting me is my new lifestyle change to becoming a Vegan. If you didn't already know this (because I've been very quiet about it for fear of failing!), then SUPRISE! (I even started another blog too!) But looking for recipes, shopping more frequently for fresh fruits & veggies, baking from scratch & again, my compulsive, anal behavior that makes me obsess with graphs & charts of potential weight loss, pulls my time, focus & energy away from the best Weight Loss Counselor ever. I mean, isn't He the Creator of my body and therefore the best Guide as to what should go in it? And shouldn't I let Him be my Cheerleader for my success instead of needing to see it on a spreadsheet? Shouldn't I let Him tell me when & how much to exercise instead of some runner's website that doesn't know I have a family to care for & should be priority instead?
And the last thing, we're headed into winter (even though it's just started looking & feeling that way), my husband has been working so much that I'm feeling a little neglected & I feel like I have to go back to doing taxes this year even though it's the last thing in the world I want to do...all of this combines to make me a little depressed, ego-centric and thus, not so nice to be around. Okay, on these, I can pray to enjoy this season and the unique blessings it brings (slower pace, time with family, and especially enjoy Christmas), ask God to become even more the lover that I need to uplift & encourage me and really pray about the job for the tax season & accept His answer...not what I want or what someone else thinks I need to do.
So I'm going to stop beating myself up and for all of these weaknesses and distractions, just ask the Abba who delights in me to make me more aware of His workings in me and our family, help me delight in Him, family and friends and ultimately...stop focusing on myself...Him first, others second and the rest will fall into place.
I'm so thankful that His love doesn't depend on my performance!
Problem is, I don't like beating myself up over this. And I don't think God wants me to either. One thing I think that is frustrating my Bible study efforts is that the anal person in me thinks I have to finish this study in John before I can move on to the next book to study. But, so what if all the chapters aren't given a title? Can't I come back to that later? Why not instead ask Holy Spirit to lead me into the next book He wants me to study and enjoy His leading instead of my own?
Second thing that I know is distracting me is my new lifestyle change to becoming a Vegan. If you didn't already know this (because I've been very quiet about it for fear of failing!), then SUPRISE! (I even started another blog too!) But looking for recipes, shopping more frequently for fresh fruits & veggies, baking from scratch & again, my compulsive, anal behavior that makes me obsess with graphs & charts of potential weight loss, pulls my time, focus & energy away from the best Weight Loss Counselor ever. I mean, isn't He the Creator of my body and therefore the best Guide as to what should go in it? And shouldn't I let Him be my Cheerleader for my success instead of needing to see it on a spreadsheet? Shouldn't I let Him tell me when & how much to exercise instead of some runner's website that doesn't know I have a family to care for & should be priority instead?
And the last thing, we're headed into winter (even though it's just started looking & feeling that way), my husband has been working so much that I'm feeling a little neglected & I feel like I have to go back to doing taxes this year even though it's the last thing in the world I want to do...all of this combines to make me a little depressed, ego-centric and thus, not so nice to be around. Okay, on these, I can pray to enjoy this season and the unique blessings it brings (slower pace, time with family, and especially enjoy Christmas), ask God to become even more the lover that I need to uplift & encourage me and really pray about the job for the tax season & accept His answer...not what I want or what someone else thinks I need to do.
So I'm going to stop beating myself up and for all of these weaknesses and distractions, just ask the Abba who delights in me to make me more aware of His workings in me and our family, help me delight in Him, family and friends and ultimately...stop focusing on myself...Him first, others second and the rest will fall into place.
I'm so thankful that His love doesn't depend on my performance!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Community
This is it.
This is the area Holy Spirit is working on in me. I know it...but that doesn't help implement community into my life. I also know this conviction has been growing in me for some time and Holy Spirit's been leading us along on the journey of finding community for many years. But what's different for me now is that I feel like I'm almost to a crisis point where I give up the hope of community or 'put my hand to the plow and not look back.' (Luke 9:62)
I'd found an old review in Christianity Today that listed the reviewers top 5 books on community. I then had the "knawing" to begin reading these...but if you've seen my previous post, you know that I've been avoiding dealing with this for some time...so the magazine's been laying on my desk for about 2 months. The 5 books are:
1. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
2. Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Rievaulx
3. Jesus and Community by Gerhard Lohfink
4. When the Church Was a Family by Joseph H. Hellerman
5. Paul's Idea of Community by Robert J. Banks
Only a couple of these were available from the library (not a hot topic I suppose!), so I've begun with the third...Jesus and Community. All I can say is I don't feel ready for this...but apparently, Holy Spirit believes otherwise. Our pastor even preached on a passage in Matthew that Lohfink was commenting on in the reading I did this morning! I usually feel like this is confirmation that He wants to teach me in this area.
I SO do not want to rock the boat...I even like calm sailing. But somewhere along the way, I KNOW I've prayed that no matter the consequences, no matter the methods, God would have His way in me. I guess it's time to "put my life where my mouth is" (since I don't have money, all I can give is my life right?).
And I know this fear is the enemy's tool...it's NOT from God. The really ironic thing (of which I need to remind myself often) is that in the past, when Dale & I have spoken the Truth...yeah, there are people that don't like it or question it or downplay it...but we've always been overwhelmed at what I call "people coming out of the woodwork" that are just hungry to hear that Truth (not MY truth...but God's Truth!).
I'll keep posting as He teaches me. My prayer is that we ALL become the people He created us to be...no matter His method and no matter the consequences. Amen!
This is the area Holy Spirit is working on in me. I know it...but that doesn't help implement community into my life. I also know this conviction has been growing in me for some time and Holy Spirit's been leading us along on the journey of finding community for many years. But what's different for me now is that I feel like I'm almost to a crisis point where I give up the hope of community or 'put my hand to the plow and not look back.' (Luke 9:62)
I'd found an old review in Christianity Today that listed the reviewers top 5 books on community. I then had the "knawing" to begin reading these...but if you've seen my previous post, you know that I've been avoiding dealing with this for some time...so the magazine's been laying on my desk for about 2 months. The 5 books are:
1. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
2. Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Rievaulx
3. Jesus and Community by Gerhard Lohfink
4. When the Church Was a Family by Joseph H. Hellerman
5. Paul's Idea of Community by Robert J. Banks
Only a couple of these were available from the library (not a hot topic I suppose!), so I've begun with the third...Jesus and Community. All I can say is I don't feel ready for this...but apparently, Holy Spirit believes otherwise. Our pastor even preached on a passage in Matthew that Lohfink was commenting on in the reading I did this morning! I usually feel like this is confirmation that He wants to teach me in this area.
I SO do not want to rock the boat...I even like calm sailing. But somewhere along the way, I KNOW I've prayed that no matter the consequences, no matter the methods, God would have His way in me. I guess it's time to "put my life where my mouth is" (since I don't have money, all I can give is my life right?).
And I know this fear is the enemy's tool...it's NOT from God. The really ironic thing (of which I need to remind myself often) is that in the past, when Dale & I have spoken the Truth...yeah, there are people that don't like it or question it or downplay it...but we've always been overwhelmed at what I call "people coming out of the woodwork" that are just hungry to hear that Truth (not MY truth...but God's Truth!).
I'll keep posting as He teaches me. My prayer is that we ALL become the people He created us to be...no matter His method and no matter the consequences. Amen!
Friday, November 5, 2010
There's Something Brewing...
It's funny how Holy Spirit isn't letting us stay stagnant for long. I've really been noticing lately that I haven't been craving time with Him as much. I'm getting so preoccupied with all the little "jobs" I have that my days fly by & I haven't been in His Word or spent much time talking to Him. It's almost like the weekends are my only chance to refuel & get together with Him.
I AM thankful that He's talking to me, calling me, drawing me to get close to Him and challenging me to seek Him more. I KNOW this is the time to do it...not to stray further before I come running back.
So since I feel distant, I have to ask myself why? It's not just a time issue. I'm consistently getting up earlier than at any other time in my adult life. Now that I'm eating differently, I'm much more energetic & can't blame fatigue. Is there an issue that I need to deal with or have I just gotten comfortable with expecting God to provide so I'm not as dependent upon Him for every need??
OR is something else brewing?? I have a couple of guesses and neither one of them will bring me worldly peace and comfort. In fact, if it's what I think He's challenging me about, we will once again become even MORE unlike most of the people we know. If He's drawing me to speak up regarding community, relationships & love and what He wants from us in these areas as Christians, I'm afraid of the consequences...truly. I've seen two dear pastors torn apart by people because of their teachings on grace. Add to that living COMPLETELY dependent upon God's provision and the community life that Jesus calls us to, and I'm not anticipating anyone really wanting to hear me. So yes, I'm afraid of what He's drawing us to and I think I'm basically avoiding Him so I don't have to hear it.
For now, I pray and I wait (or percolate, to stay with the brewing theme!) and watch for Him to show His usual signs and wonders! When He gives me the go ahead, I pray that I am faithful to speak what He wants me to say!
I AM thankful that He's talking to me, calling me, drawing me to get close to Him and challenging me to seek Him more. I KNOW this is the time to do it...not to stray further before I come running back.
So since I feel distant, I have to ask myself why? It's not just a time issue. I'm consistently getting up earlier than at any other time in my adult life. Now that I'm eating differently, I'm much more energetic & can't blame fatigue. Is there an issue that I need to deal with or have I just gotten comfortable with expecting God to provide so I'm not as dependent upon Him for every need??
OR is something else brewing?? I have a couple of guesses and neither one of them will bring me worldly peace and comfort. In fact, if it's what I think He's challenging me about, we will once again become even MORE unlike most of the people we know. If He's drawing me to speak up regarding community, relationships & love and what He wants from us in these areas as Christians, I'm afraid of the consequences...truly. I've seen two dear pastors torn apart by people because of their teachings on grace. Add to that living COMPLETELY dependent upon God's provision and the community life that Jesus calls us to, and I'm not anticipating anyone really wanting to hear me. So yes, I'm afraid of what He's drawing us to and I think I'm basically avoiding Him so I don't have to hear it.
For now, I pray and I wait (or percolate, to stay with the brewing theme!) and watch for Him to show His usual signs and wonders! When He gives me the go ahead, I pray that I am faithful to speak what He wants me to say!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Don't Know What to Say
Have been feeling a bit awkward about our latest blessing. Through donations from various people, we have been given a car. It's a HUGE blessing and we are VERY thankful. But I confess it's difficult to know how to say thank you to a church when you don't know whom to thank.
It's also humbling to have your church family know that you're the ones in need. I love coordinating gifts & blessings for others. But when you know a group of people have had to spend a few weeks coordinating something for you, it's somehow...different. I'm carrying the burden of expectations & fear of someone being hurt because I didn't thank them appropriately. BUT, I know that's not a burden I should bear.
So I'll thank the One that I KNOW had a part in this...and He can smooth it over with everyone else!
Abba...time and time again You have proven Yourself faithful to us. Your timing is yet again...perfect. It has just turned cold the last few days, and now Dale doesn't have to walk to work anymore. Thank You that my Fridays will now be more calm and I'll have less time spent in the car taking him to Blue Ash. Once again, we're heading into some uncertain times and I don't want to be dependent upon the gifts & blessings of others...but I know as we're being obedient to You, those gifts sometimes happen. Forgive me for thinking we have to provide everything for ourselves. Thank You that we have this amazing opportunity for You to show us and our children how much You love us and provide for us! And help me shrug off the burden of living up to the expectations of others...they probably don't expect anything anyway...I just fear that they do. Bless those who gave us this gift with the peace that they have obeyed You and in turn, helped out a part of their spiritual family. I love You, Abba! Amen!
It's also humbling to have your church family know that you're the ones in need. I love coordinating gifts & blessings for others. But when you know a group of people have had to spend a few weeks coordinating something for you, it's somehow...different. I'm carrying the burden of expectations & fear of someone being hurt because I didn't thank them appropriately. BUT, I know that's not a burden I should bear.
So I'll thank the One that I KNOW had a part in this...and He can smooth it over with everyone else!
Abba...time and time again You have proven Yourself faithful to us. Your timing is yet again...perfect. It has just turned cold the last few days, and now Dale doesn't have to walk to work anymore. Thank You that my Fridays will now be more calm and I'll have less time spent in the car taking him to Blue Ash. Once again, we're heading into some uncertain times and I don't want to be dependent upon the gifts & blessings of others...but I know as we're being obedient to You, those gifts sometimes happen. Forgive me for thinking we have to provide everything for ourselves. Thank You that we have this amazing opportunity for You to show us and our children how much You love us and provide for us! And help me shrug off the burden of living up to the expectations of others...they probably don't expect anything anyway...I just fear that they do. Bless those who gave us this gift with the peace that they have obeyed You and in turn, helped out a part of their spiritual family. I love You, Abba! Amen!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Focus on the Weak Ones??
Took a little detour from John today, because of something I read in Forgotten God by Francis Chan.
He's writing about how if we're truly, living where, working at and doing the will of God...or where we like to say He has "called" us to be, then our lives should be making a difference in our neighborhoods, jobs, activities, and ministries. But many of us use this phrase to justify our nice home, nice job, expensive toys and lifestyle of pleasure and comfort.
He writes, "My purpose in posing these questions is not to convince you to "go into the ministry." I'm not about recruiting pastors or missionaries. My purpose in these questions is to get you to take I Corinthians 12 seriously, to believe that you have been given a manifestation of the Spirit and that your church, the worldwide body of Christ, and the world are crippled without your involvement."
Hmmm??? I'm supposed to take I Corinthians 12 seriously...I'd better read it & study it right?
So that's what I did and yeah, I've read it before, heard it preached many times...this is the passage that goes through the gifts of the Spirit and how they are all needed by the one body of the Church. None is more important than any other. The gifts are various (wisdom, knowledge, faith, affecting miracles, prophecy, distinguishing of spirits, various kinds of tongues and interpretation of tongues) but there is ONE Spirit, there is the same LORD.
A foot can't say it doesn't want to be part of the body, an eye can't choose to 'go it alone' or tell the hand, "I have no need of you." You get the idea...all gifts from the Spirit are given by Him, at His discretion and ALL are equally necessary to the Body of Christ, which is the Church (not a building...but the people!).
Then here's the lesson of the day: "And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." (I Corinthians 12:21-26)
I've highlighted the words that jumped off the page at me. We (I) have been so wrong. We've elevated the people in our churches that seem to have it all together, and Paul says those people have no need of it.
They have no need of the body? I've known a lot of people like that in my church life! While we've alienated or pushed aside the "weaker" parts...the ones that are struggling, hurting, falling apart, barely hanging on and are honest about it. But Paul writes that God wants just the opposite...we should bestow more honor on the weaker members. He even says they are necessary...why?
What happens when we focus more honor on the weak? (V. 25) "that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another."
No division in the Body?? I've never known a church like that...shoot, I've even caused some division I know! Why? Because I was focused (& thus displeased!) with the ones that seem to have it all together & didn't even need the Body.
If I'd been placing my focus & energy on the weaker members, I wouldn't have been so consumed with the people that were irritating me so much. (This goes back to my post about the phrase "When you're down, be a blessing to others.") Think about how much opportunity we've missed bestowing honor on someone who may desperately need it because we've been so busy trying to please the ones that don't really need the Body anyway!!
Yikes, God forgive me for my misplaced (& wasted!) energy.
You can even feel it in your spirit too, can't you?? When you sit in the presence of someone that is truly broken & can do nothing but place their entire life in the palm of God's hand & see where He takes them...you know there's something different, don't you?? (This does not refer to someone that's just wallowing, wanting attention and not seeking God for advice but rather wants pity & everyone else to do the work of healing for them.)
Back in James, he wrote, "My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a a poor man in dirty clothes, and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, "You sit here in a good place," and you say to the poor man, "You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool," have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?" (2:1-4) This is a more financial and outward manifestation of what we do in our churches regarding spiritual gifts and spiritual leaders every day.
Why are we so devastated when a pastor or leader fails, sins and secretly runs away? Because we've elevated them into a place of honor God never meant for them to hold. Why do we turn to the ones that appear to "have it all together" and accept their advice with no question then beat ourselves up because "we just must not be as strong as________"? Because we don't trust the Holy Spirit to work in us & reveal the path and advice we should follow.
Don't get me wrong, God places amazing people in our lives because we were not intended to travel this journey alone. But when we're seeking direction, accountability and discernment are we approaching people because of who they are and the position they hold or because that person's been through something similar, humility is evidenced in their lives and the Holy Spirit has laid it on your heart to seek their counsel?? I am definitely guilty of the former!
In I Corinthians, Paul continues to write that all are not apostles, miracle workers, teachers, healers, speaking in tongues but that we should "earnestly desire the greater gifts" (He specifically mentions prophecy twice in 14:1 and 14:39) "And I will show you a better way."
What is that better way? It's chapter 13 or what we Christians call the Love Chapter. If you haven't read it...do it right now...for Love is the better way!
And honestly, the best counsel & wisdom I've EVER received was when I wasn't even looking for it...it was when I wanted to start exercising regularly, and someone I barely knew took me up on the offer...the amazing conversations we've had are still very dear to me; it was watching a pastor and his wife be unfairly torn apart and yet sticking to the message that God had given them that we all are loved; it was receiving letters of heartfelt sorrow from a young wife whose marriage was falling apart and she was still struggling with anger from a hurtful past; it was getting a call from a man who'd got caught doing something illegal & seeking my advice because of how he saw us handle my dad's situation; it's watching a single mom that has every right to wallow, throwing caution to the wind and saying, 'no matter what happens, I will serve the LORD!'; and it's an acquaintance persistently asking with true concern, 'how are you doing?' until I began to know her heart and trust that Holy Spirit had brought a true friend into my life.
None of these people sought to have a place of honor...but in their weakness...and in their love...I have been honored to know them!
He's writing about how if we're truly, living where, working at and doing the will of God...or where we like to say He has "called" us to be, then our lives should be making a difference in our neighborhoods, jobs, activities, and ministries. But many of us use this phrase to justify our nice home, nice job, expensive toys and lifestyle of pleasure and comfort.
He writes, "My purpose in posing these questions is not to convince you to "go into the ministry." I'm not about recruiting pastors or missionaries. My purpose in these questions is to get you to take I Corinthians 12 seriously, to believe that you have been given a manifestation of the Spirit and that your church, the worldwide body of Christ, and the world are crippled without your involvement."
Hmmm??? I'm supposed to take I Corinthians 12 seriously...I'd better read it & study it right?
So that's what I did and yeah, I've read it before, heard it preached many times...this is the passage that goes through the gifts of the Spirit and how they are all needed by the one body of the Church. None is more important than any other. The gifts are various (wisdom, knowledge, faith, affecting miracles, prophecy, distinguishing of spirits, various kinds of tongues and interpretation of tongues) but there is ONE Spirit, there is the same LORD.
A foot can't say it doesn't want to be part of the body, an eye can't choose to 'go it alone' or tell the hand, "I have no need of you." You get the idea...all gifts from the Spirit are given by Him, at His discretion and ALL are equally necessary to the Body of Christ, which is the Church (not a building...but the people!).
Then here's the lesson of the day: "And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." (I Corinthians 12:21-26)
I've highlighted the words that jumped off the page at me. We (I) have been so wrong. We've elevated the people in our churches that seem to have it all together, and Paul says those people have no need of it.
They have no need of the body? I've known a lot of people like that in my church life! While we've alienated or pushed aside the "weaker" parts...the ones that are struggling, hurting, falling apart, barely hanging on and are honest about it. But Paul writes that God wants just the opposite...we should bestow more honor on the weaker members. He even says they are necessary...why?
What happens when we focus more honor on the weak? (V. 25) "that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another."
No division in the Body?? I've never known a church like that...shoot, I've even caused some division I know! Why? Because I was focused (& thus displeased!) with the ones that seem to have it all together & didn't even need the Body.
If I'd been placing my focus & energy on the weaker members, I wouldn't have been so consumed with the people that were irritating me so much. (This goes back to my post about the phrase "When you're down, be a blessing to others.") Think about how much opportunity we've missed bestowing honor on someone who may desperately need it because we've been so busy trying to please the ones that don't really need the Body anyway!!
Yikes, God forgive me for my misplaced (& wasted!) energy.
You can even feel it in your spirit too, can't you?? When you sit in the presence of someone that is truly broken & can do nothing but place their entire life in the palm of God's hand & see where He takes them...you know there's something different, don't you?? (This does not refer to someone that's just wallowing, wanting attention and not seeking God for advice but rather wants pity & everyone else to do the work of healing for them.)
Back in James, he wrote, "My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a a poor man in dirty clothes, and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, "You sit here in a good place," and you say to the poor man, "You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool," have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?" (2:1-4) This is a more financial and outward manifestation of what we do in our churches regarding spiritual gifts and spiritual leaders every day.
Why are we so devastated when a pastor or leader fails, sins and secretly runs away? Because we've elevated them into a place of honor God never meant for them to hold. Why do we turn to the ones that appear to "have it all together" and accept their advice with no question then beat ourselves up because "we just must not be as strong as________"? Because we don't trust the Holy Spirit to work in us & reveal the path and advice we should follow.
Don't get me wrong, God places amazing people in our lives because we were not intended to travel this journey alone. But when we're seeking direction, accountability and discernment are we approaching people because of who they are and the position they hold or because that person's been through something similar, humility is evidenced in their lives and the Holy Spirit has laid it on your heart to seek their counsel?? I am definitely guilty of the former!
In I Corinthians, Paul continues to write that all are not apostles, miracle workers, teachers, healers, speaking in tongues but that we should "earnestly desire the greater gifts" (He specifically mentions prophecy twice in 14:1 and 14:39) "And I will show you a better way."
What is that better way? It's chapter 13 or what we Christians call the Love Chapter. If you haven't read it...do it right now...for Love is the better way!
And honestly, the best counsel & wisdom I've EVER received was when I wasn't even looking for it...it was when I wanted to start exercising regularly, and someone I barely knew took me up on the offer...the amazing conversations we've had are still very dear to me; it was watching a pastor and his wife be unfairly torn apart and yet sticking to the message that God had given them that we all are loved; it was receiving letters of heartfelt sorrow from a young wife whose marriage was falling apart and she was still struggling with anger from a hurtful past; it was getting a call from a man who'd got caught doing something illegal & seeking my advice because of how he saw us handle my dad's situation; it's watching a single mom that has every right to wallow, throwing caution to the wind and saying, 'no matter what happens, I will serve the LORD!'; and it's an acquaintance persistently asking with true concern, 'how are you doing?' until I began to know her heart and trust that Holy Spirit had brought a true friend into my life.
None of these people sought to have a place of honor...but in their weakness...and in their love...I have been honored to know them!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
What does it matter to you??
Last week, I finished marking the book of John. I'm starting to work my way back through it to label the chapters with a title or theme. But as I finished Chapter 21, which is the last one in the book of John, something I've read before and even heard sermons about leapt out & hit me upside the head.
Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him. Of course Peter says he does. But there's an interesting twist in the words. All three times, Jesus is using the word that is the root of what we call agape or unconditional love, benevolence. But all three times Peter use the phileo version of love which is to be a friend or have an affection for.
This is all post-resurrection and it seems as if Peter still doesn't get what Jesus is calling him to. So since he's been asked three times in quick succession and this is followed up by Jesus speaking the prophecy of Peter's death, it's almost like Peter is trying to shirk off the "bright lights" and do some good old deflecting of attention next.
He sees the "disciple whom Jesus loved" (agape again) and asks basically...'Well, what about him?' And Jesus pretty much says, 'If I want him to live until I come again, what does that matter to you? YOU follow me!"
A lot of this I've heard or read before many times...but Holy Spirit KNEW I needed to hear this call right now! I've been struggling for months about trying to speak something that would help a person I know with some spiritual issues they're having...but never have known what to say. I've prayed, I've carried a burden, I've pondered what I could say or do to help and just realized a few weeks ago why it has bothered me so much. I want them to know the joy, peace and daily excitement of being surrendered to God's will...not their own. I've wanted to spare them having to learn all of these things the hard way like I have. I've wanted to see them come fully alive (which Sara Groves writes "The glory of God is man fully alive!") and have even gotten more than a little angry and discouraged that they've seemed to dig in their heels and turn the other way.
So through a series of events and conversations, I've finally felt released of this burden. I know there's nothing I can do, this is something they have to do on their own. I can just be there to help if I'm asked.
The very next day after realizing all of this, I read John 21 and all that I wrote about above. I could almost hear Holy Spirit saying to my heart, "What does it matter to you how I call/deal with/teach/challenge/grow______________? You follow me, Angela...that's what I want!"
Ugh! This process of being stripped down and becoming stream-lined is much more difficult than I anticipated because so much of what I get bogged down with seems to be good stuff and is downright subtle. I mean after all, these were spiritual matters I was dwelling on right?
Aren't we supposed to carry one another's burdens? Yes, but only if they want us to help carry it. I can't make it my burden when they don't want me to.
And ultimately, I'm holding these people up to MY standard of what I think they're spiritual life should look like. I do believe we are known by the evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, but it's never been nor never will be my place to determine how Holy Spirit grows that fruit into their lives.
So once again...I took my eyes off of God and was fretting about someone else...and that is not what He wants me to do...ever!
Time to recite yet again, "He must increase and I must decrease.", I need to be about "My Abba's business" and remember (another Sara Groves) "This journey is my own." I don't want anyone imposing their opinions on my journey and I can't do that to them either!
Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him. Of course Peter says he does. But there's an interesting twist in the words. All three times, Jesus is using the word that is the root of what we call agape or unconditional love, benevolence. But all three times Peter use the phileo version of love which is to be a friend or have an affection for.
This is all post-resurrection and it seems as if Peter still doesn't get what Jesus is calling him to. So since he's been asked three times in quick succession and this is followed up by Jesus speaking the prophecy of Peter's death, it's almost like Peter is trying to shirk off the "bright lights" and do some good old deflecting of attention next.
He sees the "disciple whom Jesus loved" (agape again) and asks basically...'Well, what about him?' And Jesus pretty much says, 'If I want him to live until I come again, what does that matter to you? YOU follow me!"
A lot of this I've heard or read before many times...but Holy Spirit KNEW I needed to hear this call right now! I've been struggling for months about trying to speak something that would help a person I know with some spiritual issues they're having...but never have known what to say. I've prayed, I've carried a burden, I've pondered what I could say or do to help and just realized a few weeks ago why it has bothered me so much. I want them to know the joy, peace and daily excitement of being surrendered to God's will...not their own. I've wanted to spare them having to learn all of these things the hard way like I have. I've wanted to see them come fully alive (which Sara Groves writes "The glory of God is man fully alive!") and have even gotten more than a little angry and discouraged that they've seemed to dig in their heels and turn the other way.
So through a series of events and conversations, I've finally felt released of this burden. I know there's nothing I can do, this is something they have to do on their own. I can just be there to help if I'm asked.
The very next day after realizing all of this, I read John 21 and all that I wrote about above. I could almost hear Holy Spirit saying to my heart, "What does it matter to you how I call/deal with/teach/challenge/grow______________? You follow me, Angela...that's what I want!"
Ugh! This process of being stripped down and becoming stream-lined is much more difficult than I anticipated because so much of what I get bogged down with seems to be good stuff and is downright subtle. I mean after all, these were spiritual matters I was dwelling on right?
Aren't we supposed to carry one another's burdens? Yes, but only if they want us to help carry it. I can't make it my burden when they don't want me to.
And ultimately, I'm holding these people up to MY standard of what I think they're spiritual life should look like. I do believe we are known by the evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, but it's never been nor never will be my place to determine how Holy Spirit grows that fruit into their lives.
So once again...I took my eyes off of God and was fretting about someone else...and that is not what He wants me to do...ever!
Time to recite yet again, "He must increase and I must decrease.", I need to be about "My Abba's business" and remember (another Sara Groves) "This journey is my own." I don't want anyone imposing their opinions on my journey and I can't do that to them either!
Monday, October 11, 2010
And yet, again...
God miraculously provided for us! How He put this one all together just blows me away. It happened 10 days ago and it's taken me this long to write it down, because I can't even process how He did it.
But the MOST amazing part of it all was that as I began to fret and worry on that Thursday night, my wonderful Dale looked at me and said, "It's a long time until Tuesday." He was SO right...it only took until Saturday afternoon!!!!
Then as I processed how God's provision had happened, I said, 'I just keep thinking that at some point we will have used up our bank account of blessings.' Dale's response? "I don't think we've utilized it enough!" Wow! What a man!
And Wow...what an amazing God we serve!
But the MOST amazing part of it all was that as I began to fret and worry on that Thursday night, my wonderful Dale looked at me and said, "It's a long time until Tuesday." He was SO right...it only took until Saturday afternoon!!!!
Then as I processed how God's provision had happened, I said, 'I just keep thinking that at some point we will have used up our bank account of blessings.' Dale's response? "I don't think we've utilized it enough!" Wow! What a man!
And Wow...what an amazing God we serve!
Thankful
I've commented on here several times about various books that Holy Spirit has guided me to read in the last few months...but sometimes, he reminds me to REread a book that has previously meant a lot to me or impacted me. Other than the occasional Jane Austen indulgence, I seem to be discontent reading many of the types of books I would have used for escapism in the past.
Since last March when we moved, He's led me back to The Raggamuffin Gospel and The Signature of Jesus both by Brennan Manning, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (a novel, but with a powerful message!) and recently, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I am even working my 3rd time through Forgotten God (also Francis Chan) by using it as a focal starting point for getting my head in the right space before I spend time in the Bible.
None of these are for the faint of heart and all of them have been used in some way (small or HUGE) to help shape me into the person I am today. But the Debi Pearl book is probably the most controversial one by far. I was reminded of that in a recent conversation where I read only a few paragraphs.
ALL of these books and every book I ever read, I try to read with a discerning heart. I may not stop and consciously pray before I read them, but I'm a bit skeptical at my core and usually "chew" on things for a while before I accept them as truth. The first time I read Created to Be His Help Meet I intentionally read it to "glean" what God wanted me to learn and not attempt to believe and put into practice ALL of the lessons she shared. I do recall almost having panic attacks trying to be the "perfect helper" for my husband! Yet, as I did put some of these things into practice, my husband told me he thought we were happier than we had ever been in our marriage before.
That was now exactly four years ago and a LOT has happened in that time. When I pulled out the book again about two years ago, Dale basically told me he didn't want me reading it again and stressing out like I had before...I quickly assured him that I was not the same person who read it the first time and he added that neither was he...to which I did agree!
So now, I've begun my third reading and he hasn't even batted an eye. As much as I'd changed two years ago (breaking spiritual strongholds regarding issues with family; finally settling in to the fact that my great purpose in this life is to break the cycle of stuff that had been handed down to me; building my relationships with Dale & the kids & making them a priority instead of the expectations of extended family; and learning submission to him), now two years further down the road, I don't even recognize that person!!
For all of the restlessness I've felt about how and where to serve, I do see that I'm a much more settled person. For all of the human desire I still have to hear other people say they understand and approve of my actions and intents, I do wish (finally!) to have God's approval above all others. For all the attempts that the enemy makes to try to deceive me that this path we've chosen is somehow unfair to our kids or we could somehow do more good if we just had more money, I do see God rewarding our obedience almost daily.
All of that to say that each time I reread one of these books, I am yet again, a different person...and for someone that absolutely loves change as much as I do...that is magnificent!!(Sometime ask Dale about how much I used to move furniture around the first 11 years or so of our marriage!)
So tonight, the passage I read in Debi Pearl's book spoke about thankfulness...and unfortunately, I realized this is one area where I haven't changed enough! I have been deeply thankful as God has supernaturally provided for us over the last almost two years. But truth be told, I haven't expressed thanks to God often enough for the things that should matter most to me...I guess I've taken them for granted. And that saddens me, because I know, maybe more than some people how quickly things can...well...change.
There's no way this is all inclusive, but as I couldn't get to sleep I thought, 'I just need to go type out a list and make it official'. All of this has just been a really long explanation of why I needed to write my thankful list at 11 p.m. when I should be in bed.
I'm thankful for:
1. A man that has challenged me, defended me, loved me and provided for me for 16.5 years. I'm frequently astonished to see how much we have grown alike especially, in the last few years.
2. A teenage daughter that is very artistic, creative, caring, has a beautiful singing voice, is truly beautiful and has a beautiful soul. She's also beginning to feel compassion for friends and others and has a true gift of being relational.
3. A pre-teen son that makes me laugh daily with his impeccable comedic timing, shares my love of watching sports, talks to me incessantly sometimes, has passion and drive (when he wants to) and isn't afraid to show his emotions.
4. A daughter whose dry wit catches me off-guard frequently, is smarter than most kids I know, loves to devour books, is overly caring and giving to her younger sister, is confident being herself (she did NOT get that from her parents!) and puts up with a LOT as the middle child.
5. A youngest daughter that still likes to cuddle, whose eyes light up and dance when she smiles, who loves to be around people and is truly distressed when someone is hurt or crying. She also has passion and compassion beyond most kids I've known that are her age.
6. A friendship forged through the fires of similar trials. Someone to lean on and to hopefully help prop up in return. A friend that speaks the truth and actually wants to spend time with me, values my opinion and feels free to share her own.
7. Some new friendships that began because I wanted to help them, but in their single circumstances have inspired me to have strength for whatever may come my way. They are TRULY a blessing to behold! God has a special place in His heart for single moms!
8. A church that has taught me that I know I can grow when I don't go...to stick it out and stick together even in the tough times. We may not always agree, but lessons can be learned and life-change can happen if we just don't run away from the Truth.
9. Too many other things to list, but most importantly...
10. An Abba who for some reason I will never understand, decided to pick me up out of my "miry pit" and set me on HIS path. I don't think I could ever remember all of the influences in my life that have brought me to the place I am today...but I am thankful for every single one of them! Mostly, I'm just thankful that He didn't give up on me and kept putting those authors, songwriters, friends, church people and family members in my path.
God, I pray that as much as You give me the ability to remember, with every breath I take, I will recount all of the millions of reasons I have to be thankful. If I just start at the beginning, it will take me a lifetime to give You praise for each and every one. Please remind me...I don't ever want to forget how AMAZINGLY kind and generous You have been to me. Amen!
Since last March when we moved, He's led me back to The Raggamuffin Gospel and The Signature of Jesus both by Brennan Manning, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (a novel, but with a powerful message!) and recently, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I am even working my 3rd time through Forgotten God (also Francis Chan) by using it as a focal starting point for getting my head in the right space before I spend time in the Bible.
None of these are for the faint of heart and all of them have been used in some way (small or HUGE) to help shape me into the person I am today. But the Debi Pearl book is probably the most controversial one by far. I was reminded of that in a recent conversation where I read only a few paragraphs.
ALL of these books and every book I ever read, I try to read with a discerning heart. I may not stop and consciously pray before I read them, but I'm a bit skeptical at my core and usually "chew" on things for a while before I accept them as truth. The first time I read Created to Be His Help Meet I intentionally read it to "glean" what God wanted me to learn and not attempt to believe and put into practice ALL of the lessons she shared. I do recall almost having panic attacks trying to be the "perfect helper" for my husband! Yet, as I did put some of these things into practice, my husband told me he thought we were happier than we had ever been in our marriage before.
That was now exactly four years ago and a LOT has happened in that time. When I pulled out the book again about two years ago, Dale basically told me he didn't want me reading it again and stressing out like I had before...I quickly assured him that I was not the same person who read it the first time and he added that neither was he...to which I did agree!
So now, I've begun my third reading and he hasn't even batted an eye. As much as I'd changed two years ago (breaking spiritual strongholds regarding issues with family; finally settling in to the fact that my great purpose in this life is to break the cycle of stuff that had been handed down to me; building my relationships with Dale & the kids & making them a priority instead of the expectations of extended family; and learning submission to him), now two years further down the road, I don't even recognize that person!!
For all of the restlessness I've felt about how and where to serve, I do see that I'm a much more settled person. For all of the human desire I still have to hear other people say they understand and approve of my actions and intents, I do wish (finally!) to have God's approval above all others. For all the attempts that the enemy makes to try to deceive me that this path we've chosen is somehow unfair to our kids or we could somehow do more good if we just had more money, I do see God rewarding our obedience almost daily.
All of that to say that each time I reread one of these books, I am yet again, a different person...and for someone that absolutely loves change as much as I do...that is magnificent!!(Sometime ask Dale about how much I used to move furniture around the first 11 years or so of our marriage!)
So tonight, the passage I read in Debi Pearl's book spoke about thankfulness...and unfortunately, I realized this is one area where I haven't changed enough! I have been deeply thankful as God has supernaturally provided for us over the last almost two years. But truth be told, I haven't expressed thanks to God often enough for the things that should matter most to me...I guess I've taken them for granted. And that saddens me, because I know, maybe more than some people how quickly things can...well...change.
There's no way this is all inclusive, but as I couldn't get to sleep I thought, 'I just need to go type out a list and make it official'. All of this has just been a really long explanation of why I needed to write my thankful list at 11 p.m. when I should be in bed.
I'm thankful for:
1. A man that has challenged me, defended me, loved me and provided for me for 16.5 years. I'm frequently astonished to see how much we have grown alike especially, in the last few years.
2. A teenage daughter that is very artistic, creative, caring, has a beautiful singing voice, is truly beautiful and has a beautiful soul. She's also beginning to feel compassion for friends and others and has a true gift of being relational.
3. A pre-teen son that makes me laugh daily with his impeccable comedic timing, shares my love of watching sports, talks to me incessantly sometimes, has passion and drive (when he wants to) and isn't afraid to show his emotions.
4. A daughter whose dry wit catches me off-guard frequently, is smarter than most kids I know, loves to devour books, is overly caring and giving to her younger sister, is confident being herself (she did NOT get that from her parents!) and puts up with a LOT as the middle child.
5. A youngest daughter that still likes to cuddle, whose eyes light up and dance when she smiles, who loves to be around people and is truly distressed when someone is hurt or crying. She also has passion and compassion beyond most kids I've known that are her age.
6. A friendship forged through the fires of similar trials. Someone to lean on and to hopefully help prop up in return. A friend that speaks the truth and actually wants to spend time with me, values my opinion and feels free to share her own.
7. Some new friendships that began because I wanted to help them, but in their single circumstances have inspired me to have strength for whatever may come my way. They are TRULY a blessing to behold! God has a special place in His heart for single moms!
8. A church that has taught me that I know I can grow when I don't go...to stick it out and stick together even in the tough times. We may not always agree, but lessons can be learned and life-change can happen if we just don't run away from the Truth.
9. Too many other things to list, but most importantly...
10. An Abba who for some reason I will never understand, decided to pick me up out of my "miry pit" and set me on HIS path. I don't think I could ever remember all of the influences in my life that have brought me to the place I am today...but I am thankful for every single one of them! Mostly, I'm just thankful that He didn't give up on me and kept putting those authors, songwriters, friends, church people and family members in my path.
God, I pray that as much as You give me the ability to remember, with every breath I take, I will recount all of the millions of reasons I have to be thankful. If I just start at the beginning, it will take me a lifetime to give You praise for each and every one. Please remind me...I don't ever want to forget how AMAZINGLY kind and generous You have been to me. Amen!
Monday, September 27, 2010
When You're Down...
It's taken me a week to get to this, not because it was unimportant, but because it's taken me this long to
a) find the time to post and
b) process just how quickly and efficiently God answers prayer (why I'm still amazed at this, I don't know!)
Last Monday, I felt a powerful "urge" to have coffee with a friend. I'm a very impulsive person, but most others aren't...so I was surprised when she said, 'Come on over!'. I did have something I wanted to talk about and it was a conversation she'd already heard part of, so I thought if I talked about it with her, maybe I could process through my feelings better. To be honest, I was confused, frustrated, hurt, sad, and most of all a little bewildered that after all these months of living according to how I believe the Holy Spirit has called me to...just one conversation can still make me feel all of these emotions! Ugh!
So I headed out from home thinking I would process this all out loud or even if I didn't get to verbalize it, just being around someone else that understands would make me feel better. But as usual...those Holy Spirit urges always have a bigger reason than I ever could guess. Driving down the highway toward me friend's house, I saw a church sign that blew me away. I usually read these & brush them off. Most of the time I feel they are trite or cliche' or judgmental...none of which I believe is helpful to people seeking God. But this one I think was written just for me.
It simply said, "When you're down be a blessing to someone else"
I may not be quoting it verbatim...but the message hit home and I felt teary at how, yet again, Holy Spirit gets His Message through to my heart.
I did still process my feelings with my friend and it did help. But when I got home that day, I knew I needed to ask the members of a group I'm in to reach out and help another mom that's been experiencing an overwhelming stressful few weeks. And Holy Spirit has done some amazing things...one lady handed over $100 to me that night to use toward this 'love-gift'. That was just the beginning! I know Holy Spirit has blessed my hurting friend in many others ways too...but I would have missed out on the chance to participate if I'd let myself stay "down" about my own situation.
Actually, the only times I've even thought about the conversation that brought up all of these negative feelings in me has been when I've remembered the sign I read at that church or when I've had a chance to reflect and marvel at how Holy Spirit helped me get out of my funk so quickly...by simply being a blessing to others!
It's difficult to wallow in my pit when I'm helping someone else get out of theirs!
Amen!
a) find the time to post and
b) process just how quickly and efficiently God answers prayer (why I'm still amazed at this, I don't know!)
Last Monday, I felt a powerful "urge" to have coffee with a friend. I'm a very impulsive person, but most others aren't...so I was surprised when she said, 'Come on over!'. I did have something I wanted to talk about and it was a conversation she'd already heard part of, so I thought if I talked about it with her, maybe I could process through my feelings better. To be honest, I was confused, frustrated, hurt, sad, and most of all a little bewildered that after all these months of living according to how I believe the Holy Spirit has called me to...just one conversation can still make me feel all of these emotions! Ugh!
So I headed out from home thinking I would process this all out loud or even if I didn't get to verbalize it, just being around someone else that understands would make me feel better. But as usual...those Holy Spirit urges always have a bigger reason than I ever could guess. Driving down the highway toward me friend's house, I saw a church sign that blew me away. I usually read these & brush them off. Most of the time I feel they are trite or cliche' or judgmental...none of which I believe is helpful to people seeking God. But this one I think was written just for me.
It simply said, "When you're down be a blessing to someone else"
I may not be quoting it verbatim...but the message hit home and I felt teary at how, yet again, Holy Spirit gets His Message through to my heart.
I did still process my feelings with my friend and it did help. But when I got home that day, I knew I needed to ask the members of a group I'm in to reach out and help another mom that's been experiencing an overwhelming stressful few weeks. And Holy Spirit has done some amazing things...one lady handed over $100 to me that night to use toward this 'love-gift'. That was just the beginning! I know Holy Spirit has blessed my hurting friend in many others ways too...but I would have missed out on the chance to participate if I'd let myself stay "down" about my own situation.
Actually, the only times I've even thought about the conversation that brought up all of these negative feelings in me has been when I've remembered the sign I read at that church or when I've had a chance to reflect and marvel at how Holy Spirit helped me get out of my funk so quickly...by simply being a blessing to others!
It's difficult to wallow in my pit when I'm helping someone else get out of theirs!
Amen!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I Could Say a LOT, but...
Actually, the title doesn't mean I'm going to rant. This is what I feel Jesus is saying in John 8:26. The religious Jews have been questioning Him...the more correct term would probably be "grilling" Him...on who He is, what He is teaching and most importantly, who His Father is.
In verse 8:15 of John, Jesus says, "You judge according to the flesh, I am not judging anyone." He does add that if He should judge, because He judges according to the Father, His judgment is true.
I pray I'm not reading too much into what Jesus is saying here, but it's almost like He's to the point of exasperation when He finally says, "I have many things to speak and to judge concerning you, but He who sent Me is true; and the things which I heard from Him, these I speak to the world." (John 8:26 NASB)
I even picture Him throwing up His hands (okay, that's more what I would do!) looking at them and saying, 'You know...there's a WHOLE list of things I could tell you you're doing wrong. Then maybe your eyes would finally be opened to who I am. BUT, I'm willing to lay that aside and only speak Abba's words to you because I know ultimately, that's who you need to listen to and who will create the biggest, lasting heart change in you.'
This reminds me again of the passage that I need to get rid of the plank in my own eye before showing a brother or sister the speck in theirs. I'll confess, I'm REALLY struggling with this right now.
I have felt for many months that the scales have fallen from my eyes. Sara Groves writes, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I've also thought of it as a bubble that God has propelled me through and I see so many still trapped inside. I want to help them out, but I have to wait for them to let God pull them through it.
So I carry these burdens for people...not that they have health, wealth and happiness...but that they'll be able to experience the deep, abiding love and relationship with the Holy Spirit that I have found. But the enemy knows my weakness is usually my strength too. And as the Spirit lays someone on my heart & mind to pray for, I catch myself getting angry that they can't see what is so obvious in front of them. What do I choose? Do I judge them, feel self-righteous in my choices and congratulate myself for moving past these weights that ensnare? Or do I pray for them, grieve for them because of the time they are losing with their Abba and thank the Holy Spirit for the mercy He gives me every day? Unfortunately, too often I choose the first!
There is no answer to this...no formula I can adhere to...no example set in stone that I can follow. There IS the example of Jesus. But didn't even He adapt His response to whom He was speaking. Gregory Boyd says the only right we ever have to judge is when it is a case of religious sin...like the Pharisees, etc....judging, self-righteous. Or if someone we know has invited us into a relationship with them where they have expressed a desire to be held accountable, then we can point out sin to them as well.
But what is the protocol when the enemy makes you feel self-righteous for pointing something out to a person that invited you in, then non-verbally retracted the invitation once uncomfortable discussions were had. I don't see an example in Scripture of Jesus chasing anyone down, asking them out for a chalice of wine so they can renew the conversation. He never goes back later and says, 'You know what, I may not have explained myself fully...listen again to what I have to say.' No, like the rich young ruler or the disciples that turned away (see previous post Bread of Life) from His challenging words, He just let them walk away.
I'll confess, that's not the option I want because it hurts to lose a friend. It hurts to feel unwanted, uninvited...unloved. So I wait and I pray and I try not to take it personally...because I know it's not ME that they're really running from...and I hope that there will come a day when the Holy Spirit can restore a friendship that I once cherished. In the meantime, the only thing I can do is bring them through prayer to the Abba that loves us all as His Spirit brings them to mind. That's what I should have been doing all along anyway!
In verse 8:15 of John, Jesus says, "You judge according to the flesh, I am not judging anyone." He does add that if He should judge, because He judges according to the Father, His judgment is true.
I pray I'm not reading too much into what Jesus is saying here, but it's almost like He's to the point of exasperation when He finally says, "I have many things to speak and to judge concerning you, but He who sent Me is true; and the things which I heard from Him, these I speak to the world." (John 8:26 NASB)
I even picture Him throwing up His hands (okay, that's more what I would do!) looking at them and saying, 'You know...there's a WHOLE list of things I could tell you you're doing wrong. Then maybe your eyes would finally be opened to who I am. BUT, I'm willing to lay that aside and only speak Abba's words to you because I know ultimately, that's who you need to listen to and who will create the biggest, lasting heart change in you.'
This reminds me again of the passage that I need to get rid of the plank in my own eye before showing a brother or sister the speck in theirs. I'll confess, I'm REALLY struggling with this right now.
I have felt for many months that the scales have fallen from my eyes. Sara Groves writes, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I've also thought of it as a bubble that God has propelled me through and I see so many still trapped inside. I want to help them out, but I have to wait for them to let God pull them through it.
So I carry these burdens for people...not that they have health, wealth and happiness...but that they'll be able to experience the deep, abiding love and relationship with the Holy Spirit that I have found. But the enemy knows my weakness is usually my strength too. And as the Spirit lays someone on my heart & mind to pray for, I catch myself getting angry that they can't see what is so obvious in front of them. What do I choose? Do I judge them, feel self-righteous in my choices and congratulate myself for moving past these weights that ensnare? Or do I pray for them, grieve for them because of the time they are losing with their Abba and thank the Holy Spirit for the mercy He gives me every day? Unfortunately, too often I choose the first!
There is no answer to this...no formula I can adhere to...no example set in stone that I can follow. There IS the example of Jesus. But didn't even He adapt His response to whom He was speaking. Gregory Boyd says the only right we ever have to judge is when it is a case of religious sin...like the Pharisees, etc....judging, self-righteous. Or if someone we know has invited us into a relationship with them where they have expressed a desire to be held accountable, then we can point out sin to them as well.
But what is the protocol when the enemy makes you feel self-righteous for pointing something out to a person that invited you in, then non-verbally retracted the invitation once uncomfortable discussions were had. I don't see an example in Scripture of Jesus chasing anyone down, asking them out for a chalice of wine so they can renew the conversation. He never goes back later and says, 'You know what, I may not have explained myself fully...listen again to what I have to say.' No, like the rich young ruler or the disciples that turned away (see previous post Bread of Life) from His challenging words, He just let them walk away.
I'll confess, that's not the option I want because it hurts to lose a friend. It hurts to feel unwanted, uninvited...unloved. So I wait and I pray and I try not to take it personally...because I know it's not ME that they're really running from...and I hope that there will come a day when the Holy Spirit can restore a friendship that I once cherished. In the meantime, the only thing I can do is bring them through prayer to the Abba that loves us all as His Spirit brings them to mind. That's what I should have been doing all along anyway!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Bread of Life
I LOVE the summer, but it was nice to sit on the back patio with some coffee this morning while the sun was shining in the bright, blue almost-cloudless skies and it was a crisp and cool 60 degrees. One of the blessings of heading into Fall...cool mornings, cool nights & still hot days!
While I was enjoying those great moments on the patio, I continued my study of John. At this point, I'm still marking my text, so I'm not always picking out the details that I know will hit me later. For today though, I was struck by some of the names that Jesus is called or even calls Himself.
In the first six chapters alone, He's called the Word, Lamb of God, Son of God, Rabbi, King of Israel, Son of Man, Messiah, Christ, Savior, Prophet, Bread of Heaven and Bread of Life. I'll admit, these last two have me a little perplexed. And they must have some significance, because He discusses either one or the other of these for about 30 verses.
So what does Jesus mean when He says "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him." (v. 56)? It was evidently so disturbing that some of his disciples grumbled and many withdrew from Him (v. 66). I'll admit as I read through this passage, it sounded very morbid and a bit disturbing. Is this simply a foreshadowing of the Last Supper? Does He mean something literal? Or is it that when we accept His sovereignty in our lives, we can expect to endure the same sacrificial purging that He did? Okay, we won't all literally be crucified, but we have to crucify our desires, wants, pleasures, whims and so much more.
I know I'm rambling, but I truly do not understand what this means & will have to ruminate on it some more. With the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I hope to glean something from this passage. But I'll confess that it disturbs me to think of what Jesus may be asking of me...and maybe that's the point!
While I was enjoying those great moments on the patio, I continued my study of John. At this point, I'm still marking my text, so I'm not always picking out the details that I know will hit me later. For today though, I was struck by some of the names that Jesus is called or even calls Himself.
In the first six chapters alone, He's called the Word, Lamb of God, Son of God, Rabbi, King of Israel, Son of Man, Messiah, Christ, Savior, Prophet, Bread of Heaven and Bread of Life. I'll admit, these last two have me a little perplexed. And they must have some significance, because He discusses either one or the other of these for about 30 verses.
So what does Jesus mean when He says "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him." (v. 56)? It was evidently so disturbing that some of his disciples grumbled and many withdrew from Him (v. 66). I'll admit as I read through this passage, it sounded very morbid and a bit disturbing. Is this simply a foreshadowing of the Last Supper? Does He mean something literal? Or is it that when we accept His sovereignty in our lives, we can expect to endure the same sacrificial purging that He did? Okay, we won't all literally be crucified, but we have to crucify our desires, wants, pleasures, whims and so much more.
I know I'm rambling, but I truly do not understand what this means & will have to ruminate on it some more. With the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I hope to glean something from this passage. But I'll confess that it disturbs me to think of what Jesus may be asking of me...and maybe that's the point!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Giving Update For This Summer
There sometimes is so much going on, that I forget to share how we've been able to watch Holy Spirit move & work to provide. I want to do this as anonymously as possible, so I'll be vague...while still trying to give enough information that God receives the glory for what He is doing all around us. I also need to add, that this is not all given to us or by us. We are just the coordinators for this great, amazing work that Holy Spirit is accomplishing!
June- Gift cards for groceries, diapers & formula were collected and given to a single mom.
July- One couple was able to do 2 small home repairs for a single mom.
July- 5 adults coordinated a single mom's picnic in the park. Two families (moms and 8 children) participated. We received donations for pizza, the picnic shelter and all the families (single moms too!) helped pitch in food. Bottom line...we had fun & met some new people!
July- Holy Spirit laid upon the heart of one single mom to have a mini-food drive for another single mom. Several families participated and I'd conservatively estimate that over 125 pounds of food, cleaning & household products were donated. One person also donated a $200 grocery gift card.
August- Several free Reds tickets were donated so that some families that otherwise couldn't, were able to have a night out at a Reds game.
August- One family received financial donations & gift cards.
August- One mom in a difficult marriage/financial situation received a $200 grocery card.
August- One family received a gift card for back to school shoes.
September- One family going through multiple life-changing events received about 50 pounds of food & household products plus some newborn baby clothes.
I'm sure there is much more! What we give in secret, only the Holy Spirit knows...and that is as it should be. But I also never want to fail to give Him the glory for what we KNOW He is doing!!!
June- Gift cards for groceries, diapers & formula were collected and given to a single mom.
July- One couple was able to do 2 small home repairs for a single mom.
July- 5 adults coordinated a single mom's picnic in the park. Two families (moms and 8 children) participated. We received donations for pizza, the picnic shelter and all the families (single moms too!) helped pitch in food. Bottom line...we had fun & met some new people!
July- Holy Spirit laid upon the heart of one single mom to have a mini-food drive for another single mom. Several families participated and I'd conservatively estimate that over 125 pounds of food, cleaning & household products were donated. One person also donated a $200 grocery gift card.
August- Several free Reds tickets were donated so that some families that otherwise couldn't, were able to have a night out at a Reds game.
August- One family received financial donations & gift cards.
August- One mom in a difficult marriage/financial situation received a $200 grocery card.
August- One family received a gift card for back to school shoes.
September- One family going through multiple life-changing events received about 50 pounds of food & household products plus some newborn baby clothes.
I'm sure there is much more! What we give in secret, only the Holy Spirit knows...and that is as it should be. But I also never want to fail to give Him the glory for what we KNOW He is doing!!!
Feeding the Multitudes
I've previously blogged, (July 26, 2010 How Dare You) about when God has already given us so much, should we ask for more when someone else's need arises? Or should we take what He's given us and pass it on to provide for the other person? Now, I feel like I have Scripture to back up what I quoted Tony Campolo as saying.
John 6:1-15 is where John records what we in the church often call The Feeding of the 5000. (But it was really thousands more, the 5000 were only the counted men!) In vv 5-6, it says Jesus "tests" Philip by asking him "Where are we to buy bread, so that these may eat?" Obviously, Philip has no clue. He even does a quick estimate that it would take over 200 denarii (a denarius was about a day's wages...so more than 3/4 of a year's wages) for everyone to get a little food.
But Andrew (the 1st documented disciple in the book of John) steps up with a little boy's lunch of 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. Now Andrew admits it's not enough...but it's something!
Once again, I feel Holy Spirit reminding me that there is no way I can ever possibly help or feed everyone that I want to...but He's already given me some barley loaves & fish (or the American take...some wheat bread & chicken sticks!) and if I'm just willing to share even this meager offering...He will multiply it in an amazing way!!!
And one more thought on this passage...I would venture to guess that Jesus didn't point to this little boy and tell the thousands there that they owed their gratitude for lunch to him. No, we are told He thanked His Father for the provision. We're not even told whether the boy offered his lunch or if it was just confiscated by the disciples...my guess, is that it was given willingly. And it's not documented that this little boy ever received a word of thanks. But, he went home that day with a full belly, the witness of amazing signs and wonders and the confidence & peace of the blessings that only come from obedience!
Amen!
John 6:1-15 is where John records what we in the church often call The Feeding of the 5000. (But it was really thousands more, the 5000 were only the counted men!) In vv 5-6, it says Jesus "tests" Philip by asking him "Where are we to buy bread, so that these may eat?" Obviously, Philip has no clue. He even does a quick estimate that it would take over 200 denarii (a denarius was about a day's wages...so more than 3/4 of a year's wages) for everyone to get a little food.
But Andrew (the 1st documented disciple in the book of John) steps up with a little boy's lunch of 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. Now Andrew admits it's not enough...but it's something!
Once again, I feel Holy Spirit reminding me that there is no way I can ever possibly help or feed everyone that I want to...but He's already given me some barley loaves & fish (or the American take...some wheat bread & chicken sticks!) and if I'm just willing to share even this meager offering...He will multiply it in an amazing way!!!
And one more thought on this passage...I would venture to guess that Jesus didn't point to this little boy and tell the thousands there that they owed their gratitude for lunch to him. No, we are told He thanked His Father for the provision. We're not even told whether the boy offered his lunch or if it was just confiscated by the disciples...my guess, is that it was given willingly. And it's not documented that this little boy ever received a word of thanks. But, he went home that day with a full belly, the witness of amazing signs and wonders and the confidence & peace of the blessings that only come from obedience!
Amen!
Studying John
Studying in John now and was concerned that I'd heard the stories of Jesus so often that this last of the four Gospels might not glean anything new. As I'd hoped, Holy Spirit is reminding, teaching again or anew so many truths that I need to hear.
I wrote this in my journal yesterday:
"Holy Spirit, I do not ever want to detract from Your Holy Word. I know John the Baptist was only human...but he had Your Spirit upon him...and I believe the most profound words I may ever read in Scripture are his: "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) I don't think I will ever reach the total depth of meaning contained in these 7 words...but I pray that with the help of You, Spirit, I will try! Amen!"
I wrote this in my journal yesterday:
"Holy Spirit, I do not ever want to detract from Your Holy Word. I know John the Baptist was only human...but he had Your Spirit upon him...and I believe the most profound words I may ever read in Scripture are his: "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) I don't think I will ever reach the total depth of meaning contained in these 7 words...but I pray that with the help of You, Spirit, I will try! Amen!"
Friday, September 3, 2010
When Is It Enough?
Following on the heals of God's great provision for us, I kept asking myself (or was it prompted by the Holy Spirit?) is He just trying to say, "Relax, I'm going to take care of you and don't worry about the job either."???
To tell the whole story, SMX had scheduled me to start work on 9/4. I took a 2 weekend night assignment because it sounded good for our family. Yeah, Sunday & Monday would be hard (& an adjustment for the kids), but I'd only have 2 shifts instead of 5, get the same hours/pay, and still be able to homeschool PLUS we'd still have Dale's days off of Wed-Fri.
BUT, I hadn't heard from them for 2 weeks & had this nagging "feeling" that I should call to verify they still wanted me. So if you know our lives for the last few months, you can probably guess what happened. SMX: "We cancelled that shift.", Me: "Why didn't anyone call me?", SMX: "It says in our system that someone did.", Me: "I didn't speak to anyone & they didn't leave a message.", SMX: "We may have something in about 2 weeks, we'll call you when something comes up."
This is the THIRD time they've cancelled me. I went to orientation on July 8th and they still haven't worked me into a shift. I have yet to feel that "check" in my spirit that I shouldn't do this job...but have told Holy Spirit that if He shuts the door at any point, I won't force it open. So...at what point to I say, "Well that door's just closed," and move on?
To tell the whole story, SMX had scheduled me to start work on 9/4. I took a 2 weekend night assignment because it sounded good for our family. Yeah, Sunday & Monday would be hard (& an adjustment for the kids), but I'd only have 2 shifts instead of 5, get the same hours/pay, and still be able to homeschool PLUS we'd still have Dale's days off of Wed-Fri.
BUT, I hadn't heard from them for 2 weeks & had this nagging "feeling" that I should call to verify they still wanted me. So if you know our lives for the last few months, you can probably guess what happened. SMX: "We cancelled that shift.", Me: "Why didn't anyone call me?", SMX: "It says in our system that someone did.", Me: "I didn't speak to anyone & they didn't leave a message.", SMX: "We may have something in about 2 weeks, we'll call you when something comes up."
This is the THIRD time they've cancelled me. I went to orientation on July 8th and they still haven't worked me into a shift. I have yet to feel that "check" in my spirit that I shouldn't do this job...but have told Holy Spirit that if He shuts the door at any point, I won't force it open. So...at what point to I say, "Well that door's just closed," and move on?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
He Continues to Amaze Me!
Even as we contemplated whom we should help with the recent blessing we've been given, even more blessings have arrived. I'm downright weepy at all Holy Spirit has been doing.
When I said I wanted to see Him moving, I didn't necessarily mean giving me monetary blessings...I just want to see Him working & join in the fun! I feel like Holy Spirit is reminding me that nothing is above His notice and that not only will He provide for our needs, but also some extras that come around occasionally.
That's it for now, I really don't know what to say. He amazes me daily!
When I said I wanted to see Him moving, I didn't necessarily mean giving me monetary blessings...I just want to see Him working & join in the fun! I feel like Holy Spirit is reminding me that nothing is above His notice and that not only will He provide for our needs, but also some extras that come around occasionally.
That's it for now, I really don't know what to say. He amazes me daily!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Overwhelmed
It can't have been but just last night or the night before that I fell asleep praying that I would trust God to provide. I have been a "little" worried about paying the rent on time & not completely depleting all our funds. I knew we had enough, but it would be very close & there's a whole list of things that we've put on hold for a little while (contacts, etc.) AND we've been extra careful.
So I knew we were okay, but cutting it MUCH closer than I would like. I think my final thoughts on this concern were "Well, as long as we have shelter, food, & clothes on our back, does it really matter how much money we have in the bank?"
THEN the mail came today...I'm almost overwhelmed at the thought of how the Holy Spirit puts this all together. I cannot BEGIN to express the peace, joy, and utter amazement at my God. HE IS FAITHFUL! And I'm thankful for the ones who faithfully listen to Him.
Funny, I just remembered that the verses I read to the kids this morning was Phil. 4:2-7 "And in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God and the peace that trancends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." We talked about not being anxious & thanking God even in the midst of the storm. Now we get to follow up tonight on how faithful He is to provide and address our anxious concerns, sometimes even BEFORE we've thought to pray about them.
Feeling very blessed today!
So I knew we were okay, but cutting it MUCH closer than I would like. I think my final thoughts on this concern were "Well, as long as we have shelter, food, & clothes on our back, does it really matter how much money we have in the bank?"
THEN the mail came today...I'm almost overwhelmed at the thought of how the Holy Spirit puts this all together. I cannot BEGIN to express the peace, joy, and utter amazement at my God. HE IS FAITHFUL! And I'm thankful for the ones who faithfully listen to Him.
Funny, I just remembered that the verses I read to the kids this morning was Phil. 4:2-7 "And in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God and the peace that trancends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." We talked about not being anxious & thanking God even in the midst of the storm. Now we get to follow up tonight on how faithful He is to provide and address our anxious concerns, sometimes even BEFORE we've thought to pray about them.
Feeling very blessed today!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Community Life According to James
In Chapter 5 of James, I've been struggling to find a theme. Then today as I re-read it, I realized it's written almost like an anxious father sending his child off into the world & he's scurrying to say everything he thinks that he has either forgotten or is so important it needs said again.
And the theme I think is community living. This letter is to the church (not a building, a community of Jesus-followers) and he has instruction for how their lives are to be lived out together:
v. 8 Be patient
v. 8 Strengthen your heart & endure (continued in vv. 10-11)
v. 9 Don't complain against each other
v. 12 Let your yes be yes, and your no...no
v. 13 The suffering must pray
v. 13 The cheerful must sing (maybe to help encourage the ones suffering??)
v. 14 The sick should call the elders to pray over & anoint him in the name of Jesus
v. 16 Confess your sins to each other & pray for healing
v. 19 If anyone strays from the truth, attempt to turn him from the error of his way
And that's it. There's no summary, no closing, no goodbyes...that's it. Makes me wonder if he had so much to say, he just had to quit or go on forever.
Obviously, this isn't an exhaustive list about community interaction, but it's a good place to start!
And the theme I think is community living. This letter is to the church (not a building, a community of Jesus-followers) and he has instruction for how their lives are to be lived out together:
v. 8 Be patient
v. 8 Strengthen your heart & endure (continued in vv. 10-11)
v. 9 Don't complain against each other
v. 12 Let your yes be yes, and your no...no
v. 13 The suffering must pray
v. 13 The cheerful must sing (maybe to help encourage the ones suffering??)
v. 14 The sick should call the elders to pray over & anoint him in the name of Jesus
v. 16 Confess your sins to each other & pray for healing
v. 19 If anyone strays from the truth, attempt to turn him from the error of his way
And that's it. There's no summary, no closing, no goodbyes...that's it. Makes me wonder if he had so much to say, he just had to quit or go on forever.
Obviously, this isn't an exhaustive list about community interaction, but it's a good place to start!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
It's Funny How HE Puts It All Together
SMX (the temp agency for Amazon.com that Dale is working through) had contacted me late last week to offer a PT evening position starting 8/17. Of course, I said I was still interested...but the thought was a little overwhelming.
Dale & I would never have a complete day off together; Basically, between school, household work & this job, I wouldn't have time for anything else; I would not be able to go to cell group anymore (and Dale doesn't get to go on Sundays so we'd never be engaged in one of these together); I wouldn't have time for hosting people in our home, helping single moms, or pursue whatever Holy Spirit is planning for us that I KNOW is coming.
So Monday, I felt like I was being called to fast on Tuesday morning. This is a relatively new experience for me, and I don't do it unless I feel Spirit-led. This is NOT something I can do in my own strength...if I try, I fail as soon as I wake up in the morning. But the last time, Holy Spirit helped me make it to 11 a.m....yesterday, He helped me get to 1 p.m. (& I even went grocery shopping for 2 hours & wasn't hungry & consequently buying a lot of junk food!) I repeat...I would NEVER be able to do this in my own strength! He is AMAZING!!!
But I felt like the clarity that I received was that it would be okay to continue to take the SMX job. Holy Spirit would help us, I didn't feel that "check" in my spirit (This is the only way I know to describe it!) and He would be faithful to see us through. I also told Holy Spirit that when I did feel the "check"...I would obey. I still couldn't see how this would strengthen our family, but God can do anything...right?
Well, He definitely can!
I start to tell Dale Tuesday evening about what I was thinking & he blurted out, 'Oh...no...you're not supposed to take the job' I asked why & he said, 'The Holy Spirit told me.' Dale doesn't usually talk like this & sound so certain, so while I was caught off-guard & pestered him to clarify, at the same time I was excited to hear him so sure and crediting Holy Spirit with the decision.
Fast forward to today & guess who calls...SMX. Seems some things have changed & they needed to cancel my shift they had offered. The woman apologized & I (in a daze) said, "No, that's okay!" I didn't shut them down for good, only God knows what could happen in the next month or so, but for now I guess I'm not supposed to work.
And next time my husband tells me the Holy Spirit told him, hopefully Holy Spirit won't have to give me confirmation because of my skepticism...hopefully, I'll just trust & believe.
I could blog for another hour about all that I am seeing Him do...not just in me...not just in Dale...not just in our family...but even in the people around us. I can see in their faces & hear in their words that Holy Spirit is calling us to take part in His amazing work! Hold on...He's just getting started!
Dale & I would never have a complete day off together; Basically, between school, household work & this job, I wouldn't have time for anything else; I would not be able to go to cell group anymore (and Dale doesn't get to go on Sundays so we'd never be engaged in one of these together); I wouldn't have time for hosting people in our home, helping single moms, or pursue whatever Holy Spirit is planning for us that I KNOW is coming.
So Monday, I felt like I was being called to fast on Tuesday morning. This is a relatively new experience for me, and I don't do it unless I feel Spirit-led. This is NOT something I can do in my own strength...if I try, I fail as soon as I wake up in the morning. But the last time, Holy Spirit helped me make it to 11 a.m....yesterday, He helped me get to 1 p.m. (& I even went grocery shopping for 2 hours & wasn't hungry & consequently buying a lot of junk food!) I repeat...I would NEVER be able to do this in my own strength! He is AMAZING!!!
But I felt like the clarity that I received was that it would be okay to continue to take the SMX job. Holy Spirit would help us, I didn't feel that "check" in my spirit (This is the only way I know to describe it!) and He would be faithful to see us through. I also told Holy Spirit that when I did feel the "check"...I would obey. I still couldn't see how this would strengthen our family, but God can do anything...right?
Well, He definitely can!
I start to tell Dale Tuesday evening about what I was thinking & he blurted out, 'Oh...no...you're not supposed to take the job' I asked why & he said, 'The Holy Spirit told me.' Dale doesn't usually talk like this & sound so certain, so while I was caught off-guard & pestered him to clarify, at the same time I was excited to hear him so sure and crediting Holy Spirit with the decision.
Fast forward to today & guess who calls...SMX. Seems some things have changed & they needed to cancel my shift they had offered. The woman apologized & I (in a daze) said, "No, that's okay!" I didn't shut them down for good, only God knows what could happen in the next month or so, but for now I guess I'm not supposed to work.
And next time my husband tells me the Holy Spirit told him, hopefully Holy Spirit won't have to give me confirmation because of my skepticism...hopefully, I'll just trust & believe.
I could blog for another hour about all that I am seeing Him do...not just in me...not just in Dale...not just in our family...but even in the people around us. I can see in their faces & hear in their words that Holy Spirit is calling us to take part in His amazing work! Hold on...He's just getting started!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Well...I Did It!
We have a new child in our family...sort of! I took the plunge & we're now a World Vision sponsor of Lazarus from Zimbabwe. How will we do this every month? Only God knows...literally! But as much as we waste at drive-thrus & on our own pleasures, it shouldn't be too difficult to trim only $35 from the budget each month...right?
But I couldn't wait for the budget to get in order. I've had this on my heart for a few weeks & then in James (of course!) I read 4:17, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." [Maybe I should just quit reading James. LOL!]
There were a few cross-references:
"For it would be better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn away from the holy commandment handed on to them." (2 Peter 2:21)
"Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
How do I know the right thing to do? What is the holy commandment handed on to them? Whose burdens do I help to bear?? In other words, how do I know that this sponsorship is what I was supposed to do?
Because as I study Scripture & seek after the Holy Spirit, I come to know the heart of God. I cannot study God's revealed Word to us with out it becoming very clear that His heart holds a special place for the poor, the defenseless, the widow & the orphan. He cries out to us time & again through the Law, the Prophets & Jesus himself to take on the injustice & inequality of this world and try to do something about it.
So our family has a new child in it...sort of. I chose him for a few reasons: His mom is a single parent; He shares a birthday with our daughter Rebekah; We need another boy to be a part of our lives; He lives in a part of Africa that has been devastated by HIV/AIDS; but most of all, his name (Lazarus!) reminds me that Holy Spirit is bringing me back from the dead...end life that I was pursuing.
Now I have just one question...What do you have for our family next, Abba? I can hardly wait in anticipation of the joy it will bring! Amen!
But I couldn't wait for the budget to get in order. I've had this on my heart for a few weeks & then in James (of course!) I read 4:17, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." [Maybe I should just quit reading James. LOL!]
There were a few cross-references:
"For it would be better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn away from the holy commandment handed on to them." (2 Peter 2:21)
"Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
How do I know the right thing to do? What is the holy commandment handed on to them? Whose burdens do I help to bear?? In other words, how do I know that this sponsorship is what I was supposed to do?
Because as I study Scripture & seek after the Holy Spirit, I come to know the heart of God. I cannot study God's revealed Word to us with out it becoming very clear that His heart holds a special place for the poor, the defenseless, the widow & the orphan. He cries out to us time & again through the Law, the Prophets & Jesus himself to take on the injustice & inequality of this world and try to do something about it.
So our family has a new child in it...sort of. I chose him for a few reasons: His mom is a single parent; He shares a birthday with our daughter Rebekah; We need another boy to be a part of our lives; He lives in a part of Africa that has been devastated by HIV/AIDS; but most of all, his name (Lazarus!) reminds me that Holy Spirit is bringing me back from the dead...end life that I was pursuing.
Now I have just one question...What do you have for our family next, Abba? I can hardly wait in anticipation of the joy it will bring! Amen!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friend v. Enemy
Right now, I can only get through about 2 verses of James at a time. It is SO convicting, challenging and in my face that I read about that much & then need a day or two to chew on it. In the meantime, I've finished Radical and have started another, The Hole in Our Gospel.
[I'm so amazed at what God is doing in us. Dale had 2 books in at the library & I went with him to pick them up...both about worldwide poverty. I was filled with thankfulness (the only way I know to describe it) that Holy Spirit is bringing us both in the same direction...that's how I know this is Holy Spirit working & not just a guilty conscience.]
But I went back to James this morning...4:4-5, "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: 'He jealously desires the Spirit, which He has made to dwell in us'?"
See what I mean? If I call myself a Jesus follower, I can't pick & choose which verses I want to apply to my life. I have to accept & apply the whole thing. If I REALLY think through this verse, my life will change drastically...and that's not an exaggeration. As an American Christian, this is a tough pill to swallow.
What does James mean by friendship...where's the line?? I could say He's only talking about obvious evil, but then what do I do with Scriptures like Romans 8:7 "The mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God." or I John 2:15, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
I think he's talking about more than just obvious evil. Do I really need the latest CD, DVD, video game, magazine or a Diet Coke everyday (ouch!) when at least the first four cost the equivalent of 1-4 weeks wages for most of the world?? Do I really need to spend most of my day trying to plan what I'm going to fix for dinner when a simple meal provides the same nourishment & costs less?
And James 4:5 about the Holy Spirit being jealous to live in me. Wow! That makes me stop. I'm reminded of how Francis Chan wrote about Galatians 3:13-14 "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us...so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith." Jesus went through his tortuous death SO THAT the Spirit can live in us...no wonder He's jealous to live in us!!
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own?" I Corinthians 6:19
I am not my own??
That most definitely flies in the face of American do-it-yourselfness. Hmmm??? If I am not my own, then I belong to the Spirit and HE tells me what is friend to Him & what is a friend to the world. I have to ask HIM about every purchase, every meal, everything I do with my time, every thought, every action...with everything I do, think or say, am I acting like a friend of the Spirit or a friend of the world?
As I prayed this morning, I said, "It's like You're re-wiring me." And it is! It's frightening and exciting. Idols I've struggled with for YEARS are being painfully pulled away. And sometimes it's not so painful. It's easier to give up McDonalds when I remember that it's not only unhealthy (which has never stopped me, sadly!) but also costs about 2-3 days wages for most of the world. Is it so tasty & good for me that it's worth 2-3 days wages??? If I can't answer that one in the negative then there is something seriously wrong with me.
Bottom line...He wants ALL of me. He wants me to love the things He loves & hate the things He hates. The scales are falling from my eyes one by one and I'm daily amazed to see the world through His eyes. This is proving to be an amazing journey & I can't wait to see where He takes us next!!
[I'm so amazed at what God is doing in us. Dale had 2 books in at the library & I went with him to pick them up...both about worldwide poverty. I was filled with thankfulness (the only way I know to describe it) that Holy Spirit is bringing us both in the same direction...that's how I know this is Holy Spirit working & not just a guilty conscience.]
But I went back to James this morning...4:4-5, "You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: 'He jealously desires the Spirit, which He has made to dwell in us'?"
See what I mean? If I call myself a Jesus follower, I can't pick & choose which verses I want to apply to my life. I have to accept & apply the whole thing. If I REALLY think through this verse, my life will change drastically...and that's not an exaggeration. As an American Christian, this is a tough pill to swallow.
What does James mean by friendship...where's the line?? I could say He's only talking about obvious evil, but then what do I do with Scriptures like Romans 8:7 "The mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God." or I John 2:15, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
I think he's talking about more than just obvious evil. Do I really need the latest CD, DVD, video game, magazine or a Diet Coke everyday (ouch!) when at least the first four cost the equivalent of 1-4 weeks wages for most of the world?? Do I really need to spend most of my day trying to plan what I'm going to fix for dinner when a simple meal provides the same nourishment & costs less?
And James 4:5 about the Holy Spirit being jealous to live in me. Wow! That makes me stop. I'm reminded of how Francis Chan wrote about Galatians 3:13-14 "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us...so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith." Jesus went through his tortuous death SO THAT the Spirit can live in us...no wonder He's jealous to live in us!!
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own?" I Corinthians 6:19
I am not my own??
That most definitely flies in the face of American do-it-yourselfness. Hmmm??? If I am not my own, then I belong to the Spirit and HE tells me what is friend to Him & what is a friend to the world. I have to ask HIM about every purchase, every meal, everything I do with my time, every thought, every action...with everything I do, think or say, am I acting like a friend of the Spirit or a friend of the world?
As I prayed this morning, I said, "It's like You're re-wiring me." And it is! It's frightening and exciting. Idols I've struggled with for YEARS are being painfully pulled away. And sometimes it's not so painful. It's easier to give up McDonalds when I remember that it's not only unhealthy (which has never stopped me, sadly!) but also costs about 2-3 days wages for most of the world. Is it so tasty & good for me that it's worth 2-3 days wages??? If I can't answer that one in the negative then there is something seriously wrong with me.
Bottom line...He wants ALL of me. He wants me to love the things He loves & hate the things He hates. The scales are falling from my eyes one by one and I'm daily amazed to see the world through His eyes. This is proving to be an amazing journey & I can't wait to see where He takes us next!!
Prayer
"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness,
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee,
so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."
Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee
up from this misty lowland where I have wondered so long."
--A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee,
so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."
Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee
up from this misty lowland where I have wondered so long."
--A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Waitin' on the World to Change
One of my favorite songs. I can't tell you all of the words...but the title alone says a LOT about how I feel.
I don't want to say I'm in a funk...because I'm not depressed...what I am is restless. There is so much to do, so many opportunities to serve, but I'm not sensing any more clear direction from Holy Spirit about where to begin.
Helping single moms is something Dale & I want to do, know we should do, and feel confident it's what Holy Spirit wants. BUT, there's still this knawing (for lack of a better word) at the back of my mind that there's even something bigger out there to do. Maybe these single moms will lead by example in giving out of their limited resources to those that have even less than they do. [I already saw this last week as JM rallied people to help another mom with a boat-load of groceries & gifts! It was amazing to sit back & see how excited she was to serve when by all rights she could be wallowing in her own misery. But she was Holy Spirit led & inspired & because JM obeyed, God received the glory for a great blessing to another family.]
I KNOW our service and sacrifice for God doesn't have to be BIG to be needed & appreciated. But I can't explain it other than to say I am still...restless!
I know helping single moms could become something bigger than we ever dreamed or imagined. BUT reading Radical just affirmed what I already believed..even most single moms in the U.S. are richer than 85% of the world. In fact, if you make more than $10K a year, you are in that top 15% of the richest people in the world.
Impossible to believe?? 1 billion people survive on $1 a day or less; 2 billion more survive on $2 a day or less. That means 3 billion people (or close to half of the world's population) are living on $2 a day or less. 26K (yes that's 26,000) children die EVERY day from malnutrition, unsafe drinking water & preventable diseases. Problem is I'm finally grasping this when we are not even making enough to cover our own living expenses. BUT I KNOW God is faithful & we can continue to give away more & more & He will STILL see us through!
This doesn't mean He'll provide the American standard of living...just make sure we're fed, clothed & have a roof over our heads. Our family might need to learn to eat more beans & rice (& this would actually be healthier anyway!). But I don't think this will be because we're starving...but as a way to keep curbing expenses so we can give more to others.
Now, as I'm doing all of this waitin' on the world to change (which is actually waitin' on ME to change!) I'm STILL...restless! I'm having trouble sitting still & listening to conversations about schools, where to eat, what new movies are good to see & what back to school specials I can get where. Yeah, that glue stick may only be 15 cents, but do my kids REALLY need another one when we have 10 open already?? And I'm not just trying to be a tightwad. If I'm paying 15 cents for it...what person (maybe 1/2-way around the world) had to receive slave wages while making it so that I could get a good deal??
I'm struggling a LOT with a judgemental spirit and I know that it's wrong. I need to be obedient to what God has called ME to do...and let Him work in others as He is me. It just seems like there are SO many MORE important things than what most of us talk about on a daily basis. If we don't want to talk about the tragedies of world poverty, the AIDS crisis or slavery that still exists in the world...please let's at LEAST talk about what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives, how much He loves us & brainstorm some ways we can serve Him. I KNOW this sounds judgemental...forgive me...BUT I'm still...restless.
I don't want to say I'm in a funk...because I'm not depressed...what I am is restless. There is so much to do, so many opportunities to serve, but I'm not sensing any more clear direction from Holy Spirit about where to begin.
Helping single moms is something Dale & I want to do, know we should do, and feel confident it's what Holy Spirit wants. BUT, there's still this knawing (for lack of a better word) at the back of my mind that there's even something bigger out there to do. Maybe these single moms will lead by example in giving out of their limited resources to those that have even less than they do. [I already saw this last week as JM rallied people to help another mom with a boat-load of groceries & gifts! It was amazing to sit back & see how excited she was to serve when by all rights she could be wallowing in her own misery. But she was Holy Spirit led & inspired & because JM obeyed, God received the glory for a great blessing to another family.]
I KNOW our service and sacrifice for God doesn't have to be BIG to be needed & appreciated. But I can't explain it other than to say I am still...restless!
I know helping single moms could become something bigger than we ever dreamed or imagined. BUT reading Radical just affirmed what I already believed..even most single moms in the U.S. are richer than 85% of the world. In fact, if you make more than $10K a year, you are in that top 15% of the richest people in the world.
Impossible to believe?? 1 billion people survive on $1 a day or less; 2 billion more survive on $2 a day or less. That means 3 billion people (or close to half of the world's population) are living on $2 a day or less. 26K (yes that's 26,000) children die EVERY day from malnutrition, unsafe drinking water & preventable diseases. Problem is I'm finally grasping this when we are not even making enough to cover our own living expenses. BUT I KNOW God is faithful & we can continue to give away more & more & He will STILL see us through!
This doesn't mean He'll provide the American standard of living...just make sure we're fed, clothed & have a roof over our heads. Our family might need to learn to eat more beans & rice (& this would actually be healthier anyway!). But I don't think this will be because we're starving...but as a way to keep curbing expenses so we can give more to others.
Now, as I'm doing all of this waitin' on the world to change (which is actually waitin' on ME to change!) I'm STILL...restless! I'm having trouble sitting still & listening to conversations about schools, where to eat, what new movies are good to see & what back to school specials I can get where. Yeah, that glue stick may only be 15 cents, but do my kids REALLY need another one when we have 10 open already?? And I'm not just trying to be a tightwad. If I'm paying 15 cents for it...what person (maybe 1/2-way around the world) had to receive slave wages while making it so that I could get a good deal??
I'm struggling a LOT with a judgemental spirit and I know that it's wrong. I need to be obedient to what God has called ME to do...and let Him work in others as He is me. It just seems like there are SO many MORE important things than what most of us talk about on a daily basis. If we don't want to talk about the tragedies of world poverty, the AIDS crisis or slavery that still exists in the world...please let's at LEAST talk about what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives, how much He loves us & brainstorm some ways we can serve Him. I KNOW this sounds judgemental...forgive me...BUT I'm still...restless.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Grateful For Goofiness
Nothing profound to say today. But Holy Spirit is STILL working...He always is...I just have to get out of the way & obey!
But I was trying to think of something to post & my 12 year old son just came in our room and was being goofy. If you know Noah, this is NOT unusual. This is the boy who will do his "Irish jig" in the middle of any mall or restaurant where you ask him to do it. This is the kid that has impeccable comic timing (learned from his mother!). And this is the one that if there's not enough conversation at dinner will just let out a whoop (or scream!) just to lighten the mood.
So, for today...I'm grateful for goofiness. I know he won't always live with us & make us laugh...I'll enjoy the free comedy while I can!
But I was trying to think of something to post & my 12 year old son just came in our room and was being goofy. If you know Noah, this is NOT unusual. This is the boy who will do his "Irish jig" in the middle of any mall or restaurant where you ask him to do it. This is the kid that has impeccable comic timing (learned from his mother!). And this is the one that if there's not enough conversation at dinner will just let out a whoop (or scream!) just to lighten the mood.
So, for today...I'm grateful for goofiness. I know he won't always live with us & make us laugh...I'll enjoy the free comedy while I can!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I Don't Know Where to Begin
I don't have a lot of time to blog right now, but I can't let this moment pass. I'm mostly teary as I continue to read through Radical. I have an overwhelming sense of just how much I have failed to see the purpose for which God created me. How did I live so long in a big house, with a nice car, with a bunch of STUFF, spending thousands on vacations & eating out when all the while men, women, & children all over the world (& in the U.S. too!) are dying due to malnutrition, no clean water and no vaccines or healthcare for preventable diseases.
A quote from Radical I read today that grieves me for how much I have been deceived:
"Today more than a billion people in the world live and die in desperate poverty. They attempt to survive on less than a dollar per day. Close to two billion others live on less than two dollars per day. That's nearly half the world struggling today to find food, water, and shelter with the same amount of money I spend on french fries for lunch.
More than twenty-six thousand children today will breathe their last breath due to starvation or a preventable disease. To put it in perspective for the church I (David Platt) pastor, if this were happening among the children in my community, then every child eighteen years or younger in our county would be dead within the next two days."
O, how my soul groans for what we have allowed!
And yet, satan whispers in my ear that I am only one...what can I possibly do? Where to begin? Why should it be me? Don't I have a family to raise? Kids to feed, clothe and entertain? Don't we deserve vacations, respite from life's trials?
To all of this I say, "YOU HAVE LIED TO ME TOO LONG! YOU ARE NOT THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY. YOU HAVE DECEIVED MY HEART INTO THINKING THAT MY PLEASURE AND COMFORT ARE SOMEHOW MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE NEEDS OF BILLIONS OF OTHERS. GET OUT YOU SERPENT, YOU LIAR, YOU WHO ARE FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL. GOD ALMIGHTY HAS SHOWN ME THE LIGHT AND HAS GIVEN ME THE GRACE TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. I WILL FOLLOW HIM...NOT YOU!"
Okay, enough yelling! But I DON'T see where this is all going to lead. I can't KNOW in this moment how Holy Spirit wants me to act. BUT I know He is FAITHFUL and is putting into place the path He has for us.
A quote from Radical I read today that grieves me for how much I have been deceived:
"Today more than a billion people in the world live and die in desperate poverty. They attempt to survive on less than a dollar per day. Close to two billion others live on less than two dollars per day. That's nearly half the world struggling today to find food, water, and shelter with the same amount of money I spend on french fries for lunch.
More than twenty-six thousand children today will breathe their last breath due to starvation or a preventable disease. To put it in perspective for the church I (David Platt) pastor, if this were happening among the children in my community, then every child eighteen years or younger in our county would be dead within the next two days."
O, how my soul groans for what we have allowed!
And yet, satan whispers in my ear that I am only one...what can I possibly do? Where to begin? Why should it be me? Don't I have a family to raise? Kids to feed, clothe and entertain? Don't we deserve vacations, respite from life's trials?
To all of this I say, "YOU HAVE LIED TO ME TOO LONG! YOU ARE NOT THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY. YOU HAVE DECEIVED MY HEART INTO THINKING THAT MY PLEASURE AND COMFORT ARE SOMEHOW MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE NEEDS OF BILLIONS OF OTHERS. GET OUT YOU SERPENT, YOU LIAR, YOU WHO ARE FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL. GOD ALMIGHTY HAS SHOWN ME THE LIGHT AND HAS GIVEN ME THE GRACE TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. I WILL FOLLOW HIM...NOT YOU!"
Okay, enough yelling! But I DON'T see where this is all going to lead. I can't KNOW in this moment how Holy Spirit wants me to act. BUT I know He is FAITHFUL and is putting into place the path He has for us.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Radical by David Platt
I knew when I saw a small blurb in Christianity Today about this book, I HAD to read it. The full title is Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream and I knew it would challenge & continue to convict me in the direction the Holy Spirit has already been leading us. My expectations were right on the money (no pun intended!)!
Here is an excerpt from pages 12-13:
"This is where we come face to face with a dangerous reality. We do have to give up everything we have to follow Jesus. We do have to love him in a way that makes our closest relationships in this world look like hate. And it is entirely possible that he will tell us to sell everything we have and give it to the poor.
Be we don't want to believe it...So we rationalize these passages away...
And this is where we need to pause. Because we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.
A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have...A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream.
But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves."
I know this is lengthy, but I couldn't do it justice if I edited it down much more. The point is, Platt doesn't hold back. From the beginning, he is stating his case, supporting it with Scripture and challenging American Christians to move away from their lives of comfort & pleasure seeking and move back toward the Jesus of the Gospels. THIS is what we were created for!
Continuing my study in James is a perfect pair for this book. James too was an author that didn't dally with niceties. He's not very wordy. He states his case, supports it with example and challenges ALL of us to move away from the worldly life and into the Holy Wild of drawing closer to this Amazing God!
I've just spent about a week wading through Chapter 3 and as if the challenge to tame the tongue weren't enough, now in verses 13-18 of that chapter James is fleshing out what wisdom is. Basically, my good behavior, my good deeds in gentleness is what will show the measure of wisdom I have.
Earthly, natural (or unspiritual), demonic (ouch) wisdom includes bitter jealousy, selfish ambition in my heart and arrogance (v. 15). BUT God's wisdom is pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, and without hypocrisy. (v. 17)
What struck me as I pondered this passage is that most of the fuel to live out the American Dream comes from all of these earthly-wise characteristics (jealousy, selfish ambition, arrogance). Owning a house, a nice car, nice clothes, taking big vacations, eating out are not evil practices...BUT is the reason I have them because of earthly wisdom or God's wisdom. Can I start to filter my wants & needs through this list? Am I buying a new car because of jealousy or because owning brand new will allow me to put more miles on it for God's work? OR can I buy one that's dirt cheap, still use it for God's work and because I didn't pay much for it, am able to let it slip through my hands into another's when the opportunity arises?
This is how we're being challenged. I can't believe we're the only ones! What can I do today that I absolutely can NOT do in my own power...but requires the work of the Holy Spirit. This is how He receives the glory. If I only give my 10% tithe, is that just a membership fee or can I give away so much that I am utterly dependent on Him to provide for us?
James 3:18 says, "And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." There's a cross-reference for the word seed. It's found in Hosea 10:12,
"Sow with a view to righteousness,
Reap in accordance with kindness;
Break up your fallow ground,
For it is time to seek the LORD
until he comes to rain righteousness on you."
Holy Spirit, our ground has been fallow TOO long. I want to seek You...the ineffable One...with EVERY ounce of my being. Help me sow with righteousness in my view & reap with kindness. I pray for your righteousness to rain on me. Lead me, guide me, direct me to follow YOUR dream...not the American one! Amen
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
More James...Ouch!
James 3:5b-6 says "See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell."
Thinking back over my life, most of the trouble I've ever gotten into appears to have started with my tongue. Pride, jealousy, bitterness, dissension, gossip, etc. have (I am sad to say) all somehow started with my tongue. And this morning as I read this passage, I couldn't read more than 2-3 verses before I felt an overwhelming urge to say , "Woe to me for I am a person of unclean lips and live among a people of unclean lips!" Not an exact quote of Isaiah, but you get the point.
How many times has my tongue influenced and directly led the "course of my life"? My Bible even interchanges life with existence...Oh, Abba...I've allowed this tiny thing to so often determine the very path of my EXISTENCE. Purge me! Cleanse me!
BUT I'm mature enough to know that this DOESN'T start with my tongue!!! By the time it reaches my tongue it's already taken root in my mind and in my heart. I've heard (or read!) Beth Moore say over and again that we have to "take captive" our thoughts. I once read that the key to learning forgiveness is to shut up and listen. My husband & my daughter are probably 2 of the most compassionate people I know & yet, they are also 2 of the quietest. When they say something...people listen because it is probably worth hearing!
Holy Spirit, take control of my thoughts, help me hear YOUR leading, YOUR thoughts so that I may only speak as you direct. Take control of this tiny tongue that can set aflame a great forest. You made it...I give it back to You as Your instrument to use as You will! Amen!
Thinking back over my life, most of the trouble I've ever gotten into appears to have started with my tongue. Pride, jealousy, bitterness, dissension, gossip, etc. have (I am sad to say) all somehow started with my tongue. And this morning as I read this passage, I couldn't read more than 2-3 verses before I felt an overwhelming urge to say , "Woe to me for I am a person of unclean lips and live among a people of unclean lips!" Not an exact quote of Isaiah, but you get the point.
How many times has my tongue influenced and directly led the "course of my life"? My Bible even interchanges life with existence...Oh, Abba...I've allowed this tiny thing to so often determine the very path of my EXISTENCE. Purge me! Cleanse me!
BUT I'm mature enough to know that this DOESN'T start with my tongue!!! By the time it reaches my tongue it's already taken root in my mind and in my heart. I've heard (or read!) Beth Moore say over and again that we have to "take captive" our thoughts. I once read that the key to learning forgiveness is to shut up and listen. My husband & my daughter are probably 2 of the most compassionate people I know & yet, they are also 2 of the quietest. When they say something...people listen because it is probably worth hearing!
Holy Spirit, take control of my thoughts, help me hear YOUR leading, YOUR thoughts so that I may only speak as you direct. Take control of this tiny tongue that can set aflame a great forest. You made it...I give it back to You as Your instrument to use as You will! Amen!
A Little Extra Thankfulness
Last night I gave Dale a little tighter hug. No, it's not TMI...it's my genuine thankfulness for his determination to stick with our family through life's storms.
I'm not a quitter & in fact, I'm just rebellious enough that if you tell me I can't do something or that I will fail at something...I dig my heels in & try even harder. But, I'm only me...and I'm SO thankful my loving Abba placed a man in my path that for whatever reason, has decided to stick it out with me.
We are not all so blessed. And we've definitely had our rough patches...some that I thought might even do us in. (You know, there are many that throw in the towel & still co-habitate.) But I am DETERMINED that God had MUCH more in mind for us when He brought us together.
So we're co-authors on this journey of writing a better story. And it's absolutely unexplainable without a Holy Spirit as to how much we are being led to love the same things, shun the same things and find joy & delight in the same things. Two VERY different minds finding a common purpose & divine plan for their lives is nothing short of miraculous!
Once again, God provided just what I needed before I ever knew I needed it. I still remember the evening...even where I was when I was sad because of hearing that someone I "thought" I was interested in was dating another. In that car as real as if He'd spoken out loud, Holy Spirit said to my heart, "But he's not My best for you." He knew Dale was His best for me...I just didn't know it yet!
Abba, thank You for arranging my marriage! You are a merciful Father that knows EXACTLY who and what is best for me. Help me have confidence that You ALWAYS will! Amen!
I'm not a quitter & in fact, I'm just rebellious enough that if you tell me I can't do something or that I will fail at something...I dig my heels in & try even harder. But, I'm only me...and I'm SO thankful my loving Abba placed a man in my path that for whatever reason, has decided to stick it out with me.
We are not all so blessed. And we've definitely had our rough patches...some that I thought might even do us in. (You know, there are many that throw in the towel & still co-habitate.) But I am DETERMINED that God had MUCH more in mind for us when He brought us together.
So we're co-authors on this journey of writing a better story. And it's absolutely unexplainable without a Holy Spirit as to how much we are being led to love the same things, shun the same things and find joy & delight in the same things. Two VERY different minds finding a common purpose & divine plan for their lives is nothing short of miraculous!
Once again, God provided just what I needed before I ever knew I needed it. I still remember the evening...even where I was when I was sad because of hearing that someone I "thought" I was interested in was dating another. In that car as real as if He'd spoken out loud, Holy Spirit said to my heart, "But he's not My best for you." He knew Dale was His best for me...I just didn't know it yet!
Abba, thank You for arranging my marriage! You are a merciful Father that knows EXACTLY who and what is best for me. Help me have confidence that You ALWAYS will! Amen!
Monday, July 26, 2010
How Dare You!
I once heard Tony Compolo tell a story about speaking to a women's group & they started by asking him to pray for money for some project they wanted to give to. Apparently, he says, he wasn't in a good mood that day! He said something like, 'No, I won't! I won't pray for it because together we probably already have it. Here...I'll empty out my wallet (he adds it was a good thing he only had a 20 on him that day!) and we'll go through one by one, empty our wallets and see how much we collect.'
He had the musician play and made the ladies file row by row past the altar and empty out their wallets. He said by the time they were done, they had MORE than the amount they had wanted him to pray for (and adds that he knows some of the old ladies were holding out on him!). Then he got back up in front of them and said, 'How dare you! How dare you ask God for what He has already given you!'
This came home to me recently. I'd asked for people to help us by donating for the picnic. Actually, that was me not trusting the Holy Spirit to do His work.
As I looked around our home, I saw the stacks of paper plates & cups that I've stocked up on with coupons, the rolls of paper towel (that can be used for napkins) that my mom had already given us & last week, Dale's mom sent some money for us (so that has covered the shelter rental & will pay for the pizza!).
How DARE I ask for the Holy Spirit to provide, when He ALREADY has! I pray that I remember this lesson! It's a good one!
Holy Spirit, You are active and living in me. I thank You for Your supernatural guidance and supernatural provision. You even intercede for me when I don't know how to pray! Thank You for bringing deep joy and encouragement to my life. I am thankful for a God that is so active in my life that He provides even BEFORE I ask for it. Amen!
He had the musician play and made the ladies file row by row past the altar and empty out their wallets. He said by the time they were done, they had MORE than the amount they had wanted him to pray for (and adds that he knows some of the old ladies were holding out on him!). Then he got back up in front of them and said, 'How dare you! How dare you ask God for what He has already given you!'
This came home to me recently. I'd asked for people to help us by donating for the picnic. Actually, that was me not trusting the Holy Spirit to do His work.
As I looked around our home, I saw the stacks of paper plates & cups that I've stocked up on with coupons, the rolls of paper towel (that can be used for napkins) that my mom had already given us & last week, Dale's mom sent some money for us (so that has covered the shelter rental & will pay for the pizza!).
How DARE I ask for the Holy Spirit to provide, when He ALREADY has! I pray that I remember this lesson! It's a good one!
Holy Spirit, You are active and living in me. I thank You for Your supernatural guidance and supernatural provision. You even intercede for me when I don't know how to pray! Thank You for bringing deep joy and encouragement to my life. I am thankful for a God that is so active in my life that He provides even BEFORE I ask for it. Amen!
My Prayer for Today
"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness,
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God,
I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."
Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland
where I have wandered so long."
--A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God,
I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."
Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland
where I have wandered so long."
--A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Lesson for the Day
Sunday, June 5, 2011:
The last few days, I've been going back through my old posts and attaching labels to them. I came across this one that I wrote last July and for some unknown reason, never published. Amazingly, and yes, in God's timing...it is STILL applicable for me today!
July 2010-
I could EASILY put behind the title of this blog #154 or higher. I feel like the last 3 months the lessons I learn each day are innumerable. But there's one I'm struggling to learn and I think the answer is to just relax & quit trying to figure out ALL the details. This is a TOUGH one for me! When I can't see how we can POSSIBLY put all of the pieces together, I have difficulty relaxing & letting Holy Spirit do His work...His way. Ugh! I'm trying :-)
Then yesterday, a mom that I hope to be getting to know better e-mailed me and was profusely grateful for starting this network of single moms. It has been a burden on her heart for a LONG time. And she finished with the remark that "it's a tough road to hoe alone." THAT'S why Dale & I have been called to do this...NOT so we can get other people involved (if others join us fine...but if not...that's okay too). We are called to this so that moms that are travelling this road alone, realize that they are NOT alone. Her words (prompted by the Holy Spirit I'm sure!) were EXACTLY what I needed to refocus my heart.
And by yesterday afternoon in Crazy Love, Francis Chan said this:
"Oswald Chambers wrote, "Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you." To that I would add. "Be careful not to turn others' lives into the mold for your own." Allow God to be as creative with you as he is with each of us."
I've never felt that others should home school because we do. I've never felt that I've needed to send my kids to school just because someone thinks I do. So why do I let others financial or spiritual lives concern me? Why do I try to keep up with the spending habits, level of commitment to community, or whatever of others, influence my actions and thinking, or for that matter even consume my thoughts at all??
Francis Chan's comments & the wonderful e-mail I received just once again AFFIRM that this whole story is NOT ABOUT ME!!!
God is AMAZING & I LOVE being in love with Him!
The last few days, I've been going back through my old posts and attaching labels to them. I came across this one that I wrote last July and for some unknown reason, never published. Amazingly, and yes, in God's timing...it is STILL applicable for me today!
July 2010-
I could EASILY put behind the title of this blog #154 or higher. I feel like the last 3 months the lessons I learn each day are innumerable. But there's one I'm struggling to learn and I think the answer is to just relax & quit trying to figure out ALL the details. This is a TOUGH one for me! When I can't see how we can POSSIBLY put all of the pieces together, I have difficulty relaxing & letting Holy Spirit do His work...His way. Ugh! I'm trying :-)
Then yesterday, a mom that I hope to be getting to know better e-mailed me and was profusely grateful for starting this network of single moms. It has been a burden on her heart for a LONG time. And she finished with the remark that "it's a tough road to hoe alone." THAT'S why Dale & I have been called to do this...NOT so we can get other people involved (if others join us fine...but if not...that's okay too). We are called to this so that moms that are travelling this road alone, realize that they are NOT alone. Her words (prompted by the Holy Spirit I'm sure!) were EXACTLY what I needed to refocus my heart.
And by yesterday afternoon in Crazy Love, Francis Chan said this:
"Oswald Chambers wrote, "Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you." To that I would add. "Be careful not to turn others' lives into the mold for your own." Allow God to be as creative with you as he is with each of us."
I've never felt that others should home school because we do. I've never felt that I've needed to send my kids to school just because someone thinks I do. So why do I let others financial or spiritual lives concern me? Why do I try to keep up with the spending habits, level of commitment to community, or whatever of others, influence my actions and thinking, or for that matter even consume my thoughts at all??
Francis Chan's comments & the wonderful e-mail I received just once again AFFIRM that this whole story is NOT ABOUT ME!!!
God is AMAZING & I LOVE being in love with Him!
Friday, July 23, 2010
More Boot Camp with James
"What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?" (James 2:14) In my Inductive Study Bible, this verse has a cross-reference to James 1:22, "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers that delude themselves." And this verse has a reference that goes back to Luke 5:46 where Jesus said, "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?"
Ouch!
I have allowed myself to be deluded for too long! And I watched last night as my 14 year old presented her case to me for a cell phone. And all I could think was, "Oh Lord, I've allowed her to become deluded as well!" I can't just pat myself on the back & think how great we've been to hold out this long. She & only one other friend have parents that are the last hold outs against cell phones. She even wants to start some type of "job" to pay for it.
Why does my teenager need the pressure of a monthly bill while people all over the world are starving?? I have recently been thinking of getting rid of OUR cell phones. My biggest use for it is as a watch. I don't text, don't even have e-mail set up on it & RARELY use it. So we made a deal. She can have mine for one month. She has to pay all text fees, if she goes over our minutes, she'll have to pay for those. And I'm going to encourage her to really pray and take notice of how much she really NEEDS this. I personally don't think I'll miss my phone. If my kids need me, I'm usually somewhere that has a phone & can be paged or w/someone else that has a phone. If at the end of this month, I haven't needed it, I think mine & Dale's will be cancelled & she can get her own prepaid phone. This is a good trial run for us both!
I can't believe how we have ALL bought into this NEED thing. I made the point that Dale & I grew up w/o them & survived (I know, I sound like SUCH a parent!). Dale said, "Well, our parents could come back with, 'we grew up without TV and survived!'" I said, 'yeah, what's your point? We TOTALLY don't need that either!'
This isn't intended to bash anyone or be negative about the choices that people make. I just can't BELIEVE how deluded I've been. When my NEEDS are stretching the budget thin & cause me stress about how to pay for them, or keep me from being able to give to others that can't buy food or clothing...that stands as a direct contradiction to the life that Jesus called us to!
I know, enough ranting. I just want to be used by Holy Spirit in the way He first created me to be...and I am believing with more and more of my heart daily that it doesn't include all of these gadgets and comforts that I've told myself for so long I need!
Holy Spirit, help me be a DOER of Your Word...not a hearer that is deluded! Amen!
Ouch!
I have allowed myself to be deluded for too long! And I watched last night as my 14 year old presented her case to me for a cell phone. And all I could think was, "Oh Lord, I've allowed her to become deluded as well!" I can't just pat myself on the back & think how great we've been to hold out this long. She & only one other friend have parents that are the last hold outs against cell phones. She even wants to start some type of "job" to pay for it.
Why does my teenager need the pressure of a monthly bill while people all over the world are starving?? I have recently been thinking of getting rid of OUR cell phones. My biggest use for it is as a watch. I don't text, don't even have e-mail set up on it & RARELY use it. So we made a deal. She can have mine for one month. She has to pay all text fees, if she goes over our minutes, she'll have to pay for those. And I'm going to encourage her to really pray and take notice of how much she really NEEDS this. I personally don't think I'll miss my phone. If my kids need me, I'm usually somewhere that has a phone & can be paged or w/someone else that has a phone. If at the end of this month, I haven't needed it, I think mine & Dale's will be cancelled & she can get her own prepaid phone. This is a good trial run for us both!
I can't believe how we have ALL bought into this NEED thing. I made the point that Dale & I grew up w/o them & survived (I know, I sound like SUCH a parent!). Dale said, "Well, our parents could come back with, 'we grew up without TV and survived!'" I said, 'yeah, what's your point? We TOTALLY don't need that either!'
This isn't intended to bash anyone or be negative about the choices that people make. I just can't BELIEVE how deluded I've been. When my NEEDS are stretching the budget thin & cause me stress about how to pay for them, or keep me from being able to give to others that can't buy food or clothing...that stands as a direct contradiction to the life that Jesus called us to!
I know, enough ranting. I just want to be used by Holy Spirit in the way He first created me to be...and I am believing with more and more of my heart daily that it doesn't include all of these gadgets and comforts that I've told myself for so long I need!
Holy Spirit, help me be a DOER of Your Word...not a hearer that is deluded! Amen!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Giving with a Generous Heart
Good conversation last night at cell group about our wants, our needs, the things that would make life easier and filtering all of those through God's Mission.
When Wes spoke on Philippians 4:10-13, he gave some background on the Philippians & their giving.
Turns out the church at Philippi is one of the churches Paul was writing about in 2 Corinthians 8:1-5 that gave out of "the most severe trial" and their "extreme poverty". We also talked about how to make generosity more a part of our lives.
The funny thing is, for the 1st time in my life, I understand this. When I was giving out of an abundance, I would often do it grudgingly. But now that we don't have an abundance & we're dependent upon God's mercy...KNOWING that everything is a gift from Him DOES make it a lot easier to let stuff (& money) go.
Then, last night as I was reading through Crazy Love (Francis Chan), what does the chapter start talking about...you guessed it...giving. He even references the 2 Corinthians passage that Wes had discussed. But he also points to the miracle when Jesus fed the thousands.
"Jesus gave the loaves to His disciples and then the disciples passed them out to the crowd. Imagine if the disciples had simply held onto the food Jesus gave them, continually thanking Him for providing lunch for them. That would've been stupid when there was enough food to feed the thousands who were gathered and hungry.
But that is exactly what we do when we fail to give freely and joyfully. We are loaded down with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for a small loaf. The good things we cling to are more than money; we hoard our resources, our gifts, our time, our families, our friends. As we begin to practice regular giving, we see how ludicrous it is to hold on to the abundance God has given us and merely repeat the words thank you."
Hmmm...I'm sensing a theme...over and over again. EVERYTHING I'm being drawn to read in Scripture...the books I'm being drawn to read...confirm over and over again that the American church has gotten it ALL wrong. I SO need to get my hands on a copy of Radical by David Platt! It apparently talks about this "blind spot" in American Christianity that my indulgence, my comfort, my abundance at the expense of others is somehow okay. I've always had a "soft spot" for the poor, but could VERY easily turn my eyes & heart away when I didn't see them.
Now Holy Spirit is bringing to mind REPEATEDLY, the desire to help the "widows and the orphans" and the poor...down my street, in my state (i.e. Appalachia), and around the globe. Holy Spirit just reminded me this morning that this passion is a newly awakened one, it takes time to formulate a plan. It seems like it's a sudden, drastic change...and it is. As I was thinking about it, He assured my heart that as I seek after His (heart)...I will naturally care about the things that He does!
I am SO ready! As long as He leads me, I'm ready to put feet to my thoughts and words...AND take our family along on the journey. I see it in my kids...they WANT more excitement...they HAVE passion, compassion, blind-trust and love. It's time we use these gifts to write a better story!
When Wes spoke on Philippians 4:10-13, he gave some background on the Philippians & their giving.
Turns out the church at Philippi is one of the churches Paul was writing about in 2 Corinthians 8:1-5 that gave out of "the most severe trial" and their "extreme poverty". We also talked about how to make generosity more a part of our lives.
The funny thing is, for the 1st time in my life, I understand this. When I was giving out of an abundance, I would often do it grudgingly. But now that we don't have an abundance & we're dependent upon God's mercy...KNOWING that everything is a gift from Him DOES make it a lot easier to let stuff (& money) go.
Then, last night as I was reading through Crazy Love (Francis Chan), what does the chapter start talking about...you guessed it...giving. He even references the 2 Corinthians passage that Wes had discussed. But he also points to the miracle when Jesus fed the thousands.
"Jesus gave the loaves to His disciples and then the disciples passed them out to the crowd. Imagine if the disciples had simply held onto the food Jesus gave them, continually thanking Him for providing lunch for them. That would've been stupid when there was enough food to feed the thousands who were gathered and hungry.
But that is exactly what we do when we fail to give freely and joyfully. We are loaded down with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for a small loaf. The good things we cling to are more than money; we hoard our resources, our gifts, our time, our families, our friends. As we begin to practice regular giving, we see how ludicrous it is to hold on to the abundance God has given us and merely repeat the words thank you."
Hmmm...I'm sensing a theme...over and over again. EVERYTHING I'm being drawn to read in Scripture...the books I'm being drawn to read...confirm over and over again that the American church has gotten it ALL wrong. I SO need to get my hands on a copy of Radical by David Platt! It apparently talks about this "blind spot" in American Christianity that my indulgence, my comfort, my abundance at the expense of others is somehow okay. I've always had a "soft spot" for the poor, but could VERY easily turn my eyes & heart away when I didn't see them.
Now Holy Spirit is bringing to mind REPEATEDLY, the desire to help the "widows and the orphans" and the poor...down my street, in my state (i.e. Appalachia), and around the globe. Holy Spirit just reminded me this morning that this passion is a newly awakened one, it takes time to formulate a plan. It seems like it's a sudden, drastic change...and it is. As I was thinking about it, He assured my heart that as I seek after His (heart)...I will naturally care about the things that He does!
I am SO ready! As long as He leads me, I'm ready to put feet to my thoughts and words...AND take our family along on the journey. I see it in my kids...they WANT more excitement...they HAVE passion, compassion, blind-trust and love. It's time we use these gifts to write a better story!