The Word of the Day is...

Prepare!

No, that's not my word of the day. It seems to be the Holy Spirit's word to give to me today. And honestly, it scared the crap out of me when I realized what He was saying! (Sorry if my use of c--- is too harsh for you, but that's how I felt!)

The reason it scares me is because the last word he whispered to me was Humility. That was two years ago and our downward mobility has been a long, drawn-out lesson in humilty. I'm thankful He's been teaching me this lesson and I know He's not done yet, but at the same time, it's been a very painful yet rewarding lesson to learn. I'm sure I've probably posted more eloquently about this on a prior post. But back to today, the word is now "Prepare".

And true to form for my ADD attention span, He's had to lead me to this word through more than one venue. In fact, it's been hitting me upside the head for a few days, I just didn't realize it.

I've been reading through more of Leonard Sweet's "Summoned to Lead" and as I posted in "I Can See Clearly Now", Sweet states that "We need to stop worrying about planning and spend more time preparing." I said in that same post, I am a master planner! That may even be an understatement!! But Sweet goes so far as to say, "In our world, planning is worse than a mistake--it's an evil."

What???

Ouch! My toes hurt with that one!

So often, I feel like all we do is plan for something to happen at church, in small groups or in our personal spiritual lives. This is not a judgement on any one group of people but rather, my personal experience in volunteer ministry over the last 20 plus years. And I am just as much a part of the planning as anyone. But Sweet states, "Think of how rapidly your church could be mobilized for ministry if it didn't have to wait for the plans." Hmmm??

He adds that when we plan, the wrong "pilot" is at the helm...one called "self". Also that "self-control may be the ultimate sin" His suggestion for steps to take in the right direction is an obvious one..."Learn to let go."

But Holy Spirit didn't stop with this challenge. On a brief walk a few days ago, I heard a song on my iPod called, "Prepare the Way". The words are straight from John the Baptist in Matthew 3:3a,

"Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight the paths for Him."

This is a quote right out of Isaiah 40:3 also. There's more to the song, but this is the part that keeps playing over and over in my head.

Also, my friend sent me the audio CDs to Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself" Bible study. I just started it this week and as always with a Beth Moore study, I am going to be greatly challenged. Today's passage was examining Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." What does it mean to be "crucified with Christ"?

Honestly, it doesn't sound very appealing. But I know that's where He's calling me to live daily. Reading through Moore's analysis of this passage didn't bring a whole lot of comfort either. I love that she's always honest, pulls no punches and never says that the Christian life is going to be a cakewalk.

As I'm processing all of these things together (Sweet's book, the song that I can't get out of my head, and this new Beth Moore study), that's when the word "Prepare" became so apparent. I know I'm not adequately describing all that went in to this, but as even wordy as I am, it would take days to type out how all of this worked together.

But I felt like Holy Spirit was simply saying..."I'm telling you to prepare. I'm telling you to get ready for what's coming. You don't need to know what it is, just trust Me when I say you're going to want to be prepared."

Does it now make sense why I said it scared the c--- out of me? Prepared for what? Immediately my brain jumps to all sorts of horrible, worst-case scenarios but my amazing Comforter quickly said, "I don't want you to go there. Just be prepared!"

So I'll watch...I'll wait...and in the meantime, I'll prepare.

Wow!

Some very amazing things happened today and my heart is overflowing. I don't feel comfortable sharing all yet, it's still too personal and I'm too full of awe to completely process all that has happened. I've promised myself to journal it all and share it later, if appropriate. But there's one part of the story I have to tell!

This morning around 7 a.m. I woke up feeling very rested, with great mental clarity and feeling challenged to get back to a former habit of praying before I ever sit up from my bed. I'd love to remember to do this everyday, but when you hit the floor running a few days, it's easy to get out of practice.

But today...I definitely felt led to start this again. And the first person that pops into my head is someone I barely know. We went to church together in Indy but other than being Facebook friends and seeing the occassional post from her, I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 4 years now. And even then, we weren't close...rather, just acquaintances.

Still, I knew I was supposed to pray for her and rather than analyze why in the moment, I prayed. Led by the Holy Spirit, I asked for her peace and strength for whatever she was facing.

I got up, got started with my day and a few minutes later, she crossed my mind again but this was more out of curiousity as to why Holy Spirit had asked me to pray for her. I thought of her sister half a world away that's a missionary and prayed that nothing had happened to her family, but knew that my prayer was really for the one that had been brought to mind first. I remember thinking, "Later today, I'll go on Facebook and message her that I thought of her and prayed for her this morning."

Honestly, I didn't think about it again until almost 6 p.m. tonight. There were a few more amazing things that happened today that I'll share later. But when I had 5 minutes at work to check Facebook right before I went home for the evening, I was blown away. Right there in the running lists of posts, this one the Spirit had led me to pray for had posted this afternoon, "Praise God! It's benign!"

This was attached to a post of her's from Monday that described how she was going to have a biopsy on a tumor this week, yet she believed that God is always in control. This was the first I'd seen the post and was truly in awe at the amazing way our Abba puts everything together.

I know she had great faith and believed that no matter the diagnosis, God is in control and everything would work out to His Glory. That's what she'd posted on Monday. But our Abba loves her so much that at 7 a.m. this morning, He knew she needed a little more peace and a little more strength.

To quote Forrest, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Amen!

I Can See Clearly Now...

No the rain isn't gone. In fact, it's Springtime here...so it's actually headed this way! Maybe a better way to put it is that some of the clouds have parted.

I love it when God gives me just enough Light to see that I'm on the right path.When I have things confirmed, yes confirmed that I'm following Him exactly where, when and how He wants me to. This by no means is an indication that I'm perfect or haven't taken a misstep. But rather, for the overall "big picture" I'm "getting it"...at least for now.

I've shared on here before that I've been in a funk at times and have struggled to get out of it or at least discern why. I've also shared that Holy Spirit was faithful to show me that a lot of it had to do with not feeling like a part of a community. I think I could add that once again, it all comes down to relationships.

And if everything I'm doing is not building relationships...either spiritual, loving, serving or giving relationships...then don't I need to seriously analyze why? If the activities that consume my day are not edifying and strengthening my relationship with God, my spouse, my children, my church and others (yes...in that order), then why do I do it?

Additionally, if my finances, physical stamina or fitness, schedule or emotional moods are keeping me from relationship building, then don't I need to rework those as well? [Alas, this is SO many posts in one that I'm sure this will be broken down into several more over the coming days!] One example: How can I expect to have the physical alertness and energy to serve God & others if I'm not feeding my body properly and getting the adequate amount of mind and body rest that I need?

Oh...this is only the beginning!

As I've begun processing through all of these a few things became very clear. I am involved in activities that are not only detracting from building relationships...but are also the cause of damaging some. And it's not like I'm doing anything evil. Some of the most honorable activities/ministries in which I've served in my adult life have produced great results and have utilized the gifts and skills God gave me to make a difference in the lives of others. I can run around doing a lot of things that seem very good...but if it's not exactly in the center of God's will for my life...I shouldn't be doing it.

And two days ago, I had a definite "Holy Spirit moment" (I used to call these God moments...but I'm trying to give credit where it's due. I know, some would argue it's semantics!) As clearly as if Someone spoke to me out loud, He reminded me yet again, to "strip down and run the race"...His exact words...not mine. But I know He's referring to Hebrews 12:1-2a "Do you see what this means--all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running--and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in." (The Message)

That day, He whispered this phrase to "strip down and run the race" over and over to me until it was almost audible. When I just now looked up the passage, I find it almost ironic the mention of "spiritual fat" because food (& eating) is one of the things He's challenging me to go deeper with Him about.

Later that night, Dale and I actually had some time to chat. (It was Media-free Monday after all!) And this is when God just blew me away! Dale was sharing about a conversation he recently had where he described our current situation as "being in the wilderness". The wilderness isn't a punishment, he said, the Israelites' punishment was the amount of time they had to spend there. He feels that God has brought us from something to the wilderness so He can lead us to something.

For me, that's an exciting, amazing place to be! I'm learning so much right now (more posts to come!). To have God confirm to me through Dale that there is still something big coming thrills me. And I even had the thought this morning that the 1st generation of Israelites died in the wilderness, but their children got to go to the Promised Land. If my life is nothing more than a catalyst for getting our children "stripped down so they can run the race" then it will have been worth it all!

If you know us, you'll agree that God's been in this process of stripping us down for a couple of years now. And the blessings along the way have been tremendous. How can I not be excited at the prospect of what He'll do in me and through me when I turn over my calendar/schedule, my vice (eating!), my desires and more to Him?

And last (in this post at least!), I am a planner! I LOVE to plan. Honestly, that's part of my problem of why I struggle to strip down. I spend so much time planning for things that never come to fruition and get frustrated that I've wasted this time. I could sit down right now & come up with detailed plans, projections, money-raising tactics, etc. enough to start a minimum of 5 ministries. It would be thorough, exhaustive and consume a HUGE amount of my time and effort. I could develop a weight loss and exercise regimen and I could spend several hours fleshing out the details. I have no limit to the plans I can develop! But I just read in "Summoned to Lead" by Leonard Sweet today, that what we need to stop doing is planning. Instead, prepare.

Preparation for worship of God and being His people is what the Israelites did in their wilderness. Preparing for His ministry is what Jesus did in His Wilderness. Makes sense that that's what I should be doing in mine!




Stay tuned...He's just getting started!

Intercession

There are two verses in Romans that I've heard several times and never quite put together that they're within the same passage. It seems I've always heard them in the context of two separate sermons or discussions...but they're only eight verses apart. Being in such close proximity to one another, started me thinking.

The first verse is Romans 8:26b, "...for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words..."

Over the years, there have been many (sometimes I think too many) times when I've clung to this verse just hoping it was true. When I've felt that I would crack under the pressure of my life caving in all around me, this promise that the Holy Spirit, who knows better than I do exactly how I need to pray, takes up the burden of praying for me. When all I could do was groan and moan and cry out "Abba, I need You!" the Holy Spirit takes up my cause, knows what I need, when I need it and precisely how it should be delivered. That gives me immense comfort when I only have the strength to get out of bed and nothing more.

And the second verse is found just a few lines away in Romans 8:34b, "Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us."

There are so many observations I have about this, I almost don't know where to begin. This is one of those moments where if I were an animated character, I'd have a bubble over my head with a lightbulb in it. But actually, if feels more like a key to a locked door just opened up a whole new place in my brain. Sort of like the Wardrobe that leads to Narnia...there's a whole new world, just waiting to be discovered!

Basically, I'm still processing through this. But I had to blog it right away so I wouldn't forget that even though my finite, human mind can't process how the triune Godhead is 3-in-1...2 out of the 3 are mentioned in this passage as "rooting" for me. Does that sound to crass? Does it sound like I'm taking away the mystique, the awe and the holiness of the Trinity? "May it not be so!" (Yes, I'm still knee-deep in Romans. Your version might say "By no means!")

But They are interceding for me.

I found two definitions on dictionary.com for intercede.

1. to act or interpose in behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition
2. to attempt to reconcile differences between two people or groups; mediate

Both of these give me great comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit and Jesus are pleading to God for me...attempting to reconcile the differences between He and I. And I'm not a Greek scholar, but I would just about bet that these verbs in the original text are probably present, active tense. Again, I can't verify this, but just knowing the character of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I don't think this is a one-time deal. I believe They are continually interceding for me because I fall so short of the person that God created me to be.

Now, I am greatly comforted (and inspired!) to know that 2 out of 3 members of the Trinity are "pulling" for me...helping me as I stumble through the darkness of sin...trying to do the right thing...but so heavily influenced by the culture I live in, the way I was raised, the things that have happened to me that were out of my control and the enemy that is trying to trip me up every step of the way. And They are cheering me on! I know, cheering is a cultural context I'm placing on the Scripture. But can't you almost see them, standing before the Judge as I venture on this journey asking God for exactly the things I need to help me learn and follow His will and pleading for forgiveness when I miss the mark (which I often do!)?

And if 2 of the 3 are pleading, mediating, interceding for me, doesn't it stand to reason that the Third one must be also? I'm not really making a leap here. I hear in our culture so many references to God being the big, angry, get-even kind of God...similar to the Zeus we all learned about in mythology. So many people feel like He's just waiting to smite us when we "happen" to make a wrong choice. But if Jesus and Holy Spirit are pulling for us...wouldn't God also?

Now, granted, this letter was written to Roman Christ-followers so I'm not going to make this a blanket, universal statement for all mankind. But for those who trust their eternal salvation to Jesus and are attempting to follow His will and example, doesn't it just make sense that God isn't trying to trip us up when He allows us to be tempted or when He permits trials to come our way. Shouldn't it be just a small leap to make to understand that everything that has been filtered by Him and made it's way to us is for our good? I know it doesn't seem like that when you can barely get out of bed because life is overwhelming you to the point of despair. But can we allow ourselves to hope that since Jesus and the Holy Spirit are pleading for us, God must be "pulling" for us also? Definitely!

I was so struck by verses 26 and 34 that I skimmed right over another verse that I've heard preached in yet a third context. It seems I've always heard these each preached/discussed separately...I hate to say...almost out of context. Yes, each can provide great comfort individually but put them all together and WOW! the beauty of God's perfection and awesome, unfathomable love eek out of the pages of my Bible!

Do you know what verse is sandwiched between verse 26 where the Holy Spirit pleads for us in ways we can't even know or express and verse 34 where Jesus stands at the right hand of God mediating for us? Probably the verse that sums up everything I just wrote best...(Romans 8:31) "What then shall we say of these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Amen!

Follow Up On Some Blessings

Received a word of thanks from my friend that we gave the McD's gift card to. Seems Holy Spirit's timing was yet again...perfect. Just when she was tired, here came a little love note from Him to say, "I appreciate what you're doing for these kids."

And today, I was able to pass along one of the gas gift cards we'd received to a single mom I know. This lady has to drive a lot each week. And she has so many people placing so many demands on her time that I know she's in survival mode. Yet, Holy Spirit wanted her to be able to fill up her gas tank a couple of times without worrying about where the money would come from. And I was blessed to be a part of it.

I pray that no one ever think that I share these things with a heart of pride. I don't even know why I've felt led to let these last few ladies know that we've been the conduit for God's love to them. I very fervently believe the words of Jesus, "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets...to be honored by others...But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." (Matthew 6:1-3) But for some reason, and maybe I'll never know why, He's letting these blessings be known.

I sort of wonder if there's more than one reason. Maybe, He wants me to know their reactions. Maybe I need the encouragement of seeing them blessed. Or maybe someone else watching our lives and knowing how little we have just needs to see that you can give out of your meager abundance. Or maybe these ladies just need to know that sometime down the road when Holy Spirit asks them to give, they'll remember that even when it appears they don't have much to offer, there's always some extra to give away.

But mostly, I think I just need to stop trying to figure out all of this. The way Holy Spirit puts everything together to care for His children is just beyond anything comprehensible. When I try to analyze the whys and the hows (which I love to do) I can never get my brain around it all. I guess if I could understand all of His moves, He wouldn't be God, would He?

So for as long as He gives me breath, I just need to listen, obey and enjoy the ride. Isn't that what He wants for all of us?

I Wish I Knew Then...

Ever have one of those moments where something happens, or someone says something and you just know that you should have done something differently "way back when"? I had one of those moments just the other night. It felt like a confirmation from the Holy Spirit that was encouraging and not convicting. He didn't want me to beat myself up for not taking action years ago. I think He was just confirming that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Confused yet? Hang on!

As of this writing, I am 42 years old. And from the age of 12 to 21 I sung classical music either through private lessons, high school choirs, ensembles, and even some musical theatre thrown in along the way (Not classical...but it was a passion!). I never had confidence in my abilities and never had anyone to support me in the pursuit of excellence but I loved singing. The height of my hobby was for 2 years in college being a part of a chamber choir that sang some pretty difficult music. I spent more time in private rehearsal rooms learning my part than I did on homework. I was good at it, loved the people I interacted with and looked forward to meeting for rehearsal every day.

Then after college being the good Christian girl that I now was, I looked for a place to use my gift & indulge my love of music within the church. I didn't have a degree in music, it wasn't my chosen profession, so what better place to use the gift God has given me than in the church? Right?

But there's not a lot of use for a classically-trained vocalist in the world of contemporary Christian music.

So the result was for over 20 years, I've been beating myself up that I must not be good enough. My gift has never been "in demand" (so to speak) & it's usually been a frustrating thing for me. I often choose to just not be a part of the choir, ensemble, etc. (or became a children's choir director or drama/technical director instead) because I felt so lost as to where I could be used. I even adapted my voice to fit the church because, after all, isn't church the place where you're supposed to worship God with music and creative talents?

And I'm a great mimic. I can listen to someone else sing a song & sing it almost exactly the way they do. Since I don't write original pieces, I've often felt like I'm just a carbon copy of the original artist when I sing. All of this has left me frustrated, sad & sometimes mad at myself that I don't use the gift God gave me. And as I said, I'm 42...I don't have too many quality singing years left.

Then back in December, I was actually looking for a choir to get my teenager into & found one for myself. It's a community choir that sings classical music. I knew my voice was out of shape & wondered if I'd even have the breath support to do it, but I'm so thankful my husband strongly encouraged me to join. It even has meant missing our cell group but I have enjoyed going every week.

So far, I've met a couple of ladies, but I couldn't tell you their names. A few words here & there is all that have been exchanged. Then this week, my moment (as I first referred to) occurred.

Someone I'd not met before introduced herself and invited me to sit by her instead of off by myself as I usually do. Then after about 20 minutes of singing, she looked at her friend next to her and said about me, "This lady's good!" I was floored!

I've been surprised at how quickly my voice has come back. It's not 21 again, but nothing else in my body is either. And I chose to sing 2nd Soprano originally because I feared the high notes, now I hear myself hitting them stronger and clearer than most of the 1st Sopranos. And after Katie's compliment (& subsequent conversation about my training & background) that moment of realization came. It was like the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "I never said you had to sing contemporary music or that it had to be in church. You came up with that on your own."

So the text is in Latin & it doesn't appeal to the masses. Who cares? As I study the text and translations they are just as deeply religious and worshipful as any song I hear on Christian radio...possibly more so. And so what if I'm not singing on Sunday morning? Tuesday night can be just as full of worship too. Best of all...this is my voice, the way God created it to be...not just a mimic of someone else that I've heard.

God gives each of us very specific gifts and talents. For too many years (more than I care to admit) I've been trying to fit my gift to what the church had to offer. Instead, maybe I should have been seeking out & participating in choirs and groups that would fit what God gave me to offer!