A Small Epiphany This Morning

I've been enjoying my time alone with Holy Spirit a lot this week. And this morning was no exception. He graciously brought something to mind that gave me peace about some conversations we've had in the recent past and more importantly, I think He was giving me some assurance for the near future.

I was processing through some conversations Dale and I have had over the last couple of weeks and something he said in one of them about the "friends of Job". I know I've used this phrase before to describe someone when they have tried to heap on guilt or blame me somehow for the circumstances we are in. Like somehow, we were personally responsible for an entire nation being plunged into a deep recession or the housing market taking a nose-dive all over the country.

Since a "friend of Job" is someone you consider a friend...yeah, it hurts when this happens. It makes you doubt, mistrust, fear intimacy and authenticity with others. And in many ways, it contributes to one of the biggest "tests" you could ever dream of going through...it's that emotionally toxic.

And just like that it hit me! Possibly the biggest test Job went through that is recorded in the book of the Bible named after him is not when satan accuses Job of only serving God because God has blessed him and so God allows satan to take away everything...yes, everything...his home, his children (ALL of them), his livelihood and possessions. The biggest test isn't when satan accuses Job before God a second time saying essentially, 'Well of course he still serves You...he's still healthy!' And so God allows satan to strike Job's body with painful, oozing boils from head to toe. Through all of this Job continues to praise God and serve Him in his heart.

No, I believe Job's biggest trial just may have been when his friends showed up. Now, don't get me wrong...these are apparently close, loving, maybe even righteous friends. They also wear sackcloth and heap ashes on their heads as an act of solidarity in grief with Job. They sit in this manner with him for seven days...not even uttering a word.

Then for some reason, unbeknown to us...one of them speaks. Ugh!

I haven't done a detailed study of Job, but my understanding is that they don't speak to give comfort, but each one...in turn, accuses Job that he just must have done something wrong in order to receive such punishment from God. Over and Over and Over again, Job defends himself and proclaims his innocence to his friends. But does this shut them up...no!

Now maybe you've already realized this...but it was literally an epiphany to me. After all, while losing everything and being plagued with boils from head to foot is absolutely awful...the author of Job only takes two chapters to describe all that happens to him physically. The third chapter of the book is Job's lament...a lament that curses the day of his birth.

But the next THIRTY-FOUR chapters are Job's friends attacking his character and accusing him of some guilt he MUST be hiding ("after all, nothing this bad happens to the innocent," is their way of thinking!) and Job refutes them throughout. Have you ever wondered why it only takes two chapters to describe the physical distress and pain and thirty-four to describe the emotional, mental and spiritual pain? Because those obviously run deeper, don't they?

Interestingly enough, we don't know whether satan had to stand before God accusing Job in order to get the ball rolling on this last attack. Maybe satan didn't have to...someone else in their self-righteousness was more than willing to take on the role of Accuser in satan's place. Sad isn't it?

Now, while I by no means equate our experience with the level of destruction that Job underwent, I also acknowledge that I am in no way as righteous as he was either. But I DO know that Scripture teaches us there is an Accuser that stands before God condemning us day and night. Our brother, Jesus, pleads our case on the other side of the aisle...extending to us divine mercy because of the sacrifice He made with His life for us. We are also taught that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)

But I'm afraid sometimes we step into the role of that Accuser. When someone's life is in the toilet, their husband or wife leaves, their child turns to a life of wretched sin...do we not in our hearts, our minds or even with our tongues do the same thing as Job's friends? "It must be their own fault;" "She must have neglected him and his needs in favor of the kids;" "He seemed to be a miserable person to live with;" "They must not have raised them right!" Yikes!

Don't we all stand guilty at some time of thinking or saying one of these? Just last summer I wanted to meet with a recently separated mom to tell her about the ideas of service Dale and I were receiving from the Holy Spirit for single moms...but before we could meet, she had to clarify that I wasn't going to lecture her on how to save her marriage. While nothing of the kind had ever entered my mind, I was grieved that she'd obviously had that experience and needed to be on guard with whom she could have a conversation.

Oh God! Forgive us for usurping You as Judge, Jury and Executioner.

How does my epiphany challenge me? My prayer is the next time I see someone going through a tough time...financially, emotionally, spiritually, or relationally that I stop and remember Job's friends. I pray Holy Spirit reminds me to intercede on their behalf because they may be so distraught that they can't pray for themselves. Most sincerely, I hope I have enough experience with tragedy to remember that no one is ever entirely at fault...we all have upbringings, backgrounds, histories, environments over which we never had any choice.

I once said, "I think satan is just such a masterful deceiver. He somehow coaxes us into believing that we have control over our lives when there really is very little over which we have control." Chew on that and allow the gracious gift of love from Jesus to pour ALL over your heart, your mind and your life...and maybe, one day someone will say, "Those friends of ____________ are the kind of friends that live out God's love on earth...the kind of friends I want!"

Isn't that the kind of friend we all want? Then that's the kind of friend we need to be!

Things That Make You Go...Hmmm?

I know I'm dating myself with this title. But I can't help it! God sometimes does 'Things That Make You Go...Hmmm?'

For instance, this past weekend we knew we needed to take a short trip for a family event, but even $75 for gas for us is a huge expense. While I didn't fret over this, I knew God would have to provide the money or the gas...and He did!

The second "thing" was that our youngest turns 8 tomorrow. This little girl probably has no memory of a mom and dad that aren't stressed out for one reason or another...either because of extended family strife, a move to another state, financial devastation...the list could go on and on. No wonder, we realized a few years ago, she's sometimes an emotionally volatile child. Even as a newborn, her screams with her pain from reflux where enough to throw me over the edge. Then the too frequent times that the world has come crashing down around us have left her with a mom that sometimes could not meet her emotional needs. All of our children have gone through this, but she's the one that probably doesn't remember a life before stress.

She's also the most compassionate, sharing and giving child that we have. They all have their strengths, but two weeks ago when I couldn't go for our turn to the nursing home because of what I now think was a migraine (my first ever), she's the one that wanted to go and trotted out to the car with her little friend excited for a chance to go serve at the nursing home. I even had a new friend that taught her in a missions/world geography class last year at co-op confirm that she had seen the same thing. She said, 'I don't know why I'm drawn to Leah, but I feel like there's a life of missionary work in her future.'

All of this to say, that while every mother wants to make her child feel special, this "baby of the family" needed a little extra attention this year in my mind. Yet, circumstances being what they are, I was becoming concerned that I wouldn't be able to make that happen.

So last week, I prayed, "God, just as You did for Noah in May, please provide enough money to buy her a present and to do something fun for her birthday...either a dinner out or a cheap movie...just something to make the day special." Then as I processed through this request over the last few days, I began to feel at peace that even if we didn't have the money, I could make her day special at home...we could decorate (something we don't usually do!) and surprise her, bake a cake, have a special dinner and make some crafts, play games, etc. I knew I couldn't just have a full-blown party for her though because first, the weather has been so unpredictably yucky we couldn't have a swim party and our place isn't big enough to have a bunch of little girls and all of their moms and siblings hanging out. Plus, honestly...parties cost too much to put on.

I know...grumble, grumble...focus on the good in things instead!

And that's what I tried to do by formulating a backup plan for having a special day at home with the family and it all centering around her! Then God went and did it again! Yep! He wowed me!

Someone recently came up to me, handed me some money and said, 'We know you like to give gifts to the singles and stuff...but we'd like you to take out the kids for lunch with this.' I'll admit, I was a little confused and caught off-guard so I didn't completely process what was taking place. A little later when I was thanking the other part of this "team", their reply was, "Well, we just thought you might like to take Leah out for her birthday or something."

Truly, it's taken me until this morning to process exactly how God put this together. Did I post something about this and the person felt led to provide? I don't remember doing that. In fact, I don't even think I told Dale I was asking God to provide. It seems so low on the scale of "needs" that I didn't want to worry him about it. But God knew our little girl needed a fun day. No...it's not going to be some big expensive party and in comparison to the lives of others it may seem small...but to this little girl whose eyes beam with passion, laughter and excitement at any attention she receives it will be H-U-G-E!

And the best part, this morning around our table, I got to tell our kids "Once again, God provided for us." Wow! These kids are getting a first-hand opportunity to see that He cares for us and is providing for our needs and sometimes our little wants too! What better gift could I pass on to them than the knowledge that their Daddy (Abba) in Heaven LOVES them?!

Why does this make me go Hmmm??? Read my previous post! How could I doubt that an Abba that would put together even this little detail would let us fall when He calls us to LEAP?! He won't! And I think that's one more thing I can "hang my faith on"!

Amen!

While I Wait...

I'm breaking Media-Free Mondays to share what Holy Spirit has been teaching me over the weekend & some blessings we've received. Not sure if this will turn out to be several posts or just one very long one. Probably best if I break them up!

Here goes:

What does devoting myself to prayer look like? Each day, I continue to try to empty myself of my confessions and concerns, submit to God's authority, and ask Holy Spirit to have control of every part of me...starting with my thoughts. I also ask for a mouth that glorifies Him...both with the input and the output. I ask to see His glory and power and to recognize it, even in the small things so I may praise His name throughout this day. And last, I speak to Him my desire to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness because I can then rest in knowing He will provide for my needs.

I also have been challenged by Holy Spirit not to watch any movies or TV or listen to any music that would detract from His voice. I also recognize that I can't laugh at things (like a certain TV show I enjoy watching) that are opposed to His moral laws. When I was reading about how the disciples waited, I was struck with the fact that they probably weren't going to the temple daily to debate God's Word. They also wouldn't have been distracted by the media of the day (which true, was verbal proclamation in the town square or marketplace...not piped into their living quarters 24 hours a day!) or entertainment that abounded everywhere. Remember, this was part of the Roman Empire...indulging your passions and pleasures and living a life of luxury was the pursuit of any good Roman citizen. No, we are told "they devoted themselves to prayer" (Acts 1:14) so I believe that's exactly what they did!

So while I attempt to devote myself to prayer, the Holy Spirit has been faithful to bring Scripture to me that comforts, leads and directs. He's also covered some of my financial concerns with gifts that brought peace and assurance that we're on the right path...but more about those later!

I didn't intend to restart the Beth Moore Living Beyond Yourself series, but when I started rereading it, I couldn't stop. I felt drawn by the Spirit to start reading and just see where He leads. I could even say it was almost a compulsion to read it...I just had to! My husband and I have even started listening to the audio portions together. And God's timing, almost exactly three months TO THE DAY that I started it the first time, is as always...impeccable.

On Saturday, as I was contemplating God's Will for our future, the theme of the day in the study was "Pleasing God"...not man. Two of the Scriptures that deeply spoke to me were Jeremiah 29:13 and Isaiah 48:17-19.

"You will see Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."--Jeremiah 29:13, NASB

"Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer,

The Holy One of Israel,

"I am the LORD your God,

Who teaches you to profit,

Who leads you by the way you should go.

Oh, that you had heeded My commandments!

Then your peace would have been like a river,

And your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

Your descendants also would have been like the sand,

And your offspring of your body like the grains of sand;

His name would not have been cut off

Nor destroyed from before Me."--Isaiah 48:17-19, NKJV

Hmmm?? Heed His commands and I will have flowing peace! This echoes again what He was saying and that I blogged about the last time. I think I'm on to something! Now, I realize both of these passages where originally spoken to Israel, but aren't they applicable to all who seek Him? Absolutely! Because we are promised that a characteristic or fruit of the Spirit is peace!

So why did these passages speak so loudly to me? Well, believe it or not, it has to do with brainstorming. As Dale and I have contemplated, discussed, fretted and even stewed over how to make ends meet and this impending possibility of me returning to work, he very wisely said, "Let's brainstorm some ideas later about how to make money." I was intrigued to hear his ideas but I was afraid he'd think mine bordered on ridiculous. When the idea came up to brainstorm though, he added that the point of brainstorming is not to poo-poo any of the ideas...he said, "In fact, that's a rule of brainstorming." I know he feared my analytical brain would kick in and start picking apart why we couldn't do any of his ideas...but in fact, I was picking apart mine so much that I convinced myself he might just even laugh out loud when he heard what was floating around in my brain.

You see, I've shared before, that I don't just dream...I dream BIG. I have a very vivid imagination and have always been one that could see myself doing something H-U-G-E for God. Over the years, I've reconciled that the biggest thing I ever do may be to break the cycle in our heritage of complacency, slavery to fear, and living a life for my own pleasures that was handed down to me. There's a lot more to this, but this is the gist of what I believe is God's overall calling on my life. And yet, while I focused on healing myself from past pains and breaking free from the slavery that was passed on to me, in the last year since I've started this blog, I've realized that doesn't mean I strictly focus on my kids and our family. What I believe it means is that Dale and I take our kids along as we serve. We share with them our needs, pray for them as a family and watch in amazement as God provides. And I believe Holy Spirit may now be telling us to focus on spending as much time as possible not just showing the kids how to grind out a living, but to truly LIVE by serving Him through service to others as often and as big as His grace will allow.

What I keep coming back to is how much peace and blessing I receive when we are serving and giving to others. What I am just unable to let go of is that there HAVE to be hundreds, if not thousands of people that feel that deep-down tug to let go and live out loud too...they just need someone to lead the way! The thing that haunts me is that there is a lost and dying world out there that is starving for food and the "Bread of Life" (John 6:35a). And all of this I absolutely believe is bundled up with the compassion, broken heart and love that God has given us for single moms, orphans and impoverished people all over the world.

Since Dale first mentioned brainstorming last Thursday, I listened to his ideas,but I couldn't put into words what my idea was. I wanted to test it with the Spirit, make certain it falls in line with God's plan for us and while I'm still waiting for positive confirmation, I felt like I had enough excitement and passion about it to share it with Dale. So Saturday, I launched into trying to explain my thoughts...which for a mildly ADD person whose thoughts fly at the speed of light, this is no easy task!

It went something like this:

"What if...He just wants us to dive into ministry to single moms on a more permanent basis? What if He's saying 'See all that I've done when you are giving and living outwardly focused. Can't you trust me to do more?' What if He's brought us all the way up to the edge and is now saying, "Leap! I'll catch you!"

I went on to give a few details of what I was thinking this may even look like...although I know that's not the point of brainstorming! I explained how we could make up brochures explaining the ministry, partner with ministries that are already in place, get the word out with friends, family, churches, etc., and even utilize this blog as a way for people all over the world to contribute to a mission that would not just impact women in Kentucky, but hopefully impact single women and their children all over the world! But I confessed to him that obviously, this is not a plan to make a lot of money and make ourselves rich. [I'd already even thought of how amazing would it be to set up right from the beginning to use no more than 25% of any donations for our living & ministry expenses and were able to completely dedicate the other 75% to the mission of loving and caring for single moms!] In fact, in many ways, it could make us even more dependent on God to provide for our needs. Actually, it's a total gamble. But I shared that I'm confident that if it's HIS plan, even if the world thinks we've failed...as long as we are obedient, I will never have to shoulder the guilt or shame of failing. God's plan + our obedience = God's results (whether successful or not!)

After spewing this out, I exhaled and waited for what I just KNEW would be God's confirmation through Dale that this was a hairbrained scheme and that it would never work and maybe even stronger language than that. I think his words were more like, "You see...I think you're on to something there." I'm teary just even thinking about his response two days later!

>Do I have all of the details worked out? No! Again, I believe God is a God of details and He WILL provide all the information, plans, etc., precisely when we need it.

Waiting on Him!

Not many of us in the Western mindset like to wait. Don't we all dread a trip to the BMV? I mean, standing in line for even 20 minutes at the pharmacy is such a colossal waste of time right? Isn't that why we now have drive-thru pharmacies and the BMV has become so streamlined that in some states you can even renew your license or your plates online?

Well, like most people I know, I don't like to wait. Patience has never been my virtue. And I'd even go so far as to say that instead of developing patience, being the controlling, domineering, decisive person that I am...I'm more likely to take the matter (whatever it is) in hand and just do something about it...even if my something isn't the best answer to the problem.

Such is the case of my personal history...and I may have even blogged about this before...but alas, I am too impatient to sort back through my previous posts to see if I have or not. But undeniably, one of the qualities of the fruit of the Spirit in a believer's life is patience.

I'm struck anew at just how God does not operate on our time and has no intention of messing up His perfect timing in order to accomodate us. He dwells in the fullness of time, after all, and knows exactly when we need what we need and will make certain it (or the answer to it) is there precisely according to His Will. Does knowledge of this make me more patient?? (Insert heavy sigh!) No. I wish it did!

Allow me to explain a little. There's a whole lot to this story, but I'll give just a brief overview...hopefully enough to make my point at least.

The last couple of years have been tough on us...and that's putting it mildly. If you've shared in our downwardly mobile journey, you've seen God's faithfulness to us time and again. And I know this! I mean my heart, my head, my eyes, my ears, my everything has witnessed it all...first hand.

And just last week, we were able to take a mini-vacation completely prompted and paid for by the gift of the Holy Spirit connecting all the dots of something we needed, we enjoyed and we felt so truly blessed to receive! But once again, as I ponder where the money will come from for rent, bills and daily living and sincerely pray for God to reveal the answer of what we need to do...there is still no answer.

I have turned provision for us over to Him and daily ask Him to either provide for us miraculously or to deeply impress upon us how we are to do it. And I guess where the frustration comes from is that He's not acting fast enough. I mean, literally, the day He wants us to sell something or receive a blessing or are absolutely waiting with baited-breath for the answer is when He comes through. And I have to say, I've not learned enough patience yet to make this whole repetitive process a peaceful one. I'm still too stressed about life in general...too focused on our daily needs to see the big picture that He is going to take care of everything for us.

And lately, I've been coming back around to thinking I need to work...full time...outside of the house in order to ease the financial stress we have. I know this will just create different stress, but honestly, after two plus years of financial stress, I'm almost to the point where trading it for a little different stress seems like a great solution.

So what if I work nights, do without sleep, become a monster to my children and spouse as long as we have more money, right?? Obviously, I say this sarcastically!

The one thing I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that we are to continue home schooling. There is a deep peace in knowing this is God's plan for our family. But I don't want to home school, work nights and the consequences be that I have no energy for our kids or my husband and we all just hate life because we're just surviving and barely getting by.

Yet, me working nights appears to be the obvious, sensible choice...right? But in the last few years, I have not seen God work in an obvious or sensible way in my life.

So I have been attempting to pray for God's wisdom, His answer, His leading or even just His assurance about working or if there is another choice...to make it feel so "right" that I know it's of Him. I've felt under attack so much recently from the enemy that I almost feel like I can't pray about this anymore. I've even enlisted the help of a few ladies that I knew I could trust to pray non-judgementally and with an unbiased heart. Thank God for sisters that believe in the power of prayer!

I in no way have clear direction or clarity of purpose, but I did go apply for a job this week. It's the same temp agency I applied with last summer that never worked out. They kept calling me to schedule a shift, then they would cancel that shift. By the time they were ready for me four months later, it was time for me to do tax school and get ready to go back to Jackson Hewitt for the tax season...so I felt like I had my answer. My prayer is that God will work again to either keep this from happening, or give me such peace and assurance that it is right that I won't struggle with lingering doubt that I'm doing the right thing.

A long time ago, I heard a woman I'd known for years say, "I don't do anything without knowing that it's God's will for me." In my heart I scoffed and thought, "Then I'd never get anything done!" But her comment has stuck with me, even 6 years later. At the time, I confess, I thought she was a loon...possibly even just using that as an excuse to not act. But I'd been in Bible study with this woman, I'd watched her life my entire growing up in the church and I knew she knew God!

I admit now that I think in that moment, she may have said one of the wisest nuggets of spiritual truth that I have ever heard. Beth Moore confirms in her teaching over and over again to not just pray to the Lord...but to actually WAIT for the answer. Now we come full circle back to the problem of patience. Where can I look for an example of patience? Where can I find someone who received a promise, prayed for it to happen and waited patiently for it to come to fruition? I struggle to find one in our instant society!

When is the last time you got irritated because someone didn't reply to your e-mail, text or phone call fast enough? When is the last time you grew angry as the teenagers behind the counter were joking around while you waited for your "fast" food? When was the last time your internet connection moved too slowly on your laptop, phone or Ipad and you became frustrated? Do we even remember dial-up internet anymore?? I hope you get my point! And believe me...all of the "yous" here are better read with an "I" in their places.

So if I can't find an example around me, where do I look? I found it today!

I wanted to relisten to the CDs of Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself. I just felt like I've been so confused, under attack and even at times defeated that I just wanted some encouragement. And she mentioned something about the disciples being promised the Holy Spirit and waiting for His indwelling to come. She didn't elaborate on how this came about and what God wanted to teach me wasn't her teaching focus. But, instantly (notice, I didn't have to wait!), I knew this was God's assurance to me for today!

In John 14, during His Last Supper with His closest followers, Jesus told them that the Comforter or Helper would come. That this Spirit had been with them and now would be in them. Did He come then? Did He even come the next day? As a matter of fact...no.

What did the disciples have to go through? How long did they have to wait? I wonder if they even understood exactly what Jesus was saying? After all, how can you fathom the Spirit of the Almighty, Creator of the Universe living IN you until you've experienced it.

Actually, what the disciples had to endure was this:

• Seeing their leader so stressed out, grieved and downcast that He literally BEGS them three times to stay awake and pray with Him.
• Watching helplessly as He is arrested and taken away while they in turn, take off.
• Seeing Him beaten, tortured, ridiculed and mocked as He stands silent and powerless before mere rulers of this earth.
• Swallowing their bile as He carries His cross to a hill where common criminals are murdered even though He has only ever loved those around Him.
• Through their tears, watching this Man they loved, followed, admired and worshipped being nailed to a cross and dying an excruciating death.
• Waiting three days...yes, three days...in gloom, isolation and fearing for their own lives with no word of hope to come.
• Hearing with unbelieving ears that He had risen...or maybe just had His body stolen.
• Seeing with their own eyes that their beloved Savior was indeed alive.
• Walking again with Him, soaking up His love, His guidance, His direction for 40 days
• Obediently waiting as He commanded them to not leave Jerusalem (Acts 1:4-5), "but to wait for what the Father had promised, 'Which, He said, 'you heard from Me; for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.'" (Do you wonder if at this point they even remembered what He had told them?)
• Wanting His kingdom on earth to be established at that time, but being told (Acts 1:6-8) "It is not for you to know times or epochs which the Father has fixed by his own authority; but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses..."
• Watching Him ascend into the clouds until He was no more.
• Waiting a few days more (about 10 as near as I can calculate!) for the Holy Spirit to descend upon them, fill them with His supernatural power and begin to turn the world upside down!! Amen!

That seems like a lot of waiting and watching to me. What, are we told, the disciples did while they waited? "These all with one mind were continually devoting themselves to prayer." (Acts 1:14)

Now, I by no means am comparing my piddly little trials, doubts and uncertainties to those of the magnitude that the disciples encountered. But if when faced with something so huge, so monumentous, so earth-shattering, all they did was obediently wait upon the Lord and "devote themselves to prayer,"...how can I do any less?

I do not believe it is wrong for me to go to work. I even have heard people say (Rick Warren being the example that comes to mind) that as long as we're obeying the "prevailing" will of God...His prevailing will for us to love God with all of our hearts, mind and soul; love our neighbors as ourselves; and to go make disciples of all men...that we have freedom in Christ. So we don't have to sweat the details like which job to have, which person to marry, where we should live, etc.

But I don't know...I think I'm beginning to see that all those times I said, "He IS the God of details" that I really should have meant it. If you've had much experience with God, you can recognize that there is no detail beneath His notice. If He truly takes the time to number the hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30) doesn't it make sense that He would want us to ask Him to guide the very minute, intricate details of our lives??

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of running ahead of Him just because it seems like a good idea and then making a mess of things that I have to ask Him to help me out of. What if, instead, I waited for His perfect plan. Then the plan was His and the results are completely left up to Him. Right? That way, He gets all of the glory when it goes well and even if in the world's eyes the plan implodes and is a disaster, it was God's plan so I don't have to shoulder any of the guilt or shame. Hmmmm?? That sounds like a VERY peaceful way to live. And isn't one characteristic of the Fruit of the Spirit peace?

So patience, or waiting on the Lord's direction, produces peace. What a novel idea!

What I do in the meantime...while I'm waiting? As exampled by the disciples, I devote myself to prayer...not my strength. But I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned in that as well. I think I also might learn to listen to the wisdom received from sometimes unexpected places. When talking with my daughter about some of this a few days ago, she said in reply to my doubt over whether to apply for the job or not, "Well, if you don't know if you're supposed to do it or not...why are you doing it?"

Ahh! The simple faith of a child!

Lord, help me trust that my Abba (Dad) knows exactly what steps are best for me. And help me trust in Your timing...not my own! Help me see Your glory and Your power working everday so that my lips will never fail to give you praise. May I empty myself of me and allow You to fill me with your Holy Spirit so I am not seeking my own way but I am seeking only Your kingdom and Your righteouness (Matt 6:33) because then I know You will add everything I need unto me! I pray that throughout the day I would praise You for who You are and each night I would examine and recount Your faithfulness to me! I am amazed at You, Lord and pray to know You more! Amen!

Propitiation

Funny how one little word can open up a huge path to understanding God's work in our lives even more. I grew up going to church. I know I've heard this word...propitiation...used many times before. But last week, as I was rereading the book of Romans in the Bible, I came across these verses,

"But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Laws and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; whom God displayed publicly as a propitiation in his blood through faith." (Romans 3:21-25a, NASB)

There's that word that I've heard so many times and yet, have a very vague understanding of what it means...propitiation. Given the context of the verses and the surrounding chapters, plus the sermons in which I've heard it mentioned, I had come to the conclusion that it means an atoning sacrifice. While I think that is true, the research about the word that I felt Holy Spirit led me to undertake revealed that just assuming it could be defined as an atoning sacrifice only scratched the surface of how deeply meaningful this word is.

If you've read more than a few of my previous blogs, you'll know that I am not a Biblical scholar. I am not seminary trained. I am not a pastor, preacher or at this point even teacher of the Word. I consider myself a student...hungry for more of God, more of His supernatural Spirit in my life and full of a yearning to draw closer to Him so that He can transform my life into becoming the godly woman He intended for me to be since He first thought of me. So my disclaimer will always be that this is what Holy Spirit revealed to me about His Word. I can't always back up my thoughts with concrete evidence...but usually just with blind faith...blind faith that He's doing a good thing in me and will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6)

Okay, disclaimer aside...after reading chapter 3 in Romans, I wanted to investigate just exactly what this word, propitiation, means. First place I looked was in my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. The Greek word used for propitiation is "hilasterion"

hilasterion- An expiatory (place or thing), i.e. (concrete) an atoning victim, or (specifically) the lid of the Ark (in the Temple):--mercy seat, propitiation.

What? The lid of the Ark? Mercy seat?

Wow! The wheels were turning now! Everything I could remember about the mercy seat started to come back to me. I knew from a study of Hebrews (that also included studying some of the sacrificial requirements of Leviticus) I did with some ladies at church about 15 years ago that this is where the blood of the sacrifices was sprinkled. Correlations and sacrificial requirements started to fit together like pictures of a puzzle in my brain. The word picture of this and all the meaning behind it was opening up to me like never before. So I dug deeper.

When I looked up the word, propitiation, this passage in Romans is the only place it is used in the Greek. BUT, when I looked up the word, mercy seat...hilasterion IS used a second time in the New Testament. It's found in Hebrews 9:1-5

"Now even the first covenant had regulations of divine worship and the earthly sanctuary. For there was a tabernacle prepared, the outer one, in which were the lampstand and the table and the sacred bread; this is called the holy place. Behind the second veil there was a tabernacle which is called the Holy of Holies, having a golden altar of incense and the ark of the covenant covered on all sides with gold, in which was a golden jar holding the manna, and Aaron's rod which budded, and the tables of the covenant; and above it were the cherubim of glory overshadowing the mercy seat, but of these things we cannot now speak in detail."

Right there in verse 5...the "mercy seat". I hope I'm not making too big of a leap here, but this was how Holy Spirit was teaching me and putting this all together...if Jesus is our "propitiation" (Romans 3:25) and that is also the word for "mercy seat" (Hebrews 9:5) what exactly was the mercy seat? And as the "lid of the Ark" (Strong's definition) what did it cover or contain?

When I researched "mercy seat" in the Old Testament or Hebrew definitions, I came up with nada...nothing. Actually, in Strong's Concordance, it said to see also Mercy and Seat. Well, there are no uses of seat in the Old Testament that refer to this mercy seat. They're all found under the word, mercy. And every reference in the Old Testament to the mercy seat is defined by the Hebrew word, kapporeth.

On it's surface, it seems like a rather insignificant word...

kapporeth- a lid (used only of the cover of the sacred Ark):--mercy seat.

But it's a derivative of the word, kaphar- to cover (specifically with bitumen): figuratively to expiate or condone, to placate or cancel:--appease, make (an) atonement, cleanse, disannul, forgive, be merciful, pacify, pardon, purge (away), put off, (make) reconcile (-iliation)

I never dreamed that such a little word, kapporeth or lid, could be full of so much meaning! Go along with me here...

Jesus is our "lid", our protective covering that placates, cancels, appeases, atones for, cleanses, disannuls, forgives, pacifies, pardons, purges away, puts off and makes reconciliation for MY sin...not His...mine! Wow! He is my covering...my protection!

"But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things to come, He entered through the greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this creation; and not through the blood of goats and calves, but through His own blood, he entered the holy place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption." (Hebrews 9:11-12)

But in the Old Testament there are a few more references. Some are for how the mercy seat was to be made...very detailed specifications to what materials should be used, measurements for the size and instructions for how it is to be constructed. Exodus 25 gives the instructions of how it was to be built and Exodus 37:1-9 describes in detail what this mercy seat looked like. If you've ever seen Raiders of the Lost Ark,

you've seen a duplication of how it appeared.

But this isn't all...there is so much more! In Leviticus 10, we're told "Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took their respective firepans, and after putting fire in them, placed incense on it and offered strange fire before the LORD, which He had not commanded them. And fire came out from the presence of the LORD and consumed them, and they died before the LORD." (verses 1-2)

Leviticus 10:1-15 describes in exhaustive detail how Aaron was to make atonement for the sins of his sons. Aaron's cleansing ritual, just exactly how the animal sacrifices would be selected, how one "scapegoat" would be sent out into the wilderness [Just remembered how our "scapegoat" spent 40 days and nights in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11) before He began his earthly ministry, but not sure that's a correlation that could be drawn at this point?] and how the animals would be slaughtered and the blood sprinkled on the mercy seat. All of this was done to atone for the prideful sin of Aaron's sons and the sins of the Israelites.

But I still had one more question about the mercy seat.(see above) "And as the lid of the Ark (Strong's definition) what did it contain?" Refer back to Hebrews 9:4. Inside the Ark was a golden jar holding the manna, Aaron's rod which budded and the tables of the covenant. Am I making too big of a leap to say that ALL of these were embodied or "covered" by the sacrificial life of Jesus? He definitely lived out the perfection of the Ten Commandments or "tables of the covenant". He also told us that He is the "Bread of Life" (see http://writingabetterstory-ab.blogspot.com/2010/09/bread-of-life.html ) Wasn't the manna God's "bread of life" to the Israelites while they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years? So can I somehow find a correlation between Aaron's staff that budded?

I actually was not very familiar with this story of the Exodus. I had to look it up. And honestly, I was blown away by the significance of all that was coming together in my mind.

Aaron's rod buds in Numbers 17, but you have to back up to chapter 16 to understand the story. It seems that Korah, Dathan, Abiram and On together with 250 "leaders of the congregation...men of renown" "assembled together against Moses and Aaron, and said to them, 'You have gone far enough, for all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is in their midst; so why do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the LORD?'" (Numbers 16:3)

We're told that when Moses heard this, "he fell on his face". Moses knew the sin of pride and arrogance would not go unpunished by the LORD. He had already told them "I will have no other gods before Me." And Moses walked so closely with God that in that moment (not after serious contemplation or a month of fasting), he knew what God would have him say to these arrogant men. It was a test of sorts.

Each of the men were to take censers (instruments used in offerings), "put fire in them, lay incense upon them in the presence of the LORD; and the man whom the LORD chooses shall be the one who is holy." Kohath was even a descendant of Levi...the tribe responsible for the care of the tabernacle. It wasn't like he was a lowly Benjamite looking to attain some glory. More accurately, he was probably a man with a "little" piece of the action...but he wanted to be the BIG Kahuna. Do you see how his heart was in this for himself and not for the glory of God?

Well, you can guess what happened, right? When Korah and the 250 assembled before the doorway of the tabernacle, they brought "all the congregation" to stand against Aaron and Moses as well. God told Moses and Aaron, "Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them instantly." (Numbers 16:19) But the two humble men fell on their faces before God and begged Him to not be angry with the whole congregation because of the sins of one man. So instead, God told everyone to get away from the dwellings of Korah, Dathan and Abiram. He opened up the ground around their dwellings, "and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up, and their households and all the men who belong to Korah with their possessions. So they and all that belonged to them went down alive to Sheol; and the earth closed over them, and they perished from the midst of the assembly." (Numbers 16:32-33) Fire also came from God and consumed the 250 men who were offering incense.

And can you believe it? The very next day it says, "all the congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron, saying, "You are the ones who have caused the death of the LORD's people." (Numbers 16:41)

Now, I don't know about you...but I pray that I would have learned from the earth swallowing up people and fire consuming even more to not question God's choice of which man would serve Him in the tabernacle. But I know there are things over which I continually "grumble" to the Lord. Am I any different when I bring the same worries and concerns to Him over and over again?

Read through any of my previous posts and you'll see a pattern of doubt and worry over His provision. But if I read Matthew 6:19-34, and claim to seek first God's kingdom and God's righteousness, I should be able to put a stake in the ground and count on the fact that God will add "all these things" (food and clothing) to me. (verse 33) He even says only the Gentiles (or heathens) eagerly seek "these things" (food and clothing) and that my "heavenly Father KNOWS that I need these things" (food and clothing). Am I any less faithful than the Israelites when I worry about "these things"? You can bet that when I am worrying about them, I obviously am not 'seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness!'

But back to the story of Aaron's budding rod. (I know, this has been a long back story...but we're almost there!) When the Israelites grumbled this time, God again said, "Get away from among this congregation, that I may consume them instantly." Did Moses and Aaron agree? NO! Yet again, they fell on their faces. But this time, they didn't even have a chance to plead for the lives of the people.

"Moses said to Aaron, "Take your censer and put in it fire from the altar, and lay incense on it; then bring it quickly to the congregation and make atonement for them, for wrath has gone forth from the LORD, the plague has begun! Then Aaron took it as Moses had spoken, and ran into the midst of the assembly, for behold, the plague had begun among the people. So he put on the incense and made atonement for the people. He took his stand between the dead and the living, so that the plague was checked. But those who died by the plague were 14,700 besides those who died on account of Korah." (Numbers 16:46-49)

Did you see it? Did you get the little nugget of glory that has made this VERY lengthy blog all worthwhile? Did you drink in what Aaron did? Right there, in verse 48..."He took his stand between the dead and the living, so that the plague was checked."

Aaron was the high priest that stood between the dead and the living. Can't we make the leap to the conclusion that in the same way Jesus is our High Priest that stands between the dead and the living so that the plague of death is checked?? Absolutely! Scripture tells us He is the High Priest in the order of Melchizadek (Hebrews 6:20-7:22). [To read more about Melchizadek, go to Genesis 14]

Is it any wonder then that to prove once and for all, when God asked one man from each tribe to write his name on a rod and allow Him to choose which man would serve as His holy high priest that He chose the rod of Aaron? God wanted no doubt...He didn't just make the rod bud...the next morning, it had "sprouted and put forth buds and produced blossoms, and it bore ripe almonds." (Numbers 17:8, emphasis mine)

I can almost hear Him say, "Any questions? I didn't think so."

And yes, let's put that in the Ark and cover it with My perfect gold mercy seat so if you ever wonder Who is the Bread of Life, Who perfectly embodies my testimony/commandments to you or Who was chosen as My perfect High Priest...the One who stands between your life and the plague of death (physical and spiritual)...you'll remember it's all contained in the life of the Perfect Covering that is as pure as refined gold...the only One that can "cover" it all with His blood sacrifice.

Jesus is the mercy seat...the propitiation. Amen!



**To get even more background on all of this...for I fear my words can never do justice to all that is contained within this lesson to my heart...read Genesis 14; Exodus 25, 26, 30, 31, 35, 37, 39, 40; Leviticus 16; Numbers 16, 17; Matthew 26, 27, 28; Romans 3, 4; Hebrews 9, 10**

He Pulled Out All the Stops Today

And it's not the "He" I like to talk about and praise...no, this is the bad "he".

It was just one of those days...started off behind schedule...still tried to surrender the day to Holy Spirit and spend some quality time with Him...but was very distracted with worry and circumstances so...didn't get into God's Word like I wanted to...was bombarded from internal and external forces all day and...by 5 p.m. tonight felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

Now, any of the little things that came up throughout the day in and of themselves were...as I said, little. But when I haven't had a chance to get my head on straight and empty myself completely of me and fill myself completely with Him...none of those things seemed little. Finally, crossed paths with just the right friend and I knew she would make me laugh. She told the bad "he" I wasn't going to listen to him and that at the name of Jesus "he" needed to flee and guess what? His flight in combination with a little laughter and a great phone call that just confirmed again God's provision for a mini-break for us put everything into perspective.

Do I need to fret? No! Do I need to worry? No! Do I need to let the scuttlebutt of people that are getting their facts wrong and spreading incorrect information ruin my day? No!

Come on people...there are starving and dying people all over this world that have never heard the name of Jesus...the very same name that at the sound of it, the bad "he" has to flee. So I have no right to wallow in my self-pity and doubt or listen to the nay-sayers that just want everyone to be as miserable as they are.

Almighty God...may I only have ears for You and a passionate heart that yearns to know You more. May I not get sidetracked by circumstances or people that just don't "get it". Have Your way in me, Lord and may I not let anyone else hold sway over my emotions. Most of all, Lord, grant me the time to be with You each morning that prepares my heart for the attacks of the day. Because I know that as I "Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God," (Ephesians 5:17) it will strengthen me to "take up the shield of faith, with which I can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." (Ephesians 5:16) Amen!

Why Is God So Good To Us?

The short answer is because He loves us. Because of His love, He delights in giving us good gifts. I know I'm supposed to praise Him for who He is...not for what He's done...but what He's done is so amazing that I feel like I just have to praise both. I'll elaborate. (Of course, you knew I would!)

Back at the end of April, I asked God for a very specific thing...a mini-vacation for our family. And because I'm so thorough and love to plan, I even priced out exactly how much we would need to accomplish this. I even had it timed out so we could drive overnight both ways and Dale wouldn't miss any work.

When I was challenged by the Holy Spirit to start being more transparent with our children about our finances Been Doing Some Praising This Morning we wrote down a desire of our hearts and that desire was to be able to take this mini-vacation...but we acknowledged that only God could provide the finances to do it. And guess what, yesterday, someone we know and love...with absolutely NO knowledge of this prayer request, called me to ask if they could pay for something "fun" for us to do. We talked about a couple of options and I still don't know where we'll go or what we'll do, but in the back of my mind all I could think was, "You did it! You did it!" It sounds wrong to say 'I can't believe You did it!' But that's the colloquialism that comes to mind. Thing is...I DID believe He would do it! I remember telling my kids on May 1st, "I just believe that some way, somehow, He is going to do this."

And yet again this week, as rent was coming due Dale & I had to make some tough choices. We had to choose to let go of some "things" to help us pay rent...but we did this only as led by the Holy Spirit. And while some people might say, 'Oh how sad that you had to let go of that item,' I chose to thank God for providing it all those years ago so that on this day...we would have it for this circumstance. I also praise Him that He's changed our hearts to the point that letting go of these things was not depressing or sad...it even brought peace and yes, rent for another month.

So why two years ago, did I ever wallow and wonder if God cared or even saw what was happening to us? Why did I doubt His provision, His care and His love? I never want to preach a prosperity gospel and I never want anyone to come away from this blog or a conversation with me believing that I'm promoting rewards are received from God based on our behavior. There are too many desperately poor and suffering Christians around the world for me to teach such a lie...so what I'm about to say, I say prayerfully and carefully:

• I doubted because I did not trust Him.
• I doubted because I believed the lie that things were what I needed to make me happy.
• I doubted because I did not find my fulfillment, my purpose and my joy in Him and Him alone.
• I doubted because I wasn't seeking His advice, His counsel, His wisdom moment by moment.
• I doubted because I thought a certain dollar figure in the bank would bring me security.

The difference now?

He says, "Give!" and we give what He says and to whom. He says, "Sit and listen," and I open my Bible and ask Him to lead. He says, "Come away with me," and my most cherished time of each day becomes my time alone with Him. He says, "Go ahead, ask Me the big things...with confidence...because I want no one else to be able to receive the glory," and I ask Him what seems like the most preposterous request.

Time and again...and I believe with unlimited opportunities still to come...He is proving that E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G He does is for my good and His glory.
Do you believe that? If not, cry out to Him, "I believe, forgive my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) And some may feel like what I asked for was not appropriate...even frivolous. My only answer to that would be that only my Abba knows exactly what I need and I would not have asked for it had He not led me to do so.

Trust Him! Ask Him to show you His glory and His power! He will do it! He's just that good!
Amen!

It's Over!

I just finished Living Beyond Yourself...and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will never be the same again. I can't really put words to this, but there's almost an "energy" flowing through me. What if feels like is an excited anticipation...I don't know what else to call it.


It's been an amazing 11 week journey as I have thirsted to know God more and open my whole life up to the power of the Holy Spirit. I've been sharing this journey with you almost continally, so I hope I don't sound repetitive when I say that something BIG still feels like it's coming. And it doesn't feel like a warning this time...it feels like a promise.



Oh LORD, my Lord, I pray that every day I will seek to know You more. I pray that I will never fail to give you the praise You deserve because of Who You are...not because of what You've done. I pray for a heart that is broken for the things that hurt You. I pray for a mind that is captivated by You and led by Your thoughts. I pray that my eyes would see You working and moving and creating all around me. I pray I would hear You in the wind, a voice, a laugh, a cry and even a whisper. I pray for Your wisdom, Your grace to give and Your love. I pray I would allow Your love to so fill me that it automatically overflows into every life around me. I pray as I grow in You that Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self- control would be evidenced and that those who see this fruit of the Spirit in my life would give You the praise, not me. And most of all, I just want to do Your will. I want to be so focused on You that Your discernment, Your feelings and Your power are constant and trusted. May I NEVER cease to praise You...My God, my Savior, my Comforter and my Friend.
Amen!

Kids Against Hunger

This past Sunday, our church participated in four different outreach projects. One of them, Kids Against Hunger, was the option I and two of my daughters chose to do. We spent over two hours packing rice, soy protein, dehydrated vegetables and flavor/vitamin & mineral compound in bags that will feed starving children around the world.

I've checked out their website before, http://www.kidsagainsthunger.org and had already been impressed with them for a number of reasons:

• They make sure the people in need actually receive the food. Every attempt is made to keep corrupt regimes, warlords or black marketeers from gaining access to the food.


• The people receiving the food are taught to boil their water for a minimum of 15 minutes before adding the food so all parasites, etc. are killed.


• The food is specially formulated to not just halt malnutrition, but to reverse the effects as well.


• And more!

But Sunday, I realized just how easy it is to make a dent in the effects of extreme poverty. One bag feeds one child for one day. In just over two hours about 31 volunteers packed over 7000 bags of food. So those efforts will feed 7000 children for one day or put another way, over 19 children will be fed, every day for an entire year.

Kids Against Hunger uses a formula they call Miracle Math to show how easy it is to feed a child for a year. One person + 2 hours of volunteering = $10/month commitment = Feed one child for a year. $10 is less than some people spend on lunch every day!

Kids Against Hunger's "factory" locations are springing up all over the country, so check out the website and consider participating. you'll be blessed when you do!