I'm breaking Media-Free Mondays to share what Holy Spirit has been teaching me over the weekend & some blessings we've received. Not sure if this will turn out to be several posts or just one very long one. Probably best if I break them up!
Here goes:
What does devoting myself to prayer look like? Each day, I continue to try to empty myself of my confessions and concerns, submit to God's authority, and ask Holy Spirit to have control of every part of me...starting with my thoughts. I also ask for a mouth that glorifies Him...both with the input and the output. I ask to see His glory and power and to recognize it, even in the small things so I may praise His name throughout this day. And last, I speak to Him my desire to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness because I can then rest in knowing He will provide for my needs.
I also have been challenged by Holy Spirit not to watch any movies or TV or listen to any music that would detract from His voice. I also recognize that I can't laugh at things (like a certain TV show I enjoy watching) that are opposed to His moral laws. When I was reading about how the disciples waited, I was struck with the fact that they probably weren't going to the temple daily to debate God's Word. They also wouldn't have been distracted by the media of the day (which true, was verbal proclamation in the town square or marketplace...not piped into their living quarters 24 hours a day!) or entertainment that abounded everywhere. Remember, this was part of the Roman Empire...indulging your passions and pleasures and living a life of luxury was the pursuit of any good Roman citizen. No, we are told "they devoted themselves to prayer" (Acts 1:14) so I believe that's exactly what they did!
So while I attempt to devote myself to prayer, the Holy Spirit has been faithful to bring Scripture to me that comforts, leads and directs. He's also covered some of my financial concerns with gifts that brought peace and assurance that we're on the right path...but more about those later!
I didn't intend to restart the Beth Moore Living Beyond Yourself series, but when I started rereading it, I couldn't stop. I felt drawn by the Spirit to start reading and just see where He leads. I could even say it was almost a compulsion to read it...I just had to! My husband and I have even started listening to the audio portions together. And God's timing, almost exactly three months TO THE DAY that I started it the first time, is as always...impeccable.
On Saturday, as I was contemplating God's Will for our future, the theme of the day in the study was "Pleasing God"...not man. Two of the Scriptures that deeply spoke to me were Jeremiah 29:13 and Isaiah 48:17-19.
"You will see Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."--Jeremiah 29:13, NASB
"Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer,
The Holy One of Israel,
"I am the LORD your God,
Who teaches you to profit,
Who leads you by the way you should go.
Oh, that you had heeded My commandments!
Then your peace would have been like a river,
And your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
Your descendants also would have been like the sand,
And your offspring of your body like the grains of sand;
His name would not have been cut off
Nor destroyed from before Me."--Isaiah 48:17-19, NKJV
Hmmm?? Heed His commands and I will have flowing peace! This echoes again what He was saying and that I blogged about the last time. I think I'm on to something! Now, I realize both of these passages where originally spoken to Israel, but aren't they applicable to all who seek Him? Absolutely! Because we are promised that a characteristic or fruit of the Spirit is peace!
So why did these passages speak so loudly to me? Well, believe it or not, it has to do with brainstorming. As Dale and I have contemplated, discussed, fretted and even stewed over how to make ends meet and this impending possibility of me returning to work, he very wisely said, "Let's brainstorm some ideas later about how to make money." I was intrigued to hear his ideas but I was afraid he'd think mine bordered on ridiculous. When the idea came up to brainstorm though, he added that the point of brainstorming is not to poo-poo any of the ideas...he said, "In fact, that's a rule of brainstorming." I know he feared my analytical brain would kick in and start picking apart why we couldn't do any of his ideas...but in fact, I was picking apart mine so much that I convinced myself he might just even laugh out loud when he heard what was floating around in my brain.
You see, I've shared before, that I don't just dream...I dream BIG. I have a very vivid imagination and have always been one that could see myself doing something H-U-G-E for God. Over the years, I've reconciled that the biggest thing I ever do may be to break the cycle in our heritage of complacency, slavery to fear, and living a life for my own pleasures that was handed down to me. There's a lot more to this, but this is the gist of what I believe is God's overall calling on my life. And yet, while I focused on healing myself from past pains and breaking free from the slavery that was passed on to me, in the last year since I've started this blog, I've realized that doesn't mean I strictly focus on my kids and our family. What I believe it means is that Dale and I take our kids along as we serve. We share with them our needs, pray for them as a family and watch in amazement as God provides. And I believe Holy Spirit may now be telling us to focus on spending as much time as possible not just showing the kids how to grind out a living, but to truly LIVE by serving Him through service to others as often and as big as His grace will allow.
What I keep coming back to is how much peace and blessing I receive when we are serving and giving to others. What I am just unable to let go of is that there HAVE to be hundreds, if not thousands of people that feel that deep-down tug to let go and live out loud too...they just need someone to lead the way! The thing that haunts me is that there is a lost and dying world out there that is starving for food and the "Bread of Life" (John 6:35a). And all of this I absolutely believe is bundled up with the compassion, broken heart and love that God has given us for single moms, orphans and impoverished people all over the world.
Since Dale first mentioned brainstorming last Thursday, I listened to his ideas,but I couldn't put into words what my idea was. I wanted to test it with the Spirit, make certain it falls in line with God's plan for us and while I'm still waiting for positive confirmation, I felt like I had enough excitement and passion about it to share it with Dale. So Saturday, I launched into trying to explain my thoughts...which for a mildly ADD person whose thoughts fly at the speed of light, this is no easy task!
It went something like this:
"What if...He just wants us to dive into ministry to single moms on a more permanent basis? What if He's saying 'See all that I've done when you are giving and living outwardly focused. Can't you trust me to do more?' What if He's brought us all the way up to the edge and is now saying, "Leap! I'll catch you!"
I went on to give a few details of what I was thinking this may even look like...although I know that's not the point of brainstorming! I explained how we could make up brochures explaining the ministry, partner with ministries that are already in place, get the word out with friends, family, churches, etc., and even utilize this blog as a way for people all over the world to contribute to a mission that would not just impact women in Kentucky, but hopefully impact single women and their children all over the world! But I confessed to him that obviously, this is not a plan to make a lot of money and make ourselves rich. [I'd already even thought of how amazing would it be to set up right from the beginning to use no more than 25% of any donations for our living & ministry expenses and were able to completely dedicate the other 75% to the mission of loving and caring for single moms!] In fact, in many ways, it could make us even more dependent on God to provide for our needs. Actually, it's a total gamble. But I shared that I'm confident that if it's HIS plan, even if the world thinks we've failed...as long as we are obedient, I will never have to shoulder the guilt or shame of failing. God's plan + our obedience = God's results (whether successful or not!)
After spewing this out, I exhaled and waited for what I just KNEW would be God's confirmation through Dale that this was a hairbrained scheme and that it would never work and maybe even stronger language than that. I think his words were more like, "You see...I think you're on to something there." I'm teary just even thinking about his response two days later!
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