Beauty

Within the last week, I began the Bible study of Esther by Beth Moore. As she repeatedly admits, this is a study like no other. First of all, it's about a woman and there are only two books of the Bible about women...this one and Ruth. Another difference is that it is the only book of the Bible where God's name is never mentioned. His providential, guiding hand is evidenced all over it...but He is never actually mentioned.

But I think after one week of homework and two sessions of listening to Beth Moore speak, the one theme I'm picking up on for myself is just how closely our culture resembles that of ancient Persia. And nowhere is this potentially more evident than in the area of our culture's obsession with beauty. If you live in the U.S., like I do...I do not even need to explain this to you...it's all around you. In fact, you can't escape it unless you live a media-free existence and close your eyes when you go through the check out lane at the grocery store. But I guess you'd also have to close your eyes when driving so as not to see advertising billboards. Since this isn't possible...and you're still living and breathing...you know of what I speak.
Now, I could take a long time to bash every perverted instance of this obsession with beauty in our culture and I would feel completely justified in doing so...but my goal in life isn't to broadsweepingly change our culture. No, my goal in life is for God to change me from the inside out...and truly...probably one of the biggest areas where this has been evidenced in my life is in the area of...you guessed it...beauty!

From about the 12th through 23rd years of my life...I was a clothes-horse. My teenage daughter doesn't believe it now, but if I had any money (and sometimes if I had a credit card, unfortunately!) I was spending it on clothes. I followed fashion magazines. I wanted trendy haircuts. I was always on the cutting edge of fashion in my high school and college. Keep in mind, I lived in the midwest so it was cutting edge for where I lived. I was also consumed with my weight and tried every available diet at the time. I have the destroyed metabolic system to prove it now!

But something happened along the way and at first, I stopped caring about all of that. Actually, somewhere during the course of having children, nursing babies and being sleep deprived, I just didn't have the energy to care. Yet, the inner demons of feeling like I never measured up where persistently nagging. I was always measuring myself to others I knew. I was constantly envious of those who were blessed to inherit "good genes". When I was in a room of people, I would often do a quick perusal to make sure I wasn't the fattest or ugliest one there. In some warped way, it made me feel better. Throughout this decade or so, thoughts would often slip out and become bad comments against myself. I had completely swallowed the American lie that you couldn't be happy unless you were a perfect size 6, with white teeth, silky radiant hair and rock-hard abs. Yet, I longed to not pass down to my girls this poor view of themselves.

Praise God, somewhere in the midst of all of this self-loathing, He continued to grow me into the woman He created me to be!

I have to thank my husband for one day also speaking up and telling me that it bothered him when I made bad comments about myself. That was probably one of the figurative "slaps in the face" that woke me up to just exactly what I was doing and how my girls (especially my oldest!) were beginning to perceive themselves.

The transformation that I've noticed in myself is nothing short of a miracle. These last two to three years, as I've clung to God throughout life's storms, He's not only comforted me...but He's shown me so much about how I perceive myself and the way He has gifted me. As I've become confident of myself in Christ, I truly see other women for the beauty they have. I no longer view them with my critical eye trying to make myself feel better...I see them with God's eyes and the beauty He bestowed on them.

The first time I realized this change had taken place in me was when a Facebook friend posted some pictures from a missions trip to a Native American reservation. There were photos of women from the reservation that had prepared a meal for the team. The women were smiling from ear to ear. And although their hair was less than perfect, their teeth were not even and their faces were very weather beaten and wrinkled...my very breath caught within me and I said out loud, "Oh! They are beautiful!" There was a dawning in me that I could now see beauty for what it truly is...Beauty of the Soul!

God has done this transformation within myself too. I'm content with no makeup. My clothes don't have to be perfect. My hair can be done or undone and it's not because I'm lazy or have no hope of being beautiful. For the first time in my life, I am content with who God says I am...not what some magazine, tv show, internet site or movie star compares me to.

So now, the work continues. My prayer is for my daughters to know this for themselves. If they want to wear makeup or fancy clothes...that's fine...but I want them to understand that is not what makes them acceptable in the eyes of the One that created them perfect the way that they are. No...He sees the beauty of the soul...and that's the only beauty that lasts!

Mentioned in this post: