I've known since last Spring that I am A Marked Woman, but something interesting has been happening as I attempt to stay alert and ask God to help me recognize His glory...His essential character...when I see it. A lot of us see it...but I want to recognize...in the moment that what I'm witnessing is Him at work...in me...through me...and around me.
Home schooling my kids, attending a Christian home school co-op, going to church and mostly being surrounded by Christians, doesn't afford me much opportunity to meet people who don't call Jesus, Lord. The rare occasion that I am mingling with nonbelievers is mostly limited to running errands and volunteer work. Running errands gives me a very small window to bless someone in the name of Jesus and most of my volunteering is alongside Christians...except at the Aronoff when Abbey and I usher for Broadway, ballet or other programs.
Last spring, one volunteer after another...when there was time to chat...poured out their life stories or current trials to me. After a few situations like this, I was processing one out loud to Abbey that she had witnessed. She thought I was criticizing the person for dumping their burden on us (I wasn't)...but as I was talking through this with Abbey, the realization came over me that this woman wasn't dumping her stuff on us...she was being drawn to the Holy Spirit in us. He was the One listening to, loving on and drawing from her the poison that in that moment, she just needed to let go of. [I'd also experienced this doing taxes last year. (see "Bowed Down")]
That realization was huge for me.
Since May when this happened, it has made me keenly aware of not only what people are saying...but why. This has made me more sensitive to letting God's Spirit first open up the conversation and then affording me the chance to walk into an area of a person's life where I was not expecting to go that day. I can't honestly say that, until now, I've been expectantly waiting for such opportunities...but that is beginning to change.
You see, I started a part-time weekend, seasonal position with the temp agency that hires for Amazon in our area. Yep...it's warehouse work...it's physically demanding...it's fast-paced and confusing...and the pay is only a few dollars over minimum wage...but we need it...desperately. And although I've fought (metaphorically, not with an actual person) to stay home because I knew this was God's Will for me personally, and I have wanted to obey...even when friends, family and some passive onlookers have questioned my motives and thought me selfish for insisting on staying home...we have been at a desperate crossroads, so I took this part of the path.
I've worked through all of the emotions that have gone with this and am okay with obeying God even when others don't agree. And honestly, I did not have a divine leading to go apply with this temp agency. I did not have an irresistible pull to go find a job...no, I've mostly pursued this out of love for my husband and to give him peace and a bit of a respite from the stress of overwhelming financial distress. My contribution still leaves us significantly under the poverty level for a family of six and we still will not have enough to cover all expenses and yes, we will still be dependent upon God's provision...but it helps.
I've given you the background that led me to this job to prove a point though: Even if I've somehow missed the mark of God's absolutely best, perfect will for me...He can still use this job to bless me...and others.
Believe me...I've tangoed with God a lot over starting this job and I begged Him to make it clear repeatedly what I should do. Yet, there was no "word", no shut door, no pulling back. Some would read this to mean it must be His Will for me to do this. They may be right. But I also believe James 1:5-8 that when we lack wisdom and ask God in faith to give it...He does give it abundantly. I tend to equate no "word" with a need to wait further. But regardless...I forged ahead and the above premise still applies: He can bless my inadvertent missteps. I've not intentionally gone outside of His best Will for me...so He can choose to bless where I am.
I've already mentioned the peace that my having even a little income gives my husband. But there's been another interesting development...here I am at work on Saturdays and Sundays (when most people would expect Christians to be at church) and I am having conversations with co-workers whom I've just met three weekends ago, and they are inferring that they know I'm a Christian...without my ever saying anything to indicate that I a.) go to church; b.) am a Christian; c.) home school; d.) live a different life; or e.) give them any cause to believe that I know Jesus whatsoever!
I mean...really obscure stuff...like a woman randomly walking up and asking if I've read the Left Behind series...while I'm wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt! (which some Christians associate with pagan beliefs) Another woman that I think is a Christian...just acting like I am too. A couple of guys that I trained with seeking me out to chat when we go to break or lunch...not in an inappropriate way...I think it's just to have someone nice to talk to. A manager thanking me for being so "cheerful" and helpful because "people like you make my job easier". A trainer telling me that she was happy to see me back (it's a quickly revolving door in a place like this) and I know it's just because I told her "thanks" every time she helped me and she remarked that she didn't mind to help me because "you break the boxes down for me".
Seriously? This isn't rocket science people! I told Dale after the manager's remarks Saturday that it is so foreign to me to not be helpful that I can't imagine someone being non-compliant...I know they deal with people who are though. To top it all off, there was someone I was sent to for help and even the manager called him "Ahmad". I introduced myself to "Ahmad" by asking if it was him and I knew by the look on his face that something "grated" on him when I simply said his name...so I naturally asked (as we all should!), "Am I saying that right?" His reply? My name is "HaMED" but everyone here calls me Ahmad. I said, "Well I'm going to call you Hamed." His beaming smile was worth more than any dollar you could pay me. As I stood there waiting for him to solve my problem, he looked at my name badge and said, "Are you Angie or Angela?" I told him I preferred Angela and he said with a confidant nod of his head, "You call me Hamed...I call you Angela!"
Wow! I am duly humbled, Lord. Something as seemingly simple as getting a person's name right is huge to that person.
This morning when I was alone with God, I wept profusely as I replayed all of this in my mind. I responded to His Love and assurance with a grateful heart of praise because I know that none of these little "differences" come from me. Left to my own devices, I am mean, harsh, grumbling, unkind, indifferent, very unloving and anything but "cheerful". But by His grace, His power and His Love working in me and through me...there is a wealth of opportunities to show the world (or at least my tiny part of it) Who He Is.
Yet, I know I won't be a perfect example. I just pray that God's Spirit keeps these memories in the forefront of my mind so I will allow Him to be on guard in my life about not ruining my testimony before others. You can help me with this too...if the Holy Spirit brings me to mind on any given weekend, whisper a prayer that I will allow His Light to shine through me and to strengthen me against the attacks that I can assure you will come.
For now, I am awed and amazed by a God who uses the "little" people to do the little things that make a huge impact in another person's life...just when they need it.
But I'm left with this question (and believe me...I'm asking myself too!): Why, when there are millions in our culture that call themselves "Christian", does one person stand out as such an anomaly?
I'm not beating myself or anyone else up over this...I'm just praying we all realize the innumerable opportunities that are before us every single day to live out the Love of Jesus before a lost and dying world.
Amen!
Home schooling my kids, attending a Christian home school co-op, going to church and mostly being surrounded by Christians, doesn't afford me much opportunity to meet people who don't call Jesus, Lord. The rare occasion that I am mingling with nonbelievers is mostly limited to running errands and volunteer work. Running errands gives me a very small window to bless someone in the name of Jesus and most of my volunteering is alongside Christians...except at the Aronoff when Abbey and I usher for Broadway, ballet or other programs.
Last spring, one volunteer after another...when there was time to chat...poured out their life stories or current trials to me. After a few situations like this, I was processing one out loud to Abbey that she had witnessed. She thought I was criticizing the person for dumping their burden on us (I wasn't)...but as I was talking through this with Abbey, the realization came over me that this woman wasn't dumping her stuff on us...she was being drawn to the Holy Spirit in us. He was the One listening to, loving on and drawing from her the poison that in that moment, she just needed to let go of. [I'd also experienced this doing taxes last year. (see "Bowed Down")]
That realization was huge for me.
Since May when this happened, it has made me keenly aware of not only what people are saying...but why. This has made me more sensitive to letting God's Spirit first open up the conversation and then affording me the chance to walk into an area of a person's life where I was not expecting to go that day. I can't honestly say that, until now, I've been expectantly waiting for such opportunities...but that is beginning to change.
You see, I started a part-time weekend, seasonal position with the temp agency that hires for Amazon in our area. Yep...it's warehouse work...it's physically demanding...it's fast-paced and confusing...and the pay is only a few dollars over minimum wage...but we need it...desperately. And although I've fought (metaphorically, not with an actual person) to stay home because I knew this was God's Will for me personally, and I have wanted to obey...even when friends, family and some passive onlookers have questioned my motives and thought me selfish for insisting on staying home...we have been at a desperate crossroads, so I took this part of the path.
I've worked through all of the emotions that have gone with this and am okay with obeying God even when others don't agree. And honestly, I did not have a divine leading to go apply with this temp agency. I did not have an irresistible pull to go find a job...no, I've mostly pursued this out of love for my husband and to give him peace and a bit of a respite from the stress of overwhelming financial distress. My contribution still leaves us significantly under the poverty level for a family of six and we still will not have enough to cover all expenses and yes, we will still be dependent upon God's provision...but it helps.
I've given you the background that led me to this job to prove a point though: Even if I've somehow missed the mark of God's absolutely best, perfect will for me...He can still use this job to bless me...and others.
Believe me...I've tangoed with God a lot over starting this job and I begged Him to make it clear repeatedly what I should do. Yet, there was no "word", no shut door, no pulling back. Some would read this to mean it must be His Will for me to do this. They may be right. But I also believe James 1:5-8 that when we lack wisdom and ask God in faith to give it...He does give it abundantly. I tend to equate no "word" with a need to wait further. But regardless...I forged ahead and the above premise still applies: He can bless my inadvertent missteps. I've not intentionally gone outside of His best Will for me...so He can choose to bless where I am.
I've already mentioned the peace that my having even a little income gives my husband. But there's been another interesting development...here I am at work on Saturdays and Sundays (when most people would expect Christians to be at church) and I am having conversations with co-workers whom I've just met three weekends ago, and they are inferring that they know I'm a Christian...without my ever saying anything to indicate that I a.) go to church; b.) am a Christian; c.) home school; d.) live a different life; or e.) give them any cause to believe that I know Jesus whatsoever!
I mean...really obscure stuff...like a woman randomly walking up and asking if I've read the Left Behind series...while I'm wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt! (which some Christians associate with pagan beliefs) Another woman that I think is a Christian...just acting like I am too. A couple of guys that I trained with seeking me out to chat when we go to break or lunch...not in an inappropriate way...I think it's just to have someone nice to talk to. A manager thanking me for being so "cheerful" and helpful because "people like you make my job easier". A trainer telling me that she was happy to see me back (it's a quickly revolving door in a place like this) and I know it's just because I told her "thanks" every time she helped me and she remarked that she didn't mind to help me because "you break the boxes down for me".
Seriously? This isn't rocket science people! I told Dale after the manager's remarks Saturday that it is so foreign to me to not be helpful that I can't imagine someone being non-compliant...I know they deal with people who are though. To top it all off, there was someone I was sent to for help and even the manager called him "Ahmad". I introduced myself to "Ahmad" by asking if it was him and I knew by the look on his face that something "grated" on him when I simply said his name...so I naturally asked (as we all should!), "Am I saying that right?" His reply? My name is "HaMED" but everyone here calls me Ahmad. I said, "Well I'm going to call you Hamed." His beaming smile was worth more than any dollar you could pay me. As I stood there waiting for him to solve my problem, he looked at my name badge and said, "Are you Angie or Angela?" I told him I preferred Angela and he said with a confidant nod of his head, "You call me Hamed...I call you Angela!"
Wow! I am duly humbled, Lord. Something as seemingly simple as getting a person's name right is huge to that person.
This morning when I was alone with God, I wept profusely as I replayed all of this in my mind. I responded to His Love and assurance with a grateful heart of praise because I know that none of these little "differences" come from me. Left to my own devices, I am mean, harsh, grumbling, unkind, indifferent, very unloving and anything but "cheerful". But by His grace, His power and His Love working in me and through me...there is a wealth of opportunities to show the world (or at least my tiny part of it) Who He Is.
Yet, I know I won't be a perfect example. I just pray that God's Spirit keeps these memories in the forefront of my mind so I will allow Him to be on guard in my life about not ruining my testimony before others. You can help me with this too...if the Holy Spirit brings me to mind on any given weekend, whisper a prayer that I will allow His Light to shine through me and to strengthen me against the attacks that I can assure you will come.
For now, I am awed and amazed by a God who uses the "little" people to do the little things that make a huge impact in another person's life...just when they need it.
But I'm left with this question (and believe me...I'm asking myself too!): Why, when there are millions in our culture that call themselves "Christian", does one person stand out as such an anomaly?
I'm not beating myself or anyone else up over this...I'm just praying we all realize the innumerable opportunities that are before us every single day to live out the Love of Jesus before a lost and dying world.
Amen!
That's beautiful.
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