I Think God Has the Best Sense of Humor Ever!

Don't believe me? Then, I wish I could somehow transport you into my brain and my world for a few days. Here's the "funny" story:

A few weeks ago, during peak season at work...when all of the people that actually cared about their work were more than a little stressed...I received a two minute lecture regarding a very minor thing. It seems using the word "tote" versus "cart" was a BIG deal to this woman from another department with whom I had never until that day spoken. Later in the evening, my husband assured me that all permanent employees tend to look at the ones from the temp agency (like me) as incompetent children that need to be taught (my phraseology...not his).

Immediately upon the conclusion of said lecture, in my mind and not on my tongue (praise God for this) I thought "Well fine! See if I ever offer to take the cart the rest of the way for you again!!" And true to my promise...I haven't.

If you know God...you can see where this is going.

Well...He let me hold onto my "promise" for about two weekends and then last Sunday (the only day I work with this person), every time I saw her I heard God's Spirit say, "You need to let it go." I was too tired from working to try.

And finally yesterday, I saw her two or three times in passing and I felt that "nudge" from the Spirit saying, "I want you to ask to take her cart" and "You need to move past this petty thing." I knew I wasn't mad at her and hadn't even been offended since the day of the lecture. All of this was just my prideful way of "getting even". I'm sure she didn't even notice. I was the only one getting any satisfaction about avoiding her.

When I realized all of this and the Holy Spirit reminded me that just that morning I'd implored Him to speak so I could hear Him...then, yes...I let it go. I even thought to myself I would offer to push a cart for her next time I saw her.

So now...the thing you know about God if you've been walking with Him for awhile: He gives you a chance to practice what you've determined in your heart to do!

Not long after lunch, I was sent from my department to another one. At first, they put me in a job that was very physically demanding. I don't know why...God's care for me...the manager's worry that I was an old, out of shape lady that couldn't do it...or both...but I was moved to another location within about 20 minutes. The area manager came to me and said, "I need to move you over here because this other guy isn't doing much. Stay with _________, she'll show you what to do."

Yes....___________________ is cart vs. tote lady!

I almost literally laughed out loud!

I finished the next five hours happily doing my work...no resentment...no bitterness...worked very hard, impressed the bosses and this lady and even found her to be nice, helpful and also accepting blame for giving me wrong direction when someone else wanted to get on me for doing something incorrectly. The afternoon was physically exhausting and my feet and legs were still a little sore this morning...but I spent the afternoon with a light spirit, a spring in my step and joy in my soul because my God cared enough to have me settle my issue earlier in the day!

The funniest thing is that right here, as I've been typing this, I remembered that at one point (Ahhh! God you are SO good!) she was pushing a cart and I offered to return it for her. It didn't even occur to me until today!

Just in case you've ever wondered...I DO believe God has an amazing sense of humor! When the world likes to think of a god that's just waiting to "Zap" us when we do wrong...I'll gladly take the image of the One that's laughing at my issues and nudging me back onto His path!

Amen!

Not Many of These Left

No, I think there are plenty of TARDIS replicas left to be made. What I'm referring to are days like yesterday. I know my Abba is gracing me with the gift of realization so I will appreciate them while they last. An afternoon filled with Leah decorating cookies with her friends and sitting down with my 17 year old to make some graham cracker TARDIS's had my blood pumping with contentment and joy.

You see, at 17, I know my days of fun, Christmasy activities with my eldest are limited. It makes me sad, but I know it's the "circle of life" kind of thing. And we'd hit a rough patch recently, so for her to set it all aside and come to the table with the graciousness, dignity and creativity that I've come to expect from my Abbey made it even more fun.

Truth be told, life for Leah has been a little stressful too, so seeing her barely able to contain her excitement at sharing something fun with her friends was pretty amazing.

So thanks, Abba! I know all four of them are Yours...but I'm going to enjoy every moment we have left as much as I can!
Amen!

Les Miserables, the Movie!

If you're not my Facebook "friend" then you may not have been aware that I won two tickets to a special screening of the movie musical, Les Miserables. I took my daughter, Abbey, with me. I thought that was only fair since she's taken me to see the stage musical and last year we saw it together as we ushered at the Aronoff Center.

We have both been anticipating this movie for many, many months. We have excitedly watched the clips and previews as they've been released time and time again. Admittedly, we had mixed emotions about what to expect...Could it live up to the stage version? Could the Hollywood actors possibly do justice to the roles into which so many Broadway and other stage performers have poured their hearts and souls?

We were not disappointed!

I'm not sure you could go wrong with the story. After all, it's based on the epic novel by Victor Hugo. I've begun to describe him as "The French Charles Dickens". I by no means am scholarly enough to debate the value, style or enduring works of literature between these two men. My comparison is based upon their ability to put pen and ink to the plight of the poor...injustice...cruelty...degradation...and redemption.

Aaaahhh! There it is...sweet redemption. This story is brimming full of it. I knew I would weep. I knew I would be choked up. I'm not ashamed to say, I wept unabashedly...tears streaming down my face at the depiction of grace, mercy, compassion and yes, redemption of those that are too often overlooked: the poor, the outcast, the ones who have to scrap and sometimes even steal to survive.

Want to get choked up? Watch the story unfold of just how low a mother will sink in order to provide for her child and when she sings, "I dreamed a dream that love would never die...life has killed the dream I dreamed," if you don't at least get uncomfortable in your comfy seat, then sit tight...there's even more opportunities to weep to come.

The character in this story that has always intrigued me the most is Javert. If you don't know the story, I don't want to reveal any spoilers...so I'll just say that he's the man of "the law" that at one time picked himself up out of the gutter into which he was born by his own power and hard work...and can't understand why everyone else can't do the same. Sound familiar? Yeah...I've been around way too much of that thinking in my lifetime too!

But here's what I've been pondering regarding him since I first became familiar with this storyline several years ago. This is the guy who can't accept that someone could do wrong...especially what Javert deems to be an extreme wrong...and be forgiven. Mercy, grace, and compassion are not only foreign concepts to him...they are unacceptable...even to himself. When Jean Valjean (the bad guy in Javert's eyes) has become so full of mercy, grace, forgiveness and love...merely because it was once shown to him...and offers the same grace to Javert...Javert absolutely cannot accept it. Not only can he not accept mercy...it is his ultimate demise.

The movie is beautiful. The cinematography is amazing. The acting and singing, while not flawless, are so well done...so raw...so much like watching a stage version, that overall...the affect is breathtaking. Special kudos to Anne Hathaway as Fantine. I'm not really up to date on Oscar hopefuls for this year...but I hope she's a contender at least!

If you're not a musical fan, you may not be impressed, but I honestly do not see how you can walk away not feeling blessed to know you are redeemed by One who loves us so deeply, so completely...no matter what we've done...no matter how "miserable" we are.

Sad to See it Happen

Friday afternoon, I called my mom regarding a simple question. She said, "I guess you've had the TV on, right?" I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me about the school shooting that took place in Newtown, Connecticut. I literally felt sick to my stomach. This is a more recent experience for me. As God breaks my heart for the things that break His, I have come to feel almost nauseous when faced with great evil.

Unfortunately, the nausea continued as I began scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed.

After last Friday's events in Connecticut, social media naturally lit up with comment after comment. Some expressed grief, many expressed thoughts and prayers for the victims and community but too many waded into the fray of comments that just should not have been made. I was at first angered...now, I'm mostly sad.

By Friday evening, I considered complete abstinence from Facebook for a week or so...but I have hesitantly continued to read through posts regarding the shooting deaths. Whether you want guns or want them destroyed...want prayer in schools or think no mention of God should ever cross the threshold of a public education facility...want to blame evil on the violence on TV and video games, lack of appropriate parenting, lack of mental health treatment, lack of support for the parents that have children with mental health issues...etc, etc, etc. Can I just be maybe the one person who says, "This is not what needs to be shared during this time!"?

Can we stop grinding our axes and just remember that "every inclination in the human heart is evil" (Genesis 8:21)? Stop blaming one faction or another. Stop tearing apart the side that doesn't agree with you. Stop walking right into the camp of the enemy and allowing him to build walls that are increasingly higher and higher between those that call themselves Christians and those that don't.

What should we say? What should we share?

Love...pure and simple.

Love will cause you to cry with the victims and grieve for the offender too. Love will make you wish to 'gather them up like a hen with her chicks' under her wings.' (Luke 13:34) Love will help you be quick to listen to those you don't agree with, slow to speak the wrong word and possibly even slower to express anger and things at people you don't understand. (James 1:19). Love will give you a "garment of praise instead of despair." (Isaiah 61:3) And because of your hope-filled Love, you will be asked to "give a reason" (I Peter 3:15) which will bless you with an opportunity to once again...you guessed it...share Love!

There were a whole lot of things I've been wanting to say or reply and I even shared a couple of the more frustrating comments I saw with my husband. But I knew the best thing I could do was to hold off and wait for God's response...not mine! And this morning...I heard it...this song. I've actually heard it in my head a lot this weekend, but was thankful that God's Spirit gave it to me one more time this morning...just to make the point to me again.

What do we (I) need to say when evil seems to prevail and so many are seeking answers? Really the only thing I can say is the one and only thing that will matter in the end. What will be there in the end? Will it be guns or no guns, home school or public education, happy TV shows or violent ones, good or bad or no mental healthcare? No...the only thing that will be there in the end is "Oceans and oceans of Love and Love again."

I've shared this before, but although the video itself is not that great, the songs and words are truth. Listen to it and bask in His Love...that's right where He wants us anyway!

Never Forget

Lord help me! There are too many days when I forget the life I used to live...the person I was before I said, "Yes, Jesus I'll follow You no matter the cost." On those days, which I have just admitted are too frequent, I have less tolerance and patience for the people that don't already know this Jesus...the ones whose lives don't look all neat and tidy...the ones who don't have this Jesus-led journey all figured out like I do. Ha! [Hopefully, you detect my sarcasm!]

But seriously though, I've already shared recently that I desire to "Receive the Word Implanted" and that James 1:21 promises it (the Word of God) is able to "save your souls". This is an amazing promise. Having God's Word so deep down in your soul that it feels "implanted" saves you because it can't help but change you...or can it?

See, there's a little bit more to the context, and it's this:

"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he's like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was." (James 1:22-24)

Nowhere in this passage does it say to stop hearing the word. It simply says if you only hear and there's never any doing of this same word then, really...you must have somehow forgotten who you used to be before you heard this word.

Don't believe me that this happens? Then ask any restaurant server which shift they hate working the most. Probably 90% or more would answer, Sunday afternoon lunch. It seems that the after-church crowd is notorious for being rude, demanding and very stingy with their tips...if they even tip at all. Okay, I don't know in what church that is teaching the Bible as their text, anyone would ever be told, "Therefore, go into all the world, being nasty to the working poor and just assume that they want to work for you for free." And since I want to assume that no preacher in his right mind would so blatantly distort the Word of God in this way, the disconnect has to be between the hearing and the doing, right?

And you're not off the hook if you don't believe in going out to eat on Sundays!

You see, there's a whole Bible...both Old and New Testaments...chock full of "words" that say we should be advocates for the poor, taking some of the wealth God has blessed us with and sharing it with those that either can't help themselves or simply didn't get the same educational, familial, societal or behavioral opportunities that you did. And yet, even if you think you have had a charmed life...truth is...you didn't. Because all other factors aside...before you met Jesus...you were at least morally bankrupt and heading toward an eternity separated from Him that would include lots of weeping and gnashing of your teeth.

Yet, for some disconnected reason, week after week, we hear (or read) the Word of God and we're perfectly content not doing it.

If the restaurant analogy doesn't hit close enough to home, please just stop and ask God to show you where your area of weakness in not doing His Word lies. Because I can assure you...we're all guilty in some area of falling short of His ideal. (Romans 3:23) And the blood of Jesus absolutely covers these failings. That's called grace. But He also repeatedly cried out either through the prophets in the Old Testament, through the disciples in the New or through His own lips as He walked this earth, that the ones who thought they were righteous should be the first ones to line up and cry out for justice, mercy, compassion, healing, assistance and above all, love to the weak, poor, downtrodden, misjudged and neglected.

I speak from experience...it's a whole lot easier to send a check to a sponsored child half a world away than to enter into someone's messy life just down the street. After all, they may not want to change in the way or the timing we want. But God commanded us to love and serve them anyway...even if they think they're entitled to handouts or can't muster the mental acuity to pull themselves up by their bootstraps like we've been brainwashed into believing everyone can, if they only try.

See, if I 'look intently into the perfect law, the law of liberty' which James explains in just a few verses is "To love your neighbor as yourself," then I'm going to remember that "myself" wanted Love, mercy, justice, a helping Hand, a listening Ear and a compassionate Heart when I was a miserable wretch (and still am!)...if I just remember what I am without the One who freely gave me His Hand, Ear and Heart before I got my act together...maybe that love, mercy, justice, help, compassion, etc. will flow a little more freely to the ones that we've all been judging as just lazy and undeserving.

I've known people that have beaten themselves up for decades because they can't ever forget the things they've done. I've lived through the bitterness and resentment that consumed extended family members for this very reason. I don't ever want us to feel the guilt and shame that our enemy uses to keep us enslaved. No, instead, I praise God that His Spirit taught me early on in this journey that the only way I wouldn't be a slave to my past was to thank Him for the place from where He brought me. When the memories and shame would assail, I would pray my thanks and whisper, "Never let me forget". Amazingly, those memories never again had any power over me, but I confess, that life of so long ago now seems as if it were lived by someone else. I actually struggle to remember. James is teaching me to no longer merely whisper this prayer...but everyday, I need to look in the mirror at the life-path the "natural" me would be headed down if not for Jesus and His grace, and to rejoice in the blessing of the opportunities I have to live out my thanks by not just hearing His Word, but by doing it too.

An Unfortunate Mental Block

Over the past several weeks as I've been memorizing passages in the book of James, I've been attempting to share what I've learned, discerned and sometimes even "unlearned" along the way. Being a bit of a rules-oriented, methodical, analytical, logical person, I just naturally assumed I'd share these lessons in the order in which they are presented in James. That being the case, I should be ready to write about passages that fall somewhere after chapter 1, verse 17.

I've even been more than a little frustrated that I either haven't found the time to write, have been too distracted from my writing or worst of all, not inspired to write. I guess it's been a little like what is commonly called "writer's block". Yet, the ideas have been flowing and there are at least two and maybe as many as five blog posts worth of thoughts that have been brewing in my brain...but for some reason, they have not been erupting onto the screen...at least not at the pace I'd like to see happen.

I've continued my memory work though, and have been making my way through chapter three...slowly, but steadily...until I hit verse six. For a day or so I struggled to come up with some clue, some repeated word, some device that would help me link the scripture to what I'd already learned. This is what I've done for the last two months to help me remember each passage. I've even been astonished at how much of James' writing is cyclical. He is constantly referring back to a previous phrase or word that ties everything together perfectly. This style actually makes it difficult to pontificate on his teaching because to talk about one verse means most likely you'll have to discuss several more to understand his full meaning.

But not verse six of chapter three. It's just there. In my face...shouting at me...two thousand years after he penned the lines....screaming, "Angela, pay attention...this one is for you!" It was when I realized this that I was able to understand why I had by this time been struggling for about five days to remember it.

Essentially, I don't like what it says.

It hits way too close for comfort.

But then again, I think James' forte is to make us comfy Christians...well...uncomfortable.

You see, a lot of the blog posts that have been brewing in my head are a culmination of the teaching of James, a book I've just finished by Shane Claiborne, my angst over what I have seen and heard from the people I know that call themselves Christians, my burden to serve and love the poor, the downtrodden and the needy and the grief I'm feeling over how far we have strayed from whom Jesus taught us to become. Yet, I always remain hopeful that we, the Church, are willing to re-learn what our Savior taught at the same time we're willing to un-learn some of the deadly habits that have infiltrated our lives and churches. I see glimmer after glimmer of God's light shining into very dark places and it moves me to tears at the inexpressible joy I feel to know that He still trusts us to live out His Kingdom in this world.

Admittedly, some of what I've been wanting to say could really anger some...alienate others...and could possibly cause some defriending to occur. I'm at a place in my journey where I'm not worried about someone's reaction toward me...but since I committed to myself about four years ago that I would never intentionally write something that offends...I have been very careful to always guard my written "tongue" with the discernment of the Holy Spirit. If He wants me to write something...then I am not responsible for how it is received.

So while writing about James 3:6 was not my plan for my next blog post...I'm thrilled that my Abba interrupted my plan with a better one. I still think some of those posts (if not all) will be written and I still think there will be some who may be offended or maybe just disappointed. But I know from this point forward what I write about James (or any other word that flows from this keyboard) I will be on my guard...as I should always be. And each of those words need to flow through the filter that is James 3:6.

A little authenticity here: I didn't want to learn James 3:6. In fact, I wanted to just skim right over it and move on...life would be a lot easier without it. But I also know that I never signed up for an easy life...where's the fun in that?

So here we go.

If you stick with me, some of what I write in the next few weeks may not be what you want to hear (or read, as is the case with this medium)...but please trust that it comes from a heart that is seeking to be humble...to admit my flaws...to acknowledge that I don't have all of the answers, just a lot of questions...and that I am attempting with the Holy Spirit's help to not start any fires on my own. Nope, He's the only fire I want in my life!


"And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." (James 3:6)


I weep at the fires I've seen started recently by many who say they are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please join me in praying that we will all humble ourselves before our Mighty God who doesn't need us to speak for Him. Here's why [remember that cyclical teaching that I mentioned?]:

"Man's anger does not accomplish God's righteousness." (James 1:20)

Amen!

A Pass/Fail Test

To those who know me, it's not surprising that I struggle with negativity and criticism. God has really grown me in these areas...but they are still my natural default. I pray it's not something with which I wrestle for the rest of my life, but it just may be. Because of this, I was very thankful last Saturday when God's Spirit gave me a "heads up" in regard to my attitude at work.

Actually, I wasn't surprised that it happened. I've been doing this journey long enough that I'm familiar with the concept that if you put yourself out there as having been challenged in an area or expressing your heart's desire to grow in some way (as I recently did with Not the Answer I Expected) that something is going to happen to give you the opportunity to "put feet" on what you're professing. For example, you say something crazy like you believe God wants you to be His light among the darkness of this world and the darkness is probably going to start throwing up all sorts of roadblocks to try to get you distracted from enjoying the journey.

Such was the case for me last weekend. But Saturday, as I worked, I realized that some of the things that have always been frustrations were creeping up on me. When people don't follow rules (sometimes even for safety), disregard what supervisors have instructed just because they want to or the ultimate nerve-wracking behavior for me...laziness...I don't have much tolerance. Saturday, I made a comment...that honestly I couldn't even remember within the next hour specifically what I said...and it was mild compared to others that I hear around me (not a valid excuse though!)...but praise God, His Spirit nudged me and said, "Angela, don't go down that negative path. Be My light. Criticism is a slippery slope for you. I want you to enjoy being here."

Even in that moment, I was so grateful and overwhelmed that He cared enough to correct me on what everyone else would have thought was no big deal. But remember...my heart's desire is to be above reproach so my God will be glorified. I want to shine His light into the places it may not often have the chance to reach. I went home that evening praising Him repeatedly for giving me this lesson and asking Him to help me do better and to keep my eyes on Him alone.

That was Saturday.

Then came the next day!

Without the burden of all the details, let's just say that only a few hours into the shift...I felt like I was failing. There's one lady in particular I've been getting to know. She's a Christian and even lives in my neighborhood. I unfortunately shared my frustration with her and she had observed the blatantly inappropriate behavior from our co-workers too, so she didn't think I was exaggerating about having to pick up the slack for someone else. But, I felt like I'd failed this big test or something when I vocalized my critical thoughts.

Here's where my gracious God gave me an extended test...sort of like sitting for the SAT or one similar...you see, I think it was a two-parter:  Pass/Fail meets essay, so to speak. Because while I had voiced my frustration to my new friend (the failed portion of the test)...I refrained from mentioning anything to management, trainers, or anyone that could have gotten the co-workers in trouble. Toward the end of the day, one of the trainers even said, "You guys (yes, me and the lazy ones) did a good job today". I almost laughed, but instantly realized too that my hard work covered for the slackers...and in a way, I felt a little more like Jesus than I do on most days. So in some small way, I felt like I passed too. I even shared with my new friend a little about what had happened the day before, that I had committed to having a better attitude and I felt like this was a test...one I was not passing. I could tell she appreciated my honesty about my struggle.

The essay portion of the test though, was the running dialogue I was having with myself and my Maker for the eight plus hours this was taking place. Most days when I'm at work the mundane repetitiveness of the job keeps me distracted and my thoughts don't often turn toward conversing with God. I haven't quite figured out how to continually count products and talk to God at the same time...I'm working on it. But the job I was doing Sunday involved no counting, is one of the most labor intensive available in our building (the job everyone hates to do!) and doesn't require much except walking...I mean a lot of walking...like 8 to 10 hours of walking. So if I was going to be frustrated with a couple of co-workers, there was no better job to have where I could talk to my God about it. Sure, I complained to Him. By the time that even my toenails were hurting...I was complaining to Him more than a lot...if that's possible. And while I struggled to keep my comments between He and I, He taught me a few more things that I pray I remember the next time...trust me...there will be a next time. I think listening to Him and allowing Him to soften up my heart even as each step became harder to take confirms to me that there was a little bit more of the test that I passed.

Even though I was none too happy with the people goofing off and not following safety protocol and even the arrogant ones that give you a two minute lecture because you accidentally call something by the wrong name...what He was showing me by the end of the day is that while it was difficult to be my 'happy-worker, smiling self'...I could still hear Him calling to me, pleading with my heart to remember that He loves the annoying rule-breakers too. (Yes, I realize I'm annoying as well.) Once again, He whispered, "I love them too, Angela. If you won't show them that Love and tolerance...who will?"

So I came away from the weekend with a mixed bag of feelings...not perfect in any way...but one step closer to becoming the Daughter of the King that He always created me to be. That's how I can say that I failed and passed. Being the competitive...always want to do it perfect, person that I am...I'm just thrilled that He hasn't allowed me to beat myself up over this all week.

Hey...if I tally it all up...and He grades me on a curve (which I know He does just by the simple fact that He still loves me!)...maybe I can even call this test more pass than fail. Yeah, I'll stick to that story. After all, I think at the end of my "school" days, He's just going to tear up the report card anyway. Amen to that!

The Deception

I was having coffee with my friend, Kari, about a week ago, when I mentioned something that I was learning from James. One phrase jumped out at her and since she pointed it out...it's stuck with me and I can't let it go: "Do not be deceived, my brethren..."

When she asked, "Does it really say that?" I realized...yeah...it does...so I should probably pay pretty close attention to what James was saying, shouldn't I?

I tried to google an image for this post, but when I just put the word "deception" in google images, it mostly pulled up movie posters and political portraits. There were also a lot of conspiracy theory icons and I don't relish being added to any "subversive" watchlists so I think I'd better steer clear of those. I don't mind being subversive and to err on the side of God's kingdom over man's...I just don't want to have my name written down because of a conspiracy theory.

The point is, we're all aware of or have lived through multiple deceptions in our lives...either personal, national (think Watergate or Clinton/Lewinsky) or global. We may even sometimes feel like truth is hard to find. Have you seen The Matrix?

But after Kari asked me that simple question and I thought about it even more, I've been zeroing in on this idea that I know the Holy Spirit has been refining in me for a long time now...there is actually this con game going on that we're all a part of and it's been the longest running con of all time. In fact, it started right after time began and the perpetrator is so adept at running this con...filling our lives with nothing but smoke and mirrors...that we don't even realize we're being conned.

So what's the con?

In the segment I'm referring to, James has a lot to say about our misappropriation to God for the problems we have (see James 1:13-15). God gets blamed a lot for the evil in this world that is simply not His fault. But I think the even bigger deception is this: "Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1:16-17)

Maybe James was warning us not to be deceived into believing that God tempts us and causes the bad in our lives. But I have truly come to believe that the deeper deception is that somehow we think we ourselves are responsible for the good in our lives. If you've never approached this idea before...I am thrilled to be the first to tell you...you're not!

Your job, your educational opportunities, your nice neighborhood, your stuff, your money, your family, your health, your joy, your peace, your happiness, your very breath...not one of these came from you to begin with. Nope...if it's a good thing...it came from God alone. And if there's anything bad in any of these then don't blame God...no that's the work of our enemy and the depravity of lust, sin and death in this world.

If James used such strong language as "Do not be deceived", I think he wanted us to pay attention. Why?

I can only speak from my own experience and I know first hand that when I think the good comes from something I've done, then I begin to believe that I somehow deserve the good...and when it's gone, either I did something wrong and I'm being punished or I'll just be angry because I arrogantly feel like I'm being mistreated and things are unfair.

But...when I realize that all of the good comes directly from God...I quickly see that the blessings far outweigh the negative. Don't believe me? Then stop right now and make a list of all of the bodily processes that have to work cohesively just for you to be able to sit upright and read this sentence without falling over dead. Get my point? We're not even including the ability to read which more than half of the globe can't do!

I have to confess though that I believe the most beautiful part of verse 17 may actually lie in it's last nine words: "with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow".

Yeah...my God is so consistently good and unchangingly always the best Giver of gifts that since the beginning of time He's been giving them...and He doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon!

Not the Answer I Expected

As I've shared on this blog, I began a part-time job doing warehouse work the middle of October. I was honest about how I struggled to know without a doubt that He either wanted me to begin this job or to continue to stay home and wait on His provision. (see "How Then Can Man Understand his Way?")

Once I began to settle into the weekend position, I also wrote about some of the Interesting Developments that were taking place. Overall, I've been content almost every Saturday and Sunday to go to work. (There have been a few groggy mornings!) I'm still not certain this was God's absolute perfect will for me, but there have been even more positives to the work than I thought there'd be. Honestly, it hasn't all been perfect...as I expected...there have been a few scares with some back pain and tendinitis but nothing that a visit to a chiropractor probably wouldn't help.

Where I was continuing to struggle though was this elusive idea of "balance". How do I home school our children five days a week, work on the weekends, maintain a household and all that phrase entails and still find time to serve the poor, the needy, the widow and the orphan? While I was by no means getting stressed about this, I don't want our family to become insulated and focused only on our needs and wants again. I feel like this was the life God called us out of and I have no desire to go back to being ego-centric.

While life was beginning to settle into a routine, I became aware of something interesting...I didn't miss going to church on Sunday mornings. There was absolutely nothing against our church home implied by this, I just realized that while the music is great and the preaching is pretty good too...attending Bible study and having regular time set aside with God didn't really leave me with much of a void for doing church.

I have to admit that at the same time I wasn't missing "church", I was missing community life...at least community life the way God's Word instructs us it should be lived out. I still don't feel like I have the answer here, but Dale pointed out that I do make an effort to meet with and see the sisters that matter to me outside of "church" and combined with our home school co-op family and women's Bible study, there's not a lot to miss in this area either. I'm still hoping and praying we can find community together as a couple and family though.

The reason for all of this background is so you can better understand what I was mulling over and my desire to still be serving God somewhere, somehow without feeling overwhelmed by adding one more thing to our days. While I do want to be open to the Holy Spirit's prompting about serving as a family and we live our lives without strict constraints on our time so we can be open to His movement...I believe this Sunday morning, I was blessed to receive the answer I'd been waiting to hear...even if it wasn't the answer I expected.

I've been reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution and really believe that God is drawing me to live out this quote Shane shared from Tony Compolo: "Jesus never says to the poor, 'Come find the church,' but He says to those of us in the church. 'Go into the world and find the poor, hungry, homeless, imprisoned,' Jesus in his disguises."

So how do I work, teach our kids and live out God's call to love the poor, needy, downtrodden and forgotten? Sunday morning...He said, "Angela...you already are!"

Remember I said that I work Saturdays and Sundays? And while I had already realized that this job is full of lives that need to know God's Love for them, I guess I was a little daft at putting this all together. Funny thing is...I was at church when it happened.

It was a slow weekend at work...coming out of a busy buildup to the holiday shopping online...I was a little surprised to only be needed for two hours Sunday morning. Yet, I was happy to be able to call Dale, ask him to come get me and know that at least this Sunday...I'd get to "go to church".

But here's what happened...while I'm standing there worshiping and praising my Abba...I became aware that I wasn't supposed to be there. You see...if I'm in a church building surrounded by a couple hundred Christians and all across the country millions more are sequestered away in buildings of all shapes and sizes...exactly who is in the warehouse down the street serving my Jesus by living out His Love to my co-workers? I'm supposed to be there...that's who!

As tears streamed from my eyes, face after face flashed before me and God's Spirit asked me (in thought...not in an audible voice), "Who will be my Light to them, Angela? They are poor in spirit, needy, alone, imprisoned, downtrodden and forgotten. Who will live out My Love for them?" I knew in that moment that although I was thankful to have the opportunity to "go to church"...I was in the wrong place. As long as God allows, I won't be going to church on Sunday mornings...I want to be the Church on Sunday mornings.

I freely confess this is my conviction and mine alone! I am beyond thrilled that my husband and children can still attend a worship celebration where they are encouraged and challenged to grow and live out their faith. I am not advocating that churches shut their doors and stop meeting. But the thought did cross my mind while I stood there Sunday morning...'What if just 20 or even 50 people would be willing to go to work on Sunday in retail, waiting tables and the myriad of jobs in industry and instead of going to church to meet with Jesus...they took Jesus to the people?'

You know...I don't recall anywhere in the New Testament that Jesus or any disciples required believers to meet on Sunday. Actually, in the book of Acts, it says they "met daily". Does anyone really believe that God is going to somehow be disappointed or angry if we meet together for worship on Tuesday or Wednesday instead? Probably not.

I happen to believe He's a whole lot bigger than just one day in a week of my life. That's the God I want to introduce my co-workers to...the One that loves them no matter where they work, when they work or why they work. He loves them so much He's decided maybe it's time someone brought some Church to them!

Amen!

The Game of Life

Thursday was a day of thanksgiving, and by later that evening I was especially thankful for one of those few remaining evenings when our whole family gathered around the table to play a game. Another thankful moment was that it was suggested by my 17 year old. But we settled on "The Game of Life" and it wasn't only entertaining, it was educational too.

Yes, there was lots of laughter about "inside" family jokes and some new ones were made [i.e. Noah setting his plate of pumpkin pie on the game board and proudly declaring it as "The Life of Pi(e)"] but most of all I became thankfully aware that God was using the experience as a teachable moment for me. Although, I have to admit that my family probably wasn't quite as thankful that I was sharing some of these revelations with them.

Here are some of the lessons I learned:

• Everything in our culture conditions us to follow the "norm". I don't know who established this "norm" (probably someone named Norm!), but whomever he was...it even pervades the very games we play.
• Like...you don't even get a choice about your mode of transportation. You just have to travel in a car. They've even become updated over the years so that now, in this "Game of Life" you travel in a minivan. Nevermind, that they are gas guzzlers...not eco-friendly...and are completely foreign modes of transportation to about eight-tenths of the world's 6-7 billion population. No, there is no option for a bicycle, moped or the more traditional "hoofing it".
• You are given the option to go to college or immediately start your career. But wait...all of the "good" (high paying) jobs are only available to the college-bound crew. Yes, you do have to borrow $40,000 to go (which is remarkably low nowadays!) but there is no trade school option or recognition that plumbers, electricians, carpenters and the like are the fastest growing skills set of millionaires in the working field today and with over 50% of the current workforce retiring within the next 20 years or less...will soon be in very high demand. This is in stark contrast to the every-increasing number of college graduates that are unable to find employment in their fields of undergraduate study. Hmmm? Don't think Hasbro has considered this.
• Then there's the option of marriage. Yep...you don't get to choose. In "The Game of Life" singleness is not an option. Now, I'm willing to acknowledge as a former tax preparer that there are financial benefits to being married. But in my idea of a non-psychological-brainwashing version of the game, you would at least have the option of whether to marry or not. Yes, there would be different tax rates to pay given your marital status...but at least you'd have the option.
• There's also no divorce space on the board where you only get to keep the kids for half of your turns and you have to pay half of your salary in child support or alimony. I realize this isn't a "fun" version of the game...but it is reality for more than half of the families that are marketed for playing this game. Noah's "person" kept accidentally falling out of his car as he traveled through his "Life". I kept joking that his spouse must have kicked him out and needed to separate for awhile.
• You also don't get to choose whether to have kids or not. It's just a random spin of the wheel and if you land on a "kid space" you get them...no questions asked. So obviously, someone...somewhere...felt like having children was just a lucky "spin of the (proverbially) wheel". I really think we need to stop looking at marriage and children as the only healthy lifestyle. I mean, I'm married...and I have kids...and I love all five in my family very much and would even give my life for them...but God teaches us that single people and childless people have great value to our society and His mission too. From day one I have said to our kids, "If you get married" and "If you have children"...I never...ever...wanted them to feel compelled just because it's the thing that's expected. Yet, our culture conditions us to think these lifestyle choices are odd.
• So because children are just a lucky "spin of the wheel"...some people that you wouldn't expect to have or want a lot of kids (like one of my children!) has six or eight every time they play. Let's just say that the one who has the least patience for children (just like me) will be having the most kids if this is any sort of "omen". I too have the most kids out of my siblings...go figure?
• And some people have to pay $5000 for a new nursery and then have to take the extended "family" option because, "I am not going to pay that much for a nursery and then not have any kids!" I know...humorous...but I sort of thought of the extended family option as this daughter's "infertility" detour. Yes, she ended up with a child...but it slowed her down a little.
• In this American version of "The Game of Life", there is no option about buying a house either. Yes...everyone has to purchase a home. There is no rental option, nor opportunity to live in a communal setting and share expenses.
• As if being stripped of your option to become a property owner isn't enough...about two-thirds of the way through "The Game of Life", you have to upgrade from your starter home to your home. Yes...the cards literally are called "Starter House" and "House". Now, in all fairness, you do receive an increase in the sale of your starter home over the price paid (which is not accurate to the current market in the U.S.), but you're never given an option to downsize or keep the "Starter".
• Also, sometimes it seems like there's no rhyme or reason why some people get the good job, the fancy house and retire with lots of money...while others don't make much money, live in a mobile home and don't have much option for a pay increase. Funny...as the doctor, in the mansion, with no kids...I quickly became the target of all lawsuits...but if Dale...the $20,000 a year salesman that lived in the mobile home...had to pay out any money, we all said, "Ahhh...poor Dad."
• And that's another thing...lawsuits...really? Our litigiously (that is a word, right?) happy culture had to add multiple options for lawsuits to its "Game of Life"? My kids were just itching to land on a lawsuit space. All I could do was shake my head in amazement at how far we humans have strayed. There was no reason given...just a chance to sue. As the recipient of this madness, I decided being the doctor it must have been for malpractice. The tide of lawsuits changed to Leah when we discovered this crafty little nine year old was conveniently hiding all of her big money under her little bills. Yes...she is that smart.
• Lastly, there's always "this guy" who seems to have all the luck. In our "Game of Life", it was Noah. He won the "singing idol contest" right after I did. He won another game show right after Abbey did and then he discovered buried treasure right after Dale. Again, no strategy...it's just the luck of "the spin"

Probably my biggest revelation came at the end, when you sell your house, count your cash and see exactly who wins this "Game of Life". Apparently, it's the player who retires with the most money. But another American-programming/comment-on-our-culture was that evidently..."The Game of Life" ends at retirement.

I don't know about you...but I don't want to stop living at 60...65...or even 70 or beyond. As long as God allows there to be breath in my lungs...I still want to travel, meet people, share God's Love with anyone that will listen and serve the God who created me. I guess that's not work...but it's still "Life".

How do I apply all of these mini-lessons into something I can carry with me? First of all, that our world is just crazy with expectations of how we should live and if for any reason you stray outside of that pre-formed mold...there must be something wrong with you. I think I'll continue to dare to be different.

The other thing is just how deeply these ideas are rooted into our culture. I mean, for pete's sake...this is a game and it just screams of the "American Dream". Today, I heard a great sermon where the speaker said he's learning that the goal in life should be to "die empty". It reminded me of a quote I have read several times from the 18th century preacher John Wesley. "[When I die] if I leave behind me ten pounds...you and all mankind [may] bear witness against me, that I have lived and died a thief and a robber."

Jesus said repeatedly, the first shall be last...the greatest shall be the least. James (inspired by his half-brother Jesus) adds that we should honor the poor and remember that they are the ones that are rich in faith. So here's what I'm thinking: Let's create a "Biblical Game of Life"

In this version you have more choices and sometimes you'll even miss a turn or two while you wait for the wisdom from God about which choice to make. You'll also always have enough money to provide the necessities for yourself and your family, and when you give away the extra...you'll receive some little gold crowns. Actually, every space you land on and have opportunity to give, serve or love someone, you earn more crowns. Sometimes, if one of your fellow players doesn't have enough to cover their expenses...helping them out earns you a few crowns too.

Then, the game doesn't end at "Millionaire Acres" but rather at a tombstone where whomever dies with the smallest amount of cash wins an extra five crowns. The winner? Well, there isn't one. After all...this is the "Biblical Game of Life" and while it's great to have a lot of crowns...the total doesn't really matter because you're just going to throw them at the feet of Jesus anyway. But that's alright...because if you've read the Instruction Book...you already know He's going to win...and I'm okay with that! 

Humble Glory

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Humble glory. How is such a thing to be attained? Can we even attain it? With a little bit of a play on words, James evidently thinks such a thing exists:

"But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position..." (James 1:9)

As you're well aware by now, we live in much humbler circumstances than we did just four years ago. Most of the time, I've done anything but glory in them. Actually, I struggle with even the meaning of that word. I always think of glory in terms of an explanation I once heard describing that "God's glory" essentially means "His true character". If you really think about it, what James suggests makes perfect sense. Didn't Jesus perfectly embody "God's glory" in some of the most humble circumstances we could never imagine ourselves in?

To my knowledge, I don't have any friends or family that were ever born in a barn, laid in a feeding trough with smelly animals surrounding them, never rented or owned a home and was completely dependent upon God's provision and the kindness of others for food, shelter and clothing from the beginning to the end of their ministry. Suffice it to say, I've never known any martyrs that have been beaten and crucified either. I think we can safely conclude that Jesus high position was exemplified through His humility.

In my struggle to find my footing in this new life, I've waffled far too much between being Thankful for the Privilege and whining because of all the uncertainty in our lives. God's patience with me has been eye opening to say the least! But as I keep running through this memory work in James and every day I'm reciting these verses:  "But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like the flowering grass he will pass away." (James 1:9-10)
I've wrestled with this question:  God...am I the brother of humble circumstances or the rich man?

Now, economically, as measured by American charts and graphs...I'm the humbler of the two. But globally...well, I'm ashamed to say I'm the rich man. So what do I do with this? Do I glory in my high position or do I glory in my humiliation?

As I've reflected on this and as I even think back over what I've shared on this blog, I think it's a combination of both...thus, my struggle with waffling. It also explains my struggle with how to be truthful about our situation, yet put it in a positive light because I don't want to appear to be guilting someone into giving to us.

And here's what I really can't even begin to process and wrap my brain around...and I almost think this is where I have to let it settle...be prepared, this is not going to fit into a 'nice, pretty, theological package':

While I long to glory in my humiliation, because then my God's power and providence is best displayed...and rejoicing in my humble circumstances does exemplify God's true character...we Western civilization Christians are not anywhere close to being comfortable with that.

So while I could shout 'Hallelujahs and Amens' all day long that we don't have enough and God is still good through it all (see Habakkuk 3:17-18)...I could even go so far to say how much better off we are now that we don't have a house, nice cars, lots of stuff, fancy vacations and money to waste and it would be very, very true...but honestly, I probably only know a handful of people that would even rejoice with me about this.

Now I know I'm only supposed to live and breath for an audience of One and that the opinions/approval of others isn't supposed to matter...and I'd say 90% of the time I'm okay without it. But some days, I'm just exhausted of the feeling of being the one swimming against the stream. I guess on those days I must be too busy trying to swim in my own strength.

Where I guess I'm going to have to leave this is just to be content with being honest and continuing to be grateful...and vocal...about God's faithful provision and His gracious forgiveness. If that unsettles you or makes you feel guilty...please be content in remembering that is never my intent. Honestly, I'm not supposed to seek your approval...so don't feel obligated to give it to me. In fact, it will make me stronger in God if I only hear the approval from Him. And the challenge for me to remember is that even when all I have to be thankful for is my own humiliation...that's okay because James also was inspired to provide us with a promise:
"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has passed the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:12)

I'm okay not have the latest and greatest gadget...the nice car...nice clothes...fancy food, vacations...etc. and I'm learning not to begrudge those that do. This is my test...and I'll readily admit that it may not be anyone else's...this may be my burden alone. I'm okay with that because I have a "crown of life" waiting for me that will have made all of the humble times seem meaningless in comparison.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my humble circumstances and even for the humiliation that it brings. I'm also longing for the day when He shows me how it all made sense. Amen!

Not a People of Discernment

Having completed the Beth Moore study in James, I've gone back to marking my text in Isaiah. I'm also working through a Moore devotional on the life of Paul. Interestingly enough, the two compliment each other well.

When I began in Isaiah again, I was ready for chapter 27. Honestly, the repeated phrases of "in that day", "in the days to come", and "at that time" confuse me. I can't always understand when God is speaking of the destruction of Jerusalem (the kingdom of Judah) or the end of the world. Hopefully, that will become more obvious when I go back through the book using other translations and Bible study aids. But for now, I can at least gather that "in that day" refers to a devastating sequence of events that will "pulverize" altar stones (verse 9) and make the fortified city "forlorn and forsaken like the desert". Not a pretty picture, I know.

Then tucked away in verse 11 was a warning for myself and all the Christians I know and it doesn't really matter if the destruction earlier in the chapter happened thousands of years ago or is still yet to come.

"For they are not a people of discernment,
Therefore their Maker will not have compassion on them.
And their Creator will not be gracious to them." (Isaiah 27:11b)

Goosebumps don't describe well enough what I thought and felt upon reading this. Why? Because at the same time I'm marking more of the text in Isaiah, I'm continuing to memorize more of the book of James and everyday as I'm speaking James chapter 2 out loud and back to my Abba, I am reminded that

"You believe God is one. You do well. The demons also believe and shudder." (verse 19)

This verse comes at the end of a big discourse on how we should not show partiality to the rich over the poor and how a person who says they have faith in God, yet there are no outward works in their life, might as well admit that their faith is useless...dead.

How can I make the leap from being a people of no discernment to being a people of dead faith? Because too many times I hear us (yes, me too!) saying things like, 'Well, I just wish God would show me,' 'If He's only tell me what to do, I'd do it,' 'I don't know what He's asking of me.' and on and on and on.

Why do we not "know" what He wants us to do? Because we are a people of no discernment, right? So we never act because we're waiting for the discernment that never comes. Or does it?

We actually have this pretty amazing tool, called the Bible that He's given us to understand more than just a little about who He is and what He wants from us. And just in case you want the short version, I clue you in...He wants it all! You...your stuff...your finances...your emotions...your family...your job...your education...your past...present...and future. And He's not really asking too much because He already gave all of that stuff for us when He died an excruciating death so that His Holy Spirit could come and actually take up residence IN us.

And there is the second tool for discernment...His Holy Spirit. How often are we wondering aloud to our friends about not knowing what God wants us to do and yet, haven't even gone to Him with that exact same question? Even better, how many times do we ask Him the question but then don't wait on the answer and go ahead with a plan...ours, a friend's, a pastor's...really, we think any plan will do as long as we can stop the waiting.

One unequivocal thing I've learned from James is that if we're really living out this thing we call faith...we will be doing something...giving to the poor, listening to a neighbor, or serving in love. Do any of those really need discernment? I guess what I've "discerned" from the Bible is that No...I don't need to wait for an answer because the time to act in love is right when He gives us the opportunity to do it.

But I have lived long enough and gone through more than enough to know there are times when He wants us to wait...jobs, moves, big life choices, critical crossroads...and sometimes, can we just allow ourselves to believe that the discerning thing is in fact to simply wait? Honestly, we don't know whether to wait or act because we're too busy trying to figure it out for ourselves instead of taking it to the One that not only knows the answer, but knew we'd be in this dilemma from the beginning.

So next time you come up to me and tell me you just wish you could know what He wants or you're telling me about the fifth directional change for your life in just as many months...please do not be offended if I simply ask, "What if He just wants you to wait because there are lessons to be learned in the waiting?" I do not mean to imply that I somehow know the answer that God is waiting to give you, but I also do not desire for us to be 'a people with no discernment'. I literally groaned when I read that verse and my prayer was instantly, "Lord, may I never be a person without discernment. I need your compassion...I need your graciousness. Please make me a discerning person!"

That is my prayer for you as well! May we become a people that is so full of the Holy Spirit that we become a people so full of His discernment that God's compassion and grace will overflow out of our lives into the lives of everyone around us.

Good stuff! God...thanks so much for Your faithfulness to teach me new things.

Amen!

Operation Homecoming

It may sound melodramatic for me to say that every American should watch this, but it's not melodrama...it's truth. This is an amazing documentary about the men and women in our U.S. Armed Forces that have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mostly from the viewpoint of the Iraqi war veterans, this movie is "in their words"...literally.

The National Endowment for the Arts went to the Middle East to teach our combat warriors how to write about their experiences while in the midst of devastating war...the result is breathtaking! Combining poetry, fiction, narrative and letters to home, the real life tales of war left me sobbing repeatedly. Army Sargeant John McCary's To the Fallen includes a photo montage of soldiers that have fallen while in this conflict. This visual reminder of the cost so many have paid, combined with McCary's beautiful poetry brings me to tears even now as I write.

More highlights include a narrative by a member of the Air Force Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron and perhaps the most sobering, Lieutenant Colonel Michael Strobl who volunteered as a military escort for the body of deceased 19 year old Lance Corporal Chance Phelps. His story, entitled "Taking Chance" describes the honor and dignity that this man showed his fallen comrade whom he'd never met before attending him home. I shudder to think of the disrespect that so many fallen heroes have been shown.

The words written by military personnel are read for the movie by actors. There are also interviews with the authors of these stories and veteran authors of other U.S. wars that are interspersed throughout the movie. The comment that has stuck with me for the last week since I first watched this film is by Tobias Wolff, author and Vietnam War veteran. It gave me such pause to think, that I watched it frame by frame so I could copy it verbatim:

"The sign of a really decadent civilization is one that sends young people out to do and to suffer the things that soldiers do...and suffer in wars and not care about what those things are...and not to have any cost laid on them even of knowing what is going on. To avoid even the cost...we seem to have avoided every other...but even to have avoided that cost, that's a decadence...an unforgivable decadence."

This film is no longer on Netflix, but you can still watch it on topdocumentaryfilms.com. On this Veteran's Day, watch it and know what these men and women have done in service to their country.



Disclaimer: If you are sensitive to strong language, there is one segment that has numerous F-bombs throughout.

Mentioned in this post:

Consider It ALL Joy!?

I've held back on posting much about James, although I've really wanted to. Sometimes there has just been too much to process to even try to attempt to put it into words. But as I've begun memorizing (see Receive the Word Implanted) this amazing book of the Bible verse by verse, so many lessons are coming at me, hitting me anew or at least in a new way...that I'll probably be posting a lot on James for the next few weeks.

What I'm struck by in only the second verse of this letter to the Jewish disciples of his day is that James knows and never sugar-coats that the followers of Jesus will have trials. Actually, what he says is "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials..." Not if...rather...when.

Do we...in America...let me rephrase that to read in "cushy, suburban, mostly wealthy" America...really get this message? The following is not meant as a rant or directed toward any one person. In fact, I have intentionally mentally blocked the names of the respondents from my memory...it's just better for me that way. But the morning after our election, I should have just avoided Facebook. Actually, Wednesday is our "Mostly Media Free Day" so I was disobeying my own directive to do so...but the allure was too strong.

Honestly, I was not only appalled...but ashamed. I know...strong words. If you hate me for saying them...then that is between you and God. But truth be told, you don't know my political leanings so don't read into this that I'm saying the right guy won or even that I'm saying the wrong guy won. I'm hoping to rise above that argument, pray for my leaders (as instructed in Scripture) and remember that not one of them would be in power if it was not allowed by God. Yes...that's in the Bible too.

No...what appalled me was everyone's doomsday forecasts. I understand that people were disappointed that their guy didn't win...but really? Comments like 'our children are just going to have to learn to live with less'; 'we're going to have less money to live on'; 'we're going to have tyranny...socialism...communism'; 'it's a tragic day for America' (Wonderful post in response to this line here!) and on and on and on. So I am supposed to gather from these types of comments that as Christians we are instead supposed to be teaching our children that they need more? Also the living on less money reply was greeted by my twelve year old with the wisest response I've heard yet: "Ummm...we've been doing that for like four years now." Even people worried about having their right to worship and praise God taken away. Not to be facetious but millions of Chinese do it every day.

But the ones that fascinated me the most were all the Scripture quotes about God being our only strength...our only Rock. He's the only One we can depend on. He's the One who will sustain us. And all of the accompanying hymn quotes to go along with it.

It's probably a good thing you couldn't see me speaking (okay...loudly) to my computer screen asking why all of this faith, trust, hope, and dependence on God hasn't been shared on Facebook for the last three months instead of all of the hateful, divisive, nastiness that has prevailed? Hmmm?

Okay, rant over.

Sort of.

All of this does have a point though...really. Say tomorrow that your absolutely worst nightmare that could ever happen in your wildest dreams comes true: You only have $2.00 a day to live on; you are homeless and public worship of God is not only forbidden but punishable by execution. Seriously...go there and ask yourself these types of questions.

My first thought is if throughout history thousands of Christians have experienced similar, if not worse, situations than these...why do I somehow believe I deserve better? My second thought takes me back to James...and this is not a flippant thought. Although my "trials" have been nowhere near any I've described above, they have been trials nonetheless...and I have experienced deep joy even in the midst of them. Yes...this blog is testament to my whining too...but this is the next lesson He's moving me toward and I'm beyond thrilled that He's been patient enough to keep training me in this direction. I can let myself experience joy in the midst of any trial. Here's the rest of James' comment in this part of his letter:

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result so that you will be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)

I am fully aware that none of us would be absurd enough to ask for trials...but if I can obtain endurance for my faith through them and I can let endurance work toward perfecting me, completing me, making me the person God originally intended me to be...how can I lose? Actually, James says I can't. In fact, he promises that I will lack nothing.

I think that's worthy of a little joy...don't you?

Receive the Word Implanted

Two days post-election 2012, I have had a lot of thoughts about things I want desperately to say. But God has challenged me instead to say something that actually matters...so here goes.

I just finished the Beth Moore study of James today...and I'm a little sad. I'm always sad to end a study because it's a time of intense learning and growth and when that is gone...I miss it. But I think this time is a slightly different, and here's why.

In the beginning of the study (entitled James: Mercy Triumphs), for the first time Moore offers you five levels of participation. #1: Attend the video sessions and take notes; #2: Do the daily homework each week as it's assigned; #3: Hand write all five chapters in James at the back of the workbook in small segments as you are going through the study; #4: Read her daughter Melissa's essays which are scholarly, sometimes historical in setting and provide a deeper, richer background to James and his writings; and #5: Memorize all five chapters of James over a five month time period.

I admit I was intrigued by this approach and was pretty sure I could easily complete the first four. I was confident in my faith and Holy Spirit's leading, that I could do these although some weeks it might mean doubling up on the homework for a day. Problem was, I do not have confidence in my memory skills. I mean...really? I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night. How do I memorize five books of the Bible? I even gave up the pursuit of doing anything onstage in drama a decade and a half ago because I just didn't think I could memorize the lines.

I'm sure you can see exactly where this is heading!

Yep...about three weeks ago, I felt the Holy Spirit giving me the "nudge" to just try it and see how far I could get. Can I just say that I have been blessed far beyond anything I could ever have asked or imagined?! Moore talks about in one of the video sessions that when she began not only digging deeply into the Word of God, but also memorizing it...that was a turning point in God tearing down long held strongholds in her life. Here's hoping!

In the meantime, what I have found...and shared with the ladies in our small group today...is that His Word is becoming "bone close". I also, long, for the half hour or so when I get away to my closet (it's quite roomy actually!) and recite James over and over again. My goal was to be done with chapter 1 by the end of October, chapter 2 by November, etc. So actually, I get to spend four more months in the words of James. That's why this end of a study is just a little different.

I didn't quite reach my goal. It took until November 5th to complete the first chapter and I'm at about verse 10 of chapter two. But I've promised myself not to get hung up on "the goal". No, what's important here is that His Word is becoming alive and active and living in me. Instead of a check mark on my "to-do list",  each day for the last three weeks, I have been moved to tears as His loving Spirit speaks a different nuance or a different thought over what I'm memorizing. As I said to the ladies in our group this morning, "I'm wondering why I didn't do this years ago."

So now, I put the challenge out to you...not as a challenge that you can make yourself feel somehow superior about, but rather a challenge in the sense that even if you don't think you can do it...I am proof that you can. Ask His Spirit to lead you to a verse, a chapter, a book (some of them are very small) and with His guidance, ask Him to help you memorize it. I promise you will not regret a moment of the effort...even if you do get some of the buts, ands, fors, therefores, yous and ours messed up like I do!

How can I make that promise? Because James 1:21 says, "Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted which is able to save your souls."

Amen!

Interesting Developments

I've known since last Spring that I am A Marked Woman, but something interesting has been happening as I attempt to stay alert and ask God to help me recognize His glory...His essential character...when I see it. A lot of us see it...but I want to recognize...in the moment that what I'm witnessing is Him at work...in me...through me...and around me.

Home schooling my kids, attending a Christian home school co-op, going to church and mostly being surrounded by Christians, doesn't afford me much opportunity to meet people who don't call Jesus, Lord. The rare occasion that I am mingling with nonbelievers is mostly limited to running errands and volunteer work. Running errands gives me a very small window to bless someone in the name of Jesus and most of my volunteering is alongside Christians...except at the Aronoff when Abbey and I usher for Broadway, ballet or other programs.

Last spring, one volunteer after another...when there was time to chat...poured out their life stories or current trials to me. After a few situations like this, I was processing one out loud to Abbey that she had witnessed. She thought I was criticizing the person for dumping their burden on us (I wasn't)...but as I was talking through this with Abbey, the realization came over me that this woman wasn't dumping her stuff on us...she was being drawn to the Holy Spirit in us. He was the One listening to, loving on and drawing from her the poison that in that moment, she just needed to let go of. [I'd also experienced this doing taxes last year. (see "Bowed Down")]

That realization was huge for me.

Since May when this happened, it has made me keenly aware of not only what people are saying...but why. This has made me more sensitive to letting God's Spirit first open up the conversation and then affording me the chance to walk into an area of a person's life where I was not expecting to go that day. I can't honestly say that, until now, I've been expectantly waiting for such opportunities...but that is beginning to change.

You see, I started a part-time weekend, seasonal position with the temp agency that hires for Amazon in our area. Yep...it's warehouse work...it's physically demanding...it's fast-paced and confusing...and the pay is only a few dollars over minimum wage...but we need it...desperately. And although I've fought (metaphorically, not with an actual person) to stay home because I knew this was God's Will for me personally, and I have wanted to obey...even when friends, family and some passive onlookers have questioned my motives and thought me selfish for insisting on staying home...we have been at a desperate crossroads, so I took this part of the path.

I've worked through all of the emotions that have gone with this and am okay with obeying God even when others don't agree. And honestly, I did not have a divine leading to go apply with this temp agency. I did not have an irresistible pull to go find a job...no, I've mostly pursued this out of love for my husband and to give him peace and a bit of a respite from the stress of overwhelming financial distress. My contribution still leaves us significantly under the poverty level for a family of six and we still will not have enough to cover all expenses and yes, we will still be dependent upon God's provision...but it helps.

I've given you the background that led me to this job to prove a point though: Even if I've somehow missed the mark of God's absolutely best, perfect will for me...He can still use this job to bless me...and others.

Believe me...I've tangoed with God a lot over starting this job and I begged Him to make it clear repeatedly what I should do. Yet, there was no "word", no shut door, no pulling back. Some would read this to mean it must be His Will for me to do this. They may be right. But I also believe James 1:5-8 that when we lack wisdom and ask God in faith to give it...He does give it abundantly. I tend to equate no "word" with a need to wait further. But regardless...I forged ahead and the above premise still applies: He can bless my inadvertent missteps. I've not intentionally gone outside of His best Will for me...so He can choose to bless where I am.

I've already mentioned the peace that my having even a little income gives my husband. But there's been another interesting development...here I am at work on Saturdays and Sundays (when most people would expect Christians to be at church) and I am having conversations with co-workers whom I've just met three weekends ago, and they are inferring that they know I'm a Christian...without my ever saying anything to indicate that I a.) go to church; b.) am a Christian; c.) home school; d.) live a different life; or e.) give them any cause to believe that I know Jesus whatsoever!

I mean...really obscure stuff...like a woman randomly walking up and asking if I've read the Left Behind series...while I'm wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt! (which some Christians associate with pagan beliefs) Another woman that I think is a Christian...just acting like I am too. A couple of guys that I trained with seeking me out to chat when we go to break or lunch...not in an inappropriate way...I think it's just to have someone nice to talk to. A manager thanking me for being so "cheerful" and helpful because "people like you make my job easier". A trainer telling me that she was happy to see me back (it's a quickly revolving door in a place like this) and I know it's just because I told her "thanks" every time she helped me and she remarked that she didn't mind to help me because "you break the boxes down for me".

Seriously? This isn't rocket science people! I told Dale after the manager's remarks Saturday that it is so foreign to me to not be helpful that I can't imagine someone being non-compliant...I know they deal with people who are though. To top it all off, there was someone I was sent to for help and even the manager called him "Ahmad". I introduced myself to "Ahmad" by asking if it was him and I knew by the look on his face that something "grated" on him when I simply said his name...so I naturally asked (as we all should!), "Am I saying that right?" His reply? My name is "HaMED" but everyone here calls me Ahmad. I said, "Well I'm going to call you Hamed." His beaming smile was worth more than any dollar you could pay me. As I stood there waiting for him to solve my problem, he looked at my name badge and said, "Are you Angie or Angela?" I told him I preferred Angela and he said with a confidant nod of his head, "You call me Hamed...I call you Angela!"

Wow! I am duly humbled, Lord. Something as seemingly simple as getting a person's name right is huge to that person.

This morning when I was alone with God, I wept profusely as I replayed all of this in my mind. I responded to His Love and assurance with a grateful heart of praise because I know that none of these little "differences" come from me. Left to my own devices, I am mean, harsh, grumbling, unkind, indifferent, very unloving and anything but "cheerful". But by His grace, His power and His Love working in me and through me...there is a wealth of opportunities to show the world (or at least my tiny part of it) Who He Is.

Yet, I know I won't be a perfect example. I just pray that God's Spirit keeps these memories in the forefront of my mind so I will allow Him to be on guard in my life about not ruining my testimony before others. You can help me with this too...if the Holy Spirit brings me to mind on any given weekend, whisper a prayer that I will allow His Light to shine through me and to strengthen me against the attacks that I can assure you will come.

For now, I am awed and amazed by a God who uses the "little" people to do the little things that make a huge impact in another person's life...just when they need it.

But I'm left with this question (and believe me...I'm asking myself too!): Why, when there are millions in our culture that call themselves "Christian", does one person stand out as such an anomaly?

I'm not beating myself or anyone else up over this...I'm just praying we all realize the innumerable opportunities that are before us every single day to live out the Love of Jesus before a lost and dying world. 

Amen!

Chosen Because

Imagine, or remember, if you will...that day on the playground when everyone was choosing teams for kickball, baseball, football, dodge ball or whatever sport it was that they were selecting sides. Remember that fear of being the last one chosen? Okay, are your palms as sweaty as mine at just the memory?

There's an idea I've been mulling over for a few days and I've delayed writing because I so very much want to say this right. I've asked Holy Spirit to give me His words because this is such a BIG idea that I know it didn't come from me. At the same time, I want to be very careful to be aware that we are fragile, finite, clueless humans...we live in a land of smoke and mirrors...and I want God's Love to ooze out of every word I write.

So I've wrestled with this thing for a few days...and while I'm still limited to expressing it in words, I know God's timing is perfect and I have to trust Him to use this how He wants...because I am not perfect. And that's precisely what this lesson is about...my imperfection...make that imperfections!

On the 24th, I read a nice reminder in Jesus Calling to take time out to rest and not feel guilty about it. This in and of itself is a discipline that our culture needs to reestablish in our break-neck-speed world. But what threw me for the proverbial "loop" was not even anything that I'd really associated with the need for rest. Here's what author Sarah Young wrote (keep in mind this is written as Jesus speaking the words to you, the reader):

"I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for Me."

As a long-time Christian, I am more than familiar that God's strength is best displayed through my weaknesses. That when I am weak, then I am made strong by the power of the Holy Spirit (see 2 Corinthians 12:9, and Romans 8:26) But here's what I gleaned from Young's writing on this day:

I was chosen because of my weakness!

If that doesn't hit you like a ton of heavenly bricks...read it again.

I was chosen because I doubt...because I worry...because I fear...because I'm selfish...because I am harsh...because I'm gossipy, critical, negative, ego-centric, troubled, and the list goes on and on and on! I think I sort of already knew this, but on this day, I felt God's loving Spirit reminding me that I don't have to have all the answers and I don't have to "get it right" every time because He knows I'm weaker than even I  know I am...and He's okay with that! In fact...it's exactly why He chose me!!!

Hopefully, you sense my excitement about this. If not...imagine text size 72 instead of 12 and you get the idea. I cannot begin to relate the peace this gives such a failure as myself...and not because it somehow excuses any poor behavior or bad choices/sin on my part. But instead of beating myself up when I fall short of perfection...how about if I give Him those weaknesses ahead of time and ask Him to grow me stronger in them. That way, even if it's only between Him and I, when I do hold my tongue or have faith in the unfathomable or see positive in the negative then I know it's only because of Him and there is no pride in that. No...instead there is deep humility and gratefulness for a God that chose me precisely because He knew He could fill in that deficit.

As I've chewed on this the last few days, it occurred to me yesterday (not for the first time!) that this whole "Kingdom of Jesus" thing is absolutely upside down and backwards to what our human brains think life should look like. I even said to the ladies in my Bible study group, "It's like Alice falling into the rabbit hole." So while I am thankful that God made me intelligent, discerning, a natural leader and a gifted singer...those are not the gifts that I'm praising Him for this morning. No...today...I'm thanking Him that I'm short-tempered, quick to judge, harshly critical, prone to embellish, difficult to work with, selfish, worrisome, fearful, financially challenged, have had a dysfunctional family background and am absolutely not perfect in any way. Only when I take this deformed bundle of junk to Him and acknowledge its existence can He begin to sift through it and create beauty from the ashes of it all (see Isaiah 61:3).

So yeah...in this upside down, topsy-turvy Kingdom of Jesus...I finally get what Paul meant about boasting in his weakness (see 2 Corinthians 11:30 and 2 Corinthians 12:5) My prayer is that when I'm tempted to drown in my failings, I'll allow God's Spirit to remind me that those flaws are not to be a tool of my enemy to keep me afraid and defeated.

Who cares if I'm not the fastest runner, the hardest kicker or even the sharpest maneuverer on the playground? In God's Kingdom...I'm still chosen! And not just chosen...but chosen because I can't run the bases without getting winded!

Amen!