Most Mondays and Tuesdays I work during the day while my husband is home with the kids. He does a great job of doing school with them and keeping up the chores around the house...even better than I do when I'm home...and I'm not just stroking his ego...it's true.
But I've become awakened to something lately that I think I realized a long time ago I do and yet, just in the past few days I've begun to ask God to help me sort through why I do it. It's like I walk in the door and my eyes automatically zero in on all the imperfections I see. Mind you, if I'm home all day, I freely step over sketchpads and crayons, sit next to piles of toys on the couch, leave my own piles of papers or books on countertops or tables and never even bat an eye. But for some reason, and this is what I'm asking God to help me sort through...when I've been gone all day, similar piles and papers disturb me greatly. Remember, I said Dale's doing a great job of keeping up...I'm talking about the stuff that's left down is the sort of stuff I ignore on a normal day.
So I've begun to ask God if it's just because I don't like being gone from home during the school day and not knowing what my kids have been doing. Or, in other words, am I jealous that they've spent the day without me, might be a simpler way of putting it? Hmmm? I don't know. I'm still exploring the possibilities.
Regardless of the why, having become aware of my propensity to do this and that it feels almost uncontrollable and there have been times (many times unfortunately!) where it even feels like a sort of tirade as I go through our home...yesterday...I was determined to come in the door, be positive and helpful and above all...kind...no matter what.
Well, that lasted for a few minutes at least.
I'd changed my clothes, saw what a good job everyone had done of picking up their rooms and knew I had some more things to put away in mine that I'd started to clean up last week. At some point I walked into the family room to find my 8 year old on her hands and knees with her coat spread out on the floor underneath her, a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting a button off of her winter coat! Now, I ask you what would you do?
Yeah, if your answer is that you lovingly, kindly, gently and wisely would ask her what she was doing...you're not me. I'm ashamed to say, I yelled...not screamed...but definitely made-her-jump sort of yelled!
Because of my reaction, she wouldn't tell me why she'd cut off the button...which just infuriated me more! I tried to breathe deeply and remain calm but I'm sure my voice was raised even though I told myself I was "just being firm" so that she understood the seriousness of the situation.
Would you like to know her reasoning? What could possibly fill a child with the whim of an idea to cut the button off of her winter coat? There couldn't be a good reason, could there? Well, here goes...
As she choked back sobs and the crocodile tears poured from her eyes, she told me that First Church (where we attend our home school co-op) is collecting buttons for Haiti and that someone (not sure whom...Haitians? or people going on a mission trip to Haiti?) is going to make bracelets with all of the buttons that they collect.
You guessed it...I am the heel in this story!
After we'd both calmed down, the tears were drying and the sobs were almost over...we were better able to discuss why we don't just start cutting on our clothes and why it's important to communicate to Mommy or Daddy what she's thinking and what she dreams of giving to others. And, in turn, I was able to direct her to a box of buttons from which I gave her free reign to choose as many as she wanted to put in the bucket at co-op. She was thrilled!
My second-guessing fear this morning was that I've forever imprinted on her soul a hesitancy toward giving away anything and everything that God leads her to give. I truly don't think this fear was an attack of my Enemy. I believe it was a mental note from God saying that I need to think twice before I jump to conclusions. My attitudes and reactions greatly influence her and how she will perceive giving and loving some day. And after all, she's never been a destructive child or prone to make messes just for the sake of making them. "So next time, Angela, take a breath...don't jump ahead of Me and calmly...lovingly...ask her not only what she's doing...but why."
I've shared on this blog before Leah's propensity to give away even the things that are most special to her in order to aid someone in need. (see "Two Not So Simple Questions" and "Follow Up on the Purple Ba") And just last week, she emptied out all of her change from her piggy bank to give in a fundraiser at co-op for a family that has huge medical and financial needs that she's never even met! Her gifts, even at only 8 years old are compassion, mercy and service to those in need and I have so much to learn from her!
Why would an 8 year old cut off the button from their winter coat? Why...to help someone in Haiti who needs one!
No comments:
Post a Comment