This is a wrap-up of the newly created Prayer Request Page. From this point forward, I will be posting them on the 15th and the last day of each month.
If you'd like to become a Prayer Partner at any time, please e-mail me at a.barthauer@gmail.com with "Email Prayer Requests" in the subject line. You will always be able to access current requests and updated answers to prayer under the Prayer Request Page.
Also, if you ever have a prayer request that you would like to share with this ministry, please don't hesitate to comment on one of the prayer request posts or e-mail me directly.
I believe God does amazing things when His people turn their hearts toward Him in prayer. Amen!
7/29/11:
Mom of 3 needs direction and discernment about how best to provide for her family. She is nearing the end of her own educational journey and making ends meet seems an overwhelming hurdle at this point in the road. Pray for God's provision and guidance on choices and decisons she must make. He WILL give her exactly what she needs when she needs it.
Begin praying for God's provision for the Single Moms' Night Out and that women who need a break or some time to themselves will come. Also, please pray for volunteers to step forward and give some time to children who need healthy interaction with godly men and women.
Praise- We've received a donation of 12 Cincinnati Reds tickets. Please pray for God to work out the details for one of the moms we know to go with us with her kids. Also please pray for God to provide the means to make this happen in His timing!
7/28/11:
Mom of 4 needs God's assurance of the calling He has laid upon her heart. God continues to provide, but the stress of not knowing how or when some days takes its toll. Pray for His loving peace to overwhelm her and continue to uplift and shape her calling. Pray God continues to make her strong and steadfast. 8/1/11: Just received an update that God blessed this mom with an anonymous gift of several hundred dollars on July 31st! What an amazing God we serve!
Pray for us, the Barthauers, as our family seeks first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. As we continue to heed the call into ministry that Holy Spirit has given us, pray that we set aside our wants and desires and burn with a passion to serve Jesus and Jesus alone. Pray for His divine Hand to be evident and to make obvious to our hearts which way He is leading. Pray that every day we would die to our will and submit to His.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
"True Courage"
You know that feeling when someone passes along a movie or a book right when you need it most? I've experienced that several times over the last 15 months and thanks to my friend, J...I've found another one!
She kept telling me it was a "mens' issues" book, but that it had really spoken to her. The author, Steve Farrar, is involved in men's ministry, so he has written this book with a heart for men. But my friend is right...this book speaks to anyone that just wants the courage to LEAP and trust that God will catch him...or her! It's based on the first six chapters of Daniel (before it gets into the prophetic portion of the book). I have another friend that's doing Beth Moore's study of Daniel right now...I think I'd like to do that one soon too!
Daniel lived an amazing life and we would be wise to follow his example. But in the first paragraph of the first chapter, Farrar had my complete attention when he wrote, "True Courage can throw you at first, because it's counterintuitive. In other words, it's the opposite of what you might expect." I wish I could count how many times in the last 15 months I've had a conversation with someone where we discussed how "counter-cultural" this life of surrender to Jesus truly is. It just does not make sense. That's why it takes faith, isn't it?
There is so much in this book to share...but you need to read it for yourself, so here are just a few highlights.
Three essential traits of true courage are humility, trust and hope. Oh...how these resonated within me. I've shared on here before how roughly 2 1/2 years ago Holy Spirit whispered to me the word "humility". And while it scared me to death, I told Him I was willing to do whatever it took to learn this lesson. I know I'm not completely there yet...but given our experiences, I'm a whole lot closer than I was 2 1/2 years ago.
And trust...this blog is a testimony...the good, the bad and the ugly...of God's attempt to teach me to trust Him. Again, I don't claim to have attained complete trust, but I do see His hand molding me into a child that trusts Him implicitly and without reservation. In fact, as J would say (I'm paraphrasing) 'Do you ever look around and start to think that you're supposed to be more worried than you are?' Yes...there are times that the peace I have, I'm sure, makes absolutely no sense to the casual (or not so casual) observer.
So to recap, He's been teaching me humility, I've been forced to learn how to trust Him...that only leaves hope. Is it any coincidence that on the business cards I want to get for Boundless Ministries, before reading this book, I had already written the phrase, "Offering help, hope and healing to single moms and their families"? How can I possibly offer hope to women who feel completely overwhelmed with their circumstances, unless I personally have experienced it? Farrar also says, "The greatest blessings of my life have all come out of my greatest disappointments." Isn't that why I feel compelled to lay open my life to a worldwide audience? If God can bring great blessings...which He does...out of the greatest disappointments I have experienced, isn't that some Good News (or Gospel) that demands to be shared? Amen!
A few other quotes that spoke to me:
"Our God owns history, and He owns the future.
Is that your perspective? Or do you think that God is limited? If you do, you don't have the God of Daniel, or the God of the Bible."
"Deuteronomy 8:18 says that "it is He who [gives] you power to make wealth" (NASB). Whatever you have is from His hand. And when you run out of what you have, He'll make sure a delivery shows up to get you through that day."
"It's possible for someone to be highly educated but spiritually illiterate. It's possible to read the words of Scripture without a teachable spirit. That is spiritual illiteracy. It's our tendency to read the Word and not apply it. But that must be fought against at all costs. A man or woman without a teachable spirit is doomed--they cannot grow. But with a teachable spirit, The Spirit of God can do mighty things in a person's life---and the lessons don't have to be learned the hard way."
There are many more I could share, but pick up a copy or borrow one from the library and let God's Holy Spirit speak to you personally. In the meantime, I'm reading through it again before I return it to my friend. I need a little True Courage right now and God has a lot of it to send my way! Amen!
She kept telling me it was a "mens' issues" book, but that it had really spoken to her. The author, Steve Farrar, is involved in men's ministry, so he has written this book with a heart for men. But my friend is right...this book speaks to anyone that just wants the courage to LEAP and trust that God will catch him...or her! It's based on the first six chapters of Daniel (before it gets into the prophetic portion of the book). I have another friend that's doing Beth Moore's study of Daniel right now...I think I'd like to do that one soon too!
Daniel lived an amazing life and we would be wise to follow his example. But in the first paragraph of the first chapter, Farrar had my complete attention when he wrote, "True Courage can throw you at first, because it's counterintuitive. In other words, it's the opposite of what you might expect." I wish I could count how many times in the last 15 months I've had a conversation with someone where we discussed how "counter-cultural" this life of surrender to Jesus truly is. It just does not make sense. That's why it takes faith, isn't it?
There is so much in this book to share...but you need to read it for yourself, so here are just a few highlights.
Three essential traits of true courage are humility, trust and hope. Oh...how these resonated within me. I've shared on here before how roughly 2 1/2 years ago Holy Spirit whispered to me the word "humility". And while it scared me to death, I told Him I was willing to do whatever it took to learn this lesson. I know I'm not completely there yet...but given our experiences, I'm a whole lot closer than I was 2 1/2 years ago.
And trust...this blog is a testimony...the good, the bad and the ugly...of God's attempt to teach me to trust Him. Again, I don't claim to have attained complete trust, but I do see His hand molding me into a child that trusts Him implicitly and without reservation. In fact, as J would say (I'm paraphrasing) 'Do you ever look around and start to think that you're supposed to be more worried than you are?' Yes...there are times that the peace I have, I'm sure, makes absolutely no sense to the casual (or not so casual) observer.
So to recap, He's been teaching me humility, I've been forced to learn how to trust Him...that only leaves hope. Is it any coincidence that on the business cards I want to get for Boundless Ministries, before reading this book, I had already written the phrase, "Offering help, hope and healing to single moms and their families"? How can I possibly offer hope to women who feel completely overwhelmed with their circumstances, unless I personally have experienced it? Farrar also says, "The greatest blessings of my life have all come out of my greatest disappointments." Isn't that why I feel compelled to lay open my life to a worldwide audience? If God can bring great blessings...which He does...out of the greatest disappointments I have experienced, isn't that some Good News (or Gospel) that demands to be shared? Amen!
A few other quotes that spoke to me:
"Our God owns history, and He owns the future.
Is that your perspective? Or do you think that God is limited? If you do, you don't have the God of Daniel, or the God of the Bible."
"Deuteronomy 8:18 says that "it is He who [gives] you power to make wealth" (NASB). Whatever you have is from His hand. And when you run out of what you have, He'll make sure a delivery shows up to get you through that day."
"It's possible for someone to be highly educated but spiritually illiterate. It's possible to read the words of Scripture without a teachable spirit. That is spiritual illiteracy. It's our tendency to read the Word and not apply it. But that must be fought against at all costs. A man or woman without a teachable spirit is doomed--they cannot grow. But with a teachable spirit, The Spirit of God can do mighty things in a person's life---and the lessons don't have to be learned the hard way."
There are many more I could share, but pick up a copy or borrow one from the library and let God's Holy Spirit speak to you personally. In the meantime, I'm reading through it again before I return it to my friend. I need a little True Courage right now and God has a lot of it to send my way! Amen!
Three North Korean Documentaries
The North Korean version of life (whether spoken out of fear or brainwashing or both) would be very contradictory to what our observations would be. But one thing is true, everything about their lives is controlled...where they work, where they can travel, what class they are in (working, intellectual or peasant), what is on TV, government radio piped into their kitchens that cannot be turned off and the absolutely forbidden possibility of leaving the country...even when over 3 million people died from famine in the 1990s and many are still starving today.
If you attempt escape, which is the subject of Seoul Train, and are caught, you are either sent to a concentration camp and worked to death, tortured or killed on the spot. But if you escape and leave family behind, this is the fate you have left them to. Also, China is violating human rights treaties that they have signed, repatriating refugees back to this fate that awaits them in North Korea. China will not simply let them pass through to Mongolia or South Korea where the refugees would be welcomed...no, they return them with full knowledge of what the refugees will receive...thus, they are not economic refugees, but rather political. By denying asylum China is violating their basic human rights. Seoul Train even captures video of the "MoFA 7" attempting to follow the legal procedure with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs by filing paperwork to begin the process of being granted asylum. The seven people show the guards their paperwork at the gate, are forcibly and brutally arrested and later sent back to North Korea never to be heard from again.
Another documentary is National Geographic: Inside North Korea
I've liked Lisa Ling's work in the past, and this is a well done segment from the National Geographic Channel program. They did have to do most of their filming undercover though. And even while taking photos of The Great Leader's (Kim Jong-Il) statue, the photographer is chastised by the government "handler" for lying down on the ground to get the whole statue in the photo. Let's just say, the fanaticism for the dictator shown in these films is very disturbing. Ling points out that while watching this in person it hits her that for about 60 years this is the life these people have known and the utter godlike devotion to Kim Jong-Il may not come from just fear or praise...but having never known another way of life...it may be both. When Ling asks if The Great Leader ever does anything wrong, the family she is visiting genuinely look like they don't understand the question.
A State of Mind is the one I watched last night, and once again the sheer, unquestioning devotion to Kim Jong-Il is unnerving at best. This documentary follows two girls who perform in The Mass Games. I don't quite understand the purpose of these other than to stamp out individualism and celebrate the work of a collective group (thousands of people actually) performing together. Also, they commemorate great wars won, historical holidays, etc. If there is one misstep...it is obvious...so these performers (mostly gymnasts) spend hours everyday perfecting their routines. Again, all to the worship of Kim Jong-Il.
I intentionally don't watch the news very often, because I don't agree with the philosophy "If it bleeds, it leads". That's why I prefer to watch documentaries. [Also, they are not selective news stories controlled by ratings, government agendas , politics or advertising!] There are valiant people all over the world who are the unsung heroes that sacrificially lay down their lives for the hope and rescue of complete strangers. Seoul Train and Inside North Korea follow the work of a few.Would I be willing to pick up and go to China to help a brutalized people escape through an Underground Railroad? Would I risk my life and possible my family's in order to work against such an injustice? Seems like these people are closer to living out the call of Jesus better than I ever will. Pray for people such as these. One soldier escapee described an "Unseen Hand" that helped him escape even though his fellow escapee died. Pray that the "Unseen Hand" will continue to give courage, hope and protection to those who seek what we take for granted...freedom!
Another documentary about North Korea:
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Facebook Group
We now have a Facebook page for Boundless Ministries
Join the group for event information, updates and interaction with other single moms or to find out more about how to volunteer.
Join the group for event information, updates and interaction with other single moms or to find out more about how to volunteer.
Requests and Needs
I have deliberated with God for many days and it seems even weeks on how best to seek provision not only for us, but for this ministry and the moms we know. In the past, we have sent direct e-mails to people we interact with asking them to consider helping these single moms. But I think...no I feel...Holy Spirit is leading us to an even more faith-filled pursuit....one that will drive us to our knees over and over again.
There are a few things I just can't get around:
Honestly, when I felt like I had the confirmation from Holy Spirit that this is where He is leading us, I said, "That's crazy! Lord, this is just crazy!" I think that's exactly why He wants it this way. No one can take any credit for what He will do...just Him!
I do feel like I have the okay from Him to present prayer requests. So you'll soon see a page dedicated to prayer requests under the Pages section. I know this will evolve as God leads, but for now I see it as an opportunity to demonstrate God's faithfulness when His people pray. I am convinced that He will lead the right people, at the right time to pray for exactly the provision that God needs to fulfill. When answers are given and praise is required, these requests will be updated. I also think each month they'll be presented as a post that can be archived under the label Prayer Requests.
I know this will become a tool that people around the world will be led to by the Holy Spirit to prove His faithfulness to all of His children. I just know it!
So join with us in prayer as the Holy Spirit leads...I trust Him to do amazing things by His own power...not mine. Do you?
**If you'd ever like to become a prayer partner and receive periodic e-mails with prayer requests for this ministry, please send an e-mail with "Email prayer requests" in the subject line to a.barthauer@gmail.com **
There are a few things I just can't get around:
- He has always been faithful to provide for us either miraculously or by impressing upon our hearts how we should do it through prayer. Only once have we asked someone for assistance, and I can't say with certainty that was His Will for us at that time.
- In three different books, Radical, Forgotten God and True Courage, I have read the amazing story of George Muller. "In the sixty years of his ministry, Muller never once asked anyone to make a contribution. He didn't send out letters making financial appeals. He believed that he could trust God for the future and the daily needs of the children (in his orphanages)."--Steve Farrar, True Courage. This past weekend, out of all the missionary biography stories my sister-in-law could have discussed with me...it was the life of George Muller that she wanted to talk about! Coincidence?
- "And this is the question I just can't get around: If it's true that the Spirit of God dwells in us and that our bodies are the Holy Spirit's temple, then shouldn't there be a huge difference between the person who has the Spirit of God living inside of him or her and the person who does not?"--Francis Chan, Forgotten God. If I'm sending out pleas for money and help, how am I any different than United Way, Salvation Army or any number of other organizations that do good works. Maybe God wants to do something totally on His own, without me speaking up for Him!?
- This last few days as I've been studying peace, over and over again Jesus said our Heavenly Father knows what we need before the words touch our lips. When He fed the thousands (John 6:1-13) in verse 11, Beth Moore points out He only fed those that were seated...in other words, the ones reclining in a restful position of trust.
- I am going out on a HUGE limb by doing this...but actually I'm not! It's all on God. He's the One asking us to do this. He's the One whose Name is on the line. And as my favorite singer reminded me this morning, "He's Always Been Faithful to Me"
Honestly, when I felt like I had the confirmation from Holy Spirit that this is where He is leading us, I said, "That's crazy! Lord, this is just crazy!" I think that's exactly why He wants it this way. No one can take any credit for what He will do...just Him!
I do feel like I have the okay from Him to present prayer requests. So you'll soon see a page dedicated to prayer requests under the Pages section. I know this will evolve as God leads, but for now I see it as an opportunity to demonstrate God's faithfulness when His people pray. I am convinced that He will lead the right people, at the right time to pray for exactly the provision that God needs to fulfill. When answers are given and praise is required, these requests will be updated. I also think each month they'll be presented as a post that can be archived under the label Prayer Requests.
I know this will become a tool that people around the world will be led to by the Holy Spirit to prove His faithfulness to all of His children. I just know it!
So join with us in prayer as the Holy Spirit leads...I trust Him to do amazing things by His own power...not mine. Do you?
**If you'd ever like to become a prayer partner and receive periodic e-mails with prayer requests for this ministry, please send an e-mail with "Email prayer requests" in the subject line to a.barthauer@gmail.com **
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A Few "Little" Things
But there are no little things with God are there? No concern of ours is so little that it goes unnoticed by Him. I love it when He gives me guidance and direction and answers even in what may seem absolutely inconsequential to others. He's my Daddy (Abba) so just like we do with our children...the things that matter to us...matter to Him. Period!
Thing 1: We have a countertop water distiller. It requires a carbon filter to work effectively. These filters last about 60 days. Our last filter on exactly the 60th day, you could tell the water tasted funny...more of a tap water taste. On the 14th of July, ours should have needed to be changed...but we didn't have the money to order more. So I prayed for it to last a little longer...and it has! Praise God!
In fact, I ordered more last Friday (a year's supply actually) because we now had the money. They should be here within the next few days. With no kids at home for the week, even if the water starts tasting funny at this point, we probably have enough to last Dale and I until the filters arrive.
Sounds like coincidence right? I think not! You see, my Daddy knows how important it is to me to not put all of that chlorine, flouride, and yes, junk (you should see what comes out in the distiller...yuck!) into my body. He has told me my body is His temple in which He inhabits during my time on earth. So yeah, it matters to Him.
Thing 2: We were headed out of town for the weekend and were going to be gone about 48 hours. Not a big deal right? Well, potted plants in 90+ degree weather don't fair very well. In fact, I've been watering them twice (and sometimes three times) daily. I know, I know, ask someone to water them. Good idea, except I feel a bit awkward knocking on my neighbors' door and saying, 'Hi! I know we've only introduced ourselves and said hello to each other, but would you commit to watering my plants twice daily for the next two days?'
And I could just hope for the best, but when I planted these tomato and pepper plants, I began praying over them. I told God that He knew they could provide food for us, so to please make them strong and healthy and give us a great harvest. These plants have grown like crazy. In fact, the photos you see below do not include the almost double amount of branches and leaves that I've trimmed over the last two months in an attempt to get the nutrients to the fruit of the plant.
Then last Friday when asking God what to do, Holy Spirit reminded me of three frozen jugs of water in our freezer. I'd been using them to help the freezer run more efficiently (a little Tightwad Gazette lady trick I learned years ago!). He even helped me visualize poking holes in the bottom of the jugs. You've seen that automatic glass plant waterer advertised on TV, right? Well, God helped me make my own! And apparently, it worked! As the water melted, the plants were kept hydrated and I have a bounty of Roma tomatoes (small, yet delicious) that I get to share with one of my single mom friends today!
I know the plants don't look that great in the photos, but I just snapped these at about 1:00 p.m. in the heat of the day. And yes, I've had to get creative "staking" them in an apartment setting. God even provided me with the perfect outdoor plant shelf with that ugly yellow and green Canada Dry one. Back in the spring I tried to think of how to elevate all of the pots off of the hot concrete because I'd had unsuccessful patio gardening in the past due to the way concrete retains heat. My faithful Abba reminded me of this shelf...and just a side note...I've had this shelf about 30 years! My dad was a lifelong Kroger employee and used to bring stuff like this display shelf home on occasion. This shelf has been with me through college and every move Dale and I have made together. What a priceless blessing it has been this summer (and for the last three decades too!).
So don't try to tell me that God doesn't care about the small stuff...that we should only take the big stuff to Him...that we should "do our best and let God do the rest"...that's a bunch of hooey! He's the God of our every concern! And He delights in our telling Him about those concerns all day...every day! Bless His Name...He's just that good of a Father to us!
Amen!
Thing 1: We have a countertop water distiller. It requires a carbon filter to work effectively. These filters last about 60 days. Our last filter on exactly the 60th day, you could tell the water tasted funny...more of a tap water taste. On the 14th of July, ours should have needed to be changed...but we didn't have the money to order more. So I prayed for it to last a little longer...and it has! Praise God!
In fact, I ordered more last Friday (a year's supply actually) because we now had the money. They should be here within the next few days. With no kids at home for the week, even if the water starts tasting funny at this point, we probably have enough to last Dale and I until the filters arrive.
Sounds like coincidence right? I think not! You see, my Daddy knows how important it is to me to not put all of that chlorine, flouride, and yes, junk (you should see what comes out in the distiller...yuck!) into my body. He has told me my body is His temple in which He inhabits during my time on earth. So yeah, it matters to Him.
Thing 2: We were headed out of town for the weekend and were going to be gone about 48 hours. Not a big deal right? Well, potted plants in 90+ degree weather don't fair very well. In fact, I've been watering them twice (and sometimes three times) daily. I know, I know, ask someone to water them. Good idea, except I feel a bit awkward knocking on my neighbors' door and saying, 'Hi! I know we've only introduced ourselves and said hello to each other, but would you commit to watering my plants twice daily for the next two days?'
And I could just hope for the best, but when I planted these tomato and pepper plants, I began praying over them. I told God that He knew they could provide food for us, so to please make them strong and healthy and give us a great harvest. These plants have grown like crazy. In fact, the photos you see below do not include the almost double amount of branches and leaves that I've trimmed over the last two months in an attempt to get the nutrients to the fruit of the plant.
I know the plants don't look that great in the photos, but I just snapped these at about 1:00 p.m. in the heat of the day. And yes, I've had to get creative "staking" them in an apartment setting. God even provided me with the perfect outdoor plant shelf with that ugly yellow and green Canada Dry one. Back in the spring I tried to think of how to elevate all of the pots off of the hot concrete because I'd had unsuccessful patio gardening in the past due to the way concrete retains heat. My faithful Abba reminded me of this shelf...and just a side note...I've had this shelf about 30 years! My dad was a lifelong Kroger employee and used to bring stuff like this display shelf home on occasion. This shelf has been with me through college and every move Dale and I have made together. What a priceless blessing it has been this summer (and for the last three decades too!).
So don't try to tell me that God doesn't care about the small stuff...that we should only take the big stuff to Him...that we should "do our best and let God do the rest"...that's a bunch of hooey! He's the God of our every concern! And He delights in our telling Him about those concerns all day...every day! Bless His Name...He's just that good of a Father to us!
Amen!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Some Recent Happenings, Part 2
Training was fine, and the hours weren't that bad. Physically, I was a little achey, but it's warehouse work and I was surprised I wasn't huring more. Yeah, I was a little tired this morning, but even though only my oldest child was home and it was eerily silent, I still woke up at about 8:20 a.m. For only about 5 hours of sleep, I felt pretty good.
Abbey needed to get off to her friend's house, but I had a chance to start up the computer and check a few things, Facebook being one of them. And my awesome friend had tagged me in a note. Keep in mind, she knew none of the details about me starting training and this is what she posted,
"
But this "nagging" about if this was God's leading to quit the job or just me making excuses would not go away. I got my oldest off to her friend's house and realized..."I am absolutely alone...no one is home...no one is coming home until Dale gets off work." I thought about going to see a movie (It's $1.75 Tuesdays at the Danbarry!), but knew I needed to just go spend some time with God. For once, I let Him help me deal with a situation head-on instead of avoiding it for a few days with movies, books and other distractions. So He and I sat down for a chat.
I began by reading through the introduction to Jesus Calling again. It gives me so much confidence and boldness to read how someone else just yearns to hear Him speak...and that He will actually speak when we just sit quietly long enough to listen. Today's devotional was based on three passages in Psalms- 32:8; 119:35; and 143:8 All of these speak of letting God instruct me, teach me, show me where to walk and how to walk in His commandments...His ways. The author made a point to say that we can make a lot of plans...but "all that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you from (Jesus)." Good point...and one that He's been teaching me lately as He challenges me to just live day by day. That way I can be interrupted without resentment, I can hear Him when He's calling me to make a change to my day or serve someone with a need.
It was a blessing to have Him reiterating this to me this afternoon. As I kept attempting to seek Him, particularly about this job situation, He was just saying, "Relax, and let me teach you." In her introduction, Sarah Young said she makes a practice of just sitting with a notebook and pen as she waits to hear Him speak. I guess meditation would be the ancient discipline that would best describe this. So I tried to meditate on some passages, conversations, assurances God had given me over the last month and here's what I sensed Holy Spirit "speaking" to my heart.
He had never asked me to go apply for this job to begin with...that was all me. He never told me to keep pursuing it through orientations, follow up calls, etc...in fact, not once has He given me an assurance that this was His choice for me. And last Monday night, He actually had me sent home in an attempt to shut the door.
As I asked Him, "But is all of this just my thoughts, my desires, my wants or are You telling me not to go back." He assured me that every morning as I surrender my will to His...giving Him complete control over my body, my mind and my will...I can begin to trust that my thoughts are His thoughts. He also reminded me of what I've learned in Living Beyond Yourself, that living under the control of the Holy Spirit will increase my discernment, perception and insight. He also said, "Remember what I'm calling you to...a ministry...serving others...living your life sacrificially so that others can know Me. You are not leaving this job so you can watch TV, play computer games and waste your time. You are not being selfish. You are doing what I have called you to do."
He brought to mind a Scripture another friend e-mailed to me: "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) But in that moment I couldn't find it. [I was looking in 14:6...guess what, there's no chapter 14 in Hebrews!] I wanted to read this Scripture so badly...I felt compelled to find it...but I couldn't. As I desperately searched through Hebrews though, two different ones caught my eye.
"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6) Ahh...there's that word seek again. And is it possible that my doubts about feeling faithless are well-founded? By seeking a job instead of Him first, am I lacking the faith to dive into the ministry to which I believe God is calling us? Or again, is this just all my random thinking and avoidance of work?
Look what I saw next..."Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." (Hebrews 10:22)
I can't explain the peace I felt when reading this. I didn't need to find 4:16...He needed to show me 10:22. "Don't doubt your motives, He said, you are surrendering your will to Mine...yes, it can come back up during the day...but you are getting better at letting Me help you recognize it. You are not perfect...but you are not diving into a ministry and walking away from this job so you can be selfish. See...you can have full assurance of faith that your heart has been sprinkled clean from an evil conscience."
I'd already told Him I would let the job go and trust Him to provide completely for us. As long as I am obedient to Him, I cannot fail in His eyes...right? And ultimately...He's the only One I need to please. Now, with that load off my mind, I asked Him what to I do next? How do I let You order my day (a reference back to Jesus Calling)? He immediately led my thoughts to 3-4 steps I can take in this next week (with no kids at home) that will take us a few steps further down the road with Boundless Ministries.
I know I'll doubt again. I know I'll question my motives. I know I'll want Him to speak and be frustrated that He's not speaking loudly enough or quickly enough. But I also know that as these stepping stones of His faithfulness keep piling up, I can trust Him more. As I trust Him more, I obey Him more quickly. As I obey Him repeatedly, He trusts me with more of Him. Isn't that what I've said I wanted all along?
I've thought a lot lately about Daniel, Moses, Abraham and some of the prophets and what never ceases to amaze me is that many times...and I mean many...when faced with a crisis, a deadline, or in some cases a call to instant action...they didn't have time to "pray about it". I've heard this and used this phrase so many times in my life. But what if...and it's a big if...I could be so lost to myself and so full of Him...my every thought a pray of communion to the Almighty...that in a moment such as these men faced I could know what God would have me say or do and confidently do it. That's an amazing life! That's the kind of life in which the Holy Spirit will do amazing things! That's a life that is Boundless!
Also mentioned in this post:
Abbey needed to get off to her friend's house, but I had a chance to start up the computer and check a few things, Facebook being one of them. And my awesome friend had tagged me in a note. Keep in mind, she knew none of the details about me starting training and this is what she posted,
"
But this "nagging" about if this was God's leading to quit the job or just me making excuses would not go away. I got my oldest off to her friend's house and realized..."I am absolutely alone...no one is home...no one is coming home until Dale gets off work." I thought about going to see a movie (It's $1.75 Tuesdays at the Danbarry!), but knew I needed to just go spend some time with God. For once, I let Him help me deal with a situation head-on instead of avoiding it for a few days with movies, books and other distractions. So He and I sat down for a chat.
I began by reading through the introduction to Jesus Calling again. It gives me so much confidence and boldness to read how someone else just yearns to hear Him speak...and that He will actually speak when we just sit quietly long enough to listen. Today's devotional was based on three passages in Psalms- 32:8; 119:35; and 143:8 All of these speak of letting God instruct me, teach me, show me where to walk and how to walk in His commandments...His ways. The author made a point to say that we can make a lot of plans...but "all that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you from (Jesus)." Good point...and one that He's been teaching me lately as He challenges me to just live day by day. That way I can be interrupted without resentment, I can hear Him when He's calling me to make a change to my day or serve someone with a need.
It was a blessing to have Him reiterating this to me this afternoon. As I kept attempting to seek Him, particularly about this job situation, He was just saying, "Relax, and let me teach you." In her introduction, Sarah Young said she makes a practice of just sitting with a notebook and pen as she waits to hear Him speak. I guess meditation would be the ancient discipline that would best describe this. So I tried to meditate on some passages, conversations, assurances God had given me over the last month and here's what I sensed Holy Spirit "speaking" to my heart.
He had never asked me to go apply for this job to begin with...that was all me. He never told me to keep pursuing it through orientations, follow up calls, etc...in fact, not once has He given me an assurance that this was His choice for me. And last Monday night, He actually had me sent home in an attempt to shut the door.
As I asked Him, "But is all of this just my thoughts, my desires, my wants or are You telling me not to go back." He assured me that every morning as I surrender my will to His...giving Him complete control over my body, my mind and my will...I can begin to trust that my thoughts are His thoughts. He also reminded me of what I've learned in Living Beyond Yourself, that living under the control of the Holy Spirit will increase my discernment, perception and insight. He also said, "Remember what I'm calling you to...a ministry...serving others...living your life sacrificially so that others can know Me. You are not leaving this job so you can watch TV, play computer games and waste your time. You are not being selfish. You are doing what I have called you to do."
He brought to mind a Scripture another friend e-mailed to me: "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) But in that moment I couldn't find it. [I was looking in 14:6...guess what, there's no chapter 14 in Hebrews!] I wanted to read this Scripture so badly...I felt compelled to find it...but I couldn't. As I desperately searched through Hebrews though, two different ones caught my eye.
"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6) Ahh...there's that word seek again. And is it possible that my doubts about feeling faithless are well-founded? By seeking a job instead of Him first, am I lacking the faith to dive into the ministry to which I believe God is calling us? Or again, is this just all my random thinking and avoidance of work?
Look what I saw next..."Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." (Hebrews 10:22)
I can't explain the peace I felt when reading this. I didn't need to find 4:16...He needed to show me 10:22. "Don't doubt your motives, He said, you are surrendering your will to Mine...yes, it can come back up during the day...but you are getting better at letting Me help you recognize it. You are not perfect...but you are not diving into a ministry and walking away from this job so you can be selfish. See...you can have full assurance of faith that your heart has been sprinkled clean from an evil conscience."
I'd already told Him I would let the job go and trust Him to provide completely for us. As long as I am obedient to Him, I cannot fail in His eyes...right? And ultimately...He's the only One I need to please. Now, with that load off my mind, I asked Him what to I do next? How do I let You order my day (a reference back to Jesus Calling)? He immediately led my thoughts to 3-4 steps I can take in this next week (with no kids at home) that will take us a few steps further down the road with Boundless Ministries.
I know I'll doubt again. I know I'll question my motives. I know I'll want Him to speak and be frustrated that He's not speaking loudly enough or quickly enough. But I also know that as these stepping stones of His faithfulness keep piling up, I can trust Him more. As I trust Him more, I obey Him more quickly. As I obey Him repeatedly, He trusts me with more of Him. Isn't that what I've said I wanted all along?
I've thought a lot lately about Daniel, Moses, Abraham and some of the prophets and what never ceases to amaze me is that many times...and I mean many...when faced with a crisis, a deadline, or in some cases a call to instant action...they didn't have time to "pray about it". I've heard this and used this phrase so many times in my life. But what if...and it's a big if...I could be so lost to myself and so full of Him...my every thought a pray of communion to the Almighty...that in a moment such as these men faced I could know what God would have me say or do and confidently do it. That's an amazing life! That's the kind of life in which the Holy Spirit will do amazing things! That's a life that is Boundless!
Also mentioned in this post:
Some Recent Happenings
I posted last week about having the door shut on a job that I had applied for...not really being certain if it was God's will to begin with. I guess I should have just accepted being sent home as His answer and been done with it...but NOoooo...I had to put my name back in and I was offered the same shift starting on the 25th.
What ensued was a week of claiming His truths, seeking His wisdom and eventually torturing myself with the huge question...was I just being faithless? After all, didn't He lay the vision for this ministry upon my heart? Didn't He give me promise after promise from His Word and from His Spirit that this was at last His Will for us...the BIG thing we've been waiting for? Didn't He help me break through to the point where I haven't been worrying about His provision because I'm more focused on serving and interceding through prayer for others? Then why was I continuing to pursue this job even after He'd sent me home the week before.
This seems like a simple question but the theological debate it opens up is enormous. What one person would call just chance that I was sent home last week, another would see as God's providence and His "sign" that I wasn't supposed to have the job. [Is it any wonder The Adjustment Bureau spoke to my heart this weekend?] If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am a deep thinker and these kinds of questions are torture for me. I even go so far as to allow the enemy to start getting a foothold of doubt that maybe "I'm just not that interested in working...so I'm seeing what I want to see." Won't some people think I'm just being selfish or lazy or not willing to do my fair share to bring money into our home?
I was so torn up by this and had very little opportunity over the weekend to spend time sorting through it with God, that I was grieving over it all Monday afternoon. By the time I could get alone with God and really ask these questions, I was due to report for training in less than two hours. But beg for answers I did. And He brought me back to the Scriptural promises He's been giving over the last few weeks. Actually, on Monday morning He had reminded me of Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
The day before, my mom had handed me a book and said, "This is exactly what you need to be reading right now...it's all about God's provision and not worrying and stuff." The book she handed me? Jesus Calling by Sarah Young...the exact same book a friend has been frequently quoting to me. Oh, but that's not enough...the scheduled devotional reading I open up to yesterday?...you guessed it if you said Jeremiah 29:13!
All day yesterday I kept begging Him to show me how to seek Him...to show Himself to me...to give me some answers. And the last Scripture passage I felt drawn to was Psalm 119:29-32 . Everyday I've been asking Him to remove any false way from me, to choose the faithful way, to cling (like clingwrap remember!) to His testimonies (promises to me!) and to NOT put me to shame! All of this I know He is doing while He is enlarging my heart for the things that matter to His heart.
As I reread so many promises He's given me recently, I was starting to feel more peaceful but still just felt so weighed down and then my eyes were drawn to verse 28,
"My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word"
I know David wrote those words thousands of years ago, but they could have been mine...actually, they were mine yesterday. I realized in that moment just how much I was doubting the job thing since I was sent home last week. I told Dale later, "It knocked the wind out of me!" It made me doubt a lot of things. But I headed off to training determined to do the best I could and keep my mind open for what God wanted to do.
To be continued...
What ensued was a week of claiming His truths, seeking His wisdom and eventually torturing myself with the huge question...was I just being faithless? After all, didn't He lay the vision for this ministry upon my heart? Didn't He give me promise after promise from His Word and from His Spirit that this was at last His Will for us...the BIG thing we've been waiting for? Didn't He help me break through to the point where I haven't been worrying about His provision because I'm more focused on serving and interceding through prayer for others? Then why was I continuing to pursue this job even after He'd sent me home the week before.
This seems like a simple question but the theological debate it opens up is enormous. What one person would call just chance that I was sent home last week, another would see as God's providence and His "sign" that I wasn't supposed to have the job. [Is it any wonder The Adjustment Bureau spoke to my heart this weekend?] If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am a deep thinker and these kinds of questions are torture for me. I even go so far as to allow the enemy to start getting a foothold of doubt that maybe "I'm just not that interested in working...so I'm seeing what I want to see." Won't some people think I'm just being selfish or lazy or not willing to do my fair share to bring money into our home?
I was so torn up by this and had very little opportunity over the weekend to spend time sorting through it with God, that I was grieving over it all Monday afternoon. By the time I could get alone with God and really ask these questions, I was due to report for training in less than two hours. But beg for answers I did. And He brought me back to the Scriptural promises He's been giving over the last few weeks. Actually, on Monday morning He had reminded me of Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
The day before, my mom had handed me a book and said, "This is exactly what you need to be reading right now...it's all about God's provision and not worrying and stuff." The book she handed me? Jesus Calling by Sarah Young...the exact same book a friend has been frequently quoting to me. Oh, but that's not enough...the scheduled devotional reading I open up to yesterday?...you guessed it if you said Jeremiah 29:13!
All day yesterday I kept begging Him to show me how to seek Him...to show Himself to me...to give me some answers. And the last Scripture passage I felt drawn to was Psalm 119:29-32 . Everyday I've been asking Him to remove any false way from me, to choose the faithful way, to cling (like clingwrap remember!) to His testimonies (promises to me!) and to NOT put me to shame! All of this I know He is doing while He is enlarging my heart for the things that matter to His heart.
As I reread so many promises He's given me recently, I was starting to feel more peaceful but still just felt so weighed down and then my eyes were drawn to verse 28,
"My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word"
I know David wrote those words thousands of years ago, but they could have been mine...actually, they were mine yesterday. I realized in that moment just how much I was doubting the job thing since I was sent home last week. I told Dale later, "It knocked the wind out of me!" It made me doubt a lot of things. But I headed off to training determined to do the best I could and keep my mind open for what God wanted to do.
To be continued...
Error
I'm not sure how or why this has happened, but while doing some editing on my Tithing, Part 2 post, it republished under a July 23rd date. Originally, it was part of a series of posts I did in May. It is now appearing out of order. I apologize for any confusion but it must just be a blogger.com glitch.
"The Adjustment Bureau"
You may recall from a previous post (Weightlessness), that Matt Damon is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors. I've also seen Emily Blunt in a few movies (The Young Victoria, Sunshine Cleaning, The Devil Wears Prada and The Jane Austen Book Club) and I've enjoyed all of the performances I've seen.
Don't want to give away a lot of the plot, but this story did resonate with me for one big reason. While I don't believe "The Chairman" has ever taken away our free will, you only need to look back through some of my last month's posts to see that I'm beginning to recognize that I want to be right on track in His "Master plan" The idea that when I stray, He's there to "nudge" me back in the right direction is a great assurance...not leaving me with the feeling that I'm somehow a puppet in some cosmic play, but rather He's the Father gently bringing me back to the place where He's always intended me to be.
If you have some time, check it out. While you may not want to think through the overarching theme of Calvinism vs. Arminianism, it just might get your creative thought processes asking some questions about exactly how much does free will guide our circumstances...or do we have a lot less choice than we've deceived ourselves into believing we have? I know...sort of a chicken and the egg debate, but some good exercise for your brain nonetheless!
Mentioned in this post:
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Tithing, part 2
When I’ve had Christian conversations about my questions/concerns about tithing (as I expressed in the previous post), I have, to date, never had anyone provide me with a truly heartfelt answer they've learned by searching through Scripture and processed through with the aid of the Holy Spirit. Typically, the best I get is ‘Scripture says to do it, so we should.’ I’ve heard over and over again how in Malachi 3:10 tithing is the one place where God says to test Him, because He will deliver blessings out of our obedience.
I still struggle with this though. Why do evangelical Christians (or at least the ones I’ve known) repeatedly say that we are not bound by the Law since Jesus came to fulfill the Law, but still cling to and promote this one…well… law? I even knew someone that at one time borrowed money to pay her tithe. Really?
Granted that’s an extreme case, but I’ve heard loads of single women or women who attend church alone that struggle with guilt over not paying tithe or not being able to give more. Somehow, I think God’s purpose wasn’t to make Christians live under a heavy burden of tithing. Everything God asks of us is to bring freedom in Christ from the sin that attempts to ensnare us. Shouldn’t tithing/giving bring freedom also?
If you’ve been following this blog, you know that our financial world was turned upside down about two years ago. It’s truly difficult to have the importance of tithing impressed upon you when you know that giving it means you’ll miss a bill payment, or that no matter what you do, your house is probably going to go into foreclosure. But tithe we did, and while looking back, I don’t fault my husband for doing it, I do see that I was resentful of a God that would demand a tithe from us when in a few months' time, we would lose everything. What I have since realized, is that it wasn’t God placing that demand upon us.
Have there been times in the last two years when we’ve skipped tithing? Of course! But for 2010, we were surprised when completing our taxes to learn that our total charitable giving was exactly 10% of our income. And this doesn’t include the anonymous giving we did to individuals. Only God can take the glory for this. Only He can make this possible when our income is 50% below the poverty level of an American family our size. Praise His Name!
What made the difference for me? Well, I’m still working through it, but...it’s a heart change. When I knew we had nothing and I realized everything we do have came from God because it wasn't possible for us to provide, I found it much easier to let money and stuff slip through my hands to someone else. I’ve commented before about describing my life as a sieve…God pours in the blessing, we get to keep some of it for ourselves and the rest pours through to someone else.
But along the way to this lifestyle of a more generous spirit, God placed many wonderful authors in my path. Most of whom I’ve already referenced on this blog, Brennan Manning’s Raggamuffin Gospel; Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (after which the title of this blog is named!); David Platt’s Radical; Richard Stearn’s The Hole in Our Gospel and as referenced over and over again in my blog, Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and Forgotten God. The Holy Spirit also led me to do in depth studies in the books of James and Philippians in the Bible. Each of these books deals with generosity, contentment, joy, community, faith and doing good works. So God already had me well on my journey to considering how He wanted us to give.
Then a few weeks ago, I read a great roundtable article in Christianity Today. And for the first time, I felt like someone put into print many of the thoughts I’d been having…vocalizing the very things I’d struggled with in this area.
The question put to these three men, all of them authors or leaders in Christian financial circles, was “Should the jobless tithe on their unemployment benefits?”
Now chew on that for a little while. I’ll be back later with more.
Mentioned in this post:
I still struggle with this though. Why do evangelical Christians (or at least the ones I’ve known) repeatedly say that we are not bound by the Law since Jesus came to fulfill the Law, but still cling to and promote this one…well… law? I even knew someone that at one time borrowed money to pay her tithe. Really?
Granted that’s an extreme case, but I’ve heard loads of single women or women who attend church alone that struggle with guilt over not paying tithe or not being able to give more. Somehow, I think God’s purpose wasn’t to make Christians live under a heavy burden of tithing. Everything God asks of us is to bring freedom in Christ from the sin that attempts to ensnare us. Shouldn’t tithing/giving bring freedom also?
If you’ve been following this blog, you know that our financial world was turned upside down about two years ago. It’s truly difficult to have the importance of tithing impressed upon you when you know that giving it means you’ll miss a bill payment, or that no matter what you do, your house is probably going to go into foreclosure. But tithe we did, and while looking back, I don’t fault my husband for doing it, I do see that I was resentful of a God that would demand a tithe from us when in a few months' time, we would lose everything. What I have since realized, is that it wasn’t God placing that demand upon us.
Have there been times in the last two years when we’ve skipped tithing? Of course! But for 2010, we were surprised when completing our taxes to learn that our total charitable giving was exactly 10% of our income. And this doesn’t include the anonymous giving we did to individuals. Only God can take the glory for this. Only He can make this possible when our income is 50% below the poverty level of an American family our size. Praise His Name!
What made the difference for me? Well, I’m still working through it, but...it’s a heart change. When I knew we had nothing and I realized everything we do have came from God because it wasn't possible for us to provide, I found it much easier to let money and stuff slip through my hands to someone else. I’ve commented before about describing my life as a sieve…God pours in the blessing, we get to keep some of it for ourselves and the rest pours through to someone else.
But along the way to this lifestyle of a more generous spirit, God placed many wonderful authors in my path. Most of whom I’ve already referenced on this blog, Brennan Manning’s Raggamuffin Gospel; Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (after which the title of this blog is named!); David Platt’s Radical; Richard Stearn’s The Hole in Our Gospel and as referenced over and over again in my blog, Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and Forgotten God. The Holy Spirit also led me to do in depth studies in the books of James and Philippians in the Bible. Each of these books deals with generosity, contentment, joy, community, faith and doing good works. So God already had me well on my journey to considering how He wanted us to give.
Then a few weeks ago, I read a great roundtable article in Christianity Today. And for the first time, I felt like someone put into print many of the thoughts I’d been having…vocalizing the very things I’d struggled with in this area.
The question put to these three men, all of them authors or leaders in Christian financial circles, was “Should the jobless tithe on their unemployment benefits?”
Now chew on that for a little while. I’ll be back later with more.
Mentioned in this post:
"Trouble the Water"
Toward the end of the movie, the female in the couple it follows throughout says something very profound. A few weeks after Katrina, she and her husband head to Memphis to live with extended family, but they later return to New Orleans because he never graduated from high school so he can't get the big paying jobs in Memphis that you need to be educated for...the jobs that "pay $10 an hour". (That's right, that's about $20,800 a year!) And Kim (his wife) makes the observation that she's glad they went to Memphis, it showed them how people in different places do things...that they (the people in Memphis) are preparing themselves to be educated, or just find a way to improve their lives. Kim adds, 'I don't know, down here it's like they're preparing us for prison or something.'
And we who sit comfortable in our suburban homes with plenty of food, opportunities for education and the ability to achieve whatever we set our minds to, wonder why "they" don't just take the opportunity to improve their lives and break the cycle of poverty. Maybe because their whole lives they never knew there was a whole other world out there where people are actually encouraged to improve themselves. Maybe they just need someone to believe that they can be more than just another drug-related statistic or welfare recipient. Maybe I'd better stop before this becomes a full-blown rant against how we ignore poverty.
But DO watch this documentary and ask yourself how much faith and trust you put in government agencies taking care of you in times of trouble. These people that we call "poor", shame me in how they opened up their home and their lives to total strangers, offered them their last scraps of food, rescued them from flooding and transported them to safety when the government agencies weren't coming to rescue them. I pray if widespread devastation ever comes to us that we will be willing to do the same!
Friday, July 22, 2011
"Erasing Hell"
Just came across this on a website and wasn't aware that Francis Chan had written another book. The title is Erasing Hell. With all of the hubbub surrounding Rob Bell's recent book (which I have not read), it's refreshing to hear a servant of God saying that we need to approach this subject with humility, diligent study and be willing to lay aside our desires about how God should behave. He warns us to beware of arrogance...something Holy Spirit has been reiterating to me lately.
Watch this link and let me know if you've already read the book. Can't wait to get my hands on a copy!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
In the Cool of the Day
We're told that at least on one occasion, God walked in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:8a says, "They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day"
This is actually the beginning of the confrontation between God, Adam and Eve regarding their sin and the consequences that would be the unfortunate result of their disobedience. But I like to imagine that we really don't know how long Adam and Eve lived in Eden before they fell, so perhaps this was just a matter of routine for God. Can you envision working in a perfect garden all day long, and then discussing the day with the Almighty...getting His perspective, His challenges for growth in your life, His loving chastisement if needed? Doesn't that sound like, well...Eden?!
For several weeks, I've been trying to get in more of a habit of reflecting on the day with God. Giving Him the praise for what He has done and where He's leading. This comes from Psalm 63 , what Beth Moore refers to as a Biblical example of what a crucified life looks like...constantly seeking the will of God and not our own.
In verse 6, David 'remembers God on his bed.' But quite frankly, by the time I'm to that point, I'm pretty much brain-dead. So I end up either reading a book or watching a documentary on Netflix. Then as I'm dozing, I'll attempt to give God some semblance of recognition to Him for all He's done in my day. Yet, I've had this yearning for more...it's just not quite been enough to satisfy.
Yesterday morning as I was thinking through this and praying for the desire for more reflection each day, I felt His loving Spirit calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day." That's it! Go for a walk after dinner, when the sun is setting, take my iPod Shuffle and just dwell on Him and all that's happened.
I was determined...even in 95 degree heat, I kept prioritizing my day to get this opportunity later in the evening. After dinner, I knew the dishes could wait...my God was calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
It was only about 20 minutes...but probably the best spent 20 minutes of my day. I've often thought Holy Spirit has a finger on my iPod Shuffle, and now I'm convinced of it! The first song as I headed out of our complex was Monk & Neagle's Sweep Me Away (Best I could do was find the lyrics!). You can see from the lyrics why this song would mean so much to me.
Next Holy Spirit reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed." --Francis Chan, Forgotten God
Holy Spirit added, "That's exactly the life you're living Angela. You're desperate for Me to come through. I have to come through or you are screwed. I'll come through...just wait." The song that began playing on my iPod at precisely this moment? Help Me Live by Tim Davis That's it...be a living sacrifice and wait for Him to come through.
As I pondered this, I replayed a conversation Dale and I had just had and I said, "Okay, God. You're going to come through...but I can't see what You're doing. What do I do in the meantime?"
The next song to play on my iPod at exactly the right time? Draw Me Nearer [The version I have is by Diane Sheets. It's beautiful, but I can't find it anywhere on the web.] Again, I thought of Beth Moore's word picture of cling wrap...I'm clinging to You, God! Draw me nearer to Your cross!
Rejoicing in what He was speaking to my heart, I was overwhelmed by the next song, Till I See You
Oh...He's good! "I will live to love You!" That's my job in all of this. Just be a living sacrifice, draw nearer, live to love Him. Once again, He was giving me exactly the wisdom and words I needed at exactly the right time!
And as I rounded the corner and headed home, He couldn't leave out Sara Groves. Someone in my life for whom I was carrying a heavy burden came to mind and as I contemplated words I could say or something I could just "do" to help them, God's wisdom through her song began to play in my ears, Loving a Person [The visuals are of couples, but this song applies to any relationship!]
Then I was home. Yeah, I was a little sweaty. There had been a good breeze, but not much of a "cool of the day". What was interesting to me though was that I went out with the intent of thanking and giving glory to the One who'd shown His love to me throughout the day. What I came home with was a heart overflowing with even more to contemplate, praise Him and thank Him for.
He really does give more than we could ever give Him and it might just all start with taking a walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
This is actually the beginning of the confrontation between God, Adam and Eve regarding their sin and the consequences that would be the unfortunate result of their disobedience. But I like to imagine that we really don't know how long Adam and Eve lived in Eden before they fell, so perhaps this was just a matter of routine for God. Can you envision working in a perfect garden all day long, and then discussing the day with the Almighty...getting His perspective, His challenges for growth in your life, His loving chastisement if needed? Doesn't that sound like, well...Eden?!
For several weeks, I've been trying to get in more of a habit of reflecting on the day with God. Giving Him the praise for what He has done and where He's leading. This comes from Psalm 63 , what Beth Moore refers to as a Biblical example of what a crucified life looks like...constantly seeking the will of God and not our own.
In verse 6, David 'remembers God on his bed.' But quite frankly, by the time I'm to that point, I'm pretty much brain-dead. So I end up either reading a book or watching a documentary on Netflix. Then as I'm dozing, I'll attempt to give God some semblance of recognition to Him for all He's done in my day. Yet, I've had this yearning for more...it's just not quite been enough to satisfy.
Yesterday morning as I was thinking through this and praying for the desire for more reflection each day, I felt His loving Spirit calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day." That's it! Go for a walk after dinner, when the sun is setting, take my iPod Shuffle and just dwell on Him and all that's happened.
I was determined...even in 95 degree heat, I kept prioritizing my day to get this opportunity later in the evening. After dinner, I knew the dishes could wait...my God was calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
It was only about 20 minutes...but probably the best spent 20 minutes of my day. I've often thought Holy Spirit has a finger on my iPod Shuffle, and now I'm convinced of it! The first song as I headed out of our complex was Monk & Neagle's Sweep Me Away (Best I could do was find the lyrics!). You can see from the lyrics why this song would mean so much to me.
Next Holy Spirit reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed." --Francis Chan, Forgotten God
Holy Spirit added, "That's exactly the life you're living Angela. You're desperate for Me to come through. I have to come through or you are screwed. I'll come through...just wait." The song that began playing on my iPod at precisely this moment? Help Me Live by Tim Davis That's it...be a living sacrifice and wait for Him to come through.
As I pondered this, I replayed a conversation Dale and I had just had and I said, "Okay, God. You're going to come through...but I can't see what You're doing. What do I do in the meantime?"
The next song to play on my iPod at exactly the right time? Draw Me Nearer [The version I have is by Diane Sheets. It's beautiful, but I can't find it anywhere on the web.] Again, I thought of Beth Moore's word picture of cling wrap...I'm clinging to You, God! Draw me nearer to Your cross!
Rejoicing in what He was speaking to my heart, I was overwhelmed by the next song, Till I See You
Oh...He's good! "I will live to love You!" That's my job in all of this. Just be a living sacrifice, draw nearer, live to love Him. Once again, He was giving me exactly the wisdom and words I needed at exactly the right time!
And as I rounded the corner and headed home, He couldn't leave out Sara Groves. Someone in my life for whom I was carrying a heavy burden came to mind and as I contemplated words I could say or something I could just "do" to help them, God's wisdom through her song began to play in my ears, Loving a Person [The visuals are of couples, but this song applies to any relationship!]
Then I was home. Yeah, I was a little sweaty. There had been a good breeze, but not much of a "cool of the day". What was interesting to me though was that I went out with the intent of thanking and giving glory to the One who'd shown His love to me throughout the day. What I came home with was a heart overflowing with even more to contemplate, praise Him and thank Him for.
He really does give more than we could ever give Him and it might just all start with taking a walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I've Got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart...
If you grew up in a typical evangelical American church like I did, you just read that title and couldn't help yourself from thinking..."Where?"
Yes, it was a catchy tune I sang growing up, but wow! Today...I really do have it deep down in my heart.
I finished (or finished again) Beth Moore's week of studying "Joy" in the Living Beyond Yourself series. Did you know that one of the major catalysts for joy in the Bible is fellow believers? So God really did know what He was doing when He showed us we should live in community with each other, didn't He?
Moore takes each day to go through 5 different catalysts for joy. There are many more, but these are the dominate themes of joy she found throughout Scripture.
But perhaps the one that best sums up what I'm thinking and feeling is this: Hebrews 10:24-25
The NASB says it this way: "and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
I know this doesn't mention joy directly, but it is a prescription that you must consider vital to follow if you want some joy in your life! I believe I've posted on here before how when we found out Dale was losing his job and I knew (as discerned from the comforting Holy Spirit) that this was going to be a rough and long road ahead, I made a conscience decision to not isolate our family from others. I was refusing to wallow! I had "circled the wagons" in times of crisis before and I felt like that made it more difficult and took longer to get through the grieving process. And there was grieving that needed to be done. It was a death in essence...a death of a particular way of life.
But what we found was that as people couldn't find an explanation, a rational reason for why we were going through what we were, we found ourselves isolated anyway. So despite our intentions, we found ourselves wallowing. Praise God! He didn't let us stay there forever!
He gave us an awesome couple as neighbors that continued to be an active part of our lives. God cultivated new friendships, "forged in the fire" so to speak...people experiencing their own difficult trials that could not just commiserate but could comfort and encourage us too. He was also redeeming and renewing old friendships. And if that weren't enough, He opened our eyes and our lives to relationships we would have never pursued before because they were "just too messy". But if someone can put up with my mess...I can surely put up with theirs, right?
At the same time God was changing the appearance of our lives as far as physical dwelling, finances, etc., He was transforming our relationships too. Deep joy is found in weathering life's storms together.
I am convinced and personal history bears testimony to the fact that satan can do some of his best work when I isolate myself. That's when consuming doubts, fears and worry assail me most effectively. But when I turn outside of myself, focus on others, enjoy being in their presence...even when the thought of inviting someone over and entertaining them is almost more than I can bear...I do find deep joy.
And amazingly enough, I have experienced what Paul is talking about in Romans 16:19a: "For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you..." The situation that comes to mind happened a few months ago.
During my morning prayer time, I was reflecting on all the growth I have seen in my neighbor, Cat's life since I first began to know her. I was thinking of one situation after another where God has grown her by leaps and bounds. The night before she'd even spoken of praying for someone that in the past she would not have considered doing. Holy Spirit just kept collecting these memories in my mind. I wept as He spoke to my heart like the bragging Abba that He is and said, "Have you seen my daughter, Cat? Look at how she's grown." I had the blessed opportunity to tell her later that her Daddy had bragging on her that morning!
Do you need some joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart? Then no matter the cost, no matter the inconvenience, no matter the embarrassment, discomfort, pain, or "mess" get out (of your home) and get into relationship with other Jesus followers. If you can't get out of your home then invite them in! And even if you think there's a relationship that's too far gone to be redeemed...I am living testimony that God can heal, will heal, shoot...delights in healing broken relationships and making them even better than they were before.
And when He does, what will you have? That's right...joy...down in your heart!
Yes, it was a catchy tune I sang growing up, but wow! Today...I really do have it deep down in my heart.
I finished (or finished again) Beth Moore's week of studying "Joy" in the Living Beyond Yourself series. Did you know that one of the major catalysts for joy in the Bible is fellow believers? So God really did know what He was doing when He showed us we should live in community with each other, didn't He?
Moore takes each day to go through 5 different catalysts for joy. There are many more, but these are the dominate themes of joy she found throughout Scripture.
- The joy of our salvation- If pondering on just exactly what Jesus did to accomplish our forever forgiveness and potential for dwelling in Him and with Him forever doesn't bring you joy...nothing else will. (My words, not Beth Moore's!)
- The joy of discovery- Ever found a treasure in a hidden place? The closer I want to get to God, the more unexplainable He becomes. He is a constant discovery of emotional, mental and spiritual wealth...a real hidden treasure!
- The joy of restoration- Ever gone through an overwhelming trial or situation when the only thing that got you through was complete dependence upon God? You just knew that you were being sifted or refined and when you started coming out on the other side (because He alone brought you through!) you discovered overwhelming joy instead? Then you know what I'm talking about.
- The joy of abiding- This is the one I blogged about yesterday (see I Think I'm Being Taught a New Lesson)
- The joy of fellowship- Let's get into a little...shall we?
But perhaps the one that best sums up what I'm thinking and feeling is this: Hebrews 10:24-25
The NASB says it this way: "and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
I know this doesn't mention joy directly, but it is a prescription that you must consider vital to follow if you want some joy in your life! I believe I've posted on here before how when we found out Dale was losing his job and I knew (as discerned from the comforting Holy Spirit) that this was going to be a rough and long road ahead, I made a conscience decision to not isolate our family from others. I was refusing to wallow! I had "circled the wagons" in times of crisis before and I felt like that made it more difficult and took longer to get through the grieving process. And there was grieving that needed to be done. It was a death in essence...a death of a particular way of life.
But what we found was that as people couldn't find an explanation, a rational reason for why we were going through what we were, we found ourselves isolated anyway. So despite our intentions, we found ourselves wallowing. Praise God! He didn't let us stay there forever!
He gave us an awesome couple as neighbors that continued to be an active part of our lives. God cultivated new friendships, "forged in the fire" so to speak...people experiencing their own difficult trials that could not just commiserate but could comfort and encourage us too. He was also redeeming and renewing old friendships. And if that weren't enough, He opened our eyes and our lives to relationships we would have never pursued before because they were "just too messy". But if someone can put up with my mess...I can surely put up with theirs, right?
At the same time God was changing the appearance of our lives as far as physical dwelling, finances, etc., He was transforming our relationships too. Deep joy is found in weathering life's storms together.
I am convinced and personal history bears testimony to the fact that satan can do some of his best work when I isolate myself. That's when consuming doubts, fears and worry assail me most effectively. But when I turn outside of myself, focus on others, enjoy being in their presence...even when the thought of inviting someone over and entertaining them is almost more than I can bear...I do find deep joy.
And amazingly enough, I have experienced what Paul is talking about in Romans 16:19a: "For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you..." The situation that comes to mind happened a few months ago.
During my morning prayer time, I was reflecting on all the growth I have seen in my neighbor, Cat's life since I first began to know her. I was thinking of one situation after another where God has grown her by leaps and bounds. The night before she'd even spoken of praying for someone that in the past she would not have considered doing. Holy Spirit just kept collecting these memories in my mind. I wept as He spoke to my heart like the bragging Abba that He is and said, "Have you seen my daughter, Cat? Look at how she's grown." I had the blessed opportunity to tell her later that her Daddy had bragging on her that morning!
Do you need some joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart? Then no matter the cost, no matter the inconvenience, no matter the embarrassment, discomfort, pain, or "mess" get out (of your home) and get into relationship with other Jesus followers. If you can't get out of your home then invite them in! And even if you think there's a relationship that's too far gone to be redeemed...I am living testimony that God can heal, will heal, shoot...delights in healing broken relationships and making them even better than they were before.
And when He does, what will you have? That's right...joy...down in your heart!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I Think I'm Being Taught a New Lesson
And it's a little difficult to verbalize, but I'll do my best. This is an experience that's fairly new to me and it completely sounds absurd to my American-culture sensitivities but nonetheless in my pursuit to be obedient to His Voice, I think He's opening up this new area in my life.
In a nutshell, He's teaching me to ask Him for specific things He lays on my heart. That's the gist of it, but the ramifications are huge. It's like cracking open a grain of sand and discovering there was a whole universe inside it that you never knew existed! Ever seen or read the story Horton Hears a Who? Something along those lines.
I'm not even sure I can get my finite brain to wrap around this concept let alone truly appreciate just where it could lead. For now, as I'm working through this, I'm trying to just delight in a God that knows what I need even better than I do and tells me to go ahead and ask Him for it.
God even tells us in Romans that because we don't know how to pray, He's got us covered. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26)
Two very specific situations have happened this summer and quite frankly, my head is spinning a little bit. One, I've already shared on here about how He told me to ask Him for a mini-vacation. (Why Is God So Good to Us? ) And now for about 1 1/2-2 weeks, this number has been rolling around in my head. Every time I would be praying about how to get Boundless Ministries up and running and what the next steps are, this dollar amount always comes to mind. But I've kept thinking "It's just my thought", "I'm dreaming too big", or "I'm sure I'm just expecting too much too fast", on and on ad nauseum!
Then last night in the middle of this crushing blow about starting a job that I thought could help provide some money to start God's work through Boundless Ministries, I told Dale about this number. I said, "Do I sound absurd? Doesn't it sound just 'out there' to be thinking this way?" He smiled and said, 'Funny, for the last several weeks I've been thinking where can we get ____? And it's always that number- _____.'
Odd, huh? Maybe not so much.
After feeling like the ground had dropped out from under me last night (see I Don't Even Know What to Think Anymore! ) I was determined to beseech Almighty God for some answers about whether to continue to pursue a position with SMX or not, about how He will provide for us or to show us how to do it and about how to help a mom that we know that has some needs right now. Did I get any answers? Not really. What I did get was this number coming to me over and over again. It's not like I'm seeing lotto numbers, so don't get any fancy ideas.
What finally happened? I conceded and said, 'Okay God...I'm asking for____________. And I know You will provide it, because You have told me to ask You.' I'm not sure I can describe the immediate sensation of peace that completely washed over me. It was amazing! I finished praying and went straight to my room and wrote down the date and the request on the same paper where I documented the mini-vacation request.
Next I went through all of the Scripture truths He's given me over the last few weeks and I praised Him for doing a mighty work and blessing me with the opportunity to go through all of this for His Name and His Glory. Do I have a timeline for when He'll make this happen? Absolutely not! But I do not doubt that it will be exactly when He wants it to happen.
This morning, as I continued to process through all of the above and sought to empty myself of my will and surrender to the will of God, I felt like Holy Spirit was giving me this lesson: "As you are drawing closer to Me, Angela, you can trust that I will lay a desire on your heart and you can pray for it with confidence that I will provide it. You can trust this! I know it's new to you, but just believe that these thoughts, dreams, desires come from Me. Satan will not plant an idea in your mind that will only produce good, so don't second guess it...it is from Me...so delight in it, ask it and receive it!"
Then my Bible study lesson for the day was about Abiding Joy. And here's the perfectly timed lesson for the day found in John 15:1-17 This is chock full of precious lessons, but here's the one for me for today, verse 3: "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you." (NASB)
Got it! I am already clean...the enemy is not the one giving me these words of desire that bring about good. They are from You and You alone.
Verse 7-8: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." (NASB)
Really? As I cling to you (Beth Moore says like cling wrap...I like that visual!) and I dwell on Your promises, Your Scripture, Your Word (yes, Jesus is THE Word!) throughout my day, I can trust that my wishes are from You...so I can automatically expect it to happen? Wow! I am humbled! And I don't need to second guess that my motivation is selfish. If it's something that will glorify Him and bear fruit in my life and prove that I am one of His disciples, then ask away!
Verse 10: "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love." (NASB)
How do I live in peace knowing that the desires laid on my heart are from Him? How do I rest in the knowledge that I am not asking for anything outside of His perfect, sovereign will for me? Keep His commands.
Ahhh! Sweet peace! He is good isn't He?
Then if all this weren't enough, I had a sweet friend send me an e-mail saying Holy Spirit had laid upon her heart a specific request for us that seems way out of this world to happen at this point. But I wept as I realized that's exactly why God gave it to her instead of me or Dale. We are so beaten down in our belief that He can improve our situation through Dale's job or by providing a new one, that we'd be afraid to even ask for that...so He led our friend to ask it of Him instead! Once again, Holy Spirit laid it on her heart, it could only bring good, glorify God and prove us to be His disciples...so ask away baby!
She even had Scripture confirmation in the asking. When writing in her journal this prayer request God gave her for us, the Scripture on the page just "happened" to be, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
Discussing all of this with Dale, I sensed his trepidation about believing too quickly and risking hurt and disappointment again...so I tried to process through some of this with him. I remembered a friend several years ago telling me to "crawl under her umbrella of faith" when I didn't have any. I think that's what God's having us do with our friend's request for us. And then I said something Holy Spirit laid on my heart and I am clinging to it, "I know it sounds absurd. But the more absurd it is, the less we can take credit for it. He can do the absurd. And I just believe that He's going to do something that will blow our socks off." I even had a visual of when Mythbusters has tried to prove that you can have your socks blown off and envisioned the day when our photographer daughter can take a picture of me laying on the ground with some socks by my feet with the caption, "He blew my socks off!"
But Dale just laughed! Instantly, I thought of how recently the kids and I read about how both Abraham and Sarah at different times in the journey just laughed out loud at the thought of having a child in their old age. [Beseeched God very quickly that He would not give us another child! Hah! That would be absurd wouldn't it?!] But there is something about God doing the absurd that just makes us giddy with joy.
And there it is...abiding joy. Cling to Him, obey His commands, trust that His desires become our desires, ask for those desires confidently and quickly and stand back and laugh with joy as He performs what only He can...the absurd!
Okay, the grain of sand is definitely cracked open and there is a whole blessed universe inside!
In a nutshell, He's teaching me to ask Him for specific things He lays on my heart. That's the gist of it, but the ramifications are huge. It's like cracking open a grain of sand and discovering there was a whole universe inside it that you never knew existed! Ever seen or read the story Horton Hears a Who? Something along those lines.
I'm not even sure I can get my finite brain to wrap around this concept let alone truly appreciate just where it could lead. For now, as I'm working through this, I'm trying to just delight in a God that knows what I need even better than I do and tells me to go ahead and ask Him for it.
God even tells us in Romans that because we don't know how to pray, He's got us covered. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26)
Two very specific situations have happened this summer and quite frankly, my head is spinning a little bit. One, I've already shared on here about how He told me to ask Him for a mini-vacation. (Why Is God So Good to Us? ) And now for about 1 1/2-2 weeks, this number has been rolling around in my head. Every time I would be praying about how to get Boundless Ministries up and running and what the next steps are, this dollar amount always comes to mind. But I've kept thinking "It's just my thought", "I'm dreaming too big", or "I'm sure I'm just expecting too much too fast", on and on ad nauseum!
Then last night in the middle of this crushing blow about starting a job that I thought could help provide some money to start God's work through Boundless Ministries, I told Dale about this number. I said, "Do I sound absurd? Doesn't it sound just 'out there' to be thinking this way?" He smiled and said, 'Funny, for the last several weeks I've been thinking where can we get ____? And it's always that number- _____.'
Odd, huh? Maybe not so much.
After feeling like the ground had dropped out from under me last night (see I Don't Even Know What to Think Anymore! ) I was determined to beseech Almighty God for some answers about whether to continue to pursue a position with SMX or not, about how He will provide for us or to show us how to do it and about how to help a mom that we know that has some needs right now. Did I get any answers? Not really. What I did get was this number coming to me over and over again. It's not like I'm seeing lotto numbers, so don't get any fancy ideas.
What finally happened? I conceded and said, 'Okay God...I'm asking for____________. And I know You will provide it, because You have told me to ask You.' I'm not sure I can describe the immediate sensation of peace that completely washed over me. It was amazing! I finished praying and went straight to my room and wrote down the date and the request on the same paper where I documented the mini-vacation request.
Next I went through all of the Scripture truths He's given me over the last few weeks and I praised Him for doing a mighty work and blessing me with the opportunity to go through all of this for His Name and His Glory. Do I have a timeline for when He'll make this happen? Absolutely not! But I do not doubt that it will be exactly when He wants it to happen.
This morning, as I continued to process through all of the above and sought to empty myself of my will and surrender to the will of God, I felt like Holy Spirit was giving me this lesson: "As you are drawing closer to Me, Angela, you can trust that I will lay a desire on your heart and you can pray for it with confidence that I will provide it. You can trust this! I know it's new to you, but just believe that these thoughts, dreams, desires come from Me. Satan will not plant an idea in your mind that will only produce good, so don't second guess it...it is from Me...so delight in it, ask it and receive it!"
Then my Bible study lesson for the day was about Abiding Joy. And here's the perfectly timed lesson for the day found in John 15:1-17 This is chock full of precious lessons, but here's the one for me for today, verse 3: "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you." (NASB)
Got it! I am already clean...the enemy is not the one giving me these words of desire that bring about good. They are from You and You alone.
Verse 7-8: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." (NASB)
Really? As I cling to you (Beth Moore says like cling wrap...I like that visual!) and I dwell on Your promises, Your Scripture, Your Word (yes, Jesus is THE Word!) throughout my day, I can trust that my wishes are from You...so I can automatically expect it to happen? Wow! I am humbled! And I don't need to second guess that my motivation is selfish. If it's something that will glorify Him and bear fruit in my life and prove that I am one of His disciples, then ask away!
Verse 10: "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love." (NASB)
How do I live in peace knowing that the desires laid on my heart are from Him? How do I rest in the knowledge that I am not asking for anything outside of His perfect, sovereign will for me? Keep His commands.
Ahhh! Sweet peace! He is good isn't He?
Then if all this weren't enough, I had a sweet friend send me an e-mail saying Holy Spirit had laid upon her heart a specific request for us that seems way out of this world to happen at this point. But I wept as I realized that's exactly why God gave it to her instead of me or Dale. We are so beaten down in our belief that He can improve our situation through Dale's job or by providing a new one, that we'd be afraid to even ask for that...so He led our friend to ask it of Him instead! Once again, Holy Spirit laid it on her heart, it could only bring good, glorify God and prove us to be His disciples...so ask away baby!
She even had Scripture confirmation in the asking. When writing in her journal this prayer request God gave her for us, the Scripture on the page just "happened" to be, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
Discussing all of this with Dale, I sensed his trepidation about believing too quickly and risking hurt and disappointment again...so I tried to process through some of this with him. I remembered a friend several years ago telling me to "crawl under her umbrella of faith" when I didn't have any. I think that's what God's having us do with our friend's request for us. And then I said something Holy Spirit laid on my heart and I am clinging to it, "I know it sounds absurd. But the more absurd it is, the less we can take credit for it. He can do the absurd. And I just believe that He's going to do something that will blow our socks off." I even had a visual of when Mythbusters has tried to prove that you can have your socks blown off and envisioned the day when our photographer daughter can take a picture of me laying on the ground with some socks by my feet with the caption, "He blew my socks off!"
But Dale just laughed! Instantly, I thought of how recently the kids and I read about how both Abraham and Sarah at different times in the journey just laughed out loud at the thought of having a child in their old age. [Beseeched God very quickly that He would not give us another child! Hah! That would be absurd wouldn't it?!] But there is something about God doing the absurd that just makes us giddy with joy.
And there it is...abiding joy. Cling to Him, obey His commands, trust that His desires become our desires, ask for those desires confidently and quickly and stand back and laugh with joy as He performs what only He can...the absurd!
Okay, the grain of sand is definitely cracked open and there is a whole blessed universe inside!
Monday, July 18, 2011
I Don't Even Know What to Think Anymore!
And that's probably exactly where God wants me to be.
I haven't even had a chance to post over the weekend that I received a call Friday from the temp agency that they had a shift for me starting tonight. I had left it up to God to decide which nightshift was the best and this is the one they offered.
I spent all weekend making up schedules for our family, having family meetings with the kids about what their responsibilities would be, meeting with members of our cell group (which is a small group or some churches call them Life groups) to discuss some possible future changes...basically rearranging our entire lives. And through it all, I felt peaceful just trusting that God would eventually show me why at this time He was having me go to work. He could continue to provide for us in unusual ways...continue to impress upon us how to do it ourselves or lead us daily to know His will for our provision...but now, if I was going to work, there must be a grander reason...an eternal reason. I was good with that. There must be someone there that I'll get to know or some way to get a foot in the door of someone's life or a lesson for me or our family...I just knew it.
Throughout it all, Dale and I both believed this would be temporary but we were okay with this choice if God was not going to stop it. And if you've been reading this blog very long, you know I ask Him to either provide for us miraculously or deeply impress upon us how we are to do it.
Well, I guess I definitely got a "deep impression" tonight...more like a door slammed in my face actually.
I showed up for training 18 minutes early and was the fourth from the last to arrive. Everyone was there 10 minutes before the time to start. 20 minutes later, they called four names (mine included) and asked us to come to the office. Here's what they said, 'We're going to have to turn you four away tonight and send you home. We always overbook just in case people don't show up. And Amazon doesn't need this many people right now.' They gave us a few other details, but by this point I was confused, dumbfounded and starting to get a little angry.
Yeah...I was angry at God too. He's a big God and the Psalms are full of David's rants...so I know God can handle me getting a little upset with Him. Did I really need this exercise in futility? Or was this just His final door closing in the face because I really didn't have clear discernment from Him to pursue this path to begin with? Honestly...I'm still thinking about this one. My head's spinning a little too much to be able to figure it out.
But for now, I guess He's gonna have to provide miraculously because this door's been closed. I guess when He said to leap He wasn't kidding.
And yet, I can't stop this without adding that He immediately did give me some peace too. I was reading a blog post that a friend sent to me and I went on to read the one underneath it too. She wrote it back in May, but God meant it for my eyes tonight. It's entitled The Need to Not Understand
Praise God! He's so good! And I absolutely believe that He is faithful too. I know I can't figure Him out...but once again, I'll cling (albeit desperately!) to the fact that He WILL provide or deeply impress upon us how to do it! Amen!
I haven't even had a chance to post over the weekend that I received a call Friday from the temp agency that they had a shift for me starting tonight. I had left it up to God to decide which nightshift was the best and this is the one they offered.
I spent all weekend making up schedules for our family, having family meetings with the kids about what their responsibilities would be, meeting with members of our cell group (which is a small group or some churches call them Life groups) to discuss some possible future changes...basically rearranging our entire lives. And through it all, I felt peaceful just trusting that God would eventually show me why at this time He was having me go to work. He could continue to provide for us in unusual ways...continue to impress upon us how to do it ourselves or lead us daily to know His will for our provision...but now, if I was going to work, there must be a grander reason...an eternal reason. I was good with that. There must be someone there that I'll get to know or some way to get a foot in the door of someone's life or a lesson for me or our family...I just knew it.
Throughout it all, Dale and I both believed this would be temporary but we were okay with this choice if God was not going to stop it. And if you've been reading this blog very long, you know I ask Him to either provide for us miraculously or deeply impress upon us how we are to do it.
Well, I guess I definitely got a "deep impression" tonight...more like a door slammed in my face actually.
I showed up for training 18 minutes early and was the fourth from the last to arrive. Everyone was there 10 minutes before the time to start. 20 minutes later, they called four names (mine included) and asked us to come to the office. Here's what they said, 'We're going to have to turn you four away tonight and send you home. We always overbook just in case people don't show up. And Amazon doesn't need this many people right now.' They gave us a few other details, but by this point I was confused, dumbfounded and starting to get a little angry.
Yeah...I was angry at God too. He's a big God and the Psalms are full of David's rants...so I know God can handle me getting a little upset with Him. Did I really need this exercise in futility? Or was this just His final door closing in the face because I really didn't have clear discernment from Him to pursue this path to begin with? Honestly...I'm still thinking about this one. My head's spinning a little too much to be able to figure it out.
But for now, I guess He's gonna have to provide miraculously because this door's been closed. I guess when He said to leap He wasn't kidding.
And yet, I can't stop this without adding that He immediately did give me some peace too. I was reading a blog post that a friend sent to me and I went on to read the one underneath it too. She wrote it back in May, but God meant it for my eyes tonight. It's entitled The Need to Not Understand
Praise God! He's so good! And I absolutely believe that He is faithful too. I know I can't figure Him out...but once again, I'll cling (albeit desperately!) to the fact that He WILL provide or deeply impress upon us how to do it! Amen!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend
I know it may seem silly to think of Harry as an old friend, but he has become so interwoven into the fabric of our family, that I almost feel like I'm saying goodbye to my children's childhood and innocence. While we were not Harry Potter devotees from the beginning (in fact I was one of "those" Christians that originally thought it had to be an abomination because it contained magic after all!), I can almost no longer remember a time when we were not infatuated with all things Harry Potter.
In fact, I began reading the books while nursing my now 8-year old child. After all, what else do you have to do when your sitting for hours on end? I devoured books 1 through 5 and had to wait, it seemed an eternity, for the 6th book to arrive. By the time the last one came out, my husband and oldest daughter waited in line at midnight to get it, brought it home to me, I stayed up most of the night reading it and in less than 24 hours had completed the 759 page conclusion to this magical series. I even sobbed when Dobby died. I had never before cried while reading a book. This one brought me to tears at least 4 times!
J.K. Rowling created a world on par with Narnia or Middle Earth and I have devoured these books at least 3 times each over the years. I even have fond memories of reading the first four out loud to our three oldest kids. Dale read the fifth to them and then they were old enough to read books 6 and 7 to themselves. Our third daughter has read some of them at least 5 times and has read the whole series through 3 times.
We've also enjoyed the books on CD version read by Jim Dale. If you have never listened to them, you have missed an amazing work of art! Jim Dale has a distinct voice for each and every character in the books...and there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of them. You know by his characterization which character is speaking. My goal is to eventually own a complete set of these. They are pricey, but I know they would be enjoyed by my children and even grandchildren someday.
I have even envisioned a day when I will buy a complete set of the hardback books for each of my children to take with them when they "leave the nest". These are books they should someday read to their children and I know they will!
We are huge Disney fans...we love DisneyWorld...but since Harry Potter world at Universal Studios in Orlando has opened, when we play the game of, "If I had money to do anything in the world" (or "If I had a million dollars," etc.) one or more of our children always says, "I'd go to Harry Potter World in Florida!" Harry has finally won out over Mickey Mouse!
Why this obsession? People have written many books, articles, essays, and there are even numerous fan-based websites and blogs all dedicated to Harry. So I'm sure nothing I will say here is new. But for me it's not just the depth and layers of characters, it's not the magical, fun world and the wish to live in such a place...I truly believe for me, it's the message of God that comes piercing through all of this to say, "You may think you're just mediocre at best...but I have a distinct plan, purpose..."a call"...on your life. And it may mean sacrificing your dignity, your desires, even your life. And yes, there will be times when even your closest friends will not understand and will accuse you and maybe even walk away. But in the end, I will sustain you, I will give you the tools and the strength that you need to complete your mission. And no matter how it turns out in the world's eyes, I will resurrect you to a life beyond anything you could ever imagine!"
So goodbye Harry! And thank you J.K. Rowling, I'm not sure anyone else in my lifetime will write such a masterpiece, but I'll remain hopeful. In the meantime, we'll continue to have "Harry Potter fests" with your movies and reread the books over and again. Thanks for all of the memories and for becoming such a part of our lives!