And that's probably exactly where God wants me to be.
I haven't even had a chance to post over the weekend that I received a call Friday from the temp agency that they had a shift for me starting tonight. I had left it up to God to decide which nightshift was the best and this is the one they offered.
I spent all weekend making up schedules for our family, having family meetings with the kids about what their responsibilities would be, meeting with members of our cell group (which is a small group or some churches call them Life groups) to discuss some possible future changes...basically rearranging our entire lives. And through it all, I felt peaceful just trusting that God would eventually show me why at this time He was having me go to work. He could continue to provide for us in unusual ways...continue to impress upon us how to do it ourselves or lead us daily to know His will for our provision...but now, if I was going to work, there must be a grander reason...an eternal reason. I was good with that. There must be someone there that I'll get to know or some way to get a foot in the door of someone's life or a lesson for me or our family...I just knew it.
Throughout it all, Dale and I both believed this would be temporary but we were okay with this choice if God was not going to stop it. And if you've been reading this blog very long, you know I ask Him to either provide for us miraculously or deeply impress upon us how we are to do it.
Well, I guess I definitely got a "deep impression" tonight...more like a door slammed in my face actually.
I showed up for training 18 minutes early and was the fourth from the last to arrive. Everyone was there 10 minutes before the time to start. 20 minutes later, they called four names (mine included) and asked us to come to the office. Here's what they said, 'We're going to have to turn you four away tonight and send you home. We always overbook just in case people don't show up. And Amazon doesn't need this many people right now.' They gave us a few other details, but by this point I was confused, dumbfounded and starting to get a little angry.
Yeah...I was angry at God too. He's a big God and the Psalms are full of David's rants...so I know God can handle me getting a little upset with Him. Did I really need this exercise in futility? Or was this just His final door closing in the face because I really didn't have clear discernment from Him to pursue this path to begin with? Honestly...I'm still thinking about this one. My head's spinning a little too much to be able to figure it out.
But for now, I guess He's gonna have to provide miraculously because this door's been closed. I guess when He said to leap He wasn't kidding.
And yet, I can't stop this without adding that He immediately did give me some peace too. I was reading a blog post that a friend sent to me and I went on to read the one underneath it too. She wrote it back in May, but God meant it for my eyes tonight. It's entitled The Need to Not Understand
Praise God! He's so good! And I absolutely believe that He is faithful too. I know I can't figure Him out...but once again, I'll cling (albeit desperately!) to the fact that He WILL provide or deeply impress upon us how to do it! Amen!
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