Learning to Pray Boldly

Pictured above are several index cards with biblical scriptures printed upon them. This is not a concept that is new to me, I've been doing it for about four years now. Beth Moore, in one of her studies, was the first to "turn me on" to this way of learning Scripture and claiming it personally. What is new to me is an idea presented in her Believing God study: Speak the Scripture out loud and claim them with the power and authority of the Holy Spirit whom resides in me.

Obviously, she can explain this much more eloquently and dynamically than I ever could...but here's what I know:  this has absolutely transformed my prayer life and outlook on my relationship with God. Do not tune me out because you think I've bought into some type of "prosperity gospel". I am not claiming a boat or a car or a mansion or a fancy trip or any other number of things that many televangelists and preachers have wrongly taught that you can "name it and claim it".

But if I am praying from a heart that is wholly surrendered to the will of God, asking Jesus to speak His Word into my life and prayerfully expecting the power of the Holy Spirit to deliver on the promises He has claimed that He can, then I can with unfettered boldness declare: God, as Your eyes move to and fro throughout the earth, I know that You will strongly support me (sustain me; make me bold; encourage me; repair me; help me to withstand) because You find my heart (my soul; my inner part; my inclination; my resolution) is completely (wholly, perfectly) Yours. (see II Chronicles 16:9)

By simply taking His Word, inserting personal pronouns and sometimes even my name, (and even looking up alternate definitions for some significant words) I have claimed a biblical promise for my own life. Again, this concept isn't new to me. What is different is speaking it out loud! 

Moore explains the reason for this: We can pray without ceasing and should...but when we speak God's, Holy Spirit inspired Word...we are speaking the very words of God. We've been told in Scripture that our enemies tremble in God's Presence (see James 2:19 for one reference). We've also been told that the Holy Spirit has unsurpassed power and that He is the energy in the spoken word of God (see Genesis 1:2). Thus, when we speak the very Words of God, demons flee and the Holy Spirit is unleashed to work, battle, encourage or discipline just as He has promised He will.

Since I began doing this a few weeks ago, having tailored some specific Scriptures to specific people and situations, I have seen God's Spirit moving and working. Long-buried issues that have needed addressed; old habits that just need to be put away so we, as Christians, can enjoy Kingdom-living (see Proverbs 14:26-27); awareness that we don't fight against flesh and blood but against powers and forces we cannot see so I don't take little slights as personally as in the past (see Ephesians 6:12); a very real knowledge of the closeness of the Presence of the Holy Spirit (see Proverbs 2:3-5); and that His hope for reconciliation, restoration, abiding joy and comfort and beautiful life is always available and no one can take that hope away from me (see Ephesians 1:12 and Romans 5:5 and (I Corinthians 13:13)!!!

Because of all I have seen, heard and felt over the last six weeks, I may be annoying those who know me. I cannot help but be 'bubbling over with the memory of His abundant goodness and shouting joyfully of His righteousness.' (see Psalm 145:7) I have had some amazing conversations the last few weeks and I just know He is only getting started! I have to be honest and say that there has been a lot of activity on my Enemy's part too and I have not been surprised. But 95% of the battle has been in my head and declaring God's Word out loud makes the baddie flee the premises much faster than he used to. Bottom line...I am supposed to be about my Father's business (see Joshua 24:15) so no enemy that comes between that objective should get free rent in my head any more.

God never said this would be easy (see John 16:33), but He promised He would never leave nor forsake me (see Deuteronomy 31:6). So as I "fight the good fight" (see I Timothy 6:12) I am thankful to be learning just how powerful my Sword is (see Ephesians 6:17)!

***Okay, funny side note for anyone that ever grew up in an evangelical, protestant church. Did you ever have Bible drills? Did your Sunday school teacher ever have everyone start with their Bibles extended in the air? Did your teacher ever say, "Put your swords in the air."?? Really? Why did it take almost 40 years for me to get this: It really is a sword!

What a Ride!

Yesterday, I celebrated 19 years married to the same man. Because I run in mostly Christian circles, this doesn't always seem like a great feat to me. I know though that realistically, both inside and outside the Body of Christ, this far exceeds the "norm".

I would also like to quickly point out that I humbly take none of the credit. Were it not for God's mercy and grace, we wouldn't have gotten this far. And I told Dale last night, "If Jesus doesn't come back, maybe we'll be given 19 more."

I wrote this on my Facebook wall yesterday: "Happy Anniversary Dale Barthauer! Thankful that you joined me on this roller coaster ride 19 years ago." And I meant it!

I wasn't just trying to be cute or come up with something original. Actually, it's not original at all.

I once heard a speaker say that he thought that every valuable life lesson could be taught from the movie "City Slickers". For me, that movie is "Parenthood", starring Steve Martin. And though it's been more than a decade since I last saw it, one of the most profound lessons I've ever learned comes from the grandmother of the family, played by Helen Shaw.

[I hope this clip plays. If the link doesn't work, definitely go to Youtube to watch it.]

Here's what I knew within the first two years of this leg of the Journey together...we were in for the ride of a lifetime! Looking back at this juncture...I wouldn't trade one hill or one valley!

Every once in awhile, I feel compelled to make a "master list" of all that we've been through: loss, death of loved ones, financial distress, job changes or losses, family tragedy, church family difficulties and on and on and on. I don't do this to somehow dwell on the negative. Once I write the list in my then-current journal, I put it away and don't look at it again. I feel comforted by God's Spirit that He leads me to do this because some day, when I've shed this mortal shell, my prayer is that my spouse, my kids or my grandkids or even perfect strangers will stumble upon it and be encouraged to read the factual documentation that God is good and He will always be on the roller coaster with you.

When Dale and I each posted our "Happy Anniversary" to each other we received several dozen "likes" and comments congratulating us. But one friend I think understood my perspective...because she added, "Keep your hands and feet in the car at all times." I would be lying if I didn't admit that I've wished numerous times that I could have just a little merry-go-round fun, (see YouTube clip above) if only for a little while.

But the Holy Spirit has led and pled with me, especially in the last three years, that I need to know and remain confident that when I say these crazy things like, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." (see Joshua 24:15) and 'No matter what, I'm going to cling to Him,' or 'Though the world may pass away, I will serve the Lord,' (see I John 2:17)...I've already bought my ticket and found my front row seat for the loops and spins, heights and depths...I might as well let go and throw up my hands too.

And sometimes...just a very few sometimes...He'll allow me enough inertia, enough speed and just the right amount of wind that I'm even lifted off my seat and allowed the privilege to feel like I'm flying.

Just Hanging On!

Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm verbose. Yet, if you're a frequent reader, you may notice that I've been unusually silent. To be honest...I'm struggling. Nothing new...I know. But, if nothing else, I do try to be honest about my struggles. Yet, I've hesitated to post too much because I really just feel like I'm being whiny. A dear friend assured me about a week ago that I am not...but I just can't help feeling like a big 'ol whiny baby.

I mean, I have so much to be thankful for and 90% of those aren't financial. I'm reading through Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, and while I'm being challenged because we live in one of the wealthiest, most consumer-driven nations on Earth, it's also been causing me a lot of angst I think. Analyzing the reason for this, I can see that there are some deep-rooted issues and misconceptions about Him that God is trying to weed out and unfortunately, I've been hanging on to these issues more tightly than I've been hanging on to Him.

You see, I keep reading this book and telling myself (or allowing my enemy to tell me), "But, I'm not a rich Christian," "I have nothing left to give", "Giving time, a listening ear and prayer, just don't seem like enough". In the meantime, I'm finding myself a little resentful. Ouch! Ripping the bandaid off the self-pity wound here...hang on a minute. This is going to show just how ugly and twisted my thought processes are... I keep thinking..."I'm not the one that needs to read this book, yet, I can't go hand it to a rich Christian and say, 'You need to read this.'" And when I truly grasp our financial circumstances, we make less than many of the people we want to serve when you calculate government assistance and wages together. So far, government assistance has not been God's path of provision for us...it may be some day...but not for now. I fully support those that use government assistance while they are working or going to school and have no other means to survive...it's just not been His plan for our family for some reason that only He knows. [Hope that is understood and doesn't piss off anyone! Just a truth for our family alone.]

So this ugliness of bitterness, resentment, judgment, criticism, fear, doubt, worry, etc., etc., etc., has kept me from embracing and become the woman that God created me to be...one who loves Him above all else and defends and supports the poor and downtrodden, particularly single moms and their families. Instead, I've been wallowing and worrying...two W's that do not exist peacefully with the W I should be doing...Worship! God's brought me face to face with this ugliness and He's challenging me to analyze why it's there, own up to my part of it and let Him root it out. So here goes:

• For some reason...I think partly due to always having lived in suburban, white, America...I have bought into this lie that I somehow deserve financial blessings. After all, many a sermon has said, 'If you just do A, B, and C, God will provide for all of your needs.'
• But in the U.S., we convince ourselves that our "needs" are plenty. We don't live in a place where we only need food, clothing and drink which is really all that Jesus promised to provide if we sought first His Kingdom and His righteousness. (see Matthew 6:31-33) No, we convince ourselves we "need" smart phones, and iPads, and a new car every 3 years, and a home big enough so at minimum each person in the family has at least 500 square feet, and closets overflowing with clothes, and pantries overflowing with food, and lessons or sports for all of our children's "gifts", and 2+ hours spent on the latest movie, and meat at every meal. I admit it...I swallowed the sales pitch hook, line and sinker. I struggle now to backpedal and teach my children differently and embrace the counter-cultural change myself.
• I somehow believed all of the teaching that prevails in America that God will only allow you to be tested for a "season". But what if this is as good as it ever gets? I mean, do you just walk away from a marriage because you made the wrong choice...WAIT!...don't answer that one. God's plan was for you to say "No" to that question. Likewise, what if God's best for our family from this point forward is for us not to just defend the poor and downtrodden...but to be the poor and downtrodden. I mean who better to speak up for the deeply impoverished than someone that has come from "the other side", survived the downward mobility of it all and lived to tell about it? And has the education, wisdom, knowledge and discernment to boldly say, "Oh but Beloved, He never would want you to go through this miserable life of poverty somehow believing that you deserved it!"
• I also was suckered into the undercurrent of American Christianity that teaches "You reap what you sow." That sounds an awful lot like karma to me...and as Jesus followers aren't we supposed to be thriving in and loving the fact that we are not getting what we deserve? Isn't that grace? I mean if we're going to get what we deserve, then we're all going to Hell, right? Yes...there is a passage in Galatians 6:7-8 that alludes to this idea that what we sow, we will reap. I mean, I eat too much food, so I am overweight...but wait...there are people two times smaller than me that eat five times more than I do. So somehow I "deserved" to be born into a food-focused, sedentary family that passed down a slow metabolism that was developed over several generations? Hmmm? I don't know about you, but I can't honestly look at a woman in India that was sold into prostitution as a child and tell her she "deserved" it. That's what hinduism has already taught her. I also can't peer into the eyes of an African mother and tell her she "deserves" to watch her children starve because she was born 20 years ago into sub-Saharan Africa.

With all of this brewing and overflowing in my mind and heart, is it any wonder that I've been "Just Hanging On?" But here's some promises He's led me to in the last few weeks that I'm now hanging on to.

• God is unchangeable and even swore by Himself (because there's no one else God can swear by) that those who take refuge in Him can have encouragement to hope in Him. This should be the anchor of my soul instead of the American way of life. (see Hebrews 6:17-19)
• He reminded me of Beth Moore's teaching and how she emphasizes over and over again, that with His Sovereign hand upon my life, anything that He allows to come my way can be used for my good and His glory...anything. But I have to allow Him to show me. And even when I can't see any good in it. I can trust that...see bullet point above! A song we sang in church Sunday used the exact phrase, "for my good and His glory." Talk about reinforcement of an idea!
• He is with me always even until the end. (see Matthew 28:20)
• Nothing...not one blessed thing, can keep God's Love away from me. (Romans 8:38-39)
• He will not fail me or forsake me. (see Joshua 1:5)
• He won't even forget about me. (see Isaiah 49:15-16)
• And in what has already been a recurring prayer of mine and a more fervent one recently, I know that all of my emotional roller coaster begins in my brain...and I read my friend Christi's blog post about just that very thing today. (see Take Every Thought Captive) This is also a recurring Beth Moore theme.

What conclusions can I draw during this barren time of waiting? One...that I do think God is still molding and shaping us into a different direction. I hesitate to use the word, "squeezing" us into a different place, but that's sort of what it feels like. Two...that He's teaching me to appreciate the "little" (sometimes very little) blessings that come along the way: fresh, homegrown peaches from Dale's co-worker; our own tomato and cucumber plants finally producing a little each day; selling a few unused items and getting a little bit of money for them; time together as a family because we only have a few years until the nest begins to empty; and even a few more that will help cover the bills just exactly how we needed...no extra...but covered nonetheless. And the third and maybe most challenging...I think it's time to tell our story. I know...I have...ad nauseum...on this blog and in person with many others. But I don't seem to see too many books on the Christian bookstore shelves entitled Poverty Sucks! or I Hate Being Poor. This is just an idea that God is tossing around in my brain, but I do think there needs to be an honest voice somewhere in our Christian world that says, "not all Christians are rich and yet they live in an age of hunger...now what do we do with that?" I just know that this isn't a common message in many of the rich suburban churches I've attended.

So who knows? Only God does in fact. And I'm hanging on to Him and not letting go because He's my hope, my refuge, my anchor, my rock and my salvation and nobody is going to separate me from Him...nobody!

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