The Promise of Pain

This morning the agitation I felt was like an electric current through my body. Hurrying my oldest out the door 15 minutes before we needed to leave, just so I could get out of our home, left her a little confused. What she didn't know...what no one could know by looking at me...was the torment I was in over choosing to have all four of her wisdom teeth pulled today.

I have agonized whether it was right or not and what I just kept telling myself was "I don't want her to have any complications when she's in Houston next year." But the nagging feeling that having them pulled didn't fit in with our natural, organic, healthy way of living just wouldn't go away.

The whole process was intensified because this dentist doesn't put you to sleep. He can only pull teeth, not perform oral surgery. The oral surgeon had a three month waiting list that was too long for Abbey's start date with Mission Year. So heap on a little more guilt for the mom that waits until the last minute to get the teeth removed!

We've also been trying to be more careful in our spending, but before I even headed out to her appointment, I knew I would have to leave the dentist and get a coffee at Velocity Bike and Bean. I literally could not stand the thought of knowing what they would be doing to pull out those teeth and just sitting in the waiting room and nonchalantly reading my book. 

They asked me to stay until they had numbed her and as soon as they gave me the thumb's up, I was out the door. Then it hit me...

If I, in my flawed humanity cannot tolerate the thought of my adult child in pain, how must my Abba feel when we, His children, endure the wrath of our Enemy? How must He long to take away the pain and make it all better?

I know many would stop right here and ask...then why doesn't He?

I won't begin to pretend that I know the mind of God, so let me tell you what He spoke to my heart in the midst of my experience today.

Yes, the pain is inconvenient, uncomfortable and sometimes even horrifying...but when it's over, there is no going back. When it's over, there is only relief and peace.

That's the "Promise of Pain".

And He's absolutely right. When the dentist and his assistant came out to tell me how it went, they said the first three teeth were out in 5 minutes...but the fourth...OH, the fourth!

Apparently, it was coming in at an angle that was hitting the tooth in front of it. Not only that, but part of the root broke off when he pulled it. With an x-ray to see where the root was, it looked as if it was laying right on top of the nerve. Upon closer inspection though, if he shaved off just a tiny piece of bone, he could get in and get the claw-shaped root that was trying to wrap itself around the nerve.

Can we say, "sweet relief"?! 

And the peace of knowing that some inconvenient, uncomfortable pain now will keep her from being in a strange city, with a few 20-something roommates, no dentist she knows and in a lot of very complicated pain.

*******************************

We often want God to take away all of the pain, but Dr. Paul Brand learned years ago in his work with lepers that without the signal of pain, we can lose the very lifeblood we need to keep the tissue safe and healthy. Without pain, there is no warning of danger, hypothermia, stepping on glass or even catching your finger on fire. This says to me, that to experience pain is to simply be human.

Why would God ever take away our humanity?

He won't. But in our humanity, just as I help Abbey change her gauze, make sure she has fluids and soft food, remind her to take her pain medication and help her clean up any accidental messes from trying to function in a foggy, numbed-mouth state of being...He is right there beside us...

Changing our bloody gauze for His blood sacrifice

Giving us the correct amounts of living water and living Bread that we can stomach for the moment

Medicating our wounds with his life-giving Word and

Helping us clean up the messes we've made when we can only see through the lens of a dim mirror (I Corinthians 13:12)

Amen!

And the Curtain Closes...For Now

Abbey always tries to bring home a Playbill and a ticket that we find from each performance that we usher.

Last night, Abbey and I ushered for The Phantom of the Opera. It was, as expected, a wonderful performance. We have seen it twice previously and she saw this same production with her friend last week. The staging, costumes and sets were different than in previous years. My in-house Broadway expert tells me that's because this tour came out of the 25th Anniversary commemoration from a few years ago. During our pre-show meeting, the house manager shared that these sets and some of the costumes are from the original West End London production of 1986. In short, it was absolutely beautiful.

But why is this significant?

You see, I graduated from high school in 1986 and by the time I was in my senior year of college in 1990, I owned a two CD set of the original London cast recording. I also had the full libretto in a limited edition that I think came with or was ordered for free from either the full piano score (which I also owned) or the CD set. Either way, I know it was free. To say that I had the score memorized is an understatement. For anyone, like me, that owns these...you are fully aware that by the time the production made the trip "across the pond" many of the words in the big ballads had been changed. Almost 30 years later, the original words still run through my head when I hear the songs sung.

Over the years, I shelved the CDs and I tossed the piano score into a stack of other such works and sadly, I either gave or threw away the free libretto. Little did I know that some day my oldest child would become quite possibly the youngest Phantom-phile ever.

I can't even explain how it happened, but by the time she was 8 or 9 she was in full Phantom-mode. Her passion has exceeded mine for close to a decade now. When we visited New York City last year, nothing could calm her agitation until she stood in front of the theatre where it all began.

Abbey in NYC 2013

But what occurred to me throughout the day yesterday is that somehow, in only the way that God can do, He gave us a beautiful gift last night. The first Broadway show Abbey and I ever saw together with just the two of us was Phantom when she was 9 years old. (To the best of my recollection, that's about the age she was. )

Half of her life later, this was most likely the final Aronoff production we will serve as ushers together. I'm teary just thinking about it. Yet...it is as it should be.

Scripture tells us that "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." (I Cor. 13:11) Attending Broadway shows is by no means childish, but now she's ready to leave my side...and share her love of theatre, music, art, beauty, cooking, healthy eating, compassionate ministry, service, giving, people and children in the perfect place where God can use her.

So yes, the melancholy of all that was happening last night (and some mild lower back pain) had me sitting out of the theatre for the second act. I knew full well that this beautiful bookend to my life with Abbey was on display for my heart to see and I couldn't quite take it all in. But I am so thankful for the times we have had to share. In the metaphoric sense, my curtain is closing.

But oh the blessed joy of seeing her curtain arise!

Do You Know the Thoughts of God?

As I was completing my bible study lesson last week, there was a passage in I Corinthians that the author, Mary Englund Murphy, asked us to look up for reference. This is how it reads:

"For to us God revealed them* through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words." (I Corinthians 2:10-13)

First of all, the "them" that I stuck an asterisk next to is found in verse 9, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him."

In other words, if you have the Spirit of the living God residing inside of you...which occurs when you trust Jesus as your one and only Savior, there will be "things" that come to your mind, your heart and your very soul that could have come from nowhere else, but that very same Spirit. For years, I have pondered this as I've had the random thought of a person pop into my head and I've felt I needed to pray for them and later finding out that at that same moment they were experiencing something for which they've needed prayer. I have also been the recipient of this.

Being prompted, "out of the blue" to say or do something that just makes no sense to my rational brain, or receiving the perfect words to say when you think there is absolutely no way you are equipped for the moment you find yourself in are other examples. Just this morning, I heard someone express this as, 'When it's the absolute last thing you want to do, but you know you have to do it.'

Yep, those are all from God's Spirit.

And there were two things that struck me anew or maybe even for the first time. As I have always been amazed at this when I have attempted to ponder exactly how God does it...this, the first wireless network, designed by God himself...I never knew the answer was right there in I Corinthians all along. It is the very thoughts of God!

God...who is so holy and blameless that He cannot even gaze upon me in my sin...became human and sacrificed himself so that by His Wonderful Counselor (aka the Holy Spirit)...didn't just think that leaving a list of do's and don'ts was enough; no...He determined to give us His thoughts.

Wow! Speechless...about sums it all up right now.

You know...I don't want most people to know my thoughts. But not only does God know all of mine, He graciously grants His to me through His Holy Spirit. This does not make me a god...no...it just allows me to "know the things freely given to us by God" (verse 12).

How can I know God, His plans for me, His grace, His mercy, His Love? Through His own thoughts for me.

I am humbled, for sure.

Did I say humbled? Whatever the word is for "lower than humbled", that is what I felt after I read verse 13. Paul has just written that God freely gives us the things we can know by the indwelling of the Spirit. Then he writes, "which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words."

Yikes! Just that day I had been complaining to someone about people who have hurt me or my children. Part of this played into the lesson I was learning about liking people in spite of themselves. I really am weary of all the petty stuff that goes on amongst Christians in the west. But my gossiping about it just compounds the problem. I needed to repent of my unclean lips (see Isaiah 6:5) and apologize to the person who listened to my ranting. In other words, I wasn't anywhere near the neighborhood of speaking "spiritual words", so I must not have been conveying God's "spiritual thoughts" either.

I must say, I have been challenged in the past regarding my tongue, and to the credit of the teaching of the Spirit, I have improved over the years...but when I read this passage, something new resonated in me. It's not just about disciplining my tongue, stopping gossip and dissension. Honestly, I can't manage those in my own strength. Instead, what I can hope to remember is that when I am listening, God gives me His perfect thoughts. I'm absolutely famished for that, aren't you? Don't you long to have what verse 16 goes on to call "the mind of Christ"? He reminds us in verse 14 that it will seem like "foolishness" to the non-Spirit filled, "natural" man. 

If being a fool for Jesus is what it takes to be able to 'appraise all things, yet be appraised by no one'...to never have to worry, connive, manipulate, strive, labor to the point of exhaustion and collapse under the load of self-doubt again...then sign me up!

Abba, Father...You are good. You are holy. And yet, for some unfathomable reason, You want me to have your very thoughts embedded in my life. I am humbled. I am awed. I am filled with the ravenous desire to know You more and to know You deeper. I surrender my thoughts, my pride, my reputation and my sense of fairness so that I will be willing to be a fool for You. Alice thought that Wonderland was backwards, forwards and upside down. But You came and turned this world and everything we knew in it on its head. Wow! How amazing that the holy Creator of the universe would not rest until He could place his very thoughts inside the mind of a sinner like me. May I never seek to have anything stand between Your thought and life-giving Spirit and myself. When You help me recognize there is a hindrance, help me swiftly bring it to You for removal. Help me Abba! I just need more of You!

Amen!

Learning to Pray Boldly

Pictured above are several index cards with biblical scriptures printed upon them. This is not a concept that is new to me, I've been doing it for about four years now. Beth Moore, in one of her studies, was the first to "turn me on" to this way of learning Scripture and claiming it personally. What is new to me is an idea presented in her Believing God study: Speak the Scripture out loud and claim them with the power and authority of the Holy Spirit whom resides in me.

Obviously, she can explain this much more eloquently and dynamically than I ever could...but here's what I know:  this has absolutely transformed my prayer life and outlook on my relationship with God. Do not tune me out because you think I've bought into some type of "prosperity gospel". I am not claiming a boat or a car or a mansion or a fancy trip or any other number of things that many televangelists and preachers have wrongly taught that you can "name it and claim it".

But if I am praying from a heart that is wholly surrendered to the will of God, asking Jesus to speak His Word into my life and prayerfully expecting the power of the Holy Spirit to deliver on the promises He has claimed that He can, then I can with unfettered boldness declare: God, as Your eyes move to and fro throughout the earth, I know that You will strongly support me (sustain me; make me bold; encourage me; repair me; help me to withstand) because You find my heart (my soul; my inner part; my inclination; my resolution) is completely (wholly, perfectly) Yours. (see II Chronicles 16:9)

By simply taking His Word, inserting personal pronouns and sometimes even my name, (and even looking up alternate definitions for some significant words) I have claimed a biblical promise for my own life. Again, this concept isn't new to me. What is different is speaking it out loud! 

Moore explains the reason for this: We can pray without ceasing and should...but when we speak God's, Holy Spirit inspired Word...we are speaking the very words of God. We've been told in Scripture that our enemies tremble in God's Presence (see James 2:19 for one reference). We've also been told that the Holy Spirit has unsurpassed power and that He is the energy in the spoken word of God (see Genesis 1:2). Thus, when we speak the very Words of God, demons flee and the Holy Spirit is unleashed to work, battle, encourage or discipline just as He has promised He will.

Since I began doing this a few weeks ago, having tailored some specific Scriptures to specific people and situations, I have seen God's Spirit moving and working. Long-buried issues that have needed addressed; old habits that just need to be put away so we, as Christians, can enjoy Kingdom-living (see Proverbs 14:26-27); awareness that we don't fight against flesh and blood but against powers and forces we cannot see so I don't take little slights as personally as in the past (see Ephesians 6:12); a very real knowledge of the closeness of the Presence of the Holy Spirit (see Proverbs 2:3-5); and that His hope for reconciliation, restoration, abiding joy and comfort and beautiful life is always available and no one can take that hope away from me (see Ephesians 1:12 and Romans 5:5 and (I Corinthians 13:13)!!!

Because of all I have seen, heard and felt over the last six weeks, I may be annoying those who know me. I cannot help but be 'bubbling over with the memory of His abundant goodness and shouting joyfully of His righteousness.' (see Psalm 145:7) I have had some amazing conversations the last few weeks and I just know He is only getting started! I have to be honest and say that there has been a lot of activity on my Enemy's part too and I have not been surprised. But 95% of the battle has been in my head and declaring God's Word out loud makes the baddie flee the premises much faster than he used to. Bottom line...I am supposed to be about my Father's business (see Joshua 24:15) so no enemy that comes between that objective should get free rent in my head any more.

God never said this would be easy (see John 16:33), but He promised He would never leave nor forsake me (see Deuteronomy 31:6). So as I "fight the good fight" (see I Timothy 6:12) I am thankful to be learning just how powerful my Sword is (see Ephesians 6:17)!

***Okay, funny side note for anyone that ever grew up in an evangelical, protestant church. Did you ever have Bible drills? Did your Sunday school teacher ever have everyone start with their Bibles extended in the air? Did your teacher ever say, "Put your swords in the air."?? Really? Why did it take almost 40 years for me to get this: It really is a sword!

Reflections On a Fiscal Year

As I was catching up today on our financial statements for Boundless Ministries, I realized we began reporting our finances as a ministry in July of 2011. That means the end of July 2012, completed one full fiscal year for us. When I looked back over the figures, I few things stood out and I think are worth drawing attention to. Why? Because they show just what an awesome God we serve.

[If anyone cares to verify my numbers, you can access all financial statements on my Scribd.com page]

In brief, during the 2011-2012 fiscal year, we received $1893.76 in donations for Boundless Ministries. $282.46 of this amount was from us because of blessings we received and tithed a portion of or a need arose that God provided an opportunity for us to meet. From the outset of establishing this ministry, we felt the Holy Spirit's leading to accept 25% of any donations as income to help support us as we served. We have not always done this because sometimes $25 came in at exactly the time we need $25 for a Single Moms' Night Out, etc. Overall, when the numbers are tallied, we accepted about 17.7% income from donations made to Boundless Ministries. Subtracting out our donations to the ministry, we received about 2.8% in income.

Why do I share this? I wish you could know my heart and understand that it is not in anyway to brag on us. No, I want to "Boast in the Lord!" (see I Corinthians 1:31)

And the mind-boggling, amazing, awesome, insert any superlative, thing that I realize...yet, again...is that even though I whine and beg and complain to Him to the point of being annoying...God has never failed us! We remain amply fed, adequately housed and clothed, healthy and loved by a God that knows better than we do what we need. Plus, He's not just providing for us, but through His Holy Spirit's inspiration, donations have helped feed, provide heat, provide gasoline and generally care for single moms and their children.

What is my hope and prayer that you'll take away from this? First, that you're never too poor to give...never. In fact, I'll be so bold as to declare that if you believe that you are, then you're believing a lie from your enemy. I know that to be the case when I think I'm too poor to give.

Secondly, my prayer is that our lives would be a living testimony that the God of the universe is still a God of provision, care, compassion and infinite Love for those who call Him Abba!

Amen!

p.s. If you've been following my whining lately...I do need to give God praise for yet more blessings through this past week. Yes, I doubt way too much and way too often...but He never fails!

"You Will Always Fail"

Settle in...this could take a while.

I know a couple of ladies that have been regularly posting their friend's blog posts on Facebook. The reason they've been doing this is because this pregnant mom received a devastating diagnosis a few months ago...her baby has Trisomy 18. Aleisa's raw vulnerability, humility and courage to face another day have been awe-inspiring to behold. I do not know her, but as evidenced by her blog, I believe she would give all credit to the Heavenly Father that has been carrying her. [To read the blog, click here I Will Carry You ]

Baby Nora was born on Tuesday the 17th, and as evidenced by the Facebook posts that were circulating that day, I believe hundreds of people have been praying for this family and this tiny little fighter that lived through a miracle, just by living through her birth. As I've been reading through the posts, one thought that's occurred a few times is "What would I do?" But Tuesday, as I kept going back to the blog to find out how things had turned out and just being amazed at this family's courage to share their heartbreak with the world, I was almost numb thinking about this burden they've had to bear.

Then yesterday, as a friend of their family posted some amazing birth photos and I was once again awed at the beauty of exactly what God has done in their lives, my thought was, "I can not imagine!" And the Voice I know so well and love so much said, "And that is why you will always fail."

Strange, I know, to give credit for this to the Holy Spirit but I know it was Him because instead of feeling condemned, judged or shamed...I only felt peace, assurance and light-weighted freedom! I knew exactly what He was saying...but it's taken several hours to be able to put it into words.

"I can't imagine"...what this family is going through, what a single mom faces every day, what a rebellious teen does to his parents' souls, what having a cheating husband who promises to change yet doesn't feels like, what it means to feel starvation, malnutrition, homelessness, molestation, abuse...the list goes on and on and on. And my loving, Almighty, amazing God assures me that because I can't possibly imagine going through any of these...I will always fail.

I will fail to provide all of the grace, mercy, compassion, assistance, understanding, faith, persistence, peace and above all else, Love that is needed for any given situation. I am only human, there are absolute limits to what I can do. And I will fail by judging, condemning, questioning, distancing for fear of reprisals or association or lack of resources...not because I want to...but again, because I am human and every thought or action that comes forth from me is filtered through my limited experiences and understanding.

Why do I find freedom in my failure? Because the burden to "figure it all out" isn't mine! Amen!

This has been a theme for a few days, as just last week I heard Beth Moore's conclusion to one of the points in her Bible study of Esther. The previous week she'd shared that it's "Tough being a woman who feels responsible for the 'how.'" In the last listening session the Scriptures she used to dispel this burden were found in 2 Peter 2:9 and Psalm 103:14

"then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from temptation, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment for the day of judgment" (2 Peter 2:9, NASB)

"for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:14, NIV)

I don't have to know how because God not only does, but He also knows how finite and limited I am. But do I always remember how finite and limited I am? No! So yes, there is freedom in knowing that I will fail!

I will fail to be everything that everyone needs me to be in every situation that they may ever experience. Ohhhh...but guess Who doesn't?

• "The LORD within her is righteous; he does no wrong. Morning by morning he dispenses his justice, and every new day he does not fail" (Zephaniah 3:5)
• "Lift up your eyes to the heavens", look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail" (Isaiah 51:6) 
• "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail" (Isaiah 58:11)
• "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail" (Lamentations 3:22)
• "For no word from God will ever fail" (Luke 1:37)

And the greatest of these?

• "Love never fails" (I Corinthians 13:8)

Amen! and Amen!

Combing Out

Yesterday, I had a friend facing what could have been a very traumatic ordeal. I woke up with her on my mind and as I sat alone with the Holy Spirit, I kept praying for His peace to overtake her. What I read in Jesus Calling made me teary, because I knew He'd written it for my friend.

Problem is, she doesn't have a copy of the book. So I thought I'd post the quote on Facebook. Trouble with that was I knew she wouldn't have time to check FB before her day began. Holy Spirit said..."Text her". So I did.

It took three texts and that was only half of the message. It's such an amazing message for all of us that I feel compelled to share it here today:

"I speak to you from the depths of your being. Hear Me saying soothing words of Peace, assuring you of My Love. Do not listen to voices of accusation, for they are not from Me. I speak to you in lovetones, lifting you up. My Spirit convicts cleanly, without crushing words of shame. Let the Spirit take charge of your mind, combing out tangles of deception. Be transformed by the truth that I live within you.
The Light of My Presence is shining upon you, in benedictions of Peace. Let My Light shine in you; don't dim it with worries or fears. Holiness is letting Me live through you. Since I dwell in you, you are fully equipped to be holy. Pause before responding to people or situations, giving My Spirit space to act through you. Hasty words and actions leave no room for Me; this is atheistic living. I want to inhabit all your moments--gracing your thoughts, words, and behavior."
Romans 8:1-2
Colossians 1:27
I Corinthians 6:19

Combing out. What a great visual reminder to me of just how easily I get caught up in the seemingly tiny deceptions that satan sets out to trap me. "Voices of accusation", "shame", "deceptions", "hasty words and actions", "no room for (Him)" and "atheistic living" can describe any number of arrows hurled at me or from me throughout a typical day.

We were made for more than that, weren't we? Absolutely!

But God never promised it would be easy, did He? And I love this idea of letting Him comb out the deceptions. I have three daughters...I've done my fair share of detangling hair. I even have one that has a very sensitive head, although they've all done their fair share of jumping, yelling "OUCH!", crying, pleading with me to "STOP!!!!" and a few times just getting up and running out of the room to avoid the inevitable untangling that needed to be done.

Metaphorically (& sometimes literally!), don't we do the same thing to God when He attempts to untangle the deceptions that are comfortable to us? Honestly? I have. I'm guessing that we've all yelled "Enough!", "STOP!!!!" and even run away when He's tried to gently and tenderly comb out the tangled knot of deception.

Deception is where we're comfortable right? Think about it. If you've had the opportunity to come face-to-face with the dysfunction in your family, the arrogance and pride you've hidden behind, the cloud of doom, shame, blame or guilt surrounding you and actually had the courage to deal with it...you know what I mean. It's tough work!

But if you've ever had the pleasure of combing through your child's tangles...no matter the tears, the screams, the pain, the stress, the length of time...when that shimmering, smooth, soft, beautiful hair cascades freely down over their shoulders...you realize it was worth it all.

As one who had to face her family's and her own dysfunction, as one who has dealt with my own guilt, shame, pain, arrogance, pride, judgment, deceit, pretension, etc., etc. etc. I can wholeheartedly and honestly disclose to you a secret that your enemy does not ever want you to know...every tear, every pain, every minute of sitting still while He combed out the tangles was worth it all!  The free flowing beauty and awareness of His love, mercy and compassion far out pays anything I had to endure.

One more thought...He can't comb out and detangle a moving target. If you're on the run, He will chase you...but He can't do the work until you sit still. Maybe take a lesson from my 11 year old, Rebekah...the sensitive-headed child. You see, she learned a few years ago that if she read a book while I combed out her hair, the distraction lessened the pain.

If you have some tangles of deception that need combed out, my best advice would be quit running, pull up a chair and grab His Book. Start reading and let Him distract you from the pain with His Love.

Royalty

You may have noticed that under my photo to the right the only description I've put to describe myself is "I'm a Daughter of the King!". I used to describe myself with a much longer and witty (or so I thought) paragraph of my interests, background and life-situation. But for some time now, I've been content to merely think of myself with these six simple words.

But are they simple?

If you really think through the implications, the profoundness of these six words, the depth...the breadth...and the power of these words is actually...limitless. One place to start is do I act like I'm a daughter of the King?

Most days...no...I don't. And as I've shared on here recently, I've been struggling a little with my relationship with the King. I don't blame Him. I know I'm not sitting alone with Him as much as I'd like. I know I've let stress, play and schedules get in the way of making Him my priority. When I do concentrate on spending alone and quiet time with Him...His peace prevails, He focuses my heart and I feel confidently empowered to face the day.

So why don't I live focused on being His daughter every day? Hmmm? That's a good question. I think there are too many answers to delve into here. But one of the primary ones is that the King has an Adversary who loves nothing more than to distract me with fear, doubt, worry, stress, daily mundaneness, satisfying my own pleasures, guilt and an overly saturated, steeped-armpit deep culture that provides endless opportunities to ignore the King.

Excuses aside, I'm thankful for the Beth Moore Esther study that a friend encouraged me to do. Esther was a queen and she was presented with a seemingly insurmountable task...save the entire Jewish race. This was no Schindler's List. There was no way to save anyone. They were all going to die. And did I mention that if she went to the king, her husband Xerxes, without first being invited...she could instantly be killed? If you've never read the book of Esther in the Bible, I encourage you to do so. It's brief and reading it is not only encouraging, but sounds like so many love stories or fairy tales that prevail in our culture.

And here's what spoke to my heart last week when I read it in the Bible study: I too am royalty, because I'm a daughter of the King. And I too have a purpose that God specifically has for me to do. The famous verse that includes "for such a time as this" applies to us all. We each have an amazing "for such a time as this" destiny to fulfill. The question is simply, will we obey and act on behalf of the King when He asks?

Truthfully, I might not...unless I remember that I'm a daughter of the King and it isn't I who live but Christ living in me and through me. (Galatians 2:20) But when I stand confidently as a daughter of the King, I can boldly and with the power of the Holy Spirit, accomplish any destiny He has placed before me. Honestly, it helps my attitude toward others as well. The comments, misinterpretations or stinging barbs of others somehow lose their "sting" when I know that I am fulfilling my purpose in God's royal family.

If you'd like to learn more, here are more Scriptures regarding God's kingdom and our place in it. Read them and let them wash over your soul...renewing and refreshing you for the journey ahead.

Matthew 11:11
Matthew 13:11
Luke 20-21
I Corinthians 4:20
I Peter 2:9
Revelation 1:6
Revelation 5:9-10

Come back to these Scriptures often. They'll strengthen you for the journey ahead and remind you that no task is mundane when you're a child of the King. Every act has the possibility of furthering the Kingdom and increasing the territory of the King...the question is will you hear His call and heed His will? That's what a child of the King would do. That's my prayer for myself and for you as well. So let's agree together in prayer to stop behaving like and allowing thoughts to rule us that are contradictory to a child of the King. Just think of the possibilities when we each rise up to fulfill our own destinies "for such a time as this!" Amen!

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"All We Need is..."

Love!

Right?

It's exactly what I've needed the last week or so...and it's exactly what my Abba has been pouring out on me! It may sound very melodramatic, but the feeling has been like water being poured out onto a dry and weary land. The odd thing is, I didn't even realize how parched I was.

For several weeks I've been thinking that I should pick up Repenting of Religion by Gregory Boyd and read it again. It's been at least five years since I read it. I remembered it being good at the time and speaking directly to many issues in our life...but I couldn't quite get my head around why I should pick it up again now.

Finally I did...and my soul has been drinking it in...gulping is probably the more appropriate word. From the first day, I wanted to blog about it but have been hesitant because I really don't think I can do justice to the book without copying large portions of it here and I really do want to honor copyright law. So bear with me as a share (possibly over the next several days) the lessons I'm learning or being reminded of...because they are too amazing to not share them!

I guess I could sum up the whole book with the Beatles song title that I quoted in the title of this blog...but honestly, that's a bit simplistic. God's Love is simple, but in our culture we have to be very specific to understand what this Love is not: It's not phileo (brotherly love), eros (sexual love/passion) or storge (affection for a thing). Rather it is agape, an unconditional, never-changing, all-consuming love that is only perfectly fulfilled by God in the life of Jesus the Messiah.

I John 4:8, 16 tell us that God is Love! That's where we begin...and what an awesome place to start! Boyd quotes Peter Kreeft: "Love is God's essence. Nowhere else does Scripture express God's essence in this way. Scripture says God is just and merciful, but it does not say that God is justice or mercy itself. It does say that God is love, not just a lover. Love is God's very essence. Everything else is a manifestation of this essence to us, a relationship between this essence and us. This is the absolute, everything else is relative to it." (Knowing the Truth About God's Love: The One Thing We Can't Live Without)

God's very essence...I like that. Better yet, I've experienced that...and it's great to be reminded of it! In fact, as I've read through these 50 or so pages, I've been reminded a lot of a former pastor we were blessed to have. Weekly he spoke of God's Love and how we are all "loved, accepted and forgiven" and to be honest, there were some people that didn't like to hear that so often. That makes them sound harsh or somehow bad...and that's not what I mean at all. I think they just got tripped up by arguments like Paul's in Romans 6:1 "Should we continue in sin in order that grace may abound?" And that couldn't be further from what was being taught in our church. Paul's reply is actually pretty strong, "By no means!" The Cottonpatch Gospel paraphrases with a very southern, "Hell no!" (Sorry if that offends...but for me, it perfectly fits!)

Boyd says, "Whenever the grace of God is preached uncompromisingly, we should expect people who have a fleshly mind to have this misunderstanding (Rom 8:6-7; I Cor 2:14). But it is a misunderstanding!" But I tell you what...every week when I left those services, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was loved...with an unsurpassable, unconditional, unfathomable Love like I would never experience apart from a relationship with my Abba. This was at a time in my life when I absolutely needed to know this...unequivocally...and I was blessed to have a pastor telling me (and hundreds of others) this message almost weekly. Not by coincidence, we came into possession of Boyd's book because he gave it to Dale.

All these years later, I'm at a different place emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Yet, God's love remains the same. But, there are parts of this book that I feel like I'm reading for the first time and I am soaking it up...I guess I'm at a place where I absolutely need to know the Love of God again...and I think I know why He's brought me back to this book at this time.

The message that has really impacted me, I don't even remember reading before. It's so deeply meaningful that I think I must have just missed it completely the first time. I'll do my best to put it into words...mostly Boyd's words though.

When Jesus died on the cross, He ascribed unsurpassable worth to me, to you, to everyone. And because He participates in the Triune relationship with God and the Holy Spirit, they too, ascribed unsurpassable worth to us. Since I have believed (put my trust with) Jesus, I am in Christ. Paul says, we no longer live, but Christ lives in us (Galatians 2:20). Because of this...I too participate in the Love of the Father, through Jesus.

Then here's what's been sinking in and I've been delighting in: As we allow this Love to transform our hearts, our minds and our very lives...we become confident of who we are in Christ. I am loved by the very God of the universe...so it doesn't matter what someone else may think of me. I become assured of my standing before God and it completely revolutionizes who I am...and how I love.

The subtitle to this book is "Turning from Judgment to the Love of God" and as we embrace His Love...open up every part of our lives to His perfect Love...we can't help but want to live out this Love with others. Jesus told us the two greatest commandments were to love God with all of our self and to love others as we love ourselves. As Boyd puts it, He was banking everything on Love. Because of this, we shouldn't be asking ourselves if we've conquered a particular sin in our life, if we have the best facility or programs or even if we're growing our churches exponentially...miracles don't even matter. The one "measuring rod", so to speak, that we can even consider using is "Are we growing in our capacity to love all people?"

So when you look at my life, if you're judging me by any other standard, you are not judging according to God's commandments. Simply ask, "Is she growing in her capacity to love all people?"

I'm still formulating this all in my mind...still chewing on it...asking God to put this all together for me to understand with His discernment, not my own, but the conviction that Chan, Platt, Stearns and others share in their books regarding saving the lost and dying world is valid...for the most part, we in the American church are not reaching out to those all over the world who have not even heard the name of Jesus let alone been helped to understand the healing power of His Love.

Is it too great of leap to say that it may be because we haven't opened up our own lives to the power of His Love? If I truly believe that God, through the life and death of Jesus Christ ascribed unsurpassable worth to my life and allows me to participate in His Love, why wouldn't I want to shout that out to the whole world?

There is a direct correlation to the increase in Love I have opened myself up to and how much more I'm noticing the need for Love in others. For months I've been saying it's God replacing my desires with His. Well at it's most basic, His desire is to Love all...so it should  be my desire too, right?

While I admire David Platt, Francis Chan and the many others that have been challenging me to get outside of my own egocentricity, I'm beginning to see that maybe we simply need to start with proclaiming God's Love. Once we grasp that...even while still in the process of grasping it...as we're filled to overflowing with this boundless Love of God...we won't be able to stop ourselves from proclaiming it to anyone who will listen.

Just in case I wasn't catching on to what He was trying to say, He brought me back to this passage in Psalm 119:29-32.

Remove the false way from me,
And graciously grant me Your law.
I have chosen the faithful way;
I have placed Your ordinances before me.
I cling to Your testimonies;
O LORD, do not put me to shame!
I shall run the way of Your commandments,
For You will enlarge my heart.

When the false love that this world offers is removed and I place His ordinances, before me and I choose His faithful (His really real reality) Way...running in His commandments to love Him with everything in me and to love everyone else as I love myself...what will He do? He will enlarge my heart.

That's why He brought me back to this book at this time. He wanted to remind me of His Love because there is a whole world out there that needs desperately to know it too! Amen!

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"Re"Focus(ed) On the Weak Ones

I absolutely Love God's timing! On October 24, 2010, I posted the article below. At the time, Holy Spirit was teaching me just exactly where my focus needed to be. Today...He lovingly reminded me again and this article was one way He chose to remind me.

Friday was an interesting day. (see So Sometimes I Drag My Feet) It was very good but on the other hand someone did something that completely through me for a weird loop...if you will allow me to coin a new phrase. Why their behavior caught me off-guard...I still don't know. I truly should have anticipated it. And while even in the moment I caught Holy Spirit trying to remind me, "Don't take it personally. Let me deal with them. You are My child. Hold your head up high. You have done nothing but share the Truth in love." I still found myself perturbed at their behavior.

I kept trying to set it aside but found myself thinking through the "two cents worth" I would delight in giving them. Praise the Lord...His Holy Spirit stopped me from sharing what had happened with a friend right away or calling another friend later. My commitment to avoid grumbling and complaining was truly being tested! Later, and with some time separtion from the event, I attempted without the "g&c" to explain to Dale what happened. And he probably said the one most important thing I needed to hear, "You have no say in that." I know I'm taking this out of the context of the conversation and it probably makes no sense to you...but it was exactly what I needed to hear! Thank God for such a wise, insightful man!

Then in the evening I wrote the blog post for that day and God's provision was what I focused on and praised Him for. But yesterday morning, as I prayed through the emotion of the unpleasant event on Friday, I was reminded to pray for and pity this person in their sadness and bitterness. By yesterday evening, I had a few e-mail chats with my friend, Jennifer, and something she said about" focus" really got me chewing on that word. After the last e-mail, I even told her I needed to process some of what she'd said and with God's help...I could put it all together.

That "coming together" happened this morning! And I am so thankful it did! Again...God's perfect timing and perfect plan to speak to my heart the perfect Word I needed to hear!

You see, not only did this discouraging event take place on Friday...but I also had the following things happen: the mechanic that offered to help single moms with repairs; a mom whose single young adult pregnant daughter is moving back home asked me for advice on resources; I received an e-mail from a friend with the contact information for another single pregnant young mom that needs assistance; I had a single mom express her urgent need for heating fuel and I posted it as a prayer request on this blog; and a friend called for more information about a winter car care event for single moms so she could take the information to her neighbor...so how in the world could I be even for a moment obsessed with someone who slighted me? The answer is because I was focusing on those who are exalted not focusing on the weak ones!

I haven't just shared the link to this post because I know the odds of it actually being clicked are slim. I know reproducing it here makes this post uber-lengthy...but please read this...not because it's my words...because it comes straight from Scripture. I Corinthians 12 to be exact. Listen to God's Word not mine...and maybe like me...if we're all reminded to "Focus on the Weak Ones" God's Kingdom truly will come on Earth as it is in Heaven! Wouldn't that be worth it all?!

"Focus on the Weak Ones" originally written 10/24/2010
Took a little detour from John today, because of something I read in Forgotten God by Francis Chan.
He's writing about how if we're truly, living where, working at and doing the will of God...or where we like to say He has "called" us to be, then our lives should be making a difference in our neighborhoods, jobs, activities, and ministries. But many of us use this phrase to justify our nice home, nice job, expensive toys and lifestyle of pleasure and comfort.

He writes, "My purpose in posing these questions is not to convince you to "go into the ministry." I'm not about recruiting pastors or missionaries. My purpose in these questions is to get you to take I Corinthians 12 seriously, to believe that you have been given a manifestation of the Spirit and that your church, the worldwide body of Christ, and the world are crippled without your involvement."

Hmmm??? I'm supposed to take I Corinthians 12 seriously...I'd better read it and study it right?

So that's what I did and yeah, I've read it before, heard it preached many times...this is the passage that goes through the gifts of the Spirit and how they are all needed by the one body of the Church. None is more important than any other. The gifts are various (wisdom, knowledge, faith, affecting miracles, prophecy, distinguishing of spirits, various kinds of tongues and interpretation of tongues) but there is ONE Spirit, there is the same LORD.

A foot can't say it doesn't want to be part of the body, an eye can't choose to 'go it alone' or tell the hand, "I have no need of you." You get the idea...all gifts from the Spirit are given by Him, at His discretion and ALL are equally necessary to the Body of Christ, which is the Church (not a building...but the people!).

Then here's the lesson of the day: "And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." (I Corinthians 12:21-26)

I've highlighted the words that jumped off the page at me. We (I) have been so wrong. We've elevated the people in our churches that seem to have it all together, and Paul says those people have no need of it.

They have no need of the body? I've known a lot of people like that in my church life! While we've alienated or pushed aside the "weaker" parts...the ones that are struggling, hurting, falling apart, barely hanging on and are honest about it. But Paul writes that God wants just the opposite...we should bestow more honor on the weaker members. He even says they are necessary...why?

What happens when we focus more honor on the weak? (V. 25) "that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another."

No division in the Body?? I've never known a church like that...shoot, I've even caused some division I know! Why? Because I was focused (and thus displeased!) with the ones that seem to have it all together and didn't even need the Body.

If I'd been placing my focus and energy on the weaker members, I wouldn't have been so consumed with the people that were irritating me so much. (This goes back to my post about the phrase "When You're Down, Be a Blessing To Others") Think about how much opportunity we've missed bestowing honor on someone who may desperately need it because we've been so busy trying to please the ones that don't really need the Body anyway!!

Yikes, God forgive me for my misplaced (and wasted!) energy.
You can even feel it in your spirit too, can't you?? When you sit in the presence of someone that is truly broken and can do nothing but place their entire life in the palm of God's hand and see where He takes them...you know there's something different, don't you?? (This does not refer to someone that's just wallowing, wanting attention and not seeking God for advice but rather wants pity and everyone else to do the work of healing for them.)

Back in James, he wrote, "My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a a poor man in dirty clothes, and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, "You sit here in a good place," and you say to the poor man, "You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool," have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives?" (2:1-4) This is a more financial and outward manifestation of what we do in our churches regarding spiritual gifts and spiritual leaders every day.

Why are we so devastated when a pastor or leader fails, sins and secretly runs away? Because we've elevated them into a place of honor God never meant for them to hold. Why do we turn to the ones that appear to "have it all together" and accept their advice with no question then beat ourselves up because "we just must not be as strong as________"? Because we don't trust the Holy Spirit to work in us and reveal the path and advice we should follow.

Don't get me wrong, God places amazing people in our lives because we were not intended to travel this journey alone. But when we're seeking direction, accountability and discernment are we approaching people because of who they are and the position they hold or because that person's been through something similar, humility is evidenced in their lives and the Holy Spirit has laid it on your heart to seek their counsel?? I am definitely guilty of the former!
In I Corinthians, Paul continues to write that all are not apostles, miracle workers, teachers, healers, speaking in tongues but that we should "earnestly desire the greater gifts" (He specifically mentions prophecy twice in 14:1 and 14:39) "And I will show you a better way."

What is that better way? It's chapter 13 or what we Christians call the Love Chapter. If you haven't read it...do it right now...for Love is the better way!
And honestly, the best counsel and  wisdom I've EVER received was when I wasn't even looking for it...it was when I wanted to start exercising regularly, and someone I barely knew took me up on the offer...the amazing conversations we've had are still very dear to me; it was watching a pastor and his wife be unfairly torn apart and yet sticking to the message that God had given them that we all are loved; it was receiving letters of heartfelt sorrow from a young wife whose marriage was falling apart and she was still struggling with anger from a hurtful past; it was getting a call from a man who'd got caught doing something illegal and seeking my advice because of how he saw us handle my dad's situation; it's watching a single mom that has every right to wallow, throwing caution to the wind and saying, 'no matter what happens, I will serve the LORD!'; and it's an acquaintance persistently asking with true concern, 'how are you doing?' until I began to know her heart and trust that Holy Spirit had brought a true friend into my life.
None of these people sought to have a place of honor...but in their weakness...and in their love...I have been honored to know them!

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I Have a Confession...

I am a grumbler!

Now, to those of you that know me...this is no great revelation. But I am so thankful and grateful to a God who knows our flaws, reveals them to us and patiently waits for us to be confronted with His awesome Truth so we can get about the business of ridding our lives of these flaws that do not reflect Him.

Such was my morning today. Although I've known for years, if not decades, that this is one of my greatest flaws, I have often felt helpless to change this very deep-rooted issue. I mean it's so deep that it goes back three generations before me that I know of...possibly more. I've always known that being critical is one of my biggest hangups and that it can very easily manifest itself as depression, negativity, pessimism,  dissension, strife, gossip and anger. And while God has patiently and lovingly worked on each of these areas in my life, I became distinctly aware this morning just how pervasive my grumbling is. I even confessed to God that to cut this out of my life will be like losing a close relative. I know warped, right?

I kept thinking all of the nitpicking & fighting that my kids do has got to stop...and it does...but yesterday and today, I came face to face with how I am the root of this whole issue. My grumbling, my ranting, my negativity paints a picture for my family that they mold themselves into. And while I may be completely justified in most of my criticism, it makes everyone else in our family look through lenses of doubt, criticism and negativity...and that is not how God wants us to live.

So this was the revelation for today and why I believe Holy Spirit has brought me to the final crossroads on this issue. From this point forward, I cannot deny the Truth, I cannot pretend I do not know. No...today, I have to choose to walk in the Light of His Truth or stand in direct disobedience to Him (yes, sin!). And as I fervently prayed this morning, "Lord, I want to be a doer of the Word...not just a hearer. Give me a teachable spirit because I don't want to continue living this way."

In Jesus Calling, I read: "You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent. Though you have faltered at times, you have not let go of My hand. I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases Me: your tendency to complain. You may talk to Me as much as you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me, because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective.

Complaining to others is another matter altogether. It opens the door to deadly sins such as self-pity and rage. Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to Me and talk it out. As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart." (I've underlined the portions that hit me square between the eyes.)

Yes...I do want to have His thoughts in my mind and His song in my heart! And I want my kids to quit grumbling...so it has to start with me, right? Right!

Just so neither I, nor anyone else can say that the passage above is merely a woman's rambling thoughts, I love that the author puts Scripture references on each page. Today's were exactly the ones with which I needed to be confronted. Jeremiah 31:25 "For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes." and Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world."

In my Bible, the Jeremiah passage has a cross reference to Jeremiah 31:12-14 which says God's bounty will make me radiant, my soul will have abundance and I can be satisfied with God's goodness. So each day, as I'm looking at what we have (or don't have), I need to talk to God about my concerns, frustrations, etc. and He "tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective." (Jesus Calling) From God's perspective, I have enough for today. Amen!

The Philippians passage had a cross reference to 1 Corinthians 10:10 which is referring to the Israelites and how their grumbling caused the destroyer to destroy them. Yikes! There have been days recently when I feel like our family is being destroyed by the grumbling and complaining. And where have they learned it? Who has set the standard? Yep...it's me!

And a direct reference to being a child of God is Ephesians 5:1, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children..." To imitate God and demonstrate myself as His child means to give up the grumbling right? Of course! What is the result? “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; ¹⁵ nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. ¹⁶ Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

There it is. I've even experienced recently the pure shock at being confronted with another critical person at my tax prep classes. I came away from that experience realizing just how much God has changed me already. But now it's time to go even deeper...so that the ones who know me best and see me the most recognize the difference of the Holy Spirit in my life...particularly in the area of grumbling and complaining.

Now our church is all about making yourself accountable to someone when there's an area in your life where you want to grow and change. So today, I sat down with the four people who know me best and know my worst. These four have put up with a lot from me over the course of their young lives...and yet, they love me still. So who better to hold me accountable than my kids.

I realize I've set myself up to be corrected by my children...and I've asked them to do it in a kind, loving way...but even if they harshly reprimand me when I grumble, I pray that as I'm humbled by the reminder, I will remain thankful to a God who knows my every flaw and yet doesn't grumble against me. I pray that as Holy Spirit changes me,  my children will sense the change and the prevailing attitude of criticism to each other is healed. But most of all, I just pray that I become such a good imitator of God that no one doubts I am His child.

Here's Another One!

This was my thought as I was just completing my Bible study a few minutes ago...here's another one...another promise I can hang my faith on. The enemy can try, but will fail to convince me that this calling Jesus is placing upon my life and our family is completely from Him. I still do not want to run ahead of Him and try to take things into my own hands and do it my way...but there is no doubt this is were He has been leading us all along and He will be faithful to carry it on to completion. (Philippians 1:6 )

The study today was the second out of three days to discuss, ponder and delight in God's agape love. The basis for all three days is I Corinthians 13 . But the verses that just rocketed into my soul are found in Psalm 119:29-32. I'm going to present them a little differently here. I will write the verses in italics and then intersperse my thoughts and prayers that I have had as I read, contemplate and ponder them. Those are written in the standard text.

"Remove the false way from me,
And graciously grant me Your law." (verse 29)

Oh, God, I am so thankful that in Your mercy and Your timing You have opened our eyes to the false life of pursuing our own happiness and for our own gain. I also know that You have removed the fear of this calling being "the false way". Your call to love others with Your pure agape love is the most gracious law I could ever hope to fulfill.

"I have chosen the faithful way;
I have placed Your ordinances before me." (verse 30)

Thank You for giving me and us as a couple the strength to choose the faithful way. We can only do this because You have been faithful first to us. I delight in placing Your ordinances before me. You recently brought Isaiah 48:18 to me, "If only you had paid attention to My commandments! Then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea" Ever since receiving this verse and saying "Yes!" to Your call, You have faithfully given me Scripture after Scripture that I am placing on index cards and taping to our bathroom mirror. I believe there may come a day when the mirror is full. How symbolically beautiful that I will no longer be able to see myself, but only Your words written all over me!

"I cling to Your testimonies;
O LORD, do not put me to shame!" (verse 31)

Each day and through each struggle You are leading me to draw strength from these promises that are on our mirror and now becoming imprinted on my heart. Thank You that Your Holy Spirit has been faithful to bring them to mind when the evil one causes me to doubt. Last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I clung to Your testimonies that You have given me and You did NOT put me to shame! Praise Your Holy Name!

"I shall run the way of Your commandments,
For you will enlarge my heart." (verse 32)

Lord, over the last year as I have searched Your Holy Word and sought to crucify my will and replace it with Yours, You have broken my heart for the millions in this world that YOU love that die not knowing there is an amazing God that loves them. As they starve, seek shelter and protection, eek out a bare existence, see no purpose to their suffering and we in the west do nothing, I know You are grieved! Closer to home, as I have watched single moms who are courageous and sacrificial beyond most people I know, I sense Your delight, tenderness and joy at how they don't just survive, but thrive throughout the difficult circumstances they find themselves. You, O amazing One, have enlarged my heart to my husband, my children, single moms, their children and the lost and impoverished around the world so much more than I could have ever imagined. I rejoice when You do and I grieve when You do. Please continue to help me "run in the way of Your commandments"...there is not only peace waiting there for me...there is the agape love of Your magnificent heart to behold as well!

Amen!

Through or From?

I took a one week detour from discussing some of what I've been learning in Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself, because I so very much wanted to write what I was learning about giving as God is applying it to my life. And honestly, Moore's week on the fruit of the Spirit that manifests as kindness and goodness wasn't speaking to me the way the other weeks have. I don't know why, other than I felt compelled to write last week's blogs and may have been a bit distracted. But this week, the Holy Spirit is back in full force teaching me through His Word and the words He gave Beth Moore to share in this study.

This week's topic is Faithfulness. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23) I KNOW God has been faithful to me and to our family...and not just in our present circumstances. For as long as I can think back in our married life, His hand has consistently been apparent even if the results of His leading seemed to take a long time to complete. And He has often been kind enough to prepare our hearts ahead of time when there is "somthing coming", as I like to call it.

But this week as I went through the daily lessons, sometimes feeling led to do 2 or 3 days of lessons each day, I was overcome with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and goodness at the remembrances of an Abba (Daddy) that has been more faithful than I could ever express. And as I'm beginning to believe will be the norm, Holy Spirit's timing about what He's teaching me was perfect! I went to church Sunday morning not knowing the topic of the day and guess what? Now, you KNOW it had to be faithfulness! Isn't He good?!

I appreciate how Moore always starts with the premise that we are NEVER capable of attaining any of the fruit of the Spirit unless God is the One growing it in us. I'm ashamed to say that as a teenager, steeped in a legalistic church environment and not having parents that I could bounce my spiritual questions off of, I posted an index card with these attributes of the Spirit and thought, "Okay, if I just work on love first, get that one under my belt, then I can work on having more joy...once I've got that one down, I'll move on to peace."

You probably know how well that worked...it didn't! Over the years I've been blessed to have Bible teachers, preachers, authors cross paths with me and a faithful Holy Spirit that has awakened me to the fact that I can't possibly "accomplish" putting the fruit into practice. Moore is driving this lesson home every day in this study.

She writes, "we will never believe God until we allow ourselves to discover that He is believable!" And, "the degree of our faithfulness is the direct result of our regard for God's faithfulness." "The faithfulness of God is His believability!" She spends a lot of time in the study having you reexamine HOW God has been faithful in His Word, His prophecies and in our own lives.

And when she asked me to seriously consider if I believe God because of "who He is" or because of "what He does", I had to stop and chew on that for awhile. In a meeting just this Saturday, I said to a group of Christians, 'So what if we fail in the world's eyes...it will still have been for our good and God's glory so we can't fail. We just have to be obedient.' I felt like yesterday Holy Spirit was asking me to examine my heart and see if I truly believe this.

Moore points out that if we have faith based on what God does, we are always going to be subject to life's ups and downs. After all, "the only thing we can count on is change." Right?

But my God is bigger than changing circumstances. Isn't He? And I found great comfort in a prayer she shared that she prays when in a confusing or painful situation. "God, I can't understand why You're doing this. But I know that, unlike me, Your actions cannot be inconsistent with Your heart, and I know Your heart is loving, good, and faithful. Somehow, some way, somewhere all these things are for good. If I could just know You better through this, that is all the good I need."

Yesterday, I was experiencing a lot of doubt about some choices we've made. Yet when we made those choices, we were certain that it was God's will for our family. I found myself aware that it was depressing me...causing fear and I thought Holy Spirit was calling me to reevaluate our situation and that some tough choices might need to be made.

But as I prayed over and over again, "Lord, I will believe You because of who You are, not because of what You do," the Holy Spirit reminded me that He is not the author of fear and doubt. He never uses confusion to speak to us. And as if a lightbulb went off in my head, I was able to say, "This isn't from You. Help me see You." The fear had been almost palpable but in that instant it fell away and the peace that only God can give was restored! Praise His Name!

Then today, I listened to Beth Moore's video session on Faithfulness and I'm not sure I can even express how much it meant to me to relive the faithfulness God has demonstrated in my life. Moore begins with a few scriptures in a portion of Hebrews that is known as the faithful Hall of Fame. The author of Hebrews recounts person after person in the Old Testament that believed God, acted on that faith and through whom God accomplished remarkable, amazing feats. And tucked away in three little verses is the following, "And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. (Hebrews 11:32-34)

Do you see what I emphasized? These men...two cowards, a bragging philanderer that squandored his supernatural strength on a woman, an adulterer and murderer and a prophet whose sons took bribes, perverted justice and didn't follow in their father's footsteps were able 'through faith to subdue kingdoms.' What?

And Moore points to the word through. Why? Because often God chooses to deliver us through our circumstances and not from them. Sure God could carry us over, around or under our current situation. But if He is the Abba that will always work out everything for my good and His glory, then maybe the best way to deliver me is through the crisis, pain, unexpected situation or devastation that has happened.

In Exodus 13:17-18, God knew He had to let the Israelites go around the Philistines because they would give up if they had to battle them. They weren't ready yet. So Moore makes the statement, "A greater call to faith...is a faith that is called to press through. It's going to take a whole lot more faith to go through." And look back at that list of "faithful" men. God obviously wants to use the weak to make them strong. "For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe." (I Corinthians 1:21) It's pretty common for God to use the wrong person, the weak person, the person that has nothing for themselves to "subdue kingdoms". Then, He is the only One to receive the glory...then, He is the only One that could possibly have done the work.

And what kingdoms are slayed? Ephesians 2:2 tells that satan is the ruler of the kingdom of the air and Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

When my world is crashing down around me can I remember that there is a whole "other" part to this struggle? Lord, let me never forget that this is more than just my piddly troubles. There is a big picture and You are in complete control of it. And I once heard that if we can just remember that as Christians, nothing comes to us that hasn't come through God...allowed by Him, then there is freedom in knowing that it is for our good. I am not saying that He tempts us or causes someone to sin against us. We live in a fallen world where sin abounds. But there is no situation that because of His faithfulness to us cannot be used for our good and His glory.

I think that has to become one of my new catch phrases. "For my good and for His glory" needs to be right up there with "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30)

How does God bring me through? How do I open myself up to His work so He can be glorified? It sounds so simple but packs so much in one little word...pray. If you've ever known me, you know I have struggled with prayer. I'm sure this is an entirely different post...but for now I'll summarize by saying that as I have pursued a relationship with my Abba by talking to Him throughout my day, HE brings my thoughts back to Him over and over throughout the day, HE asks me to fast and pray, HE beckons to me when my brain wakes up in the morning and HE initiates the conversation.

And as I listen to Him drawing me near and I respond with an open heart and desire to know Him more, He just keeps pulling me in nearer, closer...seeking Him more. It's cyclical. So if you don't know God in this way...just start talking to Him...nothing formal...just talking. You may feel awkward...you may be in a situation right now where you're even resentful of what He's doing...that's okay, He's a big God, He can take it...tell Him exactly how you feel.

Who knows what He has planned for you? It may even be that "through faith (you)conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies" (Hebrews 11:33-34)

Are there dark kingdoms you'd like to conquer? Do you know someone or a people that needs justice? Are there some lions in your life whose mouths you'd like shut? Any flames you'd like quenched? Then He's ready to turn your weakness into strength and make you powerful in battle.

Pick up your shield...it's called faith! (Ephesians 6:16) And you can absolutely count on Him to be faithful! So far He's batting a 1000 regarding His prophecies in the Bible...I think He can be counted on to have your back!



End Note: I wish I could attach the soundtrack that's been playing through my Ipod Shuffle as I was writing this. Keep in mind, Shuffles play songs in "random" order and about 8 of the last 10 songs have been about God's faithfulness. I think He wants me to count on Him! What do you think?