This morning the agitation I felt was like an electric current through my body. Hurrying my oldest out the door 15 minutes before we needed to leave, just so I could get out of our home, left her a little confused. What she didn't know...what no one could know by looking at me...was the torment I was in over choosing to have all four of her wisdom teeth pulled today.
I have agonized whether it was right or not and what I just kept telling myself was "I don't want her to have any complications when she's in Houston next year." But the nagging feeling that having them pulled didn't fit in with our natural, organic, healthy way of living just wouldn't go away.
The whole process was intensified because this dentist doesn't put you to sleep. He can only pull teeth, not perform oral surgery. The oral surgeon had a three month waiting list that was too long for Abbey's start date with Mission Year. So heap on a little more guilt for the mom that waits until the last minute to get the teeth removed!
We've also been trying to be more careful in our spending, but before I even headed out to her appointment, I knew I would have to leave the dentist and get a coffee at Velocity Bike and Bean. I literally could not stand the thought of knowing what they would be doing to pull out those teeth and just sitting in the waiting room and nonchalantly reading my book.
They asked me to stay until they had numbed her and as soon as they gave me the thumb's up, I was out the door. Then it hit me...
If I, in my flawed humanity cannot tolerate the thought of my adult child in pain, how must my Abba feel when we, His children, endure the wrath of our Enemy? How must He long to take away the pain and make it all better?
I know many would stop right here and ask...then why doesn't He?
I won't begin to pretend that I know the mind of God, so let me tell you what He spoke to my heart in the midst of my experience today.
Yes, the pain is inconvenient, uncomfortable and sometimes even horrifying...but when it's over, there is no going back. When it's over, there is only relief and peace.
That's the "Promise of Pain".
And He's absolutely right. When the dentist and his assistant came out to tell me how it went, they said the first three teeth were out in 5 minutes...but the fourth...OH, the fourth!
Apparently, it was coming in at an angle that was hitting the tooth in front of it. Not only that, but part of the root broke off when he pulled it. With an x-ray to see where the root was, it looked as if it was laying right on top of the nerve. Upon closer inspection though, if he shaved off just a tiny piece of bone, he could get in and get the claw-shaped root that was trying to wrap itself around the nerve.
Can we say, "sweet relief"?!
And the peace of knowing that some inconvenient, uncomfortable pain now will keep her from being in a strange city, with a few 20-something roommates, no dentist she knows and in a lot of very complicated pain.
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We often want God to take away all of the pain, but Dr. Paul Brand learned years ago in his work with lepers that without the signal of pain, we can lose the very lifeblood we need to keep the tissue safe and healthy. Without pain, there is no warning of danger, hypothermia, stepping on glass or even catching your finger on fire. This says to me, that to experience pain is to simply be human.
Why would God ever take away our humanity?
He won't. But in our humanity, just as I help Abbey change her gauze, make sure she has fluids and soft food, remind her to take her pain medication and help her clean up any accidental messes from trying to function in a foggy, numbed-mouth state of being...He is right there beside us...
Changing our bloody gauze for His blood sacrifice
Giving us the correct amounts of living water and living Bread that we can stomach for the moment
Medicating our wounds with his life-giving Word and
Helping us clean up the messes we've made when we can only see through the lens of a dim mirror (I Corinthians 13:12)
Amen!
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