I've realized that as opportunity after opportunity to serve and love in the Name of Jesus has been coming my way, that I'm in a little over my head with everything that is taking place...and that is precisely where He wants me to be.
Absolutely dependency upon Him is what I've been praying for. Desperate longing to see His Kingdom at work all around me is what I've been thirsting for. And amazing Love to see, live, give and breath in is what I've been craving. So He's called me "out upon the waters" [from one of my current favorite worship songs] and I'm diving in [to quote an older Steven Curtis Chapman one] and honestly, I'm humbled at the thought at the beauty of where His current, or should I say riptide, is going to take me.
Only He knows. What I know is that obediently following Him into the vast...amazing...unknown is exactly where I long to be!
This photo was the original inspiration for the Broadway show Abbey and I ushered last night at the Aronoff Theatre in Cincinnati. One evening in December 1956, Sam Phillips, the owner of Sun Records in Memphis, Tennessee, had under the same roof, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash. They even made a short recording together.
I admit I was hesitant about whether the show would be good or not, but kept telling myself, "Last year when we did the same show twice (The Addams Family), we were pleasantly surprised...who knows?" I was correct...and pleasant surprise is an understatement.
Just flipping through the Playbill, I knew which actor would portray Elvis. He was spot-on for the roll, not only in appearance, but also in vocals and dancing too. When the actor playing Johnny Cash first opened his mouth to sing Folsom Prison Blues, if I'd closed my eyes I would have believed Johnny had come back for just one night only to sing his music for us.
But the actor that blew me away was the very incarnation of Jerry Lee Lewis...piano bench kicking and all! He provides most of the comedic material too, but the leg-jumping, foot-playing-the-piano, hair-bobbing singer really had no equal on that stage. This kid, just like Lewis, was the consummate performer last night.
It's a great show and I was beaming for most of the one hour and forty-five minute performance not only because of the foot-tapping music, but because of the fun and energy exuded by the audience. I noticed once the doors opened that this was an "older" crowd...but it was obviously the music of their generation and watching sixty and seventy year olds getting their groove on, can't help but make you smile.
Tickets are still available. If you have some time now through Sunday, March 3rd, you should head out to catch the show. You will not be disappointed!
If you're not my Facebook "friend" then you may not have been aware that I won two tickets to a special screening of the movie musical, Les Miserables. I took my daughter, Abbey, with me. I thought that was only fair since she's taken me to see the stage musical and last year we saw it together as we ushered at the Aronoff Center.
We have both been anticipating this movie for many, many months. We have excitedly watched the clips and previews as they've been released time and time again. Admittedly, we had mixed emotions about what to expect...Could it live up to the stage version? Could the Hollywood actors possibly do justice to the roles into which so many Broadway and other stage performers have poured their hearts and souls?
We were not disappointed!
I'm not sure you could go wrong with the story. After all, it's based on the epic novel by Victor Hugo. I've begun to describe him as "The French Charles Dickens". I by no means am scholarly enough to debate the value, style or enduring works of literature between these two men. My comparison is based upon their ability to put pen and ink to the plight of the poor...injustice...cruelty...degradation...and redemption.
Aaaahhh! There it is...sweet redemption. This story is brimming full of it. I knew I would weep. I knew I would be choked up. I'm not ashamed to say, I wept unabashedly...tears streaming down my face at the depiction of grace, mercy, compassion and yes, redemption of those that are too often overlooked: the poor, the outcast, the ones who have to scrap and sometimes even steal to survive.
Want to get choked up? Watch the story unfold of just how low a mother will sink in order to provide for her child and when she sings, "I dreamed a dream that love would never die...life has killed the dream I dreamed," if you don't at least get uncomfortable in your comfy seat, then sit tight...there's even more opportunities to weep to come.
The character in this story that has always intrigued me the most is Javert. If you don't know the story, I don't want to reveal any spoilers...so I'll just say that he's the man of "the law" that at one time picked himself up out of the gutter into which he was born by his own power and hard work...and can't understand why everyone else can't do the same. Sound familiar? Yeah...I've been around way too much of that thinking in my lifetime too!
But here's what I've been pondering regarding him since I first became familiar with this storyline several years ago. This is the guy who can't accept that someone could do wrong...especially what Javert deems to be an extreme wrong...and be forgiven. Mercy, grace, and compassion are not only foreign concepts to him...they are unacceptable...even to himself. When Jean Valjean (the bad guy in Javert's eyes) has become so full of mercy, grace, forgiveness and love...merely because it was once shown to him...and offers the same grace to Javert...Javert absolutely cannot accept it. Not only can he not accept mercy...it is his ultimate demise.
The movie is beautiful. The cinematography is amazing. The acting and singing, while not flawless, are so well done...so raw...so much like watching a stage version, that overall...the affect is breathtaking. Special kudos to Anne Hathaway as Fantine. I'm not really up to date on Oscar hopefuls for this year...but I hope she's a contender at least!
If you're not a musical fan, you may not be impressed, but I honestly do not see how you can walk away not feeling blessed to know you are redeemed by One who loves us so deeply, so completely...no matter what we've done...no matter how "miserable" we are.
Friday afternoon, I called my mom regarding a simple question. She said, "I guess you've had the TV on, right?" I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me about the school shooting that took place in Newtown, Connecticut. I literally felt sick to my stomach. This is a more recent experience for me. As God breaks my heart for the things that break His, I have come to feel almost nauseous when faced with great evil.
Unfortunately, the nausea continued as I began scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed.
After last Friday's events in Connecticut, social media naturally lit up with comment after comment. Some expressed grief, many expressed thoughts and prayers for the victims and community but too many waded into the fray of comments that just should not have been made. I was at first angered...now, I'm mostly sad.
By Friday evening, I considered complete abstinence from Facebook for a week or so...but I have hesitantly continued to read through posts regarding the shooting deaths. Whether you want guns or want them destroyed...want prayer in schools or think no mention of God should ever cross the threshold of a public education facility...want to blame evil on the violence on TV and video games, lack of appropriate parenting, lack of mental health treatment, lack of support for the parents that have children with mental health issues...etc, etc, etc. Can I just be maybe the one person who says, "This is notwhat needs to be shared during this time!"?
Can we stop grinding our axes and just remember that "every inclination in the human heart is evil" (Genesis 8:21)? Stop blaming one faction or another. Stop tearing apart the side that doesn't agree with you. Stop walking right into the camp of the enemy and allowing him to build walls that are increasingly higher and higher between those that call themselves Christians and those that don't.
What should we say? What should we share?
Love...pure and simple.
Love will cause you to cry with the victims and grieve for the offender too. Love will make you wish to 'gather them up like a hen with her chicks' under her wings.' (Luke 13:34) Love will help you be quick to listen to those you don't agree with, slow to speak the wrong word and possibly even slower to express anger and things at people you don't understand. (James 1:19). Love will give you a "garment of praise instead of despair." (Isaiah 61:3) And because of your hope-filled Love, you will be asked to "give a reason" (I Peter 3:15) which will bless you with an opportunity to once again...you guessed it...share Love!
There were a whole lot of things I've been wanting to say or reply and I even shared a couple of the more frustrating comments I saw with my husband. But I knew the best thing I could do was to hold off and wait for God's response...not mine! And this morning...I heard it...this song. I've actually heard it in my head a lot this weekend, but was thankful that God's Spirit gave it to me one more time this morning...just to make the point to me again.
What do we (I) need to say when evil seems to prevail and so many are seeking answers? Really the only thing I can say is the one and only thing that will matter in the end. What will be there in the end? Will it be guns or no guns, home school or public education, happy TV shows or violent ones, good or bad or no mental healthcare? No...the only thing that will be there in the end is "Oceans and oceans of Love and Love again."
I've shared this before, but although the video itself is not that great, the songs and words are truth. Listen to it and bask in His Love...that's right where He wants us anyway!
We've sung this song a few times in the R3VOLUTION service at First Church and both times, I've honestly wanted to be a fool for Jesus!!! I'm about to the point where I don't care if I'd embarrass myself or my kids. Just envision two to three hundred people singing this song together in full-blown worship...you get the idea.
It incorporates in the lyrics what's called the Apostles' Creed by Christians and also The Lord's Prayer. Here's a link to the text of the Apostles' Creed and The Lord's Prayer Read them...contemplate them...ask yourself if you truly believe them and are willing to do absolutely whatever it takes so you can teach as many people as possible what these words mean...better yet, the relationship that begins with the Creator of the Universe when they embrace these truths...then listen to the song again. Actually, I think I need to start listening to this as my wake up song every morning.
Last night, I shared with a friend that I've felt like I've been avoiding God. I started asking Him today, "Why?" I think there are a few reasons, but one has been this lesson of being at peace with complete dependence upon Him. What He's asking of me is so counter-cultural, so mind-boggling that I can't even begin to get my brain around it.
For an uber-analytical mind like mine...this has been driving me nuts. So, I've been avoiding Him because I didn't want to do the "work" to process with Him exactly what He is calling me to do. I know I sound vague, but I cannot put into words the thoughts I've had. They are so much higher than my finite thoughts that this is going to take a lot of time and patience and yes, even money, with and from God to sort it all out.
And if you've ever needed to believe that God must have a sense of humor...let me assure you...He does.
You see, this song...an old 80's throwback to my teen years...for the last year or so has occasionally "popped" into my head...often out of nowhere...when I've struggled to comprehend or just to process what God is saying or sharing with me. I cannot even begin to count how many times this has happened. I would only let myself repeat the line "I got my mind set on You" over and over again, because I didn't like the next line that says, "It's going to take money, a whole lot of spending money." I was content to recite the first phrase over and over again. It sort of became a way of "recalibrating" my brain back to focusing on God.
This morning as I turned again to Him and truly began to ask, "Why am I avoiding You?" "What are You asking of me?" "How do I begin to have peace in our circumstances, when I know the bottom line and You say, 'Don't worry...I've got your back!'" Ugh! It was excessively overwhelming and I was becoming exasperated with no answer.
But then...I felt led to open up Jesus Calling...and I was a few days behind (yep...that avoidance thing again!). In God's perfect timing, I read today what was scheduled for yesterday:
"For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace..." (Romans 8:6)
And once again, George Harrison and his 1980's hit began playing non-stop in my mind. You see, when I've "God my mind set on (Him)" there is life and peace! When I set it on the flesh or my earthly surroundings or my cultures demands...there is only death.
Just for kicks, I wanted to post the video from Youtube. It's cheesy...but all of the words are appropriate for today. It is going to take lots of money (from God), lots of time and lots of patience (from me) to "do it right". But if I've "Got my mind set" in the right place there will be "life and peace".
Just the other day I had this thought: "Maybe the reason we as Jesus followers miss the mark of what He desires for us is because we're so busy doing instead of being." A few days later, I read some very similar thoughts in Repenting of Religion...he just says it a lot better than I can.
If you've been reading any of my recent posts (see "All We Need is...") you'll remember that the subtitle of this book is "Turning From Judgment to the Love of God". Gregory Boyd, the author, has spent many pages so far explaining how far we have fallen from God's perfect ideal for us. He also goes into a lot of detail discussing just exactly what lay at the heart of the Original Sin (see Genesis 2-3). You see, it wasn't just called the Tree of the Knowledge of Evil that stood in the middle of Eden. It was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Ever since that day, every single one of us humans have eaten from that fruit...every time we measure anyone...even ourselves by any measuring stick other than measuring by the Love of God.
With this sin (known as "The Fall" of mankind), came not only evil into this world, but also a sort of veil (interestingly, it consists of the exact same letters as evil!). We are told in I Corinthians 13 that we now see as if we're looking into a dim mirror. I've made numerous references on this blog to things such as "The glory of God is man fully alive" (Sara Groves song line) and Brennan Manning's observation that perhaps the greatest dichotomy in the church today is not between liberal and conservative, pro-life or pro-choice, but rather those that are awake and those that are asleep. Have you ever experienced the feeling of 'scales falling from your eyes', 'the clouds parting' and everything making sense? That's what I'm talking about. I've even said that it feels like I'm being re-wired...which is basically what He is doing.
And this week, I read the following and one more piece of the puzzle fell into place:
"It's important to notice that the serpent didn't promise Eve something she didn't already have. This too is an aspect of all that blocks love and thus constitutes sin. The serpent promised Eve that she could be "like God." Yet she and Adam were already made in the very image and likeness of God (Gen. 1:26-27). The craftiness of the serpent is found in his cunning ability to make Eve think she hadto become what she in fact already was. How else could he tempt a person who already had all she would ever need? The serpent convinced Eve that her life had to be found in doing rather than simple being. He convinced her to break fellowship with God in order to possess the very thing God had already given her for free: her being "the image and likeness of God."
"Had Eve remained in union with God, had she rejected the Accuser's lie about God, the serpent's promise that she could become like God would have been utterly vacuous. She would have remained in the peace of knowing that she already reflected God's image and was full because of the unsurpassable worth God continually poured into her. Going beyond the "No Trespassing' sign would not have seemed desirable to her.
"Only when she accepted the lie and forgot who she was did the promise of becoming like God take on any significance. Rejecting the truth that she was already in God's likeness, she blocked out the love that made her in his likeness. Then, instead of living life out of the fullness of who she already was, dependent upon God, Eve chose to try to become in God's likeness by acting out of her emptiness, independent of God. Her life, and the life of her descendants, would from that time on consist of futilely chasing what God had always intended to give us for free." (bold words, my emphasis)
It's lengthy, I know, but what I don't want you to miss is just a few lines up...the "fullness of who she already was (a being verb)" she gave up because she "chose to try to become" (to try is an action verb).
Could we agree that this pretty much sums up our culture? Just take a look around you...everyone striving to become. I even think of kids. When they are just "being" (sleeping, eating, reading, playing, working) there is peace, contentment, even joy. But when they start "doing"...grasping at something that will fill a void (power or being the "top dog"; greediness or lack of sharing; territorial possession or "that's mine" syndrome) that's when fighting, jealousy, and general nastiness ensue. Are we really anything more than just grown up kids?
And here's what my experience has taught me: In the past, when I was involved in too many things to count at church...they were good things and probably ministered to others. But when someone needed something "extra" from me (childcare, a meal, a listening friend, a need to give up "my" time) I dreaded it...even resented it at times because I had nothing left to give. I was too busy doing.
Then a few years ago, I felt led by the Holy Spirit to give almost everything up and to just start "being" His child. Those weren't my exact thoughts, but I know now that's what He was leading me to. My life may actually look like it's pretty boring to most. I'm sure it appears that I don't do much...I've even been told before that I'm a gifted person not using my gifts. But just this week I've had two opportunities to do rather than be (and both good things!)...a nursing home visit where we would have sung Christmas Carols and a chance to serve at Lifeline last night. But I felt led to pull out of both of these because it had already been an overwhelmingly busy week. I knew I could proceed and feel overtaxed, stressed and yet, still feel a sense of accomplishment in having served. But who has God asked me to be? Who is He leading me to become?
He's led me to a place where He wants me to be focused on single moms and their families and often that is a form of service that I can't schedule or plan. Over the last couple of weeks, that's meant some impromptu forms of service for which I wouldn't have the mental or physical energy if I was too busy "doing" these other good things.
Enough rambling! Maybe I just wanted to remind you (or more importantly, Holy Spirit wants to remind you!) that during this season...probably the busiest season of the year...in the midst of all of your doing...take some time to slow down and ask Him whom He already created you to be!
I cannot get this song out of my mind. And while I'm still just reveling in the thought of "oceans and oceans of love and love again," as I keep replaying the song over and over...here's what has struck me...and it's a doozy!
There will be a:
last bullet fired
last famine
last trafficked child
last lie
last disgrace
last hungry, homeless person
last prison inmate
last chemo patient
last siren
last war
last divorce
last abused girl
Do we really get this? I know I don't! In our human, finite thinking...we can only focus on what we know. And our experience tells us there is always suffering and pain...but our enemy is a crafty one. He wants us to forget that we've been promised that our sufferings are just "light and momentary affliction(s)". (2 Cor. 4:17)
But this goes further than just meaning that one day we will die and we don't have to suffer anymore. Oh....praise His Name...there will come a day when He will make all things right and we will no longer dwell in pain and suffering as inhabitants on this fallen earth. There will be one last for each of these awful things...and so much more!
There is a flip-side to this as well...and having grown up in a church culture of legalism and scare tactics, I'm a little hesitant to say it...but I feel the leading that it needs to be said:
There will also be a last person that awakens to the reality of God's Love and that He is Sovereign. That just because we've ignored Him...doesn't mean He hasn't existed since the beginning of time.
This reality no longer scares me like it did 25-30 years ago...but it does make me aware of the urgency to tell others of God's Love! Beloved...if you do not know Him...you are loved...with "oceans and oceans of love and love again". And whether you call Him Lord or have yet to surrender that role to Him...there will one day be an end to all of this...there will be a "last" for everything...and honestly...I. can't. wait!!
Okay...so Andrew Peterson is quickly becoming one of my favorite artists and this song is just reinforcing the message God's Holy Spirit has been laying on my heart repeatedly...His Love. Everything I want to do for His glory...every freedom I want people to experience...every dream I have of serving others, comes down to Gods Love...allowing God to fill me with His Holy Spirit (His Love) so completely..so fully that it can't help but overflow from my life into the lives of others.
This video, while not the best production I've ever seen, contained the lyrics to the song and the lyrics are the important part. Watch it...and allow God's Love to wash over you completely...perhaps for the very first time.
Beloved...you are loved with a boundless love that we cannot begin to fathom...but it is like "oceans and oceans of love and love again" Amen!
If you've ever experienced the "dark night of the soul", you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, and you are a Jesus follower...someday, you will. This song from Andrew Peterson speaks exactly how it feels...and the promise that you can cling to even in "The Silence of God".
My favorite line? "What about the times when even followers get lost? Cause we all get lost sometimes" Praise God for the Shepherd that comes to find us!
Thanks to Spotify, I've been listening to Susan Ashton a lot lately. I'd forgotten how much I liked her music. I guess once I discovered Sara Groves, I set Susan aside. But there's a song that's been playing over and over in my head for a few days that's expressed exactly how I've been feeling..."Grand Canyon".
"Sometimes I feel like I'm As close as Your shadow and, Sometimes I feel like I'm Looking up and You
From the bottom of the Grand Canyon So small and so far. From the Grand Canyon With a hole in my heart.
And I'm a long way from where I know I need to be When there's a Grand Canyon Between You and me."
Feeling "distant" is the only way I know to describe how I've felt for the last few weeks. Oh, God has still be good, faithful and involved in my life, but there's just been this "feeling" I guess I would describe as an absence of closeness.
Partly, I know why. This is the same time last year that I lost focus and floundered for several months. I know it's the holidays...because for we poor folks (trying to keep this light and upbeat by using "folks")...the holidays just exacerbate our already overwhelming frustration with finances. Sure, I'm okay with having a "lean and mean" Christmas...but that's difficult to explain to your kids. They have responded well to some suggestions we've made about keeping expenses down...but still, as a mom...wait...as an American mom...I have this preconceived notion that my kids just won't be happy with one or two small gifts.
But finances are only a small manifestation of what the root problem is...it's a battle that is waging to keep me distracted from the Love of my Abba. Even as I'm reading Repenting of Religion, and am telling myself that I am in Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me so I can ascribe unsurpassable worth through His Love to others...I'm not ascribing that same worth to myself or those closest to me. Honestly, I've just felt very mean and nasty the last few days and I couldn't understand why.
Then this morning with the song above playing in my head, I wrote this in my journal: "I feel distant, Lord. I don't hear you, I'm struggling to see You. Please give me the faith to believe Your promises. You are faithful and true." I went on to ask Him to fill me to overflowing with His Love, His Holy Spirit, and to help me let His Love flow out of me and to others...especially those closest to me.
Then, nagging in the back of my brain was another song, "Nothing to Say" by Andrew Peterson:
"The mountains sing Your Glory, Hallelujah. The canyons echo sweet amazing grace. My spirit sails The mighty gales are bellowing Your name. And I've got nothing to say."
Several years ago I had the privilege of seeing the Grand Canyon (these are actually my photos at the top and bottom), and that chorus made a whole lot more sense. The depth...the height...the width of those canyons are just a speck compared to the depth, height and width of God's amazing grace...His Love.
So this morning, I specifically asked God to let me hear Him today...to give me the privilege of seeing His power and His glory. Beth Moore says it takes a lot of chutzpah to ask to see His glory...and today...I was ready. He just never quite does things the way I expect! Amen!
I opened up Facebook about 15 minutes ago and I was sobbing at what He had done. For some reason...and in one of those unexplainable ways that He does...He had a dear friend send me a lengthy letter...addressed from Him and to me. I cannot describe the emotion...the Love that I felt washing over me. My friend could have had no clue how this e-mail would mean so much!
He told me to ask for it...and He was showing me His Glory, Hallelujah! Praise His Name, even when you feel like you're standing at the bottom of the Grand Canyon...those canyons definitely echo with His sweet amazing grace!
Everytime I hear this song I'm moved to tears. I've posted it a few times on Facebook, and thought I'd now share it with those of you who read this blog.
When I hear it, I'm reminded of all of the junk my husband and I have gone through and how even though at times we've been pulling in opposite directions, we haven't yet torn each other apart. That is not because of anything that we did...it's because of a God who has given us strength, mercy and love to endure our fair share of tragedies...some small and some that I thought would do us in.
Life is a minefield...and to be blessed to have someone willing to dance through it with you is undoubtedly the best gift my Abba has given me...second only to the Love He gives me through the life and death of His Son, Jesus.
Because we have a ministry to single moms, I know finding this dance partner doesn't happen for everyone. I wish I knew what to say about that...but words fail. Loved one...pleasebe assured that no matter the minefield...you do not dance through it alone...your Abba is right by your side. My prayer is that someday, in God's Will and timing alone, He will provide that partner you desire to dance through the minefield with you.
Sometimes we get a little scared...I get that. Sometimes things are shaky...I get that too. And yeah, sometimes things are a little ambiguous...like this blog post so far!
But sometimes...we just have to have faith. And sometimes we have to know what our culture knows so that we can have honest, intelligent, rational conversations about it.
And yes, there is evil in this world. And yes, our enemy does like to pervert the Truth. And of course, we are all tempted by different things, have different weaknesses and varying degrees of spiritual maturity.
Case and point: I do not watch the same types of TV shows or movies that I used to. Over the years, as I've grown deeper in my walk, Holy Spirit has challenged me about the junk I watch and the images that are replayed in my mind. So, yes...I totally understand why people have different convictions regarding media, books and even music. (The key here is, the Holy Spirit convicted me!)
But have you ever even taken a look at a banned book list? Little House on the Prairie is on there, for pete's sake. I mean, instead of reading it with school children and explaining why early settlers were scared of Native Americans and challenging them to use their critical thinking skills as to the reasons why Native Americans weren't nice to the whites that were taking over their lands...let's just not read the book, because it might offend someone's sensibilities.
And as Christians...sometimes can we admit we go off the deep end? I will! I was an obnoxious parent that said I would never let my children read any Harry Potter book...ever! And then my very practical, husband said, "I think you'd like them." He was right. What amazing lessons about sacrificial living for others, how we go wrong in our own selfish pursuits, how people laying down their lives for others is what God calls all of us to do...I could have completely missed the opportunity to share these lessons with my children had I not allowed the possibility that God's Spirit can even work through secular media.
One time in a book group we led, a Christian man was talking about reading the Koran so that he would understand his co-worker's religion and could then have rational conversations with him about the difference between Allah and the God we worship. His comment, "Yes, it is possible to take Jesus with you when you read the Koran," has stuck with me some 6 years later.
So I guess my real question is this...is it possible in our time and in this world, to live so radically close to God's Holy Spirit that we can trust Him to show us what is truth and what is not? Feel free to comment to this post...I'm truly seeking some open dialogue on this.
Last thought on this, I promise...God's Spirit is never the author of fear, doubt or worry...that comes from someone else. So if I'm living my life, sheltered and secluded because I'm afraid that what I'm exposed to will cause me to doubt God...then maybe I need to ask myself a few questions. Do I trust the One I call Lord to keep me from tripping up would be a good place to start!
What you do when you wake up with "Man in the Mirror" lyrics running through you head? And yes, In Michael Jackson's voice no less? You listen...that's what.
I've always believed that God can use anyone and anything to speak to my heart...this just proves it's true!
I often wake up with a song in my head...and most days, it's a praise and worship or some type of "spiritual" song. To wake up with a song from someone who's life seriously gives me the heebie-jeebies sort of unsettled me at first.
But that's when it just kept playing over and over and I couldn't shake it...so I decided it must be worth hearing. This is what I came away with:
"I'm looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking if he'll change his ways. No message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place, You better look in the mirror and make the...change."
Now, apparently Holy Spirit reserves the right to take creative license with the song when you, the listener, don't know all of the lyrics to begin with. This is evidenced in His trade of "looking" for the original word "starting". Just in case you're wondering...yes, this was accompanied with the full effect of "woo"s and "eeh"s that are prevalent throughout all adult Michael Jackson songs! Ha! No detail goes undone by God. [Yes, I'm smiling at this!]
But why this song? Look at the words...do you really even need to ask? Obviously, the Holy Spirit was asking to set my heart right even before I opened my eyes. No judging others and their actions today. No wondering what's wrong with everyone else. No focusing on others and their flaws while I joyfully indulge my own.
Nope, I've got to look at the (wo)man in the mirror...she needs to change her ways...no message could have been any clearer...if Angela wants the world to be a better place...she better look in the mirror and make the...change.
My God who is personal and loving enough to want to start my day off right, sharing this with me from the get go? Yeah...I have a few "woo"s and "eeh"s to let out too! No moon walks...but definitely some praise lifting hands! [No sparkly gloves though...I have to draw a line somewhere.]
Yesterday, had a good afternoon in the hot sunshine talking with a friend about God's faithfulness and how we're both feeling challenged to live radically. I shared with her about how the day before, even though I'd already been out once soliciting donations from businesses for the 24-Hour Famine, it was all I could do to take one step after another. I even was growing impatient with my son as he slowly put on his tennis shoes. The longer I sat there waiting, I could feel the confidence/doubt battle raging within me. I even told him that he needed to hurry because I needed to leave now to get out the door.
I'd already thought of an old Christmas show song the day before, but my friend without missing a beat looked at me and said, "It's just like that song from Santa Claus is Coming to Town...Put One Foot in Front of the Other." We both laughed at how great minds think alike!
Then I got this in an e-mail response to my praises for what God has been doing: "This is a great story. And this was just you and your daughter...imagine if EACH of us took that first step out our front door..."
I feeling a theme coming on!
Tried to find a YouTube video of the original song, but all I could find was this rock version...I think I actually like it better!
About once every four to six days now, I can pretty much count on there arising a day for battle. Today was the day!
I shared in Wait For It...Oh Snap! how I'd been struggling with some attitudes that were beyond being appropriate. But last night, I had trouble getting to sleep until around midnight and then I had an 8-year old waking me up at 1 a.m. telling me she "couldn't get to sleep". I've never quite been able to figure out (in the 15.5 years of parenting experience I have) just exactly what my children want me to do to help them "get to sleep". Once in a sleepy stupor, I recall asking my about 8 year old son "what am I supposed to do about it? Knock you over the head?" But I digress!
I'm a person who can be not-so-nice when I go without sleep. But ever since I read Forgotten God by Francis Chan, I've believed his statement that when we live by the power of the Holy Spirit, we never have an excuse for being too tired, too worn out, too anything...as long as I'm living in His power and not my own. Interesting theory...and today it was put to the test!
After my child woke me up, I struggled to get back to sleep. More accurately, what I was struggling with was an urgent prayer request for a mom I know. See (Prayer Requests Page). She was on my heart and on my mind for a long time...what seemed like hours. But the whole time I lay awake, I kept having these judgmental thoughts cropping back up...not just about one situation, but multiple ones. It was pretty rapid-fire thinking for the middle of the night.
When Dale's alarm went off this morning...which it never does, he always wakes up before it goes off...it would have been easy to turn over and go back to sleep. But I felt Holy Spirit whisper..".if Dale doesn't get a good night's sleep, he still has to get up and go to work. Come on...you and I need to get to work!" Out of bed I was with only about 4-5 hours of sleep under my belt.
During my time with God this morning, I kept trying to surrender my will, but these negative thoughts just kept coming up. In the night, I'd even come to the groggy realization that my entire problem was that I was focusing on the actions of others instead of praising God for what He's been doing for us and others. Also I knew that if I could just pray for others...interceding on their behalf...with my focus on them, I would find no reason for grumbling about my own issues.
But by 8 a.m., it was all out war! To say I was constantly trying to refocus and surrender my will and thoughts to God I don't think is an understatement. Praise God, I'd recently read in Jesus Calling about tethering myself to the "Anchor of my soul"...and that the closer we draw to Him, the shorter the tether becomes and the quicker He's able to help us recognize it when we start to go off on our own way. For a few days now, I've been begging Him to make the tether so microscopic that I'd instantly recognize when I'm pulling away from Him. Thank the Lord, He'd laid this on my heart to pray about, because while I can't say it was instant, there was a recognizeable struggle going on!
I'd even opened up my Bible study to the next lesson and here's the title "Lest You Be Judged". I quickly closed the book (forcefully, I might add!), shaking my head and saying out loud, "You have got to be kidding me God! Really?!" I had no plans to do this one today!
By about 10 a.m., I'd had enough and remembered Beth Moore's tactic of not letting the mind be idle...pump worship or praise music...whatever you like into your head...in the car, when you're alone, etc. When you don't have anything else to focus on, the enemy can start assaulting you with all sorts of thoughts. So the iPod came out and of course, within a few songs, I felt more peaceful.
Here's the songs that came on and were just what I needed to hear:
So Holy Spirit was reminding me that Love washes over a multitude of things! God is Love after all and He washed over more than a multitude of things for me on the Cross.
Then a great song started, "I Call Your Name" by Ricardo Sanchez. I was trying to get some stuff done and some school with the kids, so I didn't even let myself listen to the lyrics too closely. It was a bit of an out of body experience to know that I needed to listen to this, I was refusing to, yet craving some time to go stand in my closet and praise Him to this song. But for the moment, I had to keep plowing ahead. Next was an unexpected...yet awesome surprise!
My son, Noah, is absolutely nuts over the band Skillet. Apprarently at some point I put some of their music on my iPod shuffle and today this one came up... "Hero"! Now, I'm not a big Skillet fan and honestly, at times we all get a little annoyed at how much it consumes Noah's conversation (especially right before he saw them at King's Island in early July). I sort of joked with him when it came up on my iPod, but then I really listened to the words!
Here's the lyrics if like me your uh..hem..."older" listening ears can't quite make out all the words: Hero by Skillet
What I was hearing (and Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart) was that this is war and I need a SuperHero! I have one too! Wow! Thoughts of the war He won for us and how He allows us to tap into His power through Him were definitely hitting me right where they needed to!
It took a few more hours and a friend stopping by to bless us with a gift for me to finally give up and tell the kids, "Okay, I'm headed back to my bathroom for a little quiet time. Mom's got some more
praying to do."
First thing I did was head to my dark closet and backup to that Ricardo Sanchez song. Bear with the video, it was the best quality I could find on YouTube, but there's a lot of preliminary stuff before you get to the actual song.
I had to listen, praise, sing along and weep three times through it before I felt like I'd even begun to give God a fraction of the praise He is due for all He has done. If He'd never done anything else, His sacrifice on the Cross is enough for me to praise Him for all eternity!!!
Yep...I was now ready to read Beth Moore (using God's Word) tell me how I shouldn't judge others, but rather how can I do any less than extend the same patience (or makrothumia, the Greek word!) that He extends to all of mankind? Now, she's not talking about blatant sin. With fellow Christians, there is a time to lovingly confront about sin that has not been rooted out. But aren't I more likely and more often to think negatively, critically, judgementally about little slights? Yeah...His laser-focused Light was piercing right through all of the muck I'd let accumulate in my thoughts for the last few days.
Where did He take me? As I cried out in repentance and asked Him how to avoid this pitfall the next time, He helped me remember II Corinthians 7:10 "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." Yes, my loving Abba had gently disciplined (which is translated to teach) and without regret, I could look forward to His instruction for how to avoid this situation the next time.
And, there will be a next time! He wasn't kidding when He told us to "take up the shieldoffaith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." (Ephesians 6:16) Don't ever think for one minute you're not in a full-fledge war...you are. Just in case you didn't believe that part...He pretty much said in His Word to count on it and He's never been wrong yet.
So put on your armor...this is war!
(From Ephesians 6) 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints..."
Mentioned in this post:
We're told that at least on one occasion, God walked in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:8a says, "They heard the sound ofthe LORD God walking in the garden in thecool of the day"
This is actually the beginning of the confrontation between God, Adam and Eve regarding their sin and the consequences that would be the unfortunate result of their disobedience. But I like to imagine that we really don't know how long Adam and Eve lived in Eden before they fell, so perhaps this was just a matter of routine for God. Can you envision working in a perfect garden all day long, and then discussing the day with the Almighty...getting His perspective, His challenges for growth in your life, His loving chastisement if needed? Doesn't that sound like, well...Eden?!
For several weeks, I've been trying to get in more of a habit of reflecting on the day with God. Giving Him the praise for what He has done and where He's leading. This comes from Psalm 63 , what Beth Moore refers to as a Biblical example of what a crucified life looks like...constantly seeking the will of God and not our own.
In verse 6, David 'remembers God on his bed.' But quite frankly, by the time I'm to that point, I'm pretty much brain-dead. So I end up either reading a book or watching a documentary on Netflix. Then as I'm dozing, I'll attempt to give God some semblance of recognition to Him for all He's done in my day. Yet, I've had this yearning for more...it's just not quite been enough to satisfy.
Yesterday morning as I was thinking through this and praying for the desire for more reflection each day, I felt His loving Spirit calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day." That's it! Go for a walk after dinner, when the sun is setting, take my iPod Shuffle and just dwell on Him and all that's happened.
I was determined...even in 95 degree heat, I kept prioritizing my day to get this opportunity later in the evening. After dinner, I knew the dishes could wait...my God was calling me to come walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
It was only about 20 minutes...but probably the best spent 20 minutes of my day. I've often thought Holy Spirit has a finger on my iPod Shuffle, and now I'm convinced of it! The first song as I headed out of our complex was Monk & Neagle's Sweep Me Away (Best I could do was find the lyrics!). You can see from the lyrics why this song would mean so much to me.
Next Holy Spirit reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed." --Francis Chan, Forgotten God
Holy Spirit added, "That's exactly the life you're living Angela. You're desperate for Me to come through. I have to come through or you are screwed. I'll come through...just wait." The song that began playing on my iPod at precisely this moment? Help Me Live by Tim Davis That's it...be a living sacrifice and wait for Him to come through.
As I pondered this, I replayed a conversation Dale and I had just had and I said, "Okay, God. You're going to come through...but I can't see what You're doing. What do I do in the meantime?"
The next song to play on my iPod at exactly the right time? Draw Me Nearer [The version I have is by Diane Sheets. It's beautiful, but I can't find it anywhere on the web.] Again, I thought of Beth Moore's word picture of cling wrap...I'm clinging to You, God! Draw me nearer to Your cross!
Rejoicing in what He was speaking to my heart, I was overwhelmed by the next song, Till I See You
Oh...He's good! "I will live to love You!" That's my job in all of this. Just be a living sacrifice, draw nearer, live to love Him. Once again, He was giving me exactly the wisdom and words I needed at exactly the right time!
And as I rounded the corner and headed home, He couldn't leave out Sara Groves. Someone in my life for whom I was carrying a heavy burden came to mind and as I contemplated words I could say or something I could just "do" to help them, God's wisdom through her song began to play in my ears, Loving a Person [The visuals are of couples, but this song applies to any relationship!]
Then I was home. Yeah, I was a little sweaty. There had been a good breeze, but not much of a "cool of the day". What was interesting to me though was that I went out with the intent of thanking and giving glory to the One who'd shown His love to me throughout the day. What I came home with was a heart overflowing with even more to contemplate, praise Him and thank Him for.
He really does give more than we could ever give Him and it might just all start with taking a walk with Him "in the cool of the day."
I've been thinking even more about fire...the Holy Spirit's fire to be exact...especially after I had a conversation with my oldest daughter last night about a concern she had that was weighing on her heart. Then this morning, just as He's been doing almost daily, the Holy Spirit's timing proved perfect again. My lesson in Living Beyond Yourself addressed the exact concern my daughter had brought to me last night. When I told her about this later, she said, "Okay, that's just freaky!" I replied, 'Yeah, but it's a good kind of freaky.'
So the concern I went to sleep with on my mind and woke up mulling over this morning and turned over to God in my prayer time, He addressed in my Bible study too! I LOVE living by the power of the Spirit!! He is proving over and over and over again that He is in control, I can trust Him and somehow...I will never know how...He puts all the pieces of this massively huge puzzle together at exactly the right time to bring about His good purpose in my life! Wow...Now that's fire!
But as Sara Groves song (see previous post) kept playing on and on in my head, I also remembered a funny story from when our oldest two kids were young. For about a 3-4 year period starting when Abbey was a baby, we frequented a Japanese hibachi-style restaurant in a neighboring town where we lived. This soon became a favorite and I don't even want to think of all the money we spent there during that time. When family was in town or we had a reason to celebrate, that was our favorite place to go. Even now as a vegan, I still fondly remember those meals...they were yummy!
As you might guess, we became friendly with some of the staff. It's sad to say...but they recognized us...more importantly, the recognized our two kids...both blessed with bold, red hair. But what they remembered about our kids is the funny part of the story.
If you've ever been to one of these restaurants, a signature thing to do as they prepare your food in front of you is to stack slices of onion rings in a pyramid, pour oil into it and light it on fire like a volcano. Or they may set the shrimp ablaze right in front of you as they are preparing your meal. Well...this terrified our oldest and as she grew, we either covered her eyes or as a toddler she learned to dive beneath the table when the fire was about to be lit.
The staff became so familiar with us that if we were the only ones at the table, these sweet Vietnamese men would look at us and say (insert Asian accent), "I know...I know...no fire!"
This story probably isn't as amusing to you as it is to me. But I hope the point of my remembrance is as poignant to you as it was today when Holy Spirit brought it back to mind. It's like He was saying, "Yes, Angela...you want fire...but to so many others I have to say...'I know...I know...no fire!'"
Honestly, there've been times I've said the same thing. There've been times when our burdens have been so heavy or I just came out of a time period of growth where He's been painfully stripping away a habit, vice or sin and I've thought, "Lord, please just give me some time of rest!" Or in other words, 'Please no fire right now!'
But about a year ago, my friend, Julie, recommended Forgotten God by Francis Chan and Holy Spirit used it to reignite the coals of my soul. Actually, they may have even been lit for the first time as I truly realized how much He wants to do through my life.
I was on the path as He had laid it before me, but then I lost my focus. I've blogged about this before. It was all for good things...but it wasn't the perfect thing for me...the thing through which His fire could burn.
Now that He's burning in me again and as I attempt to have what I call "laser-trained focus" on God and His specific path for me, I wantMORE fire. I want Him to set the world on fire and use me as the match, the tinder, the fuel or the slow burning matter...whatever be His desire for me.
So while I had a little chuckle today, picturing that perfect little red-haired head diving under the table, quick as lightning and the chef saying, "I know...I know...no fire," I've realized just how much I do want His fire! I'm ready to burn!
Often my words are not enough to express what I'm feeling. So today, I'm going to borrow Sara Groves' words instead.
Jeremiah
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
That burns up in your bones.
I wanna know, I wanna know more now.
The burning of ambition and desire
It never could come close to that fire.
To that fire.
I was looking to myself
And I forgot the power of God I was standing with a sparkler in my hand.
I stood so pround and profound
You came and burned this whole place down
Now that's fire!
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
That burns up in your bones.
I wanna know, I wanna know more now.
The burning of ambition and desire
It never could come close to that fire.
To that fire.
I was caught up in this vice
And it's power to entice I was dwelling on my hopelessness and doubt.
With the slightest invitation
You came with total damnation
Now that's fire.
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
That burns up in your bones.
I wanna know, I wanna know more now.
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
'Cause nothing could come close to that fire
To that fire.
I was warming my hands by this little light of mine
Now I know, I know it's time
To come in from the cold
Fight fire with fire
Fan the flame
Come stir up these coals in my soul
My soul
Till it burns out of control.
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
That burns up in your bones.
I wanna know, I wanna know more now.
Jeremiah, tell me 'bout the fire
'Cause nothing could come close to that fire
To that fire.
The three lines that speak to me the most, I've put in bold text. As Holy Spirit did yet another huge thing yesterday, and today I hear this song on my Ipod, I'm reminded of how when I'm not solely living through the power of the Spirit of Jesus...I'm just "standing with a sparkler in my hand".
Wow! Don't you want His Fire?!! Can't you feel that you were meant for so much more than just "warming my hands by this little light of mine"?
Yesterday, I was going through my morning routine of prayer and Bible study and as I finished the lesson, I had a STRONG urge to do another session. So I told the kids it would be yet another easy day of school because I needed to do some more Bible study. Oh Abba! You KNEW just what I needed.
The session was entitled "A Clean Slate". And by the end of it, Beth Moore asked me to seek God's leading on if there is anyone in my life to whom I am a stumbling block. Matthew 5:23-24, I'd always interpreted and had been preached to me that this passage was if someone had offended me, I need to go deal with it so I'm not harboring a grudge while I'm trying to worship God at the same time. But Moore explains the passage as I am the offender...maybe even unknowingly and I need to attempt to reconcile.
She has you pray for the Spirit's leading to discern to whom you are a stumbling block in their path of freedom through Jesus. As soon as I prayed this, someone came to mind. And it's a person that for a few years now I have invited to call, e-mail or write me so we can discuss what has happened. Honestly, I don't know how I've offended them...but it's obvious that I have.
So in obedience to the Spirit, I wrote out a letter asking their forgiveness for however I have offended them and encouraged them to talk to me about it so we can name it and root it out. Ultimately, I shudder to think that I am someone's stumbling block. But in this instance, I'm certain I am.
What will come of this? I have no clue. They could continue to ignore me, lash out at me or pretend like nothing's ever happened...but I'm not responsible for their reaction. [No matter what you think of Dr. Phil...I did get some wise advice from his show several years ago...'You are only responsible for speaking the truth. You are not responsible for how it is received.']
I just know I had to obey the Spirit's calling and I had to write the truth...in love. As Moore writes, "Obeying God is paramount." And as shared in the letter to this person...I know the relationship will be different. But as I've seen in my marriage and in my relationship with my parents, when God redeems it, the relationship can be better than you ever dreamed possible. In fact, if I'm a stumbling block to this person...the Holy Spirit longs for the relationship to be different. Right?
All of this happened and gave me great peace in knowing that daily, Holy Spirit is moving and working and doing HUGE things in my life and our family. That's why I no longer want to be content with "Warming my hands by this little light of mine." Holy Spirit is stirring the coals in my soul, I'm coming in from the cold and He is fanning His flame. Get ready for a bonfire! That's what He wants for us! His power, His glory, His love, His mercy!
