I shared in Wait For It...Oh Snap! how I'd been struggling with some attitudes that were beyond being appropriate. But last night, I had trouble getting to sleep until around midnight and then I had an 8-year old waking me up at 1 a.m. telling me she "couldn't get to sleep". I've never quite been able to figure out (in the 15.5 years of parenting experience I have) just exactly what my children want me to do to help them "get to sleep". Once in a sleepy stupor, I recall asking my about 8 year old son "what am I supposed to do about it? Knock you over the head?" But I digress!
I'm a person who can be not-so-nice when I go without sleep. But ever since I read Forgotten God by Francis Chan, I've believed his statement that when we live by the power of the Holy Spirit, we never have an excuse for being too tired, too worn out, too anything...as long as I'm living in His power and not my own. Interesting theory...and today it was put to the test!
After my child woke me up, I struggled to get back to sleep. More accurately, what I was struggling with was an urgent prayer request for a mom I know. See (Prayer Requests Page). She was on my heart and on my mind for a long time...what seemed like hours. But the whole time I lay awake, I kept having these judgmental thoughts cropping back up...not just about one situation, but multiple ones. It was pretty rapid-fire thinking for the middle of the night.
When Dale's alarm went off this morning...which it never does, he always wakes up before it goes off...it would have been easy to turn over and go back to sleep. But I felt Holy Spirit whisper..".if Dale doesn't get a good night's sleep, he still has to get up and go to work. Come on...you and I need to get to work!" Out of bed I was with only about 4-5 hours of sleep under my belt.
During my time with God this morning, I kept trying to surrender my will, but these negative thoughts just kept coming up. In the night, I'd even come to the groggy realization that my entire problem was that I was focusing on the actions of others instead of praising God for what He's been doing for us and others. Also I knew that if I could just pray for others...interceding on their behalf...with my focus on them, I would find no reason for grumbling about my own issues.
But by 8 a.m., it was all out war! To say I was constantly trying to refocus and surrender my will and thoughts to God I don't think is an understatement. Praise God, I'd recently read in Jesus Calling about tethering myself to the "Anchor of my soul"...and that the closer we draw to Him, the shorter the tether becomes and the quicker He's able to help us recognize it when we start to go off on our own way. For a few days now, I've been begging Him to make the tether so microscopic that I'd instantly recognize when I'm pulling away from Him. Thank the Lord, He'd laid this on my heart to pray about, because while I can't say it was instant, there was a recognizeable struggle going on!
I'd even opened up my Bible study to the next lesson and here's the title "Lest You Be Judged". I quickly closed the book (forcefully, I might add!), shaking my head and saying out loud, "You have got to be kidding me God! Really?!" I had no plans to do this one today!
By about 10 a.m., I'd had enough and remembered Beth Moore's tactic of not letting the mind be idle...pump worship or praise music...whatever you like into your head...in the car, when you're alone, etc. When you don't have anything else to focus on, the enemy can start assaulting you with all sorts of thoughts. So the iPod came out and of course, within a few songs, I felt more peaceful.
Here's the songs that came on and were just what I needed to hear:
So Holy Spirit was reminding me that Love washes over a multitude of things! God is Love after all and He washed over more than a multitude of things for me on the Cross.
Then a great song started, "I Call Your Name" by Ricardo Sanchez. I was trying to get some stuff done and some school with the kids, so I didn't even let myself listen to the lyrics too closely. It was a bit of an out of body experience to know that I needed to listen to this, I was refusing to, yet craving some time to go stand in my closet and praise Him to this song. But for the moment, I had to keep plowing ahead. Next was an unexpected...yet awesome surprise!
My son, Noah, is absolutely nuts over the band Skillet. Apprarently at some point I put some of their music on my iPod shuffle and today this one came up... "Hero"! Now, I'm not a big Skillet fan and honestly, at times we all get a little annoyed at how much it consumes Noah's conversation (especially right before he saw them at King's Island in early July). I sort of joked with him when it came up on my iPod, but then I really listened to the words!
Here's the lyrics if like me your uh..hem..."older" listening ears can't quite make out all the words: Hero by Skillet
What I was hearing (and Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart) was that this is war and I need a SuperHero! I have one too! Wow! Thoughts of the war He won for us and how He allows us to tap into His power through Him were definitely hitting me right where they needed to!
It took a few more hours and a friend stopping by to bless us with a gift for me to finally give up and tell the kids, "Okay, I'm headed back to my bathroom for a little quiet time. Mom's got some more
praying to do."
First thing I did was head to my dark closet and backup to that Ricardo Sanchez song. Bear with the video, it was the best quality I could find on YouTube, but there's a lot of preliminary stuff before you get to the actual song.
I had to listen, praise, sing along and weep three times through it before I felt like I'd even begun to give God a fraction of the praise He is due for all He has done. If He'd never done anything else, His sacrifice on the Cross is enough for me to praise Him for all eternity!!!
Yep...I was now ready to read Beth Moore (using God's Word) tell me how I shouldn't judge others, but rather how can I do any less than extend the same patience (or makrothumia, the Greek word!) that He extends to all of mankind? Now, she's not talking about blatant sin. With fellow Christians, there is a time to lovingly confront about sin that has not been rooted out. But aren't I more likely and more often to think negatively, critically, judgementally about little slights? Yeah...His laser-focused Light was piercing right through all of the muck I'd let accumulate in my thoughts for the last few days.
Where did He take me? As I cried out in repentance and asked Him how to avoid this pitfall the next time, He helped me remember II Corinthians 7:10 "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." Yes, my loving Abba had gently disciplined (which is translated to teach) and without regret, I could look forward to His instruction for how to avoid this situation the next time.
And, there will be a next time! He wasn't kidding when He told us to "take up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." (Ephesians 6:16) Don't ever think for one minute you're not in a full-fledge war...you are. Just in case you didn't believe that part...He pretty much said in His Word to count on it and He's never been wrong yet.
So put on your armor...this is war!
(From Ephesians 6)
11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints..."
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