Well, that's not exactly true. It's just that what I can do, doesn't look like much is being done, and the do that I do requires very little physical doing so when it's done it looks like I didn't do anything.
Confused? Yeah...I was too. But here's an explanation...hopefully it will make more sense!
While I was sitting at the Cincinnati Reds game on Sunday, the thought occurred to me (yes, probably Holy Spirit inspired!) that I had absolutely nothing to do with making that day happen. I mean, here were 8 people watching a Major League baseball game and we had done nothing (financially) to put all of the pieces in place. Sure, I had to send a couple of e-mails and order the tickets online, but other donors had given us the tickets and even given this ministry money for gas, parking and treats to make it possible for two families to enjoy that day at the ballpark.
Sitting there, taking in this revelation and with a heart full of grateful praise to our Abba that delights in giving His kids some "treats" sometimes, I heard His Spirit say to my heart, "This is why I've called you. Because I will receive the greatest glory." And He's right. There's no way in our present circumstances that we can provide these sorts of gifts to ourselves...let alone single moms. But precisely because we can't...God gets to...and He gets the greatest glory!
The very next morning (Monday), when I started turning over my concerns to God and I began praying and interceding for some of the single moms we know, satan began to try to overwhelm me with sheer terror that this list could get much, much longer very quickly. I think I said something to God like, "God HOW are you going to do it all?" And He said, "That's just it...I'm going to do it all...not you."
It was then that the sentence above made absolutely perfect sense to me--"It's just that what I can do, doesn't look like much is being done, and the do that I do requires very little physical doing so when it's done it looks like I didn't do anything."
What I can do is pray!
[Attempting to explain this to a friend in an e-mail, I sent the following to her] I almost laughed when I thought back over how many times in my journey I've said, 'I struggle with praying.' 'I'm not good at prayer.' 'Praying is not my gift.' And wouldn't you know...this Abba with an absolutely huge sense of humor calls me to a ministry where that is the only thing I can do! I literally almost LOL'd!
Yes, I need to still be faithful and obedient when He tells me to give and to do it to whomever He tells me to without a second thought or passing judgment. But if I went to work or Dale made triple what he does and all I had to do to help a single mom was to write a check...where's the fun in that? Don't get me wrong...it would be nice...but I'd miss out on the joy of interceding for others. I wouldn't get to have 'wrestling matches' with my Abba. I may not get the double blessing of seeing a long hoped for prayer come true. And I know when I'm not praying for others...I'm thinking about my own issues too much...and satan uses that to grow dissatisfaction and disappointment in me.
All of this realization came after having a week last week when I felt like all I did was home school. Yikes...did I really allow satan to tell me I was wasting time by only home schooling?! Woe to me! God was using last week as an opportunity to let me rest a little while (a think because I'd been doing some battle the week before over judging others!) and to let it really sink in deep that He has placed four beautiful disciples in my constant care and influence. Now, satan wants to beat me up over everything they've missed or how I've warped them in the past...but Holy Spirit said, "No Angela...you have today. What will you teach them of Me today?" Maybe for that day it is "just home school" but maybe another day it's 'Let's go to a Reds game with a family that might otherwise never get the chance.'
I'm humbled by how awesome, loving and overflowing with grace my Abba is. I wish absolutely everyone could know how much He delights in teaching us these lessons. It's discipline...pure and simple. But not the nasty 'punishment' that we think of...discipline actually simply means teaching.
What God is doing completely boggles my finite, human brain. What He is going to do is "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20) And the only thing I can do is pray.
I know...it doesn't sound like much...but I like to think of it as "bending the ear of the Head Honcho." And if there's any ear I want to "bend"...it's His. Can't imagine anyone else I'd rather have access to! Cause He is Jehovah Jireh...The God Who Will See To It! Amen!
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