But Wednesday, the "bad guy" didn't waste any time getting started with the assault first thing in the morning! Now, I know I'm a little ADD, and my brain rapid-fires pretty quickly, but this was downright ridiculous. I no more could get one sentence out in my prayers before another doubt, worry, regret or fear would come flying at me. If this was literal ammunition, I would have been riddled with bullet holes.
I later described to someone that finally, it almost felt like a laser-point of light pierced through this cloud of gloom (remember Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoons? That's what the cloud felt like all around me!)
and with my great imagination, I could almost picture God putting His hands into the divide created by the Light...pulling it back (it squeaks of course because the cloud is resisting being moved)...smiled down at me and said, "Can WE talk now?"
Ahhh! Sweet peace!
But if you've ever worked out beyond what your physical capacity was, you'll know what I mean by a workout hangover, right? Your muscles are still sore, maybe even limp noodle-like. It takes some time to recoup your energy. I'm beginning to get the idea that a spiritual battle also leaves a bit of a "hangover". It's definitely draining!
So while I was clinging to the Truth about God's will for our lives and this ministry...the battle of the morning left me a little zapped. Honestly, I should have escaped into my closet and stayed there until I felt refueled by the Holy Spirit, but the day was underway. Finding time to yourself with four children, while you're trying to squeeze in a day of summer school and get the two men of the house ready for Noah's belated birthday fun day doesn't leave time for getting refueled. [Lesson to self: Best thing I should have done was refuel anyway!]
Then, the afternoon rolls around and my scheduled "coffee phone" date with my dear long-distance friend was happening before I even had a chance to recoup. She was excited to hear my thoughts, dreams, etc. for Boundless, and I'm afraid I was a little disappointing at best with the details. But during the conversation, she was able to share her experiences with starting a ministry several years ago that still serves women in crisis.
Her words of encouragement were like balm for the soul. God knew I needed to talk with her yesterday and He made it happen!
Then a little time to do some chores, computer stuff, etc. and it was off to see my friend whom God used to inspire this whole journey of helping single moms. She was the one God first laid upon our hearts over a year ago. When we were asking questions that didn't have answers or at least answers that fit the American Dream and as He broke our hearts for single moms, orphans and the extremely poor all over the world, what we just kept hearing Him say over and over again was, "Help, ___________!"
Funny thing is, as I've seen her face the most difficult challenge of her life with grace, love, peace and often even joy...she has helped me more than I could ever give her! In God's providential timing, I was meeting with this godly lady last night.
Did we make any life-altering, earth-shattering proclamations or decisions? No...well at least not that happened at that exact time! But we did have a blessed conversation about what Holy Spirit is doing in us...how He's growing, challenging, comforting, loving and strengthening us. Everyone should have the chance to sit with someone like this at least once a month!
I left our time together praising God for who He is, His providential timing and for placing in my lives two ladies that love me no matter our financial status, no matter our radical views about God, no matter how imperfect I am. There are more than these two, but these were the ones He used yesterday.
And as I reflected on the day when I was getting ready to sleep, I found myself even recalling that I'd also spoken to my mom that morning and shared with her for the first time about this deeper commitment to ministry that Jesus is calling us to. I never dreamed it would be received so well. We will never agree on everything, but the way that God has redeemed my relationship with her has been nothing but miraculous. I no longer fear condemnation or judgement. And the woman that just a few years ago I would have thought would point out all of the flaws in this dream we have, wasn't on that phone yesterday. She even said if I wanted her to, she'd start saving some of the things to give to us that she would normally take to Goodwill.
So just before I went to sleep, I was able to thank God for three conversations that I'd had yesterday. All of them bolstered my faith enough to have a great planning session with Him this morning!
What a mighty God we serve!
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