Sunday, January 30, 2011

Magic Formula

I have a friend thats wants to read my copy of Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream by David Platt. I just got it back from another friend & in between loans, I'm trying to go through it again quickly. And, yes, once again, I'm being challenged. Dale & I even had a great conversation this morning about how I've lost my focus since about November.
While I'm not surprised that I've lost my focus...after all, I think I DO have some ADD tendencies...I guess I'm caught off-guard by how clearly Holy Spirit is showing me why this has happened. It's because of where my focus went. It went toward me and my problems, my stress, my issues, my worries, my fears, my schedule, me...me...me...

And in the meantime, I wasn't serving others, giving to others or just loving on others the way I should have. Ultimately, even though this wasn't my conscious choice, I was waiting on someone to love me. I was sitting back waiting for someone to call, someone to help or someone to just listen. But everyone was so busy, that the waiting became a long drawn-out process (through the holidays too...which are always challenging!) of waiting for someone to just be my friend. I kept saying that I knew my struggle was with community. But honestly, what I kept thinking was 'no one wants to be in community with me.' When what I should have been doing was initiating community with others.

Then Christmas really exacerbated our whole financial situation. Worry over the kids getting gifts, while trying to cover our bills, while Dale wasn't getting the OT we had hoped, left me scared, stressed and drained! Did I give out of our abundance, no matter how meager that abundance may have seemed? Honestly, No!

Wake up Angela! He has created you for so much more than this...fear, doubt, anxiety and stress should have no part of my energy or time.

In my conversation with Dale this morning, I was finally able to put into words some of what I've been thinking. Now, please hear and understand that I have never ascribed to a prosperity gospel. That means I would never tell you that if you would just read your Bible, pray every day, pay your 10% tithe and go to church every week God will provide all of your needs (and maybe even some of your wants) for you. God never promised us a roof over our heads and in fact, while He was here on Earth, He did not have a home to call His own.

But even though I'll tell you there is "No magic formula", because there is, no magic formula, there was something during those spring, summer and fall months when we were looking for opportunites to give to, serve with and just love on others that the blessings were just pouring into our lives. I mean literally, I'd walk to the mail box every day wondering what surprise He had for us today. And when those blessings came in, my first thoughts after tears of gratitude would flow was, "And what do You want me to do with this blessing, Abba? Who can we share some of this with? Who needs it more than we do?"

So while I don't think there's a magic formula for receiving blessings, I do now believe there is a magic formula for living a blessed life. And interestingly enough, it involves reading my Bible...to get to know my Abba better & let Him challenge me in the process. It also involves praying to Him for everything...especially when I don't know where the next rent check is going to come from...instead of worrying about & attempting to fix it myself. It does involve paying our tithe whether to the church or to a friend that can't pay her bills that month. And it does mean that I go to church (and/or cell group) and celebrate all that God has done for us and worship Him because of who He is.

The end result of the magic formula isn't that I have all my bills paid and maybe get some extra money too. The end result is that I have joy that cannot be robbed by stress, doubt, fear or worry.

Honestly, the highlights of my last 2 months weren't watching my kids open up a few presents on Christmas morning. Neither was it eating a huge Thanksgiving or Christmas feast...nor all the food at any of the number of parties we went to between Christmas & New Year's. [Actually, food, parties & dinners aren't the burden/fun they used to be now that I'm a vegan.] What I most enjoyed were the conversations with people. On NYE it wasn't the food, it was playing a game (AND winning I might add! Thanks Stephanie for doing an excellent macarena!) with friends, or having our family's traditional Christmas Eve movie night & hearing my kids chuckle to A Christmas Story for the first time (and ALL the lines they've quoted since then!). But the best part of my Christmas was truly the night our homeschool co-op went to a nursing home and sang Christmas carols.

Am I saying I should feel proud for doing my good deed for the season? "May it not be so!" (I've started reading Romans too!) I found pure joy watching a room full of residents with dementia holding baby dolls and loving them as if they were real. And when "santa" gave them a stuffed animal, some of them turned right around and went to give it to another resident. As Kari said, 'They're so sweet with each other.'

What an example for me. When someone gives us a gift whether it is tangible or it's God's gift to me of the sheer blessing of living another day, my prayer is I remember that I should instantly turn around and say, "To whom should I give this blessing?" That is the magic formula for living a blessed life...that is the Radical life...that is the kind of life that will 'take back my faith from the American dream.'

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I L-O-V-E, Love, Media-Free Mondays!

In a previous post, I mentioned this idea of abstaining from all electronic media each Monday. Well, we did it! Of course, the kids grumbled a little, but surprisingly, it was much less than I thought it would be.

For two weeks now we've enjoyed our Mondays free of TV, DVDs, Wii, PS2, Game Boy or Nintendo DS, texting, computers and yes, even iPods. I guess whoever invented the iPod didn't think mothers repeated themselves enough, so he decided to create something that was small enough to tote anywhere, plug up your ears with and then give you the ability to tune out all other living existence around you!

Now, in and of themselves, none of these electronics are evil. In fact, they make our lives more enjoyable and sometimes efficient. [Although, when the computers not running right, gets a virus or requires an update/installation, I always question if it really saves us that much time.] But when any or all of these are used day in and day out with no thought of restriction, they are very isolating. And we've shared with our kids time and again that the reason we attend the church that we do, participate in a cell group and live the lifestyle (i.e. poor!) that we do is because we believe that from the beginning God created us to be relational beings.

God is relational and longs for us to have relationship with Him and each other in the context of a faith community. So why do we allow days, weeks and months on end to go by with no thought about how isolated we've become. Sure, we chat on facebook, e-mail and text each other and tell ourselves that our world is better connected than ever. But I'd just like to pose the question that is this true? Or are we yet again, buying into the lie that satan has told us? Even this blog is isolating. It's like divulging all of your hopes, comments and opinions to an anonymous friend. (And if anyone responds and you don't like the comment, you can always block it or in the case of Facebook, defriend them.)

I can't remember the last time a friend just called to chat. I used to do this all the time and some of those hours on the phone with friends are some of the dearest conversations I've ever had. But now, we're all so busy that we text a quick question, e-mail late at night and answer at our own convenience (which I confess I like) and are actually perturbed when a friend calls, interrupts our day and just wants to chat. This is if we answered the phone...voice mail is an amazing thing after all!

Sure, I can pride myself on living a more efficient life...managing my time, my schedule, my family much better than my ancestors ever dreamed. But I know just in my own life the isolation grows more and more each year as everyone I know fills their lives (and schedules) to the absolute limit before reaching the level of insanity. Then we have to schedule get togethers way in advance (if at all!), only see each other at church or cell group and never have the spontaneity to say, 'just stop by sometime when you have a chance'. Basically, I need to remember that all of the things I just said were mine (time, schedule & family) aren't...they're His. And daily, I need to be seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance for what He wants me to do with the time He's given me, His schedule and the family He's blessed me to be a part of. Then, I can thoroughly expect Him to interrupt it with the needs of others...even if it's just a need to chat.

What are we teaching our kids on Media-Free Mondays? Hopefully, that sacrificing our wants and desires for one day each week draws us closer to God through this form of fasting. But also, I'd like for them to begin each week stripped down, ready to run the race, focused on the big prize of loving Jesus and others before themselves. If nothing else, I get to relax, play games with my kids, see them laugh (and do a lot of laughing myself) all without feeling compelled to go check my e-mail and see to whom I need to respond.

This is going to become more challenging as I gear up for tax season since Dale and I have some overlap of work time. But I've even contacted my office manager and pushed back the time I can start on Mondays so the kids aren't alone long. And if it becomes too much, my office manager has someone else he can have come in on Mondays. Our family Mondays are something that I would be more than willing to sacrifice work and money to keep separate. Truly they feel like more of a Sabbath than Sundays do.

But last night, I found myself dreading Tuesday morning. As the family is playing Life, laughing, joking and having a good time, I felt myself getting impatient because I knew I'd be broadsided with e-mails, research on the internet, chores and just, life...all while my kids go back to iPods, video games & computers. It even crossed my mind to try to think of another day of the week to go media-free...but I know I'd have more than a minor revolt on my hands!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Dreams

Recently, my husband read a small book that he didn't exactly recommend, but when I asked him about it, he said, "Sure, you can read it." So with such high praise, how could I not?



The book, written by Morton T. Kelsey, is entitled Dreams: A Way to Listen to God. It was interesting and I'm glad I read it. Dreams are used in Scripture by God as a way to reveal the future, explain the present and to call us into a deeper awareness of Him and how He works in our lives.



Yet, somewhere along the way, our Christian culture (for the most part) said that God stopped revealing Himself or speaking to us this way. Kelsey makes a strong argument for why we should pay attention to our dreams, record them, meditate over them and ask the Holy Spirit to teach us from them.



Once in a Beth Moore Bible study, I heard her mention that in countries that are hostile to Christianity (i.e. predominantly Hindu or Islamic), people who come to a belief in Jesus despite no previous knowledge of Him will say that they first encountered Jesus in a dream. She said that time and again, "hidden" Christians are sharing that how they came to know Jesus was through a dream. Her comment was that this is proof the Holy Spirit still speaks through dreams and He'll always find a way to reach us even when all other ways are blocked.



I've always said that I don't remember my dreams. I've read enough over the years to know that we all dream...I just don't remember them. But Kelsey contends differently. He says we just need to make ourselves more aware of our dreams & then record them as soon as we wake up.



Funny enough, within the last week, I've had 3 very vivid dreams...nothing Earth-shattering or prophetic. But when I wrote them down and meditated on them, two of them did reveal some things about myself. My impatience, my fears and my doubts were plainly obvious even when the images were exaggerations or a bit imaginative.



And another thing I liked about this book was the idea of imagination and fantasy. I've always had a very vivid imagination and at times have struggled with fantasies. Fantasies that make life more glamorous, less challenging, less painful...and I've beaten myself up for years over this. Now Kelsey says we should encourage our imagination and fantasies but in the context of Scripture and our journey with Jesus.



When reading Scripture, use meditation (another lost art within our Christian culture!) and fantasize yourself in the story that you read. Imagine the thoughts, feelings, and lessons to learn from imagining yourself within the exact context of the story. Once again, this idea wasn't completely foreign to me...Holy Spirit had already been leading me to do something along these lines. When I'd read in my New American Standard Version that some of the asterisks in their text was because the Greeks often told stories in the present so the verbs didn't translate to our exact English, I started reading those verbs in the present tense. Reading the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and the ensuing arrest and Crucifixion in the present tense brings them alive and also brought on more emotion than I've usually experienced reading these verses.



Now, Kelsey is telling me that this imagination and propensity to fantasize that I've beaten myself up over can actually draw me closer to the Holy Spirit? Why didn't I realize this sooner? I've seen time again that the way God created me is nothing for which to be ashamed. It just takes His timing to reveal how He can best use it.



What should I expect from analyzing my dreams, meditating on their meaning while also learning to place myself within the context of Scripture? My prayer is that Scripture will come more alive as I learn to imagine myself actually there, hearing the words of Jesus for the first time or living through the story as if I'm a participant. Kelsey also encourages developing more to the story than we actually know. This isn't an attempt to add facts to the story or twist it in some way, but rather to allow the Holy Spirit to guide our thoughts and teach us through the scenarios that He leads us to.

I'm excited about implementing some of these practices into my life. I'm not doing it to try to become some new age mystic that can foresee the future, but rather to get in touch more with the Spirit. I know that some of these ideas are a far stretch from what most of us in the church have been taught. And I also know that since this is new to me, there's no way I can explain it as well as Kelsey does. So I'd encourage you to pick up a copy from the library or a used one from a book retailer, read through it and ask the Holy Spirit for discernment. You just might be surprised at what He wants to teach you.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Am I a Fasting Failure??

Yes, once again...I failed! I SO wanted to continue this fast (with juicing, of course) but after 2 1/2 days, I caved.

Why? Well obviously, hunger. But hunger is supposed to be the cue that reminds you to turn back to Holy Spirit for strength and to pursue clarity on the issues over which you are fasting. I even told myself ahead of time that if I became too hungry or weak that I'd eat raw fruits & veggies instead. I am doggedly determined to eventually do this though. So what can I learn from this attempt?

Number one that Jesus didn't just have supernatural help from God's Spirit during His 40 day fast...but Jesus was also very smart. He got away. Yes, it was to the wilderness and He did without water too, but the distractions of everyday living were one thing that derailed me.

Jesus didn't have to fix breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for 4 children that seem to never stop eating. They're not content with simple, bland foods so that Mom doesn't have to cook, smell and thus be tempted by what they're eating.

Jesus also didn't fast during the biggest feasting season of the year. What was I thinking? A cell group dinner, in-laws coming into town (& wanting to eat at a BBQ place no less!) & New Year's Eve all combined to thwart my attempts. I stuck to my no meat policy, but some cheese & dairy snuck in simply because I was so hungry.

Jesus didn't live in a society that was bombarded by food cues. He didn't watch TV at 9 p.m. & see Taco bell advertising "the 4th meal" that's available every night until 2 a.m. He didn't drive down the street to the grocery and pass 2 ice cream places, 4 pizza places, Mexican, Thai, and Chinese restaurants and 5 fast food places.

Lastly, He didn't have to walk into a grocery store (to get ingredients for juicing + shopping for the family) and be assaulted by some many odors that He had no choice but to salivate.

I know I'm being petty! And I know it sounds like I'm taking away from what the Holy Spirit helped Jesus accomplish with His 40 day fast. I also remember that it was after the fast the Satan came to Him at His weakest and tempted Him. I'm just trying to point out that our culture sets us up for food failure from day one.

I recently watched a documentary called "Killer at Large" where someone stated that just by living in the U.S., you almost don't have a choice but to be overweight and we need to quit telling people they should just have more discipline and self-control. That only exacerbates the problem by heaping on guilt for something over which they have little control (Advertising, restaurants everywhere, food even in gas stations & coffee shops in book stores are some examples. This doesn't even include what's been done to our food to alter it.)



So Jesus was wise. He got away...secluded Himself with The Father and sought sustenance from the only One that can truly fill us. So what appears to be my failure just proves once again that Jesus is the best example we have to follow. Hmmm? Imagine that!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Here's to a New Year!

Not much to say about the New Year other than once again, I'm sure it will bring big changes. I no longer fear this. I know we all experience change, but if I could timeline or graph the last 6 years of my life, it would show an almost constant state of change.

Yes, there have been "lulls" where maintaining the status quo has occured. But I now view these more as God's season of rest for me. He knows I can only handle so much at a time and by His grace gives me a time of respite. Then during a season of change (or sometimes upheaval!) He is always near...guiding, leading, sheltering, protecting, cheering, but mostly loving me along the way.

Honestly, people that come home from work every day, eat dinner, watch the news, zone out watching TV for a few hours & go to bed day after day...I don't know how they maintain their sanity!? When life is never dull, it keeps your wits sharp, your laughter flowing and your heart so full of God's joy that your eyes are often brimming with tears at just the thought of all He's done for you.

So here's to 2011! Don't know where the LORD will lead us, but as always, I know it will be exciting!