Being Alive

My friend, Kari, gave me this book for Christmas. I am only on page 48 and yet I can't read more than a few pages at a time because I have to stop and process for extensive periods of time after every page or two.

Yesterday's question posed in my reading was one I desperately needed to be reminded of: When is a time in your life when you felt most fully alive?

It meant so much to me, that I asked my kids a similar version, with "What makes you feel most alive or fuels you?"

You see, I've been distracted...highly distracted.

God's beautiful Spirit taught me a life-changing lesson at the beginning of November. It was so huge that if I fully embrace it and live it...my life will be forever changed. Yes, I am given to melodrama, but I am not exaggerating in the least.

This lesson was so big that not-surprisingly, He prompted our women's director at church to ask me to speak in our current winter Bible study of the life of Joseph. To say He put some pieces into place is a magnificent understatement. As soon as I was asked, I knew what He wanted me to share because it is perfectly exemplified in only two people in Scripture...Jesus and, you guessed it...Joseph, the son of Jacob.

Now, when I learned this lesson, I wasn't blogging for some very different reasons...reasons that were more important than blogging. In hindsight, I recognize that He wanted to continue to grow this lesson in me and help me figure out the human words I should put to this "direct download" (to use my friend Chandra's phrase) that He gave me back in November.

But back to my current distractions. 

I kept getting frustrated with myself for wasting so much time in the recent month or so. I've felt like I've just been spinning my wheels in every area of my life. Here I'd had this huge revelation about how God wants me to live out His Kingdom in my life...and I'm struggling to get into His Word, spend time alone with Him and even pray about much of anything.

When I brought my frustration over my distraction to God last week, I remembered that my Enemy would love nothing more than to keep me distracted from the things of God...which is really all that matters in this life. If I really...wholeheartedly...live out what He's showing me...then there is no limit to the possibilities of what God can do.

Yet, I still couldn't get myself out of this cycle of distractions.

Then yesterday, Freeman's words cut through me in just the way that I needed. But the question was preceded by a discussion of uncovering your desires, what are your first thoughts (which are often your best, truest thoughts) and why do we think it is selfish to pursue the things that make us feel alive? Without weighing in with logic and analysis...what is that thing that you know you were created to live out?

By the way...this is precisely part of the revelation God handed to me back in November!

My reading in Freeman's book today followed up with this provoking thought: Maybe I'm not living it out because I'm afraid of where it may lead.

And there it is.

I've been distracted because I've been conditioned by a lifetime of a world, culture, family, friends, churches, peers, etc., etc., etc....telling me (and you) that it is foolish to become the person I was created to be.

I still have the fear demon to wrestle with, but I know from past experience in my life, that just discovering it and naming it is about 75% of taking it to the mats.

So in the coming weeks, you'll see me posting more (hopefully!) about this "direct download" I received in November. I'm speaking about it on February 6th and plan on developing it more fully on here so I can refer the ladies in our study to it for more in-depth discussion. Now that I've set up this big introduction, I have to at least leave you with something to look forward to, right?

Here's the gist of it all: We know from Scripture that God has a vision for each of our lives...something that He has designed for no one else and is perfectly suited for our time in history, the talents He's given us and the context in which He has placed us.

What if we finally awakened to the reality, that the vision is now?

**********************************************

And the quote from Freeman's book that finally prompted me to rise up and meet this challenge and start grappling with my fears? Right there, on page 48...where I could read no further after the confrontation with the Truth that I needed to know: "Life in man is the glory of God; the life of man is the vision of God."--Irenaeus of Lyons

It seems that, as I expected...my "direct download" wasn't the first!