Thankful

I've commented on here several times about various books that Holy Spirit has guided me to read in the last few months...but sometimes, he reminds me to REread a book that has previously meant a lot to me or impacted me. Other than the occasional Jane Austen indulgence, I seem to be discontent reading many of the types of books I would have used for escapism in the past.

Since last March when we moved, He's led me back to The Raggamuffin Gospel and The Signature of Jesus both by Brennan Manning, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (a novel, but with a powerful message!) and recently, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I am even working my 3rd time through Forgotten God (also Francis Chan) by using it as a focal starting point for getting my head in the right space before I spend time in the Bible.

None of these are for the faint of heart and all of them have been used in some way (small or HUGE) to help shape me into the person I am today. But the Debi Pearl book is probably the most controversial one by far. I was reminded of that in a recent conversation where I read only a few paragraphs.

ALL of these books and every book I ever read, I try to read with a discerning heart. I may not stop and consciously pray before I read them, but I'm a bit skeptical at my core and usually "chew" on things for a while before I accept them as truth. The first time I read Created to Be His Help Meet I intentionally read it to "glean" what God wanted me to learn and not attempt to believe and put into practice ALL of the lessons she shared. I do recall almost having panic attacks trying to be the "perfect helper" for my husband! Yet, as I did put some of these things into practice, my husband told me he thought we were happier than we had ever been in our marriage before.

That was now exactly four years ago and a LOT has happened in that time. When I pulled out the book again about two years ago, Dale basically told me he didn't want me reading it again and stressing out like I had before...I quickly assured him that I was not the same person who read it the first time and he added that neither was he...to which I did agree!

So now, I've begun my third reading and he hasn't even batted an eye. As much as I'd changed two years ago (breaking spiritual strongholds regarding issues with family; finally settling in to the fact that my great purpose in this life is to break the cycle of stuff that had been handed down to me; building my relationships with Dale & the kids & making them a priority instead of the expectations of extended family; and learning submission to him), now two years further down the road, I don't even recognize that person!!

For all of the restlessness I've felt about how and where to serve, I do see that I'm a much more settled person. For all of the human desire I still have to hear other people say they understand and approve of my actions and intents, I do wish (finally!) to have God's approval above all others. For all the attempts that the enemy makes to try to deceive me that this path we've chosen is somehow unfair to our kids or we could somehow do more good if we just had more money, I do see God rewarding our obedience almost daily.

All of that to say that each time I reread one of these books, I am yet again, a different person...and for someone that absolutely loves change as much as I do...that is magnificent!!(Sometime ask Dale about how much I used to move furniture around the first 11 years or so of our marriage!)

So tonight, the passage I read in Debi Pearl's book spoke about thankfulness...and unfortunately, I realized this is one area where I haven't changed enough! I have been deeply thankful as God has supernaturally provided for us over the last almost two years. But truth be told, I haven't expressed thanks to God often enough for the things that should matter most to me...I guess I've taken them for granted. And that saddens me, because I know, maybe more than some people how quickly things can...well...change.

There's no way this is all inclusive, but as I couldn't get to sleep I thought, 'I just need to go type out a list and make it official'. All of this has just been a really long explanation of why I needed to write my thankful list at 11 p.m. when I should be in bed.

I'm thankful for:

1. A man that has challenged me, defended me, loved me and provided for me for 16.5 years. I'm frequently astonished to see how much we have grown alike especially, in the last few years.
2. A teenage daughter that is very artistic, creative, caring, has a beautiful singing voice, is truly beautiful and has a beautiful soul. She's also beginning to feel compassion for friends and others and has a true gift of being relational.
3. A pre-teen son that makes me laugh daily with his impeccable comedic timing, shares my love of watching sports, talks to me incessantly sometimes, has passion and drive (when he wants to) and isn't afraid to show his emotions.
4. A daughter whose dry wit catches me off-guard frequently, is smarter than most kids I know, loves to devour books, is overly caring and giving to her younger sister, is confident being herself (she did NOT get that from her parents!) and puts up with a LOT as the middle child.
5. A youngest daughter that still likes to cuddle, whose eyes light up and dance when she smiles, who loves to be around people and is truly distressed when someone is hurt or crying. She also has passion and compassion beyond most kids I've known that are her age.
6. A friendship forged through the fires of similar trials. Someone to lean on and to hopefully help prop up in return. A friend that speaks the truth and actually wants to spend time with me, values my opinion and feels free to share her own.
7. Some new friendships that began because I wanted to help them, but in their single circumstances have inspired me to have strength for whatever may come my way. They are TRULY a blessing to behold! God has a special place in His heart for single moms!
8. A church that has taught me that I know I can grow when I don't go...to stick it out and stick together even in the tough times. We may not always agree, but lessons can be learned and life-change can happen if we just don't run away from the Truth.
9. Too many other things to list, but most importantly...
10. An Abba who for some reason I will never understand, decided to pick me up out of my "miry pit" and set me on HIS path. I don't think I could ever remember all of the influences in my life that have brought me to the place I am today...but I am thankful for every single one of them! Mostly, I'm just thankful that He didn't give up on me and kept putting those authors, songwriters, friends, church people and family members in my path.

God, I pray that as much as You give me the ability to remember, with every breath I take, I will recount all of the millions of reasons I have to be thankful. If I just start at the beginning, it will take me a lifetime to give You praise for each and every one. Please remind me...I don't ever want to forget how AMAZINGLY kind and generous You have been to me. Amen!