What does it matter to you??

Last week, I finished marking the book of John. I'm starting to work my way back through it to label the chapters with a title or theme. But as I finished Chapter 21, which is the last one in the book of John, something I've read before and even heard sermons about leapt out & hit me upside the head.

Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him. Of course Peter says he does. But there's an interesting twist in the words. All three times, Jesus is using the word that is the root of what we call agape or unconditional love, benevolence. But all three times Peter use the phileo version of love which is to be a friend or have an affection for.

This is all post-resurrection and it seems as if Peter still doesn't get what Jesus is calling him to. So since he's been asked three times in quick succession and this is followed up by Jesus speaking the prophecy of Peter's death, it's almost like Peter is trying to shirk off the "bright lights" and do some good old deflecting of attention next.

He sees the "disciple whom Jesus loved" (agape again) and asks basically...'Well, what about him?' And Jesus pretty much says, 'If I want him to live until I come again, what does that matter to you? YOU follow me!"

A lot of this I've heard or read before many times...but Holy Spirit KNEW I needed to hear this call right now! I've been struggling for months about trying to speak something that would help a person I know with some spiritual issues they're having...but never have known what to say. I've prayed, I've carried a burden, I've pondered what I could say or do to help and just realized a few weeks ago why it has bothered me so much. I want them to know the joy, peace and daily excitement of being surrendered to God's will...not their own. I've wanted to spare them having to learn all of these things the hard way like I have. I've wanted to see them come fully alive (which Sara Groves writes "The glory of God is man fully alive!") and have even gotten more than a little angry and discouraged that they've seemed to dig in their heels and turn the other way.

So through a series of events and conversations, I've finally felt released of this burden. I know there's nothing I can do, this is something they have to do on their own. I can just be there to help if I'm asked.

The very next day after realizing all of this, I read John 21 and all that I wrote about above. I could almost hear Holy Spirit saying to my heart, "What does it matter to you how I call/deal with/teach/challenge/grow______________? You follow me, Angela...that's what I want!"

Ugh! This process of being stripped down and becoming stream-lined is much more difficult than I anticipated because so much of what I get bogged down with seems to be good stuff and is downright subtle. I mean after all, these were spiritual matters I was dwelling on right?

Aren't we supposed to carry one another's burdens? Yes, but only if they want us to help carry it. I can't make it my burden when they don't want me to.

And ultimately, I'm holding these people up to MY standard of what I think they're spiritual life should look like. I do believe we are known by the evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, but it's never been nor never will be my place to determine how Holy Spirit grows that fruit into their lives.

So once again...I took my eyes off of God and was fretting about someone else...and that is not what He wants me to do...ever!

Time to recite yet again, "He must increase and I must decrease.", I need to be about "My Abba's business" and remember (another Sara Groves) "This journey is my own." I don't want anyone imposing their opinions on my journey and I can't do that to them either!