Wow! I don't even know where to begin.
I do know I have been strangely silent. Houston sort of did me in.
In a good way.
Then, as we knew the date was drawing near that we could start looking for a house, all sorts of crazy things started happening.
Number 1, all of these fears that I didn't remember that I had started bubbling up to the surface. Failure, how others see me, people who have treated me as "less than" in my past, uncomfortable conversations with those close to me and stress...lots of stress...all consumed me until I realized I was keeping God at arms length. I was involved as a leader in our study of Jonah at church, but I would wait until the last possible moment to complete the homework in an attempt to fly through it and not absorb much.
But God is faithful.
Almost every page had some word, scripture or author note that would grab me and not let go until I wrestled through it with my Abba.
While all of this internal stuff was taking place, I experienced what Jonah study author, Priscilla Shirer, calls a "divine intervention". Through two conversations that took place with friends who both have a servant's heart, I learned that the racetrack in our county has 100-150 people that live in 6x6 foot or 12x12 foot concrete block rooms. They live near and work with the horses every day from mid-November to mid-April and then move on to another area track for the summer.
I was undone.
I didn't even have the details yet and I found myself broken and grieving that a place I drive by multiple times a week houses people in conditions that are reminiscent of a Third World country. When I met with the chaplain for the "backsiders", I was blessed to see where God is already working. The day I met Doug I told him that I would definitely attempt to gather a group of people to help at one of his chapel services (which we did in early February), but my "dream" was to throw an "End of Season" party for these people who work insanely difficult jobs in conditions most Americans don't want to acknowledge exists.
That party will take place next Saturday, the 11th!
God is faithful.
Over 120 ladies in our Women's Bible studies are participating in some way. The "coincidences" of how all of this played out have overwhelmed me to the point that I again found myself keeping God at arms length. I told Him...straight up...that I could not do this, but I knew He could. And how He has, was simply more than my heart and mind...even my soul...could take in.
The mornings when I woke up to see 6+ inches of snow on the ground or the wind chill was -20 degrees, all I could think about were this precious people who had been out since 5:30 a.m. grooming, exercising and feeding horses, or mucking out the stables...thrilled to have work and send home a majority of their meager pay to relatives each week.
How could I even begin to draw up a list of demands for God to meet regarding a home and my timetable for having it? But I did.
And as I jumped through all of these "hoops" and allowed Him to refine and muck out my own life, while attempting to obey His call, I didn't realize that I was writing a contract of sorts with Him. You see, I thought if I let Him do all of His work, and I obediently followed His lead, He would give me my heart's desire.
But God is faithful.
One week, as I wallowed in my lack of understanding and my disappointment that God was not living up to His end of my bargain, I said to a friend, "You might as well grow a plant over me and call me Jonah!" Yes...I was mad.
Appropriately so, our study that week included Jonah's anger at God and God's question to Jonah pierced Jonah's fury so fully, that the same question smacked me upside the head several thousand years later: "What do you have to be angry about?"
I had some deep soul-searching and surrendering to do.
And God is faithful.
When we finally began looking at houses, I knew our options were limited and having let go of my expectations of God and finally put Him first in the process...He led us to a place that is beyond perfection. It's so perfect for all of us, that I couldn't even have dreamed it up.
That verse...that one that we say all the time, but I'm not sure that we ever really believe...that one that talks about God doing "immeasurably more than all that we can ask or imagine"...I am here to tell you that one is true. It would take two more blog posts of this length, or more, to tell you all of the surprises, graces and struggles that have taken place since the dawn awakened on 2015. Am I surprised that His Spirit prodded me to ask to see His Kingdom this year? I know this is long, but if you want to hear the full story, come visit me on the front porch of our home in a few weeks and we'll have some coffee. Or better yet, join me in my garden. I'm not sure you'll believe me, but the only way I know to sum it up here is...
my God is faithful!
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And just one more thing...I think He wanted to throw the proverbial "cherry on top" last week. When I finished my latest review and looked through the options for my next book, guess what was available and begging for my attention? Yep...a how-to guide for small space gardening. How's that for amazing?
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