Just finished listening to Beth Moore's session on Joy in her Living Beyond Yourself series and I really hate to sound redundant...but can I just say ONE more time that God's timing BLOWS ME AWAY? How appropriate to hear her speak of God's joy that only He can give us in the midst of situations that should, by all worldly appearances, cause us great stress, doubt, fear and even depression.
She quotes from the New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology that "In Philippians joy is thus a continuous, defiant 'nevertheless'". I knew God made me the stubborn, strong-willed, rebellious child for a reason! I love that my life can appear to have no earthly gain and actually can lose everything...yet...'nevertheless' Holy Spirit gives me His defiant joy! It appears there is a good channel for my childrens' defiance. We just need to focus it in the right direction.
I have to confess that in the midst of all this joy I was already experiencing yesterday, I sat overcome with tears. Words could not express what I was feeling. I literally wanted to weep and wail but Dale was in the room. I even contemplated running to the bathroom, shutting the door and just having a good 'ole weep-fest with my Abba. But I settled for a good cry in my chair while my husband looked on.
How could I sit and cry my eyes out when I've been feeling so much joy already?? It can only be explained in human words. Forgive me, they will in no way explain all the emotion I felt in the moment. The only explanation for the tears was amazingly enough...more JOY!
Dale and I were in the middle of a really great conversation about where God's leading us, knowing without a doubt that we are in our circumstances because He has placed us here, going over again some of the thoughts from my previous post and discussing some choices and options we have before us and at some point, my husband went to get the mail (insert sound FX "duh, duh, duh...") and yet again, there was another blessing from our Abba. Woohoo! I was shocked and blessed and said to Dale, that was really nice of the giver. Then he handed me an envelope addressed to me.
Hmm?? Didn't expect a letter from this person. My curiousity was piqued. I could tell it was a letter and was actually a little nervous what it would say. Sometimes I know I deserve a good telling-off and tried to prepare my heart just in case someone was upset with me.
But when I opened the letter, there sat another check and written on the pages were probably the most encouraging words anyone has ever spoken to my heart. You see, it was God reminding me that even when our world seems to be falling apart around us...other people are watching...and listening...and in this case reading...what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives. And when we shut up and let Him show up people will see that it is only He that can do such a mighty work. And I hope by now you know I'm not just talking about providing for us financially!
His work in our lives (I'm speaking about any Jesus follower, not just Dale and I) has an unlimited ripple effect when we trust Him and obey. Yes, His provision for us has enabled us to turn around and give portions of that to people that have needs even greater than ours, but the spiritual ripples are the ones that I told Dale yesterday, "Make me contemplate becoming a charismatic!" So how appropriate for me today to read,
"Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning...
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing." (Psalm 30:5b, 11a)
Then Beth Moore added, "If we never learn to wail in Him, we may never learn to dance in Him." WooHoo! Do you feel the joy?? "What kind of joy is this? That counts it a blessing to suffer?" asks Steven Curtis Chapman. I can excitedly answer, it's the kind of joy where Holy Spirit turns mourning into dancing! That is Crazy Love (to borrow Frances Chan's title!) that our Abba has for us! Sorry for all of the exclamation points...but do you get it?! He LOVES us with a passionate, ferocious AGAPE love, so much so, that what we consider worth mourning over, He turns into joy.
Believe me, I've done my share of weeping in the last two years...make that seven years (but that's another story!)...and He has always been faithful to turn that utter misery into joy as He blesses my life by blessing others through my trials. Does this make any sense? Am I just a big blow-horn that doesn't have a clue? I don't want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol! (see I Corinthians 13)
Or is it remotely possible that I have an Abba that loves me so much, He allows bad (in the world's eyes) things to come to me because then He can prove His love, His nurturing, His desire for fellowship, His power and His joy in me?
I contend that this is not only possible...it is fact!
And what an amazing Abba...He doesn't stop there! He also loves His other children so much that He allows me to go through these things so that He can say to them, "You see...I'm carrying Angela through this...I think I can handle your problems too!"
Sometimes Holy Spirit allows you to say things that come back to you later and you realize He was speaking a word of prophecy over your life. Recently two conversations have been brought back to memory that now mean even more to me. In one, a person lovingly said to me, "I wish you guys could just get a break." And in the moment Holy Spirit led me to say, "Living in a place where I am completely dependent upon Him for my every need?...I can't think of a better place to be." The second conversation, I don't remember the context, but I remember saying, "If my life serves no other purpose than to tell people how not to live, I'm okay with that."
To the second one, I'd add that it takes some thought to process all that this fully-loaded statement truly means, but in part, it's this...I've at times lived the life of wallowing, doubt and fear...please learn from my experience that this is never the type of life your Abba created you to live.
I don't know what you're going through...and honestly, you probably don't even realize the full extent of what you're going through. Don't ever allow the enemy to deceive you into believing that you are simply struggling with flesh and blood. Your trials are not just of this temporal world. There is a whole spiritual battle at stake and you have the choice to wallow, suffer and be all by your lonesome or you can wail with Him and let Him turn your mourning into dancing.
Cry out to Him sweet one! He's ready to teach you how to tango!
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