Every Monday for dietary purposes, I fast...well, juice fast that is. Our whole family fasts from media about which I've posted before. But I also juice fast for health purposes and I find time throughout the day to pray, read and just have some much needed quiet time. This has become a great way to start my week and I truly look forward to it.
On Monday, March 21st though, I had a "feeling" Holy Spirit was calling me to more...a longer fast that He wanted to be focused on Him. If you've read either of my blogs, you know I've attempted extended fasts before and have ended up feeling like a complete failure. So when this idea came to me, I rejected it, fought it and basically knew I would fail, so why even bother. But...He persisted. And here's some of my journal entries of what happened during this fast.
Day 3, Wedesday, 3/23/11- "On Monday, as I was toiling over whether to remain on the co-op board or not and prepping some juice for the day...I kept thinking about fasting. And as I processed, it kept occuring to me that it was probably about 40 days until Easter.
But I didn't want to know for sure. I was afraid if I did that I'd find out it was exactly 40 days and I'd take that as a sign that I needed to attempt an extended fast. But I struggle with past failures at fasting. I also don't want to fast just to lose weight. I finally counted and it was 35 days until Easter (or 34 fasting days). I've never made it past 2 1/2 days! But I was feeling a little "called" to do it. So I prayed to tackle one day at a time and to use my quiet times with God for prayer alone...not reading.
By the time I got home from work (Monday, the 1st day), I was a little hungry. But as I prepared to walk in our home and be tempted by food...I was getting out of the van and vividly heard "Strip down and run the race."
I'm teary-eyed just writing this promise. He is so faithful. He gave up so much for me, can't I give up a little food? Can't I give up something I'm good at (organizing co-op) so I can do the things I know He's called me to? (Serving the poor and building relationships)
Then Dale and I had a great conversation about his last meeting with our pastor. Dale told him he feels like we're in the wilderness, not as a punishment...but because God wants to bring us out of somewhere (our Egypt)...to somewhere. He told our pastor that the punishment for Israel was the length of time it took for them to get there.
As I processed what Dale was saying, once again, it confirmed to me that my thoughts are Spirit led. God has Dale and I on the same page and it is amazing! We don't always get there the same way, but He gets us there! So while I don't want this fast (however long it lasts) to be all about food and weight loss...that is my life-long struggle. And God doesn't just want to "strip down" my schedule by resigning from co-op. He also wants to strip down me. After all, I can't "run the race" if I'm 40-50 pounds overweight can I?"
Day 4, Thursday 3/24/11- See previous post Wow!
(continued...) "In the two hours since this has all happened, I've shared it with Dale and I've had a lot of questions. Am I just more receptive to the Holy Spirit since I'm fasting? Is He preparing me for something? This a.m. I was reading more of Confessions of a Fasting Housewife
and I was struck at how she so naturally relates visions, dreams and prophetic words from God.
I sit skeptical as I read and wonder why I don't know anyone like this? Why don't I know anyone that relies on the Holy Spirit like this? I wasn't jealous, but I was curious how close you have to be to Him to see Him move and manifest in this way? I don't want to assume what has happened today is because it's a "reward" for continued fasting, or because I want God to prove that He still provides us with dreams and visions. As I sit here processing I almost feel that it's confirmation...yes, that I'm supposed to be fasting and yes, that Holy Spirit does still do unexplainable things. Also, that giving up co-op board is exactly what I need to do. Yes, I'm good at it and yes, it's a worthy cause, but no...I was distracted from what He has told me to do...be unencumbered completely!
The board was a huge time commitment. But now, it's gone and as He continues to "strip me down so I can run the race," I am blessed to be given a little glimmer of what He wants me to do...namely, love and serve others. Amen!
p.s. A little scared to start "Living Beyond Yourself" study. Susan sent me the CDs to borrow. Then Beth Moore starts by saying this study "will come to you exactly in His timing." Yikes!
Whatever my purpose is, it will be beyond me. It's not going to rely on my earthly talents and gifts...it's going to be a stretch. Coordinator was my gifting. Is my purpose going to cost me? Of course!"
Day 6, Saturday, March 26, 2011- "Yesterday was the last day of co-op for this school year. I thought I went prepared to fast because I took two juices with me. What I wasn't prepared for was the smell of food cooking for two hours. Then the emotional fatigue combined with everyone eating made me say, "I'm going to get a salad!" That, while not tragic, would have been enough...but then I had 2 of MG's chocolate chips cookies (which ARE amazing!) [I go on to describe some more food I eat throughout the afternoon & evening...not a lot of it...but other than the salad, none of it was healthy!] I went to work and felt like c---! [Looking back it was probably an extreme sugar high]
Was still on a spiritual high from previous day's events and so wanted to get back to fasting. During my quiet time this morning, the person I wanted to pray for actually was more of a distraction."
[I asked Holy Spirit at the beginning of the fast to give me a list of people for which to pray and some were not necessarily names I would have chosen...imagine that!? I found myself picking them apart instead, but Holy Spirit was faithful to remind me that I don't have all the answers for this person and in many areas they are miles ahead of me.]
"Lord, I'm scared to ask You to keep me humble. Last time You whispered that word to me our world turned upside down. Instead I pray that I never again begin to think that I can do this life in my own power. Amen!"
Day 7, Sunday, March 27, 2011- "Okay, I get it...at least I'm starting to. Feeling very frustrated that I was only down one pound from last night. (although I'd already lost 10# in one week!) I mean, why is my body not feeding off my more than ample reserves?
So I began to calculate calories and think maybe I need to cut back on how much juice I'm drinking, maybe I need to attempt some mild exercise Then, I started having this "nagging" somewhere in my mind and I start literally debating with the Holy Spirit.
Me- 'Yes, this is a spiritual fast, but my biggest spiritual hangup is food.' 'I want to lose weight so I can strip down and run the race" (thinking this as I look in the mirror to see if anyone will notice I've lost weight--Sheesh! I'm twisted!)
Then felt led to get Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline to see if he had any words of wisdom. Well it wasn't physical wisdom, but rather, spiritual."
#1 Jesus didn't command that we fast. Rather, he assumed His followers would. It was common practice in His day.
#2 Fasting can have beneficial physical effects but when God calls us, it is for spiritual reasons.
#3 Foster wirites, "To use good things to our own ends is always the sign of false religion. How easy it is to take something like fasting and try to use it to get God to do what we want."
"Ouch! When I read that, instantly I saw the # on the scale this morning and was asked "If you never lost another pound, would you still serve Me?" Yes! My God, yes!
The scale is being hidden (by the kids, I think so I won't know where!) and not knowing and not being consumed with weight loss will, I think be a bigger sacrifice for me than not eating at this point.
Do I still want to lose weight? Of course I do! But whether that happens or not cannot be my focus. It needs to be the One that called me to this and Him alone!"
After writing this later that afternoon is when Holy Spirit spoke the precious word to me, "Prepare!" See my previous post "The Word of the Day Is..." And that was it.
The next day...exactly one week from when He'd called me to it...Holy Spirit released me from the fast. I know this was lengthy, but I learned a LOT during this fast and it took a week for Him to reveal to me what the big reason for the fast was. As long as this is though, there were too many blessings during this week to recount them all here.
My parting words of wisdom are if Holy Spirit calls you to a fast...obey immediately! The blessings will far outweigh any hunger pains you may feel. And in an effort at full disclosure, I did drink juice during my fast. The amount decreased daily as hunger waned, but nonetheless, I still drank fresh-squeezed juice or Naked brand juices (not juice smoothies) for the entire fast.
Get ready and run the race!
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