This is it.
This is the area Holy Spirit is working on in me. I know it...but that doesn't help implement community into my life. I also know this conviction has been growing in me for some time and Holy Spirit's been leading us along on the journey of finding community for many years. But what's different for me now is that I feel like I'm almost to a crisis point where I give up the hope of community or 'put my hand to the plow and not look back.' (Luke 9:62)
I'd found an old review in Christianity Today that listed the reviewers top 5 books on community. I then had the "knawing" to begin reading these...but if you've seen my previous post, you know that I've been avoiding dealing with this for some time...so the magazine's been laying on my desk for about 2 months. The 5 books are:
1. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
2. Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Rievaulx
3. Jesus and Community by Gerhard Lohfink
4. When the Church Was a Family by Joseph H. Hellerman
5. Paul's Idea of Community by Robert J. Banks
Only a couple of these were available from the library (not a hot topic I suppose!), so I've begun with the third...Jesus and Community. All I can say is I don't feel ready for this...but apparently, Holy Spirit believes otherwise. Our pastor even preached on a passage in Matthew that Lohfink was commenting on in the reading I did this morning! I usually feel like this is confirmation that He wants to teach me in this area.
I SO do not want to rock the boat...I even like calm sailing. But somewhere along the way, I KNOW I've prayed that no matter the consequences, no matter the methods, God would have His way in me. I guess it's time to "put my life where my mouth is" (since I don't have money, all I can give is my life right?).
And I know this fear is the enemy's tool...it's NOT from God. The really ironic thing (of which I need to remind myself often) is that in the past, when Dale & I have spoken the Truth...yeah, there are people that don't like it or question it or downplay it...but we've always been overwhelmed at what I call "people coming out of the woodwork" that are just hungry to hear that Truth (not MY truth...but God's Truth!).
I'll keep posting as He teaches me. My prayer is that we ALL become the people He created us to be...no matter His method and no matter the consequences. Amen!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
There's Something Brewing...
It's funny how Holy Spirit isn't letting us stay stagnant for long. I've really been noticing lately that I haven't been craving time with Him as much. I'm getting so preoccupied with all the little "jobs" I have that my days fly by & I haven't been in His Word or spent much time talking to Him. It's almost like the weekends are my only chance to refuel & get together with Him.
I AM thankful that He's talking to me, calling me, drawing me to get close to Him and challenging me to seek Him more. I KNOW this is the time to do it...not to stray further before I come running back.
So since I feel distant, I have to ask myself why? It's not just a time issue. I'm consistently getting up earlier than at any other time in my adult life. Now that I'm eating differently, I'm much more energetic & can't blame fatigue. Is there an issue that I need to deal with or have I just gotten comfortable with expecting God to provide so I'm not as dependent upon Him for every need??
OR is something else brewing?? I have a couple of guesses and neither one of them will bring me worldly peace and comfort. In fact, if it's what I think He's challenging me about, we will once again become even MORE unlike most of the people we know. If He's drawing me to speak up regarding community, relationships & love and what He wants from us in these areas as Christians, I'm afraid of the consequences...truly. I've seen two dear pastors torn apart by people because of their teachings on grace. Add to that living COMPLETELY dependent upon God's provision and the community life that Jesus calls us to, and I'm not anticipating anyone really wanting to hear me. So yes, I'm afraid of what He's drawing us to and I think I'm basically avoiding Him so I don't have to hear it.
For now, I pray and I wait (or percolate, to stay with the brewing theme!) and watch for Him to show His usual signs and wonders! When He gives me the go ahead, I pray that I am faithful to speak what He wants me to say!
I AM thankful that He's talking to me, calling me, drawing me to get close to Him and challenging me to seek Him more. I KNOW this is the time to do it...not to stray further before I come running back.
So since I feel distant, I have to ask myself why? It's not just a time issue. I'm consistently getting up earlier than at any other time in my adult life. Now that I'm eating differently, I'm much more energetic & can't blame fatigue. Is there an issue that I need to deal with or have I just gotten comfortable with expecting God to provide so I'm not as dependent upon Him for every need??
OR is something else brewing?? I have a couple of guesses and neither one of them will bring me worldly peace and comfort. In fact, if it's what I think He's challenging me about, we will once again become even MORE unlike most of the people we know. If He's drawing me to speak up regarding community, relationships & love and what He wants from us in these areas as Christians, I'm afraid of the consequences...truly. I've seen two dear pastors torn apart by people because of their teachings on grace. Add to that living COMPLETELY dependent upon God's provision and the community life that Jesus calls us to, and I'm not anticipating anyone really wanting to hear me. So yes, I'm afraid of what He's drawing us to and I think I'm basically avoiding Him so I don't have to hear it.
For now, I pray and I wait (or percolate, to stay with the brewing theme!) and watch for Him to show His usual signs and wonders! When He gives me the go ahead, I pray that I am faithful to speak what He wants me to say!
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