Not the Answer I Expected

As I've shared on this blog, I began a part-time job doing warehouse work the middle of October. I was honest about how I struggled to know without a doubt that He either wanted me to begin this job or to continue to stay home and wait on His provision. (see "How Then Can Man Understand his Way?")

Once I began to settle into the weekend position, I also wrote about some of the Interesting Developments that were taking place. Overall, I've been content almost every Saturday and Sunday to go to work. (There have been a few groggy mornings!) I'm still not certain this was God's absolute perfect will for me, but there have been even more positives to the work than I thought there'd be. Honestly, it hasn't all been perfect...as I expected...there have been a few scares with some back pain and tendinitis but nothing that a visit to a chiropractor probably wouldn't help.

Where I was continuing to struggle though was this elusive idea of "balance". How do I home school our children five days a week, work on the weekends, maintain a household and all that phrase entails and still find time to serve the poor, the needy, the widow and the orphan? While I was by no means getting stressed about this, I don't want our family to become insulated and focused only on our needs and wants again. I feel like this was the life God called us out of and I have no desire to go back to being ego-centric.

While life was beginning to settle into a routine, I became aware of something interesting...I didn't miss going to church on Sunday mornings. There was absolutely nothing against our church home implied by this, I just realized that while the music is great and the preaching is pretty good too...attending Bible study and having regular time set aside with God didn't really leave me with much of a void for doing church.

I have to admit that at the same time I wasn't missing "church", I was missing community life...at least community life the way God's Word instructs us it should be lived out. I still don't feel like I have the answer here, but Dale pointed out that I do make an effort to meet with and see the sisters that matter to me outside of "church" and combined with our home school co-op family and women's Bible study, there's not a lot to miss in this area either. I'm still hoping and praying we can find community together as a couple and family though.

The reason for all of this background is so you can better understand what I was mulling over and my desire to still be serving God somewhere, somehow without feeling overwhelmed by adding one more thing to our days. While I do want to be open to the Holy Spirit's prompting about serving as a family and we live our lives without strict constraints on our time so we can be open to His movement...I believe this Sunday morning, I was blessed to receive the answer I'd been waiting to hear...even if it wasn't the answer I expected.

I've been reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution and really believe that God is drawing me to live out this quote Shane shared from Tony Compolo: "Jesus never says to the poor, 'Come find the church,' but He says to those of us in the church. 'Go into the world and find the poor, hungry, homeless, imprisoned,' Jesus in his disguises."

So how do I work, teach our kids and live out God's call to love the poor, needy, downtrodden and forgotten? Sunday morning...He said, "Angela...you already are!"

Remember I said that I work Saturdays and Sundays? And while I had already realized that this job is full of lives that need to know God's Love for them, I guess I was a little daft at putting this all together. Funny thing is...I was at church when it happened.

It was a slow weekend at work...coming out of a busy buildup to the holiday shopping online...I was a little surprised to only be needed for two hours Sunday morning. Yet, I was happy to be able to call Dale, ask him to come get me and know that at least this Sunday...I'd get to "go to church".

But here's what happened...while I'm standing there worshiping and praising my Abba...I became aware that I wasn't supposed to be there. You see...if I'm in a church building surrounded by a couple hundred Christians and all across the country millions more are sequestered away in buildings of all shapes and sizes...exactly who is in the warehouse down the street serving my Jesus by living out His Love to my co-workers? I'm supposed to be there...that's who!

As tears streamed from my eyes, face after face flashed before me and God's Spirit asked me (in thought...not in an audible voice), "Who will be my Light to them, Angela? They are poor in spirit, needy, alone, imprisoned, downtrodden and forgotten. Who will live out My Love for them?" I knew in that moment that although I was thankful to have the opportunity to "go to church"...I was in the wrong place. As long as God allows, I won't be going to church on Sunday mornings...I want to be the Church on Sunday mornings.

I freely confess this is my conviction and mine alone! I am beyond thrilled that my husband and children can still attend a worship celebration where they are encouraged and challenged to grow and live out their faith. I am not advocating that churches shut their doors and stop meeting. But the thought did cross my mind while I stood there Sunday morning...'What if just 20 or even 50 people would be willing to go to work on Sunday in retail, waiting tables and the myriad of jobs in industry and instead of going to church to meet with Jesus...they took Jesus to the people?'

You know...I don't recall anywhere in the New Testament that Jesus or any disciples required believers to meet on Sunday. Actually, in the book of Acts, it says they "met daily". Does anyone really believe that God is going to somehow be disappointed or angry if we meet together for worship on Tuesday or Wednesday instead? Probably not.

I happen to believe He's a whole lot bigger than just one day in a week of my life. That's the God I want to introduce my co-workers to...the One that loves them no matter where they work, when they work or why they work. He loves them so much He's decided maybe it's time someone brought some Church to them!

Amen!

The Game of Life

Thursday was a day of thanksgiving, and by later that evening I was especially thankful for one of those few remaining evenings when our whole family gathered around the table to play a game. Another thankful moment was that it was suggested by my 17 year old. But we settled on "The Game of Life" and it wasn't only entertaining, it was educational too.

Yes, there was lots of laughter about "inside" family jokes and some new ones were made [i.e. Noah setting his plate of pumpkin pie on the game board and proudly declaring it as "The Life of Pi(e)"] but most of all I became thankfully aware that God was using the experience as a teachable moment for me. Although, I have to admit that my family probably wasn't quite as thankful that I was sharing some of these revelations with them.

Here are some of the lessons I learned:

• Everything in our culture conditions us to follow the "norm". I don't know who established this "norm" (probably someone named Norm!), but whomever he was...it even pervades the very games we play.
• Like...you don't even get a choice about your mode of transportation. You just have to travel in a car. They've even become updated over the years so that now, in this "Game of Life" you travel in a minivan. Nevermind, that they are gas guzzlers...not eco-friendly...and are completely foreign modes of transportation to about eight-tenths of the world's 6-7 billion population. No, there is no option for a bicycle, moped or the more traditional "hoofing it".
• You are given the option to go to college or immediately start your career. But wait...all of the "good" (high paying) jobs are only available to the college-bound crew. Yes, you do have to borrow $40,000 to go (which is remarkably low nowadays!) but there is no trade school option or recognition that plumbers, electricians, carpenters and the like are the fastest growing skills set of millionaires in the working field today and with over 50% of the current workforce retiring within the next 20 years or less...will soon be in very high demand. This is in stark contrast to the every-increasing number of college graduates that are unable to find employment in their fields of undergraduate study. Hmmm? Don't think Hasbro has considered this.
• Then there's the option of marriage. Yep...you don't get to choose. In "The Game of Life" singleness is not an option. Now, I'm willing to acknowledge as a former tax preparer that there are financial benefits to being married. But in my idea of a non-psychological-brainwashing version of the game, you would at least have the option of whether to marry or not. Yes, there would be different tax rates to pay given your marital status...but at least you'd have the option.
• There's also no divorce space on the board where you only get to keep the kids for half of your turns and you have to pay half of your salary in child support or alimony. I realize this isn't a "fun" version of the game...but it is reality for more than half of the families that are marketed for playing this game. Noah's "person" kept accidentally falling out of his car as he traveled through his "Life". I kept joking that his spouse must have kicked him out and needed to separate for awhile.
• You also don't get to choose whether to have kids or not. It's just a random spin of the wheel and if you land on a "kid space" you get them...no questions asked. So obviously, someone...somewhere...felt like having children was just a lucky "spin of the (proverbially) wheel". I really think we need to stop looking at marriage and children as the only healthy lifestyle. I mean, I'm married...and I have kids...and I love all five in my family very much and would even give my life for them...but God teaches us that single people and childless people have great value to our society and His mission too. From day one I have said to our kids, "If you get married" and "If you have children"...I never...ever...wanted them to feel compelled just because it's the thing that's expected. Yet, our culture conditions us to think these lifestyle choices are odd.
• So because children are just a lucky "spin of the wheel"...some people that you wouldn't expect to have or want a lot of kids (like one of my children!) has six or eight every time they play. Let's just say that the one who has the least patience for children (just like me) will be having the most kids if this is any sort of "omen". I too have the most kids out of my siblings...go figure?
• And some people have to pay $5000 for a new nursery and then have to take the extended "family" option because, "I am not going to pay that much for a nursery and then not have any kids!" I know...humorous...but I sort of thought of the extended family option as this daughter's "infertility" detour. Yes, she ended up with a child...but it slowed her down a little.
• In this American version of "The Game of Life", there is no option about buying a house either. Yes...everyone has to purchase a home. There is no rental option, nor opportunity to live in a communal setting and share expenses.
• As if being stripped of your option to become a property owner isn't enough...about two-thirds of the way through "The Game of Life", you have to upgrade from your starter home to your home. Yes...the cards literally are called "Starter House" and "House". Now, in all fairness, you do receive an increase in the sale of your starter home over the price paid (which is not accurate to the current market in the U.S.), but you're never given an option to downsize or keep the "Starter".
• Also, sometimes it seems like there's no rhyme or reason why some people get the good job, the fancy house and retire with lots of money...while others don't make much money, live in a mobile home and don't have much option for a pay increase. Funny...as the doctor, in the mansion, with no kids...I quickly became the target of all lawsuits...but if Dale...the $20,000 a year salesman that lived in the mobile home...had to pay out any money, we all said, "Ahhh...poor Dad."
• And that's another thing...lawsuits...really? Our litigiously (that is a word, right?) happy culture had to add multiple options for lawsuits to its "Game of Life"? My kids were just itching to land on a lawsuit space. All I could do was shake my head in amazement at how far we humans have strayed. There was no reason given...just a chance to sue. As the recipient of this madness, I decided being the doctor it must have been for malpractice. The tide of lawsuits changed to Leah when we discovered this crafty little nine year old was conveniently hiding all of her big money under her little bills. Yes...she is that smart.
• Lastly, there's always "this guy" who seems to have all the luck. In our "Game of Life", it was Noah. He won the "singing idol contest" right after I did. He won another game show right after Abbey did and then he discovered buried treasure right after Dale. Again, no strategy...it's just the luck of "the spin"

Probably my biggest revelation came at the end, when you sell your house, count your cash and see exactly who wins this "Game of Life". Apparently, it's the player who retires with the most money. But another American-programming/comment-on-our-culture was that evidently..."The Game of Life" ends at retirement.

I don't know about you...but I don't want to stop living at 60...65...or even 70 or beyond. As long as God allows there to be breath in my lungs...I still want to travel, meet people, share God's Love with anyone that will listen and serve the God who created me. I guess that's not work...but it's still "Life".

How do I apply all of these mini-lessons into something I can carry with me? First of all, that our world is just crazy with expectations of how we should live and if for any reason you stray outside of that pre-formed mold...there must be something wrong with you. I think I'll continue to dare to be different.

The other thing is just how deeply these ideas are rooted into our culture. I mean, for pete's sake...this is a game and it just screams of the "American Dream". Today, I heard a great sermon where the speaker said he's learning that the goal in life should be to "die empty". It reminded me of a quote I have read several times from the 18th century preacher John Wesley. "[When I die] if I leave behind me ten pounds...you and all mankind [may] bear witness against me, that I have lived and died a thief and a robber."

Jesus said repeatedly, the first shall be last...the greatest shall be the least. James (inspired by his half-brother Jesus) adds that we should honor the poor and remember that they are the ones that are rich in faith. So here's what I'm thinking: Let's create a "Biblical Game of Life"

In this version you have more choices and sometimes you'll even miss a turn or two while you wait for the wisdom from God about which choice to make. You'll also always have enough money to provide the necessities for yourself and your family, and when you give away the extra...you'll receive some little gold crowns. Actually, every space you land on and have opportunity to give, serve or love someone, you earn more crowns. Sometimes, if one of your fellow players doesn't have enough to cover their expenses...helping them out earns you a few crowns too.

Then, the game doesn't end at "Millionaire Acres" but rather at a tombstone where whomever dies with the smallest amount of cash wins an extra five crowns. The winner? Well, there isn't one. After all...this is the "Biblical Game of Life" and while it's great to have a lot of crowns...the total doesn't really matter because you're just going to throw them at the feet of Jesus anyway. But that's alright...because if you've read the Instruction Book...you already know He's going to win...and I'm okay with that! 

Humble Glory

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Humble glory. How is such a thing to be attained? Can we even attain it? With a little bit of a play on words, James evidently thinks such a thing exists:

"But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position..." (James 1:9)

As you're well aware by now, we live in much humbler circumstances than we did just four years ago. Most of the time, I've done anything but glory in them. Actually, I struggle with even the meaning of that word. I always think of glory in terms of an explanation I once heard describing that "God's glory" essentially means "His true character". If you really think about it, what James suggests makes perfect sense. Didn't Jesus perfectly embody "God's glory" in some of the most humble circumstances we could never imagine ourselves in?

To my knowledge, I don't have any friends or family that were ever born in a barn, laid in a feeding trough with smelly animals surrounding them, never rented or owned a home and was completely dependent upon God's provision and the kindness of others for food, shelter and clothing from the beginning to the end of their ministry. Suffice it to say, I've never known any martyrs that have been beaten and crucified either. I think we can safely conclude that Jesus high position was exemplified through His humility.

In my struggle to find my footing in this new life, I've waffled far too much between being Thankful for the Privilege and whining because of all the uncertainty in our lives. God's patience with me has been eye opening to say the least! But as I keep running through this memory work in James and every day I'm reciting these verses:  "But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like the flowering grass he will pass away." (James 1:9-10)
I've wrestled with this question:  God...am I the brother of humble circumstances or the rich man?

Now, economically, as measured by American charts and graphs...I'm the humbler of the two. But globally...well, I'm ashamed to say I'm the rich man. So what do I do with this? Do I glory in my high position or do I glory in my humiliation?

As I've reflected on this and as I even think back over what I've shared on this blog, I think it's a combination of both...thus, my struggle with waffling. It also explains my struggle with how to be truthful about our situation, yet put it in a positive light because I don't want to appear to be guilting someone into giving to us.

And here's what I really can't even begin to process and wrap my brain around...and I almost think this is where I have to let it settle...be prepared, this is not going to fit into a 'nice, pretty, theological package':

While I long to glory in my humiliation, because then my God's power and providence is best displayed...and rejoicing in my humble circumstances does exemplify God's true character...we Western civilization Christians are not anywhere close to being comfortable with that.

So while I could shout 'Hallelujahs and Amens' all day long that we don't have enough and God is still good through it all (see Habakkuk 3:17-18)...I could even go so far to say how much better off we are now that we don't have a house, nice cars, lots of stuff, fancy vacations and money to waste and it would be very, very true...but honestly, I probably only know a handful of people that would even rejoice with me about this.

Now I know I'm only supposed to live and breath for an audience of One and that the opinions/approval of others isn't supposed to matter...and I'd say 90% of the time I'm okay without it. But some days, I'm just exhausted of the feeling of being the one swimming against the stream. I guess on those days I must be too busy trying to swim in my own strength.

Where I guess I'm going to have to leave this is just to be content with being honest and continuing to be grateful...and vocal...about God's faithful provision and His gracious forgiveness. If that unsettles you or makes you feel guilty...please be content in remembering that is never my intent. Honestly, I'm not supposed to seek your approval...so don't feel obligated to give it to me. In fact, it will make me stronger in God if I only hear the approval from Him. And the challenge for me to remember is that even when all I have to be thankful for is my own humiliation...that's okay because James also was inspired to provide us with a promise:
"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has passed the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:12)

I'm okay not have the latest and greatest gadget...the nice car...nice clothes...fancy food, vacations...etc. and I'm learning not to begrudge those that do. This is my test...and I'll readily admit that it may not be anyone else's...this may be my burden alone. I'm okay with that because I have a "crown of life" waiting for me that will have made all of the humble times seem meaningless in comparison.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my humble circumstances and even for the humiliation that it brings. I'm also longing for the day when He shows me how it all made sense. Amen!

Not a People of Discernment

Having completed the Beth Moore study in James, I've gone back to marking my text in Isaiah. I'm also working through a Moore devotional on the life of Paul. Interestingly enough, the two compliment each other well.

When I began in Isaiah again, I was ready for chapter 27. Honestly, the repeated phrases of "in that day", "in the days to come", and "at that time" confuse me. I can't always understand when God is speaking of the destruction of Jerusalem (the kingdom of Judah) or the end of the world. Hopefully, that will become more obvious when I go back through the book using other translations and Bible study aids. But for now, I can at least gather that "in that day" refers to a devastating sequence of events that will "pulverize" altar stones (verse 9) and make the fortified city "forlorn and forsaken like the desert". Not a pretty picture, I know.

Then tucked away in verse 11 was a warning for myself and all the Christians I know and it doesn't really matter if the destruction earlier in the chapter happened thousands of years ago or is still yet to come.

"For they are not a people of discernment,
Therefore their Maker will not have compassion on them.
And their Creator will not be gracious to them." (Isaiah 27:11b)

Goosebumps don't describe well enough what I thought and felt upon reading this. Why? Because at the same time I'm marking more of the text in Isaiah, I'm continuing to memorize more of the book of James and everyday as I'm speaking James chapter 2 out loud and back to my Abba, I am reminded that

"You believe God is one. You do well. The demons also believe and shudder." (verse 19)

This verse comes at the end of a big discourse on how we should not show partiality to the rich over the poor and how a person who says they have faith in God, yet there are no outward works in their life, might as well admit that their faith is useless...dead.

How can I make the leap from being a people of no discernment to being a people of dead faith? Because too many times I hear us (yes, me too!) saying things like, 'Well, I just wish God would show me,' 'If He's only tell me what to do, I'd do it,' 'I don't know what He's asking of me.' and on and on and on.

Why do we not "know" what He wants us to do? Because we are a people of no discernment, right? So we never act because we're waiting for the discernment that never comes. Or does it?

We actually have this pretty amazing tool, called the Bible that He's given us to understand more than just a little about who He is and what He wants from us. And just in case you want the short version, I clue you in...He wants it all! You...your stuff...your finances...your emotions...your family...your job...your education...your past...present...and future. And He's not really asking too much because He already gave all of that stuff for us when He died an excruciating death so that His Holy Spirit could come and actually take up residence IN us.

And there is the second tool for discernment...His Holy Spirit. How often are we wondering aloud to our friends about not knowing what God wants us to do and yet, haven't even gone to Him with that exact same question? Even better, how many times do we ask Him the question but then don't wait on the answer and go ahead with a plan...ours, a friend's, a pastor's...really, we think any plan will do as long as we can stop the waiting.

One unequivocal thing I've learned from James is that if we're really living out this thing we call faith...we will be doing something...giving to the poor, listening to a neighbor, or serving in love. Do any of those really need discernment? I guess what I've "discerned" from the Bible is that No...I don't need to wait for an answer because the time to act in love is right when He gives us the opportunity to do it.

But I have lived long enough and gone through more than enough to know there are times when He wants us to wait...jobs, moves, big life choices, critical crossroads...and sometimes, can we just allow ourselves to believe that the discerning thing is in fact to simply wait? Honestly, we don't know whether to wait or act because we're too busy trying to figure it out for ourselves instead of taking it to the One that not only knows the answer, but knew we'd be in this dilemma from the beginning.

So next time you come up to me and tell me you just wish you could know what He wants or you're telling me about the fifth directional change for your life in just as many months...please do not be offended if I simply ask, "What if He just wants you to wait because there are lessons to be learned in the waiting?" I do not mean to imply that I somehow know the answer that God is waiting to give you, but I also do not desire for us to be 'a people with no discernment'. I literally groaned when I read that verse and my prayer was instantly, "Lord, may I never be a person without discernment. I need your compassion...I need your graciousness. Please make me a discerning person!"

That is my prayer for you as well! May we become a people that is so full of the Holy Spirit that we become a people so full of His discernment that God's compassion and grace will overflow out of our lives into the lives of everyone around us.

Good stuff! God...thanks so much for Your faithfulness to teach me new things.

Amen!

Operation Homecoming

It may sound melodramatic for me to say that every American should watch this, but it's not melodrama...it's truth. This is an amazing documentary about the men and women in our U.S. Armed Forces that have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mostly from the viewpoint of the Iraqi war veterans, this movie is "in their words"...literally.

The National Endowment for the Arts went to the Middle East to teach our combat warriors how to write about their experiences while in the midst of devastating war...the result is breathtaking! Combining poetry, fiction, narrative and letters to home, the real life tales of war left me sobbing repeatedly. Army Sargeant John McCary's To the Fallen includes a photo montage of soldiers that have fallen while in this conflict. This visual reminder of the cost so many have paid, combined with McCary's beautiful poetry brings me to tears even now as I write.

More highlights include a narrative by a member of the Air Force Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron and perhaps the most sobering, Lieutenant Colonel Michael Strobl who volunteered as a military escort for the body of deceased 19 year old Lance Corporal Chance Phelps. His story, entitled "Taking Chance" describes the honor and dignity that this man showed his fallen comrade whom he'd never met before attending him home. I shudder to think of the disrespect that so many fallen heroes have been shown.

The words written by military personnel are read for the movie by actors. There are also interviews with the authors of these stories and veteran authors of other U.S. wars that are interspersed throughout the movie. The comment that has stuck with me for the last week since I first watched this film is by Tobias Wolff, author and Vietnam War veteran. It gave me such pause to think, that I watched it frame by frame so I could copy it verbatim:

"The sign of a really decadent civilization is one that sends young people out to do and to suffer the things that soldiers do...and suffer in wars and not care about what those things are...and not to have any cost laid on them even of knowing what is going on. To avoid even the cost...we seem to have avoided every other...but even to have avoided that cost, that's a decadence...an unforgivable decadence."

This film is no longer on Netflix, but you can still watch it on topdocumentaryfilms.com. On this Veteran's Day, watch it and know what these men and women have done in service to their country.



Disclaimer: If you are sensitive to strong language, there is one segment that has numerous F-bombs throughout.

Mentioned in this post:

Consider It ALL Joy!?

I've held back on posting much about James, although I've really wanted to. Sometimes there has just been too much to process to even try to attempt to put it into words. But as I've begun memorizing (see Receive the Word Implanted) this amazing book of the Bible verse by verse, so many lessons are coming at me, hitting me anew or at least in a new way...that I'll probably be posting a lot on James for the next few weeks.

What I'm struck by in only the second verse of this letter to the Jewish disciples of his day is that James knows and never sugar-coats that the followers of Jesus will have trials. Actually, what he says is "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials..." Not if...rather...when.

Do we...in America...let me rephrase that to read in "cushy, suburban, mostly wealthy" America...really get this message? The following is not meant as a rant or directed toward any one person. In fact, I have intentionally mentally blocked the names of the respondents from my memory...it's just better for me that way. But the morning after our election, I should have just avoided Facebook. Actually, Wednesday is our "Mostly Media Free Day" so I was disobeying my own directive to do so...but the allure was too strong.

Honestly, I was not only appalled...but ashamed. I know...strong words. If you hate me for saying them...then that is between you and God. But truth be told, you don't know my political leanings so don't read into this that I'm saying the right guy won or even that I'm saying the wrong guy won. I'm hoping to rise above that argument, pray for my leaders (as instructed in Scripture) and remember that not one of them would be in power if it was not allowed by God. Yes...that's in the Bible too.

No...what appalled me was everyone's doomsday forecasts. I understand that people were disappointed that their guy didn't win...but really? Comments like 'our children are just going to have to learn to live with less'; 'we're going to have less money to live on'; 'we're going to have tyranny...socialism...communism'; 'it's a tragic day for America' (Wonderful post in response to this line here!) and on and on and on. So I am supposed to gather from these types of comments that as Christians we are instead supposed to be teaching our children that they need more? Also the living on less money reply was greeted by my twelve year old with the wisest response I've heard yet: "Ummm...we've been doing that for like four years now." Even people worried about having their right to worship and praise God taken away. Not to be facetious but millions of Chinese do it every day.

But the ones that fascinated me the most were all the Scripture quotes about God being our only strength...our only Rock. He's the only One we can depend on. He's the One who will sustain us. And all of the accompanying hymn quotes to go along with it.

It's probably a good thing you couldn't see me speaking (okay...loudly) to my computer screen asking why all of this faith, trust, hope, and dependence on God hasn't been shared on Facebook for the last three months instead of all of the hateful, divisive, nastiness that has prevailed? Hmmm?

Okay, rant over.

Sort of.

All of this does have a point though...really. Say tomorrow that your absolutely worst nightmare that could ever happen in your wildest dreams comes true: You only have $2.00 a day to live on; you are homeless and public worship of God is not only forbidden but punishable by execution. Seriously...go there and ask yourself these types of questions.

My first thought is if throughout history thousands of Christians have experienced similar, if not worse, situations than these...why do I somehow believe I deserve better? My second thought takes me back to James...and this is not a flippant thought. Although my "trials" have been nowhere near any I've described above, they have been trials nonetheless...and I have experienced deep joy even in the midst of them. Yes...this blog is testament to my whining too...but this is the next lesson He's moving me toward and I'm beyond thrilled that He's been patient enough to keep training me in this direction. I can let myself experience joy in the midst of any trial. Here's the rest of James' comment in this part of his letter:

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result so that you will be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)

I am fully aware that none of us would be absurd enough to ask for trials...but if I can obtain endurance for my faith through them and I can let endurance work toward perfecting me, completing me, making me the person God originally intended me to be...how can I lose? Actually, James says I can't. In fact, he promises that I will lack nothing.

I think that's worthy of a little joy...don't you?

Receive the Word Implanted

Two days post-election 2012, I have had a lot of thoughts about things I want desperately to say. But God has challenged me instead to say something that actually matters...so here goes.

I just finished the Beth Moore study of James today...and I'm a little sad. I'm always sad to end a study because it's a time of intense learning and growth and when that is gone...I miss it. But I think this time is a slightly different, and here's why.

In the beginning of the study (entitled James: Mercy Triumphs), for the first time Moore offers you five levels of participation. #1: Attend the video sessions and take notes; #2: Do the daily homework each week as it's assigned; #3: Hand write all five chapters in James at the back of the workbook in small segments as you are going through the study; #4: Read her daughter Melissa's essays which are scholarly, sometimes historical in setting and provide a deeper, richer background to James and his writings; and #5: Memorize all five chapters of James over a five month time period.

I admit I was intrigued by this approach and was pretty sure I could easily complete the first four. I was confident in my faith and Holy Spirit's leading, that I could do these although some weeks it might mean doubling up on the homework for a day. Problem was, I do not have confidence in my memory skills. I mean...really? I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night. How do I memorize five books of the Bible? I even gave up the pursuit of doing anything onstage in drama a decade and a half ago because I just didn't think I could memorize the lines.

I'm sure you can see exactly where this is heading!

Yep...about three weeks ago, I felt the Holy Spirit giving me the "nudge" to just try it and see how far I could get. Can I just say that I have been blessed far beyond anything I could ever have asked or imagined?! Moore talks about in one of the video sessions that when she began not only digging deeply into the Word of God, but also memorizing it...that was a turning point in God tearing down long held strongholds in her life. Here's hoping!

In the meantime, what I have found...and shared with the ladies in our small group today...is that His Word is becoming "bone close". I also, long, for the half hour or so when I get away to my closet (it's quite roomy actually!) and recite James over and over again. My goal was to be done with chapter 1 by the end of October, chapter 2 by November, etc. So actually, I get to spend four more months in the words of James. That's why this end of a study is just a little different.

I didn't quite reach my goal. It took until November 5th to complete the first chapter and I'm at about verse 10 of chapter two. But I've promised myself not to get hung up on "the goal". No, what's important here is that His Word is becoming alive and active and living in me. Instead of a check mark on my "to-do list",  each day for the last three weeks, I have been moved to tears as His loving Spirit speaks a different nuance or a different thought over what I'm memorizing. As I said to the ladies in our group this morning, "I'm wondering why I didn't do this years ago."

So now, I put the challenge out to you...not as a challenge that you can make yourself feel somehow superior about, but rather a challenge in the sense that even if you don't think you can do it...I am proof that you can. Ask His Spirit to lead you to a verse, a chapter, a book (some of them are very small) and with His guidance, ask Him to help you memorize it. I promise you will not regret a moment of the effort...even if you do get some of the buts, ands, fors, therefores, yous and ours messed up like I do!

How can I make that promise? Because James 1:21 says, "Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted which is able to save your souls."

Amen!