A few nights ago, I rented a movie from Redbox. What actually drew me to this particular movie was that it was directed by Clint Eastwood (whose movies I usually enjoy and often have a good meaning to them) and starred Matt Damon (whose talent I have grown to appreciate after seeing him in movies like The Good Shepherd, Ocean's Eleven, Invictus and one of my favorite Damon performances, The Informant! ).
When I read the synopsis of Hereafter, I knew this was "A drama centered on three people -- a blue-collar American, a French journalist and a London school boy -- who are touched by death in different ways." I didn't hold out much hope of the storyline having a Christian worldview and the reviews I saw weren't that favorable. Plus, I'd never even heard of this when it was released, so it must not have been one of Eastwood's best. Nevertheless, I was still drawn to it and was intrigued by the premise...these types of movies have always fascinated me.
And just as I expected, it really wasn't that good. Sure, it had a nice warm-fuzzy feeling about how peaceful dying is, but some of the acting (especially from one pre-teen actor) just wasn't that good. There were a couple of scenes when Matt Damon even seemed to be overacting but I think it's more likely that the actors he was sharing the screen with, just didn't have the ability to keep up with him.
All that being said, I AM thankful that I spent the two hours watching it. As God is so faithful to do, His Holy Spirit used this movie to glean from it two lessons that He is still in the process of teaching me...more accurately, I'm still in the process of learning them!
The first lesson? That when we are blessed enough to have witnessed or participated in the Divine (in this case someone experiences death and comes back to tell about it), it's rare to find someone else that will understand or sometimes even believe you. People who have no room for the sacred in their lives will often challenge you, observe that you're just rationalizing your unusual (by the culture's standards) behavior and write you off as an oddity...someone that's gone off the deep end. Yes, I have experienced this to varying degrees and not just in our present circumstances.
The second lesson? This is the one I get excited about! Because it's such a simple...child-like lesson, yet I know I will never fully grasp it until I see Jesus face-to-face.
I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone that may want to see it, but there is a scene when a young boy asks a psychic (who throughout the movie has proven his gift is real) to contact a deceased loved one. The dead person communicates through the psychic how great it is where he's gone to and the feeling of "weightlessness" is amazing. Honestly, as I'm typing this, I don't remember if the psychic in the movie says, or if I just thought "They all say that". Haven't we all heard or read an interview with someone that has supposedly died and come back and they all refer to this feeling of weightlessness. Nothing new right? Isn't this were we all get the theory that in Heaven we're going to fly or be unfettered by the laws of gravity, physics, temporal bodies, etc.?
But as I sat there watching this movie, as clear as a voice to my heart, Holy Spirit assured me that 'It's not the weightlessness of body they're talking about...it's the weightlessness of the spirit.' Huh?? But within about two minutes, I knew what He meant.
From the beginning of time, in Eden no less, we were never created to bear the burdens that we bear. The shame and guilt of sin; the worry over provision (ouch!); the feeling of futility and doubt; fear of what others or even we are capable of; fear of or shame from failure; insecurity; a feeling of "lost-ness"; self-pity; self-degradation; sins of racism, materialism, and every other -ism that may have been handed down to us and beyond our control; and yes, control...or the desperate grasp of control...yet, knowing that our whole world is spinning out of control.
And then we die and "poof" it's all gone...and NONE of those things matter. You stand before the Creator of the Universe who loved you so much that He came to Earth and died for you so that you have the privilege of standing before Him...naked and unashamed (naked, spiritually speaking...I can find no evidence for or against clothing being worn in Heaven!) Okay...NOW I understand why they all describe this feeling of weightlessness!
Just imagine if we could take our every care, burden, fear, worry...on and on and on and dump it F-O-R-E-V-E-R...what would that feel like?? I'm guessing it would feel a lot like "weightlessness".
But Jesus taught us to pray to our Abba (Daddy)..."Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven" (See Matthew 6:9-11) That means we can experience some of the sacred, some of the divine, some of the pleasure, delight, joy, freedom of Heaven in our here and now. As Christians we are commanded in Scripture to live out this Kingdom before a world that only knows hell. So why can't I experience and live out this Heavenly weightlessness as well? Didn't Jesus say in Matthew 11:29, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS"?
And is it just coincidence that I watch this movie two days before I hear Beth Moore talk about the fruit of the Spirit that is peace? If you've been reading my blog very long and you still believe in coincidence then you must not know the same God that I know. In Moore's discussion of peace, she points out that in Scripture over and over again, the supernatural peace that comes from the Holy Spirit can only be received by allowing Jesus to rule over that area of struggle. She repeats numerous times, "Peace Rules".
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." (Colossians 3:15)
Some of her comments include:
"The personal rule of Christ is always associated with peace."
"If I want increased peace, I have to increase my bowing to Him."
"When I am wigged out in an area of my life, it's because I haven't submitted to His authority in that area."
Makes sense now that when we die and God is the ONLY One that can rule our lives, we naturally have supernatural peace or...weightlessness. But I want to go further...I want to KNOW this weightlessness NOW. After all, "Your Kingdom come...on Earth as it is in Heaven."
One of the things Beth Moore teaches you at the very beginning of Living Beyond Yourself is to EVERY morning, meet with God in prayer and confess to Him any sin we need to confess, thank Him and believe He has forgiven it. Then admit and give to Him all of our concerns...one by one...from the smallest to the biggest. I'm even going so far as to shake my hands, make a gesture of wiping them off of me or blowing them away as I push my hands out to remind me that they are going away from me. Then when I've poured out my confessions and my concerns, I can ask the Holy Spirit to fill me up with Him...His rule, His love, His power, His mercy and ask Him to infiltrate every fiber of my being. I've made this sound easy, but some days it's downright difficult because I'm too distracted or too hurried or just carrying too many burdens.
But now, after watching this movie and having Holy Spirit work this word into my heart, I pray that I can go further in. And I don't want to do this just in the morning, but throughout my day, as fear, doubt, worry, risk, guilt, judgement, etc. assail me, my prayer is for Holy Spirit to make me aware of the unnecessary burden I am carrying and that I will yearn for a life of freedom from these burdens.
I pray that it becomes an active part of my life to transfer every care over to Him. Isn't that how He originally created man in Eden to live? Isn't that what He planned for me from the very beginning? Weightlessness!
Also mentioned in this post:
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Let Him Turn Mourning Into Joy!
Just finished listening to Beth Moore's session on Joy in her Living Beyond Yourself series and I really hate to sound redundant...but can I just say ONE more time that God's timing BLOWS ME AWAY? How appropriate to hear her speak of God's joy that only He can give us in the midst of situations that should, by all worldly appearances, cause us great stress, doubt, fear and even depression.
She quotes from the New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology that "In Philippians joy is thus a continuous, defiant 'nevertheless'". I knew God made me the stubborn, strong-willed, rebellious child for a reason! I love that my life can appear to have no earthly gain and actually can lose everything...yet...'nevertheless' Holy Spirit gives me His defiant joy! It appears there is a good channel for my childrens' defiance. We just need to focus it in the right direction.
I have to confess that in the midst of all this joy I was already experiencing yesterday, I sat overcome with tears. Words could not express what I was feeling. I literally wanted to weep and wail but Dale was in the room. I even contemplated running to the bathroom, shutting the door and just having a good 'ole weep-fest with my Abba. But I settled for a good cry in my chair while my husband looked on.
How could I sit and cry my eyes out when I've been feeling so much joy already?? It can only be explained in human words. Forgive me, they will in no way explain all the emotion I felt in the moment. The only explanation for the tears was amazingly enough...more JOY!
Dale and I were in the middle of a really great conversation about where God's leading us, knowing without a doubt that we are in our circumstances because He has placed us here, going over again some of the thoughts from my previous post and discussing some choices and options we have before us and at some point, my husband went to get the mail (insert sound FX "duh, duh, duh...") and yet again, there was another blessing from our Abba. Woohoo! I was shocked and blessed and said to Dale, that was really nice of the giver. Then he handed me an envelope addressed to me.
Hmm?? Didn't expect a letter from this person. My curiousity was piqued. I could tell it was a letter and was actually a little nervous what it would say. Sometimes I know I deserve a good telling-off and tried to prepare my heart just in case someone was upset with me.
But when I opened the letter, there sat another check and written on the pages were probably the most encouraging words anyone has ever spoken to my heart. You see, it was God reminding me that even when our world seems to be falling apart around us...other people are watching...and listening...and in this case reading...what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives. And when we shut up and let Him show up people will see that it is only He that can do such a mighty work. And I hope by now you know I'm not just talking about providing for us financially!
His work in our lives (I'm speaking about any Jesus follower, not just Dale and I) has an unlimited ripple effect when we trust Him and obey. Yes, His provision for us has enabled us to turn around and give portions of that to people that have needs even greater than ours, but the spiritual ripples are the ones that I told Dale yesterday, "Make me contemplate becoming a charismatic!" So how appropriate for me today to read,
"Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning...
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing." (Psalm 30:5b, 11a)
Then Beth Moore added, "If we never learn to wail in Him, we may never learn to dance in Him." WooHoo! Do you feel the joy?? "What kind of joy is this? That counts it a blessing to suffer?" asks Steven Curtis Chapman. I can excitedly answer, it's the kind of joy where Holy Spirit turns mourning into dancing! That is Crazy Love (to borrow Frances Chan's title!) that our Abba has for us! Sorry for all of the exclamation points...but do you get it?! He LOVES us with a passionate, ferocious AGAPE love, so much so, that what we consider worth mourning over, He turns into joy.
Believe me, I've done my share of weeping in the last two years...make that seven years (but that's another story!)...and He has always been faithful to turn that utter misery into joy as He blesses my life by blessing others through my trials. Does this make any sense? Am I just a big blow-horn that doesn't have a clue? I don't want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol! (see I Corinthians 13)
Or is it remotely possible that I have an Abba that loves me so much, He allows bad (in the world's eyes) things to come to me because then He can prove His love, His nurturing, His desire for fellowship, His power and His joy in me?
I contend that this is not only possible...it is fact!
And what an amazing Abba...He doesn't stop there! He also loves His other children so much that He allows me to go through these things so that He can say to them, "You see...I'm carrying Angela through this...I think I can handle your problems too!"
Sometimes Holy Spirit allows you to say things that come back to you later and you realize He was speaking a word of prophecy over your life. Recently two conversations have been brought back to memory that now mean even more to me. In one, a person lovingly said to me, "I wish you guys could just get a break." And in the moment Holy Spirit led me to say, "Living in a place where I am completely dependent upon Him for my every need?...I can't think of a better place to be." The second conversation, I don't remember the context, but I remember saying, "If my life serves no other purpose than to tell people how not to live, I'm okay with that."
To the second one, I'd add that it takes some thought to process all that this fully-loaded statement truly means, but in part, it's this...I've at times lived the life of wallowing, doubt and fear...please learn from my experience that this is never the type of life your Abba created you to live.
I don't know what you're going through...and honestly, you probably don't even realize the full extent of what you're going through. Don't ever allow the enemy to deceive you into believing that you are simply struggling with flesh and blood. Your trials are not just of this temporal world. There is a whole spiritual battle at stake and you have the choice to wallow, suffer and be all by your lonesome or you can wail with Him and let Him turn your mourning into dancing.
Cry out to Him sweet one! He's ready to teach you how to tango!
Mentioned in this post:
She quotes from the New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology that "In Philippians joy is thus a continuous, defiant 'nevertheless'". I knew God made me the stubborn, strong-willed, rebellious child for a reason! I love that my life can appear to have no earthly gain and actually can lose everything...yet...'nevertheless' Holy Spirit gives me His defiant joy! It appears there is a good channel for my childrens' defiance. We just need to focus it in the right direction.
I have to confess that in the midst of all this joy I was already experiencing yesterday, I sat overcome with tears. Words could not express what I was feeling. I literally wanted to weep and wail but Dale was in the room. I even contemplated running to the bathroom, shutting the door and just having a good 'ole weep-fest with my Abba. But I settled for a good cry in my chair while my husband looked on.
How could I sit and cry my eyes out when I've been feeling so much joy already?? It can only be explained in human words. Forgive me, they will in no way explain all the emotion I felt in the moment. The only explanation for the tears was amazingly enough...more JOY!
Dale and I were in the middle of a really great conversation about where God's leading us, knowing without a doubt that we are in our circumstances because He has placed us here, going over again some of the thoughts from my previous post and discussing some choices and options we have before us and at some point, my husband went to get the mail (insert sound FX "duh, duh, duh...") and yet again, there was another blessing from our Abba. Woohoo! I was shocked and blessed and said to Dale, that was really nice of the giver. Then he handed me an envelope addressed to me.
Hmm?? Didn't expect a letter from this person. My curiousity was piqued. I could tell it was a letter and was actually a little nervous what it would say. Sometimes I know I deserve a good telling-off and tried to prepare my heart just in case someone was upset with me.
But when I opened the letter, there sat another check and written on the pages were probably the most encouraging words anyone has ever spoken to my heart. You see, it was God reminding me that even when our world seems to be falling apart around us...other people are watching...and listening...and in this case reading...what Holy Spirit is doing in our lives. And when we shut up and let Him show up people will see that it is only He that can do such a mighty work. And I hope by now you know I'm not just talking about providing for us financially!
His work in our lives (I'm speaking about any Jesus follower, not just Dale and I) has an unlimited ripple effect when we trust Him and obey. Yes, His provision for us has enabled us to turn around and give portions of that to people that have needs even greater than ours, but the spiritual ripples are the ones that I told Dale yesterday, "Make me contemplate becoming a charismatic!" So how appropriate for me today to read,
"Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning...
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing." (Psalm 30:5b, 11a)
Then Beth Moore added, "If we never learn to wail in Him, we may never learn to dance in Him." WooHoo! Do you feel the joy?? "What kind of joy is this? That counts it a blessing to suffer?" asks Steven Curtis Chapman. I can excitedly answer, it's the kind of joy where Holy Spirit turns mourning into dancing! That is Crazy Love (to borrow Frances Chan's title!) that our Abba has for us! Sorry for all of the exclamation points...but do you get it?! He LOVES us with a passionate, ferocious AGAPE love, so much so, that what we consider worth mourning over, He turns into joy.
Believe me, I've done my share of weeping in the last two years...make that seven years (but that's another story!)...and He has always been faithful to turn that utter misery into joy as He blesses my life by blessing others through my trials. Does this make any sense? Am I just a big blow-horn that doesn't have a clue? I don't want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol! (see I Corinthians 13)
Or is it remotely possible that I have an Abba that loves me so much, He allows bad (in the world's eyes) things to come to me because then He can prove His love, His nurturing, His desire for fellowship, His power and His joy in me?
I contend that this is not only possible...it is fact!
And what an amazing Abba...He doesn't stop there! He also loves His other children so much that He allows me to go through these things so that He can say to them, "You see...I'm carrying Angela through this...I think I can handle your problems too!"
Sometimes Holy Spirit allows you to say things that come back to you later and you realize He was speaking a word of prophecy over your life. Recently two conversations have been brought back to memory that now mean even more to me. In one, a person lovingly said to me, "I wish you guys could just get a break." And in the moment Holy Spirit led me to say, "Living in a place where I am completely dependent upon Him for my every need?...I can't think of a better place to be." The second conversation, I don't remember the context, but I remember saying, "If my life serves no other purpose than to tell people how not to live, I'm okay with that."
To the second one, I'd add that it takes some thought to process all that this fully-loaded statement truly means, but in part, it's this...I've at times lived the life of wallowing, doubt and fear...please learn from my experience that this is never the type of life your Abba created you to live.
I don't know what you're going through...and honestly, you probably don't even realize the full extent of what you're going through. Don't ever allow the enemy to deceive you into believing that you are simply struggling with flesh and blood. Your trials are not just of this temporal world. There is a whole spiritual battle at stake and you have the choice to wallow, suffer and be all by your lonesome or you can wail with Him and let Him turn your mourning into dancing.
Cry out to Him sweet one! He's ready to teach you how to tango!
Mentioned in this post:
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Inexplicable Joy!
Today, I'm praising God for the inexplicable joy that only He can bring!
Keeping in mind that true joy from the Holy Spirit has to be grounded in God's agape love, I am amazed at how intricately related even the fruit of the Spirit is. Come to think of it, why am I surprised? After all, the complexity and intricacy of our bodies alone should be evidence enough of how our God can put complicated concepts together.
As I went through this list, how could I not be teary? I have experienced so many of these that I KNOW the rest are coming!
Amen!
I still want to blog about what He's been teaching me regarding love, but it seems the lessons are coming so quickly that I can't find the time to sit down and write about it. It would take days to share all that He's been showing me and some of it's far too personal to divulge. But there are still some pieces of the huge puzzle that I know He wants me to share because it may help someone else on their journey.
And for today, He wants me to share about joy. The Beth Moore study has moved from the first gift of the Holy Spirit...love...to discussing joy. Over and over in my head, I keep hearing "Consider it pure joy" found in James 1:2. (Except I kept hearing it as 'I count it all joy'...must be the Angela-reduced memory version!) Keeping with Holy Spirit's theme of the day, the complete verse is "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials."(NASB, emphasis mine)
I've already been through two of Beth Moore's lessons on joy, but today had me teary-eyed as Holy Spirit showed me yet again, that all our family has been through has been for His good purpose...not just for the good purpose of our family even...but specifically for my good purpose. It should go without saying that I've seen this good purpose evidenced in my husband's life as well.
Moore writes, "One reason God allows us to experience troubles is because He desires to reveal His joy to us through restoration." "A consistent theme running throughout God's Word is the believer's trial resulting from God's perfect will. I am not referring to God's permissive will when we choose to go astray. I am referring to His perfect choice for us to know hardship for kingdom gain...times when He ordains difficulty in our lives."
I don't want to insinuate that Dale and I were never wrong about the way we handled our finances. We live in the United States and have been blessed beyond measure...of course we haven't been perfect with the money God has given us. And yes, there have even been times of complete disobedience in regard to stewardship of His resources. There are people that would say that we deserved what we got.
So who cares? I, my husband and God know the truth. And while some can look at His discipline and say it was the "natural consequences of your behaviour" I know that "I've experienced trials that I finally was forced to acknowledge as the absolute will of God. My life has never been easy...and I have finally confronted the fact that it probably never will be. Yet, in the same breath, I can readily proclaim that my life has been good. Part of the still-limited maturity I have gained is the result of realizing that good does not equal easy. Rarely has God removed from my life circumstances or people that force me to my knees. Many of my trials must have been ordained by Him because of the results they rendered." (emphasis mine) I didn't intend to quote so much of Moore's lesson, but these words could have been written by me verbatim.
In Jeremiah 31 God is revealing to Israel that restoration can follow discipline. Has the downwardly mobile journey I've been on been an exercise in discipline from my Abba? Of course, but discipline means basically "to teach". Praise God, He showed me a long time ago this wasn't some grand punishment thrown down from the heavens. Again, it goes back to "stripping down to run the race"...to become more like Him requires discipline. And I'm a fool if I think (or listen to anyone else tell me) for one minute that this is SELF-discipline. This is the kind of discipline (teaching) that can only come from an Abba (Daddy) that knows me better than I even know myself.
Now, throughout all of the last two and a half years, I've had two responses available to me. The first was to wallow and wonder what I'd done wrong...what "big picture" did I miss? I'm ashamed to say this was where I was stuck for a long time but I can look back and see that even in the midst of the darkness, shame, frustration and doubt I was so tormented because He was constantly calling me to embrace the second response: The acceptance that my loving Dad wants to teach me about HIS ways, HIS love, HIS desires for my heart, HIS perfect will for my life, HIS amazing plan that supercedes any stuff or money I could ever have. The freedom and joy of choosing the second response can NOT be explained with human words...but Jeremiah isn't given human words, they are Holy Spirit breathed.
What happens when I embrace the discipline and therefore the restoration of my Abba? The Bible study had me look for at least 10...I found even more! Look through Jeremiah 31 for yourself, you will be blessed! These are the ones that spoke to my heart today:
- We will be His people
- We will find grace in the wilderness (Interestingly the Greek word for grace is charis; the Greek word for joy is chara...see any similarities between grace and joy? If not, then you haven't yet experienced God's grace! And don't even get me started on the blessings of being in the wilderness...that's an entirely different post!)
- He gives us rest
- We shall be rebuilt
- We shall rejoice with music and dancing
- When following Him, we will not stumble
- We will sorrow no more
- He will turn mourning into joy
- We shall be satisfied with His goodness
- Our work will be rewarded
- We can hope in our future
- He will satiate the weary soul (Amen!)
- We will have sweet sleep (Still grinding my teeth...but it IS getting better!)
Can you think of a time when you experienced the discipline (teaching) of God? How did you respond? With wallowing and doubt or with joy and delight in His love for you? Maybe you're experiencing a period of discipline right now. Are you beginning to see how He's working everything out for His good purpose in your life? If not, hang on! He is faithful! Your only "job" is to trust Him. He is the one that does the work. Open your heart, open your ears and open your eyes to all that He is doing. He will reveal Himself and the joy of restoration IS coming. He guarantees it!
Amen!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Impeccable Timing!
We serve a Mighty God, don't we?
He is involved in every detail of our lives...right down to our Internet connection! He cares for us so much that He doesn't want us to say (or blog!) something that will make a liar out of us within the next 15 minutes. Isn't He good to us?!
I'll explain just a little. Actually, it's more like a confession.
I've already posted that I've begun the Beth Moore Study Living Beyond Yourself. As always, Holy Spirit speaks through the words He gave Beth to challenge, convict, encourage, teach and comfort me. This week has been revealing of my heart to say the least.
The whole study is about the Holy Spirit and this week I began learning about the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us what this fruit is and the first is love. So this week I'm learning about love...God's agape love. And Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much, disclosing the secrets, fears and hope of my heart, that I've been full to overflowing. I've been reading to Dale almost daily since Saturday at least a snippet or a whole page of what He's been teaching me. And yet, I can never fully explain how Holy Spirit has put this all together for me to see.
Yesterday, I was ecstatic to get on here and blog about everything I've been learning...just knowing there's someone out there that needs to hear what I wanted to share. And then...
the Internet wouldn't connect. Ugh! I disconnected everything three times, plugged it all back in, checked all the connections, rebooted and did everything I could to get reconnected for about 15 minutes. Then...
I couldn't get logged on to Blogger. "What is going on?" I kept thinking. Not only did I need to share my heart, I was going to post some good recipes on my vegan blog too. I mean, this was important stuff...come on already! But all the while, my Abba was protecting me from making a fool out of myself and keeping me from the hypocrisy of my heart being revealed to the world. Because, you see, I have children...four to be exact...and apparently, Holy Spirit is not teaching them the same lessons about love that He is teaching me!!!
I've blogged before that I love our family Media-Free Mondays. But I've begun to despise Tuesdays...because then the kids feel the need to jockey for position on the computer, Wii, TV, Playstation all while they plug up their ears with those dastardly iPods that allow them to tune me out. Suffice it to say, Tuesdays have become almost the bane of my existence.
Yesterday was no exception! And by about 10 a.m. (early, I know!), I'd gone from riding the clouds to the heights of God's glorious agape love...to plummeting into the depths of losing it mentally, yelling at almost all and even spanking one of my children. "Woe to me, for I am undone! Because I am a (woman) of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of (children) of unclean lips!" (Isaiah 6:5)
Not only did I have to apologize to my kids, talk with them, pray with them and confess my sin to them and to God...I was also very thankful to serve a God that loves me so much He kept my Internet and blog from working!
I do still want to share what He's teaching me about love...just as you read it...if you even choose to after the hypocrisy of my heart I just revealed!...keep in mind that I in no way know what I'm talking about. All I can promise is that I'll be truthful about what He is teaching me and my heart's desire to learn to live it out.
As you can rightly guess...the implementation of these lessons is going to start within my own family. Holy Spirit knows that's the best place for me to start.
He is involved in every detail of our lives...right down to our Internet connection! He cares for us so much that He doesn't want us to say (or blog!) something that will make a liar out of us within the next 15 minutes. Isn't He good to us?!
I'll explain just a little. Actually, it's more like a confession.
I've already posted that I've begun the Beth Moore Study Living Beyond Yourself. As always, Holy Spirit speaks through the words He gave Beth to challenge, convict, encourage, teach and comfort me. This week has been revealing of my heart to say the least.
The whole study is about the Holy Spirit and this week I began learning about the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us what this fruit is and the first is love. So this week I'm learning about love...God's agape love. And Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much, disclosing the secrets, fears and hope of my heart, that I've been full to overflowing. I've been reading to Dale almost daily since Saturday at least a snippet or a whole page of what He's been teaching me. And yet, I can never fully explain how Holy Spirit has put this all together for me to see.
Yesterday, I was ecstatic to get on here and blog about everything I've been learning...just knowing there's someone out there that needs to hear what I wanted to share. And then...
the Internet wouldn't connect. Ugh! I disconnected everything three times, plugged it all back in, checked all the connections, rebooted and did everything I could to get reconnected for about 15 minutes. Then...
I couldn't get logged on to Blogger. "What is going on?" I kept thinking. Not only did I need to share my heart, I was going to post some good recipes on my vegan blog too. I mean, this was important stuff...come on already! But all the while, my Abba was protecting me from making a fool out of myself and keeping me from the hypocrisy of my heart being revealed to the world. Because, you see, I have children...four to be exact...and apparently, Holy Spirit is not teaching them the same lessons about love that He is teaching me!!!
I've blogged before that I love our family Media-Free Mondays. But I've begun to despise Tuesdays...because then the kids feel the need to jockey for position on the computer, Wii, TV, Playstation all while they plug up their ears with those dastardly iPods that allow them to tune me out. Suffice it to say, Tuesdays have become almost the bane of my existence.
Yesterday was no exception! And by about 10 a.m. (early, I know!), I'd gone from riding the clouds to the heights of God's glorious agape love...to plummeting into the depths of losing it mentally, yelling at almost all and even spanking one of my children. "Woe to me, for I am undone! Because I am a (woman) of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of (children) of unclean lips!" (Isaiah 6:5)
Not only did I have to apologize to my kids, talk with them, pray with them and confess my sin to them and to God...I was also very thankful to serve a God that loves me so much He kept my Internet and blog from working!
I do still want to share what He's teaching me about love...just as you read it...if you even choose to after the hypocrisy of my heart I just revealed!...keep in mind that I in no way know what I'm talking about. All I can promise is that I'll be truthful about what He is teaching me and my heart's desire to learn to live it out.
As you can rightly guess...the implementation of these lessons is going to start within my own family. Holy Spirit knows that's the best place for me to start.
Friday, April 8, 2011
I Almost Laughed Out Loud!
God is truly amazing, isn't He?
Mind you, I haven't been worrying...just thinking. About what?
Well how quickly our tax refund has been dwindling away. We still have enough for about 2-3 more months, but it's going faster than I'd hoped. Partly this has been because we've put some money in our used vehicles to get them ready for another year. Also, some things I've wanted so we can eat healthier like a water distiller, food processor and a food dehydrator, plus stocking up on food like flour, beans, etc. through my food co-op. I don't feel guilty about buying any of these because they'll keep us healthy throughout the year, saving us money on doctor bills, co-pays and even over the counter meds.
We were also blessed to be able to give away 10% of the tax money to people and ministries we care about. So why have I been concerned about how quickly it's going? Because the human/carnal person in me knows that when it's gone, we'll be on God's good graces again...dependent upon Him for everything.
You'd think I'd be used to that by now wouldn't you? I have to admit, it's still not second nature to me to have nothing in the bank and to expectantly wait for Him to deliver our needs.
Back to why I almost laughed out loud...The last thing I wanted to get with our tax money was a couch...more of a sectional-type thing. Something to replace the futon with the bent frame (and recycle the futon mattress onto one of the kid's beds because their mattress needs replaced) and the recliner that's falling apart and putting gouges in the wall when the kids get too close.
For about a week, I haven't made a concerted effort to pray about this, just as I think about whether to get a couch or not, asking the Holy Spirit, 'Is it wise to get one when it means our savings will be that much more depleted?' Really we don't need a new couch and can I justify the expense? Are people really going to feel that uncomfortable in our home because our furniture is falling apart? After all, we could just get a new mattress and be done with it, right? Again, I haven't dwelled on this a lot, but when it's come to mind...I've been trying to ask Holy Spirit for His leading.
Then Wednesday, I had to work all day and Dale stayed home with the kids. I knew He was getting some work done on the car. He wasn't home when I got there, so I was looking for the receipt to see how much it cost. Laying right next to the receipt I see a deposit receipt for almost $1500 and a detachable statement that is very vague but appears to have come with a check for Dale in this amount.
I walked away, shaking my head and seriously...chuckled (but almost guffawed!) out loud! I did say out loud, "God, You're funny! Thanks!"
Turns out, this was a distribution from Dale's first bank employer that was sold to another bank over 17 years ago. We never even knew he had it. This was 3 jobs and 3 more bank mergers or buyouts ago. Not to mention, six moves later that they found out where to send it. [Honestly though, our last name isn't too difficult to track down!]
Do you see why I laughed out loud?
I know we could have received this money at any time within the last 17 years and yet, God in His amazing timing, coordinated it so we get it right when I've been concerned about how long we can stretch our savings. I'm still smiling at the thought!
As always, we'll give 10% away to someone else who needs it. Will we get the couch? I don't know...I'm still praying about that one. But we'll obey the Spirit's leading! And this I do know...My God is able to supply my need according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19) and He is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun in me (Phil. 1:6) no matter what type of furniture I'm sitting on.
Mind you, I haven't been worrying...just thinking. About what?
Well how quickly our tax refund has been dwindling away. We still have enough for about 2-3 more months, but it's going faster than I'd hoped. Partly this has been because we've put some money in our used vehicles to get them ready for another year. Also, some things I've wanted so we can eat healthier like a water distiller, food processor and a food dehydrator, plus stocking up on food like flour, beans, etc. through my food co-op. I don't feel guilty about buying any of these because they'll keep us healthy throughout the year, saving us money on doctor bills, co-pays and even over the counter meds.
We were also blessed to be able to give away 10% of the tax money to people and ministries we care about. So why have I been concerned about how quickly it's going? Because the human/carnal person in me knows that when it's gone, we'll be on God's good graces again...dependent upon Him for everything.
You'd think I'd be used to that by now wouldn't you? I have to admit, it's still not second nature to me to have nothing in the bank and to expectantly wait for Him to deliver our needs.
Back to why I almost laughed out loud...The last thing I wanted to get with our tax money was a couch...more of a sectional-type thing. Something to replace the futon with the bent frame (and recycle the futon mattress onto one of the kid's beds because their mattress needs replaced) and the recliner that's falling apart and putting gouges in the wall when the kids get too close.
For about a week, I haven't made a concerted effort to pray about this, just as I think about whether to get a couch or not, asking the Holy Spirit, 'Is it wise to get one when it means our savings will be that much more depleted?' Really we don't need a new couch and can I justify the expense? Are people really going to feel that uncomfortable in our home because our furniture is falling apart? After all, we could just get a new mattress and be done with it, right? Again, I haven't dwelled on this a lot, but when it's come to mind...I've been trying to ask Holy Spirit for His leading.
Then Wednesday, I had to work all day and Dale stayed home with the kids. I knew He was getting some work done on the car. He wasn't home when I got there, so I was looking for the receipt to see how much it cost. Laying right next to the receipt I see a deposit receipt for almost $1500 and a detachable statement that is very vague but appears to have come with a check for Dale in this amount.
I walked away, shaking my head and seriously...chuckled (but almost guffawed!) out loud! I did say out loud, "God, You're funny! Thanks!"
Turns out, this was a distribution from Dale's first bank employer that was sold to another bank over 17 years ago. We never even knew he had it. This was 3 jobs and 3 more bank mergers or buyouts ago. Not to mention, six moves later that they found out where to send it. [Honestly though, our last name isn't too difficult to track down!]
Do you see why I laughed out loud?
I know we could have received this money at any time within the last 17 years and yet, God in His amazing timing, coordinated it so we get it right when I've been concerned about how long we can stretch our savings. I'm still smiling at the thought!
As always, we'll give 10% away to someone else who needs it. Will we get the couch? I don't know...I'm still praying about that one. But we'll obey the Spirit's leading! And this I do know...My God is able to supply my need according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19) and He is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun in me (Phil. 1:6) no matter what type of furniture I'm sitting on.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Here I Go Again...
Every Monday for dietary purposes, I fast...well, juice fast that is. Our whole family fasts from media about which I've posted before. But I also juice fast for health purposes and I find time throughout the day to pray, read and just have some much needed quiet time. This has become a great way to start my week and I truly look forward to it.
On Monday, March 21st though, I had a "feeling" Holy Spirit was calling me to more...a longer fast that He wanted to be focused on Him. If you've read either of my blogs, you know I've attempted extended fasts before and have ended up feeling like a complete failure. So when this idea came to me, I rejected it, fought it and basically knew I would fail, so why even bother. But...He persisted. And here's some of my journal entries of what happened during this fast.
Day 3, Wedesday, 3/23/11- "On Monday, as I was toiling over whether to remain on the co-op board or not and prepping some juice for the day...I kept thinking about fasting. And as I processed, it kept occuring to me that it was probably about 40 days until Easter.
But I didn't want to know for sure. I was afraid if I did that I'd find out it was exactly 40 days and I'd take that as a sign that I needed to attempt an extended fast. But I struggle with past failures at fasting. I also don't want to fast just to lose weight. I finally counted and it was 35 days until Easter (or 34 fasting days). I've never made it past 2 1/2 days! But I was feeling a little "called" to do it. So I prayed to tackle one day at a time and to use my quiet times with God for prayer alone...not reading.
By the time I got home from work (Monday, the 1st day), I was a little hungry. But as I prepared to walk in our home and be tempted by food...I was getting out of the van and vividly heard "Strip down and run the race."
I'm teary-eyed just writing this promise. He is so faithful. He gave up so much for me, can't I give up a little food? Can't I give up something I'm good at (organizing co-op) so I can do the things I know He's called me to? (Serving the poor and building relationships)
Then Dale and I had a great conversation about his last meeting with our pastor. Dale told him he feels like we're in the wilderness, not as a punishment...but because God wants to bring us out of somewhere (our Egypt)...to somewhere. He told our pastor that the punishment for Israel was the length of time it took for them to get there.
As I processed what Dale was saying, once again, it confirmed to me that my thoughts are Spirit led. God has Dale and I on the same page and it is amazing! We don't always get there the same way, but He gets us there! So while I don't want this fast (however long it lasts) to be all about food and weight loss...that is my life-long struggle. And God doesn't just want to "strip down" my schedule by resigning from co-op. He also wants to strip down me. After all, I can't "run the race" if I'm 40-50 pounds overweight can I?"
Day 4, Thursday 3/24/11- See previous post Wow!
(continued...) "In the two hours since this has all happened, I've shared it with Dale and I've had a lot of questions. Am I just more receptive to the Holy Spirit since I'm fasting? Is He preparing me for something? This a.m. I was reading more of Confessions of a Fasting Housewife
and I was struck at how she so naturally relates visions, dreams and prophetic words from God.
I sit skeptical as I read and wonder why I don't know anyone like this? Why don't I know anyone that relies on the Holy Spirit like this? I wasn't jealous, but I was curious how close you have to be to Him to see Him move and manifest in this way? I don't want to assume what has happened today is because it's a "reward" for continued fasting, or because I want God to prove that He still provides us with dreams and visions. As I sit here processing I almost feel that it's confirmation...yes, that I'm supposed to be fasting and yes, that Holy Spirit does still do unexplainable things. Also, that giving up co-op board is exactly what I need to do. Yes, I'm good at it and yes, it's a worthy cause, but no...I was distracted from what He has told me to do...be unencumbered completely!
The board was a huge time commitment. But now, it's gone and as He continues to "strip me down so I can run the race," I am blessed to be given a little glimmer of what He wants me to do...namely, love and serve others. Amen!
p.s. A little scared to start "Living Beyond Yourself" study. Susan sent me the CDs to borrow. Then Beth Moore starts by saying this study "will come to you exactly in His timing." Yikes!
Whatever my purpose is, it will be beyond me. It's not going to rely on my earthly talents and gifts...it's going to be a stretch. Coordinator was my gifting. Is my purpose going to cost me? Of course!"
Day 6, Saturday, March 26, 2011- "Yesterday was the last day of co-op for this school year. I thought I went prepared to fast because I took two juices with me. What I wasn't prepared for was the smell of food cooking for two hours. Then the emotional fatigue combined with everyone eating made me say, "I'm going to get a salad!" That, while not tragic, would have been enough...but then I had 2 of MG's chocolate chips cookies (which ARE amazing!) [I go on to describe some more food I eat throughout the afternoon & evening...not a lot of it...but other than the salad, none of it was healthy!] I went to work and felt like c---! [Looking back it was probably an extreme sugar high]
Was still on a spiritual high from previous day's events and so wanted to get back to fasting. During my quiet time this morning, the person I wanted to pray for actually was more of a distraction."
[I asked Holy Spirit at the beginning of the fast to give me a list of people for which to pray and some were not necessarily names I would have chosen...imagine that!? I found myself picking them apart instead, but Holy Spirit was faithful to remind me that I don't have all the answers for this person and in many areas they are miles ahead of me.]
"Lord, I'm scared to ask You to keep me humble. Last time You whispered that word to me our world turned upside down. Instead I pray that I never again begin to think that I can do this life in my own power. Amen!"
Day 7, Sunday, March 27, 2011- "Okay, I get it...at least I'm starting to. Feeling very frustrated that I was only down one pound from last night. (although I'd already lost 10# in one week!) I mean, why is my body not feeding off my more than ample reserves?
So I began to calculate calories and think maybe I need to cut back on how much juice I'm drinking, maybe I need to attempt some mild exercise Then, I started having this "nagging" somewhere in my mind and I start literally debating with the Holy Spirit.
Me- 'Yes, this is a spiritual fast, but my biggest spiritual hangup is food.' 'I want to lose weight so I can strip down and run the race" (thinking this as I look in the mirror to see if anyone will notice I've lost weight--Sheesh! I'm twisted!)
Then felt led to get Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline to see if he had any words of wisdom. Well it wasn't physical wisdom, but rather, spiritual."
#1 Jesus didn't command that we fast. Rather, he assumed His followers would. It was common practice in His day.
#2 Fasting can have beneficial physical effects but when God calls us, it is for spiritual reasons.
#3 Foster wirites, "To use good things to our own ends is always the sign of false religion. How easy it is to take something like fasting and try to use it to get God to do what we want."
"Ouch! When I read that, instantly I saw the # on the scale this morning and was asked "If you never lost another pound, would you still serve Me?" Yes! My God, yes!
The scale is being hidden (by the kids, I think so I won't know where!) and not knowing and not being consumed with weight loss will, I think be a bigger sacrifice for me than not eating at this point.
Do I still want to lose weight? Of course I do! But whether that happens or not cannot be my focus. It needs to be the One that called me to this and Him alone!"
After writing this later that afternoon is when Holy Spirit spoke the precious word to me, "Prepare!" See my previous post "The Word of the Day Is..." And that was it.
The next day...exactly one week from when He'd called me to it...Holy Spirit released me from the fast. I know this was lengthy, but I learned a LOT during this fast and it took a week for Him to reveal to me what the big reason for the fast was. As long as this is though, there were too many blessings during this week to recount them all here.
My parting words of wisdom are if Holy Spirit calls you to a fast...obey immediately! The blessings will far outweigh any hunger pains you may feel. And in an effort at full disclosure, I did drink juice during my fast. The amount decreased daily as hunger waned, but nonetheless, I still drank fresh-squeezed juice or Naked brand juices (not juice smoothies) for the entire fast.
Get ready and run the race!
Also mentioned in this post:
On Monday, March 21st though, I had a "feeling" Holy Spirit was calling me to more...a longer fast that He wanted to be focused on Him. If you've read either of my blogs, you know I've attempted extended fasts before and have ended up feeling like a complete failure. So when this idea came to me, I rejected it, fought it and basically knew I would fail, so why even bother. But...He persisted. And here's some of my journal entries of what happened during this fast.
Day 3, Wedesday, 3/23/11- "On Monday, as I was toiling over whether to remain on the co-op board or not and prepping some juice for the day...I kept thinking about fasting. And as I processed, it kept occuring to me that it was probably about 40 days until Easter.
But I didn't want to know for sure. I was afraid if I did that I'd find out it was exactly 40 days and I'd take that as a sign that I needed to attempt an extended fast. But I struggle with past failures at fasting. I also don't want to fast just to lose weight. I finally counted and it was 35 days until Easter (or 34 fasting days). I've never made it past 2 1/2 days! But I was feeling a little "called" to do it. So I prayed to tackle one day at a time and to use my quiet times with God for prayer alone...not reading.
By the time I got home from work (Monday, the 1st day), I was a little hungry. But as I prepared to walk in our home and be tempted by food...I was getting out of the van and vividly heard "Strip down and run the race."
I'm teary-eyed just writing this promise. He is so faithful. He gave up so much for me, can't I give up a little food? Can't I give up something I'm good at (organizing co-op) so I can do the things I know He's called me to? (Serving the poor and building relationships)
Then Dale and I had a great conversation about his last meeting with our pastor. Dale told him he feels like we're in the wilderness, not as a punishment...but because God wants to bring us out of somewhere (our Egypt)...to somewhere. He told our pastor that the punishment for Israel was the length of time it took for them to get there.
As I processed what Dale was saying, once again, it confirmed to me that my thoughts are Spirit led. God has Dale and I on the same page and it is amazing! We don't always get there the same way, but He gets us there! So while I don't want this fast (however long it lasts) to be all about food and weight loss...that is my life-long struggle. And God doesn't just want to "strip down" my schedule by resigning from co-op. He also wants to strip down me. After all, I can't "run the race" if I'm 40-50 pounds overweight can I?"
Day 4, Thursday 3/24/11- See previous post Wow!
(continued...) "In the two hours since this has all happened, I've shared it with Dale and I've had a lot of questions. Am I just more receptive to the Holy Spirit since I'm fasting? Is He preparing me for something? This a.m. I was reading more of Confessions of a Fasting Housewife
and I was struck at how she so naturally relates visions, dreams and prophetic words from God.
I sit skeptical as I read and wonder why I don't know anyone like this? Why don't I know anyone that relies on the Holy Spirit like this? I wasn't jealous, but I was curious how close you have to be to Him to see Him move and manifest in this way? I don't want to assume what has happened today is because it's a "reward" for continued fasting, or because I want God to prove that He still provides us with dreams and visions. As I sit here processing I almost feel that it's confirmation...yes, that I'm supposed to be fasting and yes, that Holy Spirit does still do unexplainable things. Also, that giving up co-op board is exactly what I need to do. Yes, I'm good at it and yes, it's a worthy cause, but no...I was distracted from what He has told me to do...be unencumbered completely!
The board was a huge time commitment. But now, it's gone and as He continues to "strip me down so I can run the race," I am blessed to be given a little glimmer of what He wants me to do...namely, love and serve others. Amen!
p.s. A little scared to start "Living Beyond Yourself" study. Susan sent me the CDs to borrow. Then Beth Moore starts by saying this study "will come to you exactly in His timing." Yikes!
Whatever my purpose is, it will be beyond me. It's not going to rely on my earthly talents and gifts...it's going to be a stretch. Coordinator was my gifting. Is my purpose going to cost me? Of course!"
Day 6, Saturday, March 26, 2011- "Yesterday was the last day of co-op for this school year. I thought I went prepared to fast because I took two juices with me. What I wasn't prepared for was the smell of food cooking for two hours. Then the emotional fatigue combined with everyone eating made me say, "I'm going to get a salad!" That, while not tragic, would have been enough...but then I had 2 of MG's chocolate chips cookies (which ARE amazing!) [I go on to describe some more food I eat throughout the afternoon & evening...not a lot of it...but other than the salad, none of it was healthy!] I went to work and felt like c---! [Looking back it was probably an extreme sugar high]
Was still on a spiritual high from previous day's events and so wanted to get back to fasting. During my quiet time this morning, the person I wanted to pray for actually was more of a distraction."
[I asked Holy Spirit at the beginning of the fast to give me a list of people for which to pray and some were not necessarily names I would have chosen...imagine that!? I found myself picking them apart instead, but Holy Spirit was faithful to remind me that I don't have all the answers for this person and in many areas they are miles ahead of me.]
"Lord, I'm scared to ask You to keep me humble. Last time You whispered that word to me our world turned upside down. Instead I pray that I never again begin to think that I can do this life in my own power. Amen!"
Day 7, Sunday, March 27, 2011- "Okay, I get it...at least I'm starting to. Feeling very frustrated that I was only down one pound from last night. (although I'd already lost 10# in one week!) I mean, why is my body not feeding off my more than ample reserves?
So I began to calculate calories and think maybe I need to cut back on how much juice I'm drinking, maybe I need to attempt some mild exercise Then, I started having this "nagging" somewhere in my mind and I start literally debating with the Holy Spirit.
Me- 'Yes, this is a spiritual fast, but my biggest spiritual hangup is food.' 'I want to lose weight so I can strip down and run the race" (thinking this as I look in the mirror to see if anyone will notice I've lost weight--Sheesh! I'm twisted!)
Then felt led to get Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline to see if he had any words of wisdom. Well it wasn't physical wisdom, but rather, spiritual."
#1 Jesus didn't command that we fast. Rather, he assumed His followers would. It was common practice in His day.
#2 Fasting can have beneficial physical effects but when God calls us, it is for spiritual reasons.
#3 Foster wirites, "To use good things to our own ends is always the sign of false religion. How easy it is to take something like fasting and try to use it to get God to do what we want."
"Ouch! When I read that, instantly I saw the # on the scale this morning and was asked "If you never lost another pound, would you still serve Me?" Yes! My God, yes!
The scale is being hidden (by the kids, I think so I won't know where!) and not knowing and not being consumed with weight loss will, I think be a bigger sacrifice for me than not eating at this point.
Do I still want to lose weight? Of course I do! But whether that happens or not cannot be my focus. It needs to be the One that called me to this and Him alone!"
After writing this later that afternoon is when Holy Spirit spoke the precious word to me, "Prepare!" See my previous post "The Word of the Day Is..." And that was it.
The next day...exactly one week from when He'd called me to it...Holy Spirit released me from the fast. I know this was lengthy, but I learned a LOT during this fast and it took a week for Him to reveal to me what the big reason for the fast was. As long as this is though, there were too many blessings during this week to recount them all here.
My parting words of wisdom are if Holy Spirit calls you to a fast...obey immediately! The blessings will far outweigh any hunger pains you may feel. And in an effort at full disclosure, I did drink juice during my fast. The amount decreased daily as hunger waned, but nonetheless, I still drank fresh-squeezed juice or Naked brand juices (not juice smoothies) for the entire fast.
Get ready and run the race!
Also mentioned in this post:
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