Is it REALLY this easy?

Up front, I will affirm that there are times when I have longed to hear the Voice of the Holy Spirit and have gone many, many weary days and weeks without hearing Him. Today though, I need to give Him praise for when He speaks...clearly. Sometimes, so clearly that I even think "Is it really this easy?"

This morning has been one of those times.

Don't get me wrong...I have done nothing to deserve this. I haven't been diving into Scripture. I haven't worn callouses on my knees and I don't have any magic formula to offer you. I believe He's always calling (see John 12:32) to each of us. Speaking for myself, I am at times more receptive than others. 

Apparently, first thing this morning...I was listening.

I awoke with thoughts of one of my garden beds. It's up against the house and isn't going to get enough sun for the vegetables I've placed there. I've read about reflective light and even used some on my patio garden last year. While I'm contemplating this, I have a "sense" that I should arise and take a walk. 

I am not the most physically fit person you'll ever meet. But when we moved into a more urban setting, I took a cue from Mission Year's practices to start walking. It's difficult to meet your neighbors from your car. I'm calling my early-morning-intentional-prayer-and-devotional-walk, a "Jesus walk". So the sticky note on the kitchen wall is what I leave for the kids on my way out the door.

Today, I didn't head toward the cemetery (see photos on Instagram) for perspective, instead I felt a "nudge" to go a different direction toward Latonia's downtown. I'm walking along, enjoying the morning, conversing with Jesus, hearing the trash truck in the Monday morning background and I pass this...

or I should say "these"...because there were two of them...laying next to a trash can about 1/3 of a mile from our house.

To be honest, I saw...I looked...and I kept walking for a few paces and had that little brain nudge that I don't know how to explain to someone who hasn't had it. But what I heard myself say was "Is it really that easy?" Admittedly, I walked another block and a half trying to convince myself I actually was experiencing God's provision in this fantastic way!

If I've lost you, then back up to what was on my mind when I awoke this morning...reflective light use for my garden. Holy Spirit's promptings were discreet but apparent since I awoke and there...laying in a trash heap...was the answer.

For this to work though, two more things had to fall into place: I had to walk faster back to the house to beat the trash truck from getting them before I could come back with the van, which my husband couldn't have taken yet to go to work. As evidenced by the photo above, both worked out. Dale left a little later than usual, and I passed the garbage truck on my way back home after picking up the two mirrors!

Explaining to my husband what they're to be used for was entertaining for me and probably confusing for him...he's more of a I-need-to-see-it-to-understand-it kind of guy. All of this to say, I have my Pinterest-type project for the next few days.

As soon as I placed these mirrors on the front porch, I heard my thoughts expressing praise to the One who loves to give good gifts to His children, who longs to have us listen as He tells us ''this is the way, walk in it" (see Isaiah 30:21), and who even cares about the most seemingly insignificant details of our heart's desires that He somehow...unexplainably...puts so many pieces of this Giant-Jigsaw-Puzzle-of-Life together to bring a little reflective Light to our home.

I needed to share this with you this morning because I need to reflect His Light. He needs to shine out of me until the people around me see the glory of His Presence all over the place. The verse I've been trying to memorize each morning is appropriately timed for His teaching today, 

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, 

and the glory of the LORD rises upon you." (Isaiah 60:1)

Thanks for hanging out with me through this entire epistle. You see the last thing I heard as I headed down the stairs to start typing this lengthy tribute to my awesome God was "I have to share this or the rocks are going to cry out...and I don't want any rocks speaking for me!" (see Luke 19:40)

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Words of wisdom I'd love to leave with you on this amazing day, if you'll allow me the privilege of speaking into your life? 

Go.

Do your thing that you are passionate about and feel like you have to do.

Take Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, with you.

Listen.

And follow.

Amen.

Smelling Like Sheep

God's Spirit is always growing us, right? Molding, shaping, and refining us into the person He originally created us to become. I love that about Him. He loves me so much that He will not stop until I have fulfilled the purpose He has created particularly for me and me alone. (see Philippians 1:6)

In this process, I get what I call whispers and glimmers of where He's taking me and how He's going to accomplish His work in me. This is one of those seasons on my Journey where I've been intersecting with Scripture, books and sermons that are prompting me...okay sweeping me...toward His delight for me. 

As I've been memorizing 1 Thessalonians, I was especially struck by this verse: Having so fond an affection for you that we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but our own lives, because you had become very dear to us. (I Thess. 2:8) 

This is what I see fleshed-out in places like the Kensington neighborhood of  Philadelphia where The Simple Way lives, loves and worships. It's what I hear happening in my daughter as she serves with Mission Year in Houston, Texas. It's the humbling I sense when I engage with people who are being transformed through their service with Tent Day or the Emergency Shelter of Northern Kentucky. I want to know that passion, love and purpose in my life too, don't you? No wonder this verse in 1 Thessalonians hit me in just the right way.

But I'm also reading a book that is the "guideline" for the ministry of Pope Francis. I'm not Catholic, so I don't know what may be a better description of this dissertation, but I'm reading it as part of the Blogging for Books program and I can only digest a few paragraphs at a time. Once again, God's Spirit used the perfect phrase to describe what I'm feeling. My whole life I've heard the biblical comparisons to how Jesus is our "Good Shepherd". A Shepherd lays down his life for His sheep, He will leave 99 behind to hunt down the one that is lost. What Pope Francis reminded me though, is that shepherds smell like their sheep.

I have to enter into the lives of those I'm serving. I cannot be set apart and removed either physically, emotionally, spiritually or in any way. One of my absolutely favorite verses from The Message translation of the Bible is this:  The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. (John 1:14)

What does that mean for me? What does that mean for you?

I know it will look different and manifest uniquely in each of us. For some, it means moving into impoverished and abandoned neighborhoods so we can live, love, worship and develop "Beloved Community" with those who are marginalized in our culture. For others, it will awaken us to the spiritual poverty that is all around us, no matter how affluent our neighbors are. 

The point is, if God's Spirit dwells in me, then God has already "moved into the neighborhood". I think it's time that I started to smell like some sheep.

They Love Me In Spite Of...Me

I am in a Bible study small group with a wonderful generational-blend of ladies from various backgrounds. This is how church, for me, should be. When I look around the room, I see women who were born in Germany, women who have to move frequently with military spouses, new moms and women who have been empty nesters for decades.

There are women who probably were in church the first Sunday after they were born and those that never stepped a foot in the door until Jesus was their only hope. We've had women still in college, women that were professionals for many years and women that have sacrificed careers to stay home. We have laid back and uptight. We have hungry, new learners and women that could quote most of the holy scriptures to you.

Mostly...we have Jesus. And apparently, He is all we need.

Because here's what happened last Thursday, and I've been chewing on it ever since: I have often disagreed with these ladies, challenging them with my weird, unconventional way of thinking and yet, after our luncheon, they began walking up to me and telling me they loved me, they appreciated that I think differently and I'm not afraid to speak up. They hugged me, patted my cheek and basically, just spoke love into my life. [Have I ever told you that I'm a "words of affirmation" love language person? Knowing that will help explain why this meant so much to me.]

Now, here's what I've been chewing on...this is how Jesus prayed for us to live. (see John 17:13-21) He didn't pray that we would all think alike, dress alike, forsake makeup alike and say the same words alike. No...He prayed that we would have unity. We are also told that "They will know we are Christians by our love" (see John 13:35) and that as "iron sharpens iron" (see Proverbs 27:17), we keep each other sharp. Not coincidentally, our pastor is currently preaching a series on being "One".

Here's the biggest reason why this all affected me so deeply though: I have had Christians walk away from or at a minimum back off from relationship with me for some very petty reasons.

It's sad really.

I have multiple examples I could share, but Holy Spirit is deeply challenging me about my use of words. Suffice it to say that some no longer speak to me, or have even turned their backs to me when I walk into a room. Remember...I am highly discerning. It doesn't take a genius to discern grievances when you position your back to me, or stop calling, or can never find time in your schedule to get together anymore. And some of these "disconnects" happened at a time when our world was caving in all around us and we desperately needed some hands to help hold us up. Financial assistance was always helpful and appreciated, but a brother or sister listening to our doubts and confusion was what we needed even more.

I don't throw all of this out there to try to make anyone feel guilty. I am hoping to draw the sharp contrast between someone not liking my sense of humor (an exaggerated example, but pretty close) and these women who still love me despite our disagreements on biblical interpretation, theology and discernment of the Spirit.

So yes...they love me in spite of...me! But more than this, they're teaching me to give this same gift to others. I know putting this out there means it will soon be tested in my life. My tongue and my attitude are both in need of some purification and if these ladies can love me when I challenge them to the core of all they have believed, I think I can attempt to let go of my petty grievances because you just don't like me anymore.

Not there yet...but it's a start.

Living the Vision, part 6: Everything is Finished

**This is the last in a of a series of posts that are a more in-depth look at a lesson I recently taught to a group of women in our church. To read the additional posts, you can easily access them by clicking on the links at the bottom of the page or in the body of this text.**


Yes, it is finally coming to an end...sort of. See...I think this "Living the Vision"-thing is a lesson that never ends. When I shared how God is drawing me to "live like the vision is complete", it includes coming to Him daily and thanking Him that it is done, and asking Him to show me how to live like it...just for today. Today is enough to worry about, Jesus said. (see Matthew 6) I think He actually meant it, although it flies directly in the face of everything we have experienced in this life.

So to pull all of these posts together, I have taken a little longer to ponder and process for this final segment. It is by far the most potentially volatile and could conceivably be misconstrued on many different levels. Therefore, I am asking you not to take my word for it. Instead, go to the Holy Spirit and ask for His discernment. He has challenged us to
"...cry for discernment, 
Lift your voice for understanding; 
If you seek her as silver 
And search for her as for hidden treasure;
Then you will discern the fear of the LORD
And discover the knowledge of God." (Proverbs 2:3-5)

You also need to know up front that I despise "prosperity gospel" and "name it and claim it" heresy. The "power of positive thinking", might lower your blood pressure, but no where did Jesus equate blessings with wealth, happiness with stuff, or Christianity with an easy-street-pass for ever and ever. Amen!

With that disclaimer in mind, I still want to persuade you of something. This is why I used words like "revolutionary" to describe this "revelation" on how to approach God's will and even how I would pray.

The "thing" is this:
When the Holy Spirit lays a request or desire upon your heart for which to seek His will, wisdom or discernment...we should automatically accept that it is done!

Go ahead...think of something for which you have been praying. Ask these questions...

• Is it good?
• Is it within God's will?
• Can only good come from it?
• If I remember that God still gives visions and dreams; this world as we know it is not all there is and that God dwells in the fullness of time is there any reason why God couldn't complete this "thing" some day?

James teaches us that "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." (James 1:17) If only good will result from it...I can guarantee you the prompting is not from your Enemy. Again...I am not talking about stuff! We Americans have to stop thinking of prosperity, blessings, joy, and happiness in terms of wealth and stuff!

When I ask, "Is it within God's will?"...this isn't really as complicated as we make it either. I don't know how many times myself or others have absolutely agonized in prayer over someone's salvation. Is it God's will that a person be saved? Absolutely! If not, then Jesus died for nothing and His blood sacrifice was a waste.

2 Peter 3:9 tells us that, in fact, God wants everyone to come to repentance. Now...don't go around saying that I've become a universalist. Do I think everyone will be in Heaven? Actually, Scripture teaches that many will not. I am saying their salvation is complete. They still have the option to choose it or not.

But God also told us that if we delight in Him, He would give us the desires of our hearts. (see Psalm 37:4) As we delight in Him...His desires are reflected in our desires. If He lays upon my heart to pray for someone to seek a relationship with Him...I am 100% certain that for God...it is done!

We no longer have to agonize over if it's His will for someone to know Him. Instead...keeping the focus simple, as with the Vision for your life...when the Holy Spirit reminds us to pray for a person, we can confidently thank Him that "Joe's" (insert any name He leads you to) salvation is complete! It's done! Hallelujah!

The second part of that prayer is this...Now today Lord...draw them just one step closer to living like it! And then, when we see "Joe" being kind...or generous...or loving...or merciful...or forgiving...or anything that is good...recognize it, remember that "Joe" is on a Journey to becoming the soul God created Him to be and thank God for how you see Him working in "Joe's" life. Once again...I can guarantee none of those "good" attributes are anything "Joe" just drummed up out of the goodness of his own heart. No...Scripture also tells us twice that "every inclination of the human heart is evil." (see Genesis 6:5 and Genesis 8:21) 

Do I think that all "good" people will get into Heaven? Bottom line...I am not God and I will never presume to decide who's in and who's out. What I do know is that Jesus said He is the way to the Father (see John 14:6) I just happen to believe that it absolutely does not matter how God chooses to bring a person to that conscious choice.

As humans created in the image of God, we just don't want anyone to suffer. But sometimes it takes great loss and great tragedy for a person to lean upon an Almighty God. Are we willing to walk through great suffering, loss and tragedy with someone...if it means they can spend eternity with their Saviour? Sometimes I think we want to make everything neat, tidy and pain free. But if someone had to endure pain and decimation in order to experience the full glory of God...wouldn't that be worth it? There is no fuller glory than knowing the redemption of a loving Saviour!

The other example I'll give is when we pray for a person's healing. I don't want to belabor the point, but suffice it to say no one has ever entered Heaven with a tumor on their back...or brain...or colon...or carried a congenital birth defect into eternity. And no matter how much we pray for healing in the now...none of us will be whole and healed until we stand before Jesus.

Can God heal in this life? Absolutely! Does He sometimes choose to do so? Again..a resounding "yes!" But we have to stop thinking that if we agonize in prayer just a little bit more...maybe He'll do it in regards to the loved one for which we pray. Too many parents are beating themselves up for not being faith-filled enough. And too many people begrudge a God that "chooses" not to heal them. 

If we can remember that this life as we know it is not all there is then when the healing occurs doesn't matter...because we know it will!!! Again...God dwells in the fullness of time so for Him your healing is complete...now for today...what do we need to do to live like it?

I would never belittle another person's pain. I also know there are parents with children for whom their prognosis gives great uncertainty as to what their future can hold. I just know that when I am praying as the Holy Spirit leads...I can confidently pray that for Him, that person is healed. But even better...there will be a day when I get to hear the story of how God healed them and how His presence was so real during their illness that they knew He was near.

For me, it does not matter if I hear their story in this life...or the life to come. I will hear it!

And Beautiful Beloved...you will one day have that amazing child look you in the face and tell you how they always knew you were there and they never missed one minute of what you did to love and serve them. And that parent or grandparent that right now struggles to remember your name will very soon sit across the table from you and remind you of your patience, care and joy during the journey of their slow decline.

You see...for God...there is only healing.

I've got to wrap this up, but thank you for hanging with me. I pray you do seek God's wisdom in regards to not only the Vision He has for your life...but how to live it out for today. But more than that...my prayer is that we can boldly and confidently believe Him. Instead of laboring painstakingly to effectively pray and drum up the faith to make the prayers come to fruition and agonizing over when and how the results will be revealed...we can embrace that for God, His will is already complete.

So why aren't we living like it???

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I would delight in hearing how God works this out in you and draws you closer into discovering His Kingdom is already at hand. Feel free to leave me a comment and allow me the joy of rejoicing with you! Amen!

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See also the other posts in the "Living the Vision" series:

Part 1, God Still Gives Visions and Dreams

Part 2, This Life As We Know It...

Part 3, God Dwells in the Fullness of Time

Part 4, The Vision is Complete

Part 5, How Do I Live Like the Vision is Complete?

Learning to Pray Boldly

Pictured above are several index cards with biblical scriptures printed upon them. This is not a concept that is new to me, I've been doing it for about four years now. Beth Moore, in one of her studies, was the first to "turn me on" to this way of learning Scripture and claiming it personally. What is new to me is an idea presented in her Believing God study: Speak the Scripture out loud and claim them with the power and authority of the Holy Spirit whom resides in me.

Obviously, she can explain this much more eloquently and dynamically than I ever could...but here's what I know:  this has absolutely transformed my prayer life and outlook on my relationship with God. Do not tune me out because you think I've bought into some type of "prosperity gospel". I am not claiming a boat or a car or a mansion or a fancy trip or any other number of things that many televangelists and preachers have wrongly taught that you can "name it and claim it".

But if I am praying from a heart that is wholly surrendered to the will of God, asking Jesus to speak His Word into my life and prayerfully expecting the power of the Holy Spirit to deliver on the promises He has claimed that He can, then I can with unfettered boldness declare: God, as Your eyes move to and fro throughout the earth, I know that You will strongly support me (sustain me; make me bold; encourage me; repair me; help me to withstand) because You find my heart (my soul; my inner part; my inclination; my resolution) is completely (wholly, perfectly) Yours. (see II Chronicles 16:9)

By simply taking His Word, inserting personal pronouns and sometimes even my name, (and even looking up alternate definitions for some significant words) I have claimed a biblical promise for my own life. Again, this concept isn't new to me. What is different is speaking it out loud! 

Moore explains the reason for this: We can pray without ceasing and should...but when we speak God's, Holy Spirit inspired Word...we are speaking the very words of God. We've been told in Scripture that our enemies tremble in God's Presence (see James 2:19 for one reference). We've also been told that the Holy Spirit has unsurpassed power and that He is the energy in the spoken word of God (see Genesis 1:2). Thus, when we speak the very Words of God, demons flee and the Holy Spirit is unleashed to work, battle, encourage or discipline just as He has promised He will.

Since I began doing this a few weeks ago, having tailored some specific Scriptures to specific people and situations, I have seen God's Spirit moving and working. Long-buried issues that have needed addressed; old habits that just need to be put away so we, as Christians, can enjoy Kingdom-living (see Proverbs 14:26-27); awareness that we don't fight against flesh and blood but against powers and forces we cannot see so I don't take little slights as personally as in the past (see Ephesians 6:12); a very real knowledge of the closeness of the Presence of the Holy Spirit (see Proverbs 2:3-5); and that His hope for reconciliation, restoration, abiding joy and comfort and beautiful life is always available and no one can take that hope away from me (see Ephesians 1:12 and Romans 5:5 and (I Corinthians 13:13)!!!

Because of all I have seen, heard and felt over the last six weeks, I may be annoying those who know me. I cannot help but be 'bubbling over with the memory of His abundant goodness and shouting joyfully of His righteousness.' (see Psalm 145:7) I have had some amazing conversations the last few weeks and I just know He is only getting started! I have to be honest and say that there has been a lot of activity on my Enemy's part too and I have not been surprised. But 95% of the battle has been in my head and declaring God's Word out loud makes the baddie flee the premises much faster than he used to. Bottom line...I am supposed to be about my Father's business (see Joshua 24:15) so no enemy that comes between that objective should get free rent in my head any more.

God never said this would be easy (see John 16:33), but He promised He would never leave nor forsake me (see Deuteronomy 31:6). So as I "fight the good fight" (see I Timothy 6:12) I am thankful to be learning just how powerful my Sword is (see Ephesians 6:17)!

***Okay, funny side note for anyone that ever grew up in an evangelical, protestant church. Did you ever have Bible drills? Did your Sunday school teacher ever have everyone start with their Bibles extended in the air? Did your teacher ever say, "Put your swords in the air."?? Really? Why did it take almost 40 years for me to get this: It really is a sword!

Publicizing What God is Doing

Today at First Church of Christ, we had our annual Missions Fair. This was the first one I've attended and from now on...I do not want to miss any. My kids just shook their heads and smiled when I leaned over during the pre-service video of a multi-lingual rendition of "How Great is Our God" and said, "I'm already teary!" That was just the start!

Then, instead of a sermon, six people who serve all over the world were interviewed about the different lessons we learn for John 3:16, "For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him would not die but would have eternal life."

• God's Love is incarnational
• God's Love is sacrificial
• God's Love is missional
• God's Love is personal

The six speakers represented the mission fields of Northern Kentucky; Papua New Guinea; Burkina Faso, Africa; a worldwide church planter; Niger, Africa and mid-India. To say I was blessed to listen to what they had to share was an understatement. But the best part of the day was going to the actual "fair" after the worship service. There, in our gymnasium, were dozens of organizations and representatives from around the world. I picked up lots of literature and as I read through it, I plan to share with you any websites, Facebook pages, etc. that can promote the wonderful work that is being done all over the globe in the name of God's Love.

Two quick stories about people I spoke with: 

1.  It was fun to introduce myself to two people from Mountain Mission School in Grundy, Virginia, where our oldest, Abbey, is currently staying with the Mayer family that live and work there. 
2. And, literally getting goosebumps when one of the men told me that his organization may soon be planting churches in North Korea! I am teary at just the thought. You could tell he was busting at the seams to share this with me. I have watched several documentaries and follow the news of North Korea often (link to my previous blogpost here) and have been amazed at the black hole (for lack of a better phrase) that is North Korea. I'm not naming the organization just now out of respect for what seemed to be a discreet conversation.

Our God is alive, active and moving and I hope over the next few weeks to share with you what I learn about the people who are at the forefront of increasing His Kingdom one toehold at a time.

The Law of Liberty

In James' style of recurring themes and words, there is a phrase (or some variant of it) that keeps coming up..."the law of liberty" (see James 1:25). Elsewhere, it's also called "the perfect law" (also James 1:25), "the royal law" (see James 2:8). If you actually clicked on James 2:8, then you'll find out exactly what this "law" that is royal, perfect and full of liberty is..."You shall love your neighbor as yourself". In fact, James goes on to say that if you are fulfilling this law, "you are doing well."

I long to do well...don't you? In my heart of hearts I want to please my Abba and become more like Him. Isn't that essentially what following the Law of the Old Testament was all about? To become a godly people set apart from the rest of the world. Later when Jesus walked this earth, He was asked, 'What is the most important commandment of the law?' (see Matthew 22:35-40) Jesus said the whole law and even what the prophets had taught could be summed up by two commandments: 1. Love God with everything that is within you and 2. Love your neighbor just like you love yourself. What I just caught in this passage in Matthew is a phrase I've heard every time I've read it. Jesus says the second commandment is like the first.

Having recently seen Les Miserables, I'm quickly reminded of the line, "To love another person is to see the face of God." I think there is profound truth in this. In fact, am I being too simplistic to say that this may be the only Truth there is? If God is Love (see I John 4:7) and Jesus out of His deep, deep love died for us (see John 3:16) and He taught that any drink shared, food or clothing given, sick or imprisoned person visited was exactly like doing it to Him (see Matthew 25:35-40)...how could we expect anything less than to see the face of God?

I notice two more things about James' attention to this "law":

1. It is foundational to everything else in this book that bears his name. This is sort of why I'm defining it here. Upcoming posts regarding James may not make much sense unless we have a basic understanding that James filters everything through the command to "Love your neighbor as yourself". 
2. He doesn't mention what Jesus said was the first and greatest commandment.

I by no means think James is circumventing the teaching of Jesus and somehow elevating loving our neighbors above loving God. No, I choose to believe that the man who was challenging the Jewish Christian recipients of his letter wanted them to set aside themselves for the sake of others. After all, this same man whose half-brother had been nailed to a cross because of His perfect love for humanity would probably be the first to know that loving your neighbor as yourself is absolutely impossible if you don't "Love the LORD your God with all your heart, and will all your soul, and with all your mind." (Matthew 25:37)

I'm not a New Years' resolution-type person, but I do have some goals I believe God's Spirit has laid upon my heart to work on...and it all starts here...in James...being reminded that the intertwining of my faith with my works is inseparable in the eyes of God. I absolutely cannot confess a faith in God without hands that are willing to serve, feet that are willing to go and expressions of love I am willing to speak and a willingness to die to myself so that my neighbor (a.k.a. my fellow man) can know they are loved as much as I love myself.

Amen!

Heaven

I think ever since I started reading Reversed Thunder by Eugene Peterson a few months ago, I've been thinking more than usual about Heaven. This was reinforced by the Beth Moore Esther Bible study as she kept referring back to God's kingdom versus the kingdom of this world and that we are all children of the King.

Yes, you were always meant to be a prince or princess.

None of this was new information to me. I've always known there are unseen forces vying for my attention, there is a kingdom of Heaven, and I take seriously Jesus' promise that He went away to prepare a place for those who love Him and are staking their eternal destiny on Him. (see John 14:2) But for some reason, thoughts of Heaven...the end of the world as we know it...and my overwhelming desire to see my Savior face-to-face...have been percolating in my mind more often as of late.

Then this Sunday at church was the final week of a month-long series regarding "The End" and Heaven was the topic. I had completely forgotten this was the sermon topic until we got there. My anticipation of what Pastor Marksberry would say almost could not be contained! My Nazarene upbringing wanted to jump up and shout "Amen!" so many times that I lost count. Instead, I had to content myself with quiet Amens and occasional glances at my 8-year old where I mimicked a loud, shouting "YES!!!"

While I sat there I recalled God's perfect timing, yet again, of an amazing conversation we had with my family the Sunday just one week prior. As family members shared visionary dreams, books they've read and the desire for the return of our Messiah,  I felt the passionate longing to see my Lord so consuming that I think I even said some stupid things just because I was so giddy I really didn't know what to say. Looking back, "Amen!" would have been enough. I'll try to remember that next time!

Some of the books that had been mentioned on the 29th at my parents' home where again mentioned by Pastor Marksberry exactly one week later. I think I need to find and read them! I can't wait.

As Pastor Marksberry referred again to "The End", Andrew Peterson's After the Last Tear Falls came to mind. Actually it was just one phrase.

 "And at the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again."

I can't wait for an ending like that! Can you?

I thought of seeing our deceased grandparents and even our two little babies that were miscarried a few years ago. Yes, I was teary too many times to count.

But the thought I latched onto the most, was one that I am certain did not originate from me. The Voice that I know so well and love so much pierced through my revelry, tears and joy and whispered sweetly: "There is so little time...We have got to get busy!"

So that's where I am today...three days after this wonderful celebration on Sunday when we not only discussed eternal things,but many people were baptised to celebrate their new birth in Jesus...and having had a great conversation with a dear friend yesterday about learning to set our minds on eternal things, and look at life through God's perspective, not ours...and being reminded on Monday in Jesus Calling,  that "while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Cor. 4:18)...I am left here to ask:

"Okay Abba, where do we get started? Or rather, where do we continue going from here?"

I can not think of anything I would rather be doing with my last breath or in the moment the clouds part than sharing God's Love with a lost and dying world that so desperately needs Him. When I filter my "to-do list" through that...it changes a whole lot of things.

What about you?

Mentioned in this post:



Suffering

Throughout the last month, there seems to be this common thread running through my thoughts, my Scripture readings and thus, these blog posts. Sometimes it's vague, sometimes it's obvious...but as I look back over the last four weeks...it's definitely there. The title of this post sums it up completely...suffering.

Now I don't exactly feel like I'm suffering at the moment, so I have to stop and ask the question: Why this theme? And why now?

You know, I wish I could say that every day I wake up with an absolutely clear vision of what my purpose, plan and even goals are for the day. But that's just not the way it works for me. More likely, I stumble my way through each day...attempting to keep my eyes open for how God is working and where He is leading...and hoping I understand and obey the lessons He wants to show me along the way.

So as I sit on this side of the last month and look back, this common theme rises to the surface. It's there in when I was reminded to be Thankful for the Privilege and even in the movies I watched like Slumdog Millionaire. When I shared how I felt parched in Isaiah 58. I know that may not seem like suffering, but it is a "privation" of sorts. Anytime I'm not fully standing in the Love of my Abba, my soul is in some way suffering.

And again, when feeling distant and far from God...like standing at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, the deprivation can be unbearable because I have experienced the feeling of being as close as His shadow. In the absence of that, there is pain. While even contemplating a Christmas unit study with my kids, the plight of our fellow man and our response to it, rose to the surface as I picked A Christmas Carol for our curriculum.

Finally, Andrew Peterson's music has provided great encouragement in the face of The Silence of God, while Dancin' in the Minefields and the promise that There WILL be a Last One!

During this time when all of these thoughts or lessons have been running through my head, I read a section in Repenting of Religion where Gregory Boyd writes about how we descendants of The Fall, want to always have an explanation for the suffering that surrounds us. It makes absolutely no sense to us why tens of thousands of innocent children have died in the last six months from a famine in Africa. Surely behind the failed marriages or crumbling families or impoverished neighbors that we know, there has to be a place to point our fingers or even wag them if we dare! After all, haven't we been taught that we "reap what we sow"?

But Boyd writes this:
"Perhaps nowhere is the fallen impulse to reject ambiguity more evident than in the way religious people tend to interpret suffering. We live in a  morally ambiguous world in which fortune and misfortune come upon people in an arbitrary fashion. Yet the fallen, moralistic impulse to reject ambiguity inclines many to insist that those who suffer misfortune deserve it or that their suffering is morally justified because it serves a higher cosmic purpose. Indeed, these have been the two dominant explanations for evil within the Christian tradition.
It is significant that Jesus never embraced either explanation. Never once did Jesus suggest that any of the multitudes of suffering people to whom he ministered were being punished or disciplined by God through their suffering. Though he constantly ministered to "the dregs of society," never once did he ask an ethical question of them or raise an ethical suspicion about them. Nor did he ever suggest that they were suffering for a greater good. Instead, he uniformly attributed their affliction to demonic forces (e.g., Mark 9:25; Luke 11:14; 13:11-16; cf. Acts 10:38). And his only concern was to manifest the will of his Father by healing and delivering those he confronted."

"Jesus and the authors of the New Testament assumed that the cosmos was much more complex and ambiguous than allowed for by the traditional explanations for evil. They saw the world as under siege by the Accuser, whom they called "the ruler of this world," "the god of this world," and "the ruler of the power of the air" (John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11; 2 Cor. 4:4; Eph. 2:2). While they assumed that every aspect of creation that didn't align itself with the will of God was directly or indirectly the result of fallen human or angelic wills, they never speculated about why things unfold just the way they do. They did not pretend to know much about the virtually infinite chain of influences that lie behind each and every event that takes place. they thus didn't try to penetrate the ambiguity of the world and explain why one person was afflicted, another demonized, another crushed by a fallen tower, and another untouched altogether. They did not try to reject the ambiguity of the world by finding God's will in suffering. They rather worked in the midst of the ambiguity of the world to apply God's will to suffering." (I've underlined exactly what I'd underlined in my book.)

Thanks for bearing with such a long passage. I could not have said it better!

I know with every fiber of my being this is a lesson God's Holy Spirit wants to teach me...for myself and to be shared with others. If I'm going to minister to women...particularly single moms...I can not have an attitude that is contradictory to what Jesus taught. I can not approach the subject of a failed marriage, a rebellious child, a bankrupt portfolio seeking explanations or blame. Do we not see that we just drive ourselves insane trying to explain away the situations for which there is a "virtually infinite chain of influences"?

Holy Spirit brought me face-to-face with this attitude of blame even in myself this morning. I've been beating myself up over an area which I struggle. For days I've been asking why I fail in this time and time again. I've been trying to develop an action plan to avoid being vulnerable, my thoughts have been consumed with blame and how to fix this. And Bless His Name!...this morning, He broke through and I finally listened!

Yes, it was Repenting of Religion again: "Instead of trusting in God to love them and defend them in their sin, Adam and Eve became their own defense attorneys. They trusted their own knowledge of good and evil to protect them rather than trusting God."

And there it was...I don't have the knowledge of all things...good or evil. How can I say that any one person (even myself) is to blame for my struggle...my suffering? [Again, I reiterate...what I'm calling suffering for myself is not anything physical. I speak of a spiritual suffering only in this situation.]

Just so He knew I was listening, He perfectly timed a portion of Jesus Calling today too! "Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles--and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory."

To the naked eye, another may never see my struggle...my suffering...but when each day I trust Jesus to overcome my weakness with His strength, I am a firsthand witness to His miracles...His Glory.

Now here's the awesomely awesome part...the part He gave me over the weekend and because I wasn't listening very well, was delayed in my fitting it into the bigger puzzle:
"Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your graven images plated with gold. You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to them, "Be gone!" (Isaiah 30:20-22)

He placed this Scripture passage in my path on Saturday, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I have lived this...I have experienced this very thing. And His promises are always faithful and true! So if during financial devastation I witnessed this intimately...can't I count on Him to apply it to my life this time too? Absolutely!

When you experience suffering of any form or measure (spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc.), God wants to be your Teacher. During this suffering, if you train your eyes on your Teacher, He will no longer hide Himself! Amen! That's enough right there, isn't it?! But wait...His Holy Spirit will also whisper in your ears His Word telling you "This is the way, walk in it". You'll know whether to turn right or left.

And the blessed consequence that happens? That's right...all of those idols veneered with silver or gold even...you realize just how false and defiled they are...that they are impure things. My new phrase is that it's "all smoke and mirrors compared to God's reality"! The crazy thing is that in the midst of the suffering...these idols I've clung to...possibly for years...I will finally wake up and say "Be Gone!"

Do you know what I'm talking about? If you've ever allowed God to work in the midst of your suffering, I can guarantee you've experienced this, even if you didn't realize it. Allowing Him full access in the midst of devastation and heartbreak can help you break free from any idol: a relationship; a house; a job; a church; a sin; a guilty pleasure; a hobby; a vice; a painful past; a schedule; a joyless future; an American Dream...any thing we place before our relationship with Him!

So while I fervently believe and pray I will share with myself and others until my last breath that there is definite ambiguity in our suffering, allowing Him to love us through it brings definitively obvious miracles!



**Endnote: I pray what I have written has not contradicted my belief that there is no grand cosmic purpose to our suffering. Rather, my prayer is that you sense God's desire to apply His will and healing to it.**

Mentioned in this post:

I Think I'm Being Taught a New Lesson

And it's a little difficult to verbalize, but I'll do my best. This is an experience that's fairly new to me and it completely sounds absurd to my American-culture sensitivities but nonetheless in my pursuit to be obedient to His Voice, I think He's opening up this new area in my life.

In a nutshell, He's teaching me to ask Him for specific things He lays on my heart. That's the gist of it, but the ramifications are huge. It's like cracking open a grain of sand and discovering there was a whole universe inside it that you never knew existed! Ever seen or read the story Horton Hears a Who? Something along those lines.

I'm not even sure I can get my finite brain to wrap around this concept let alone truly appreciate just where it could lead. For now, as I'm working through this, I'm trying to just delight in a God that knows what I need even better than I do and tells me to go ahead and ask Him for it.

God even tells us in Romans that because we don't know how to pray, He's got us covered. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26)

Two very specific situations have happened this summer and quite frankly, my head is spinning a little bit. One, I've already shared on here about how He told me to ask Him for a mini-vacation. (Why Is God So Good to Us? ) And now for about 1 1/2-2 weeks, this number has been rolling around in my head. Every time I would be praying about how to get Boundless Ministries up and running and what the next steps are, this dollar amount always comes to mind. But I've kept thinking "It's just my thought", "I'm dreaming too big", or "I'm sure I'm just expecting too much too fast", on and on ad nauseum!

Then last night in the middle of this crushing blow about starting a job that I thought could help provide some money to start God's work through Boundless Ministries, I told Dale about this number. I said, "Do I sound absurd? Doesn't it sound just 'out there' to be thinking this way?" He smiled and said, 'Funny, for the last several weeks I've been thinking where can we get ____? And it's always that number- _____.'

Odd, huh? Maybe not so much.

After feeling like the ground had dropped out from under me last night (see I Don't Even Know What to Think Anymore! ) I was determined to beseech Almighty God for some answers about whether to continue to pursue a position with SMX or not, about how He will provide for us or to show us how to do it and about how to help a mom that we know that has some needs right now. Did I get any answers? Not really. What I did get was this number coming to me over and over again. It's not like I'm seeing lotto numbers, so don't get any fancy ideas.

What finally happened? I conceded and said, 'Okay God...I'm asking for____________. And I know You will provide it, because You have told me to ask You.' I'm not sure I can describe the immediate sensation of peace that completely washed over me. It was amazing! I finished praying and went straight to my room and wrote down the date and the request on the same paper where I documented the mini-vacation request.

Next I went through all of the Scripture truths He's given me over the last few weeks and I praised Him for doing a mighty work and blessing me with the opportunity to go through all of this for His Name and His Glory. Do I have a timeline for when He'll make this happen? Absolutely not! But I do not doubt that it will be exactly when He wants it to happen.

This morning, as I continued to process through all of the above and sought to empty myself of my will and surrender to the will of God, I felt like Holy Spirit was giving me this lesson: "As you are drawing closer to Me, Angela, you can trust that I will lay a desire on your heart and you can pray for it with confidence that I will provide it. You can trust this! I know it's new to you, but just believe that these thoughts, dreams, desires come from Me. Satan will not plant an idea in your mind that will only produce good, so don't second guess it...it is from Me...so delight in it, ask it and receive it!"

Then my Bible study lesson for the day was about Abiding Joy. And here's the perfectly timed lesson for the day found in John 15:1-17 This is chock full of precious lessons, but here's the one for me for today, verse 3: "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you." (NASB)

Got it! I am already clean...the enemy is not the one giving me these words of desire that bring about good. They are from You and You alone.

Verse 7-8: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." (NASB)

Really? As I cling to you (Beth Moore says like cling wrap...I like that visual!) and I dwell on Your promises, Your Scripture, Your Word (yes, Jesus is THE Word!) throughout my day, I can trust that my wishes are from You...so I can automatically expect it to happen? Wow! I am humbled! And I don't need to second guess that my motivation is selfish. If it's something that will glorify Him and bear fruit in my life and prove that I am one of His disciples, then ask away!

Verse 10: "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love." (NASB)

How do I live in peace knowing that the desires laid on my heart are from Him? How do I rest in the knowledge that I am not asking for anything outside of His perfect, sovereign will for me? Keep His commands.

Ahhh! Sweet peace! He is good isn't He?

Then if all this weren't enough, I had a sweet friend send me an e-mail saying Holy Spirit had laid upon her heart a specific request for us that seems way out of this world to happen at this point. But I wept as I realized that's exactly why God gave it to her instead of me or Dale. We are so beaten down in our belief that He can improve our situation through Dale's job or by providing a new one,  that we'd be afraid to even ask for that...so He led our friend to ask it of Him instead! Once again, Holy Spirit laid it on her heart, it could only bring good, glorify God and prove us to be His disciples...so ask away baby!

She even had Scripture confirmation in the asking. When writing in her journal this prayer request God gave her for us, the Scripture on the page just "happened" to be, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

Discussing all of this with Dale, I sensed his trepidation about believing too quickly and risking hurt and disappointment again...so I tried to process through some of this with him. I remembered a friend several years ago telling me to "crawl under her umbrella of faith" when I didn't have any. I think that's what God's having us do with our friend's request for us. And then I said something Holy Spirit laid on my heart and I am clinging to it, "I know it sounds absurd. But the more absurd it is, the less we can take credit for it. He can do the absurd. And I just believe that He's going to do something that will blow our socks off." I even had a visual of when Mythbusters has tried to prove that you can have your socks blown off and envisioned the day when our photographer daughter can take a picture of me laying on the ground with some socks by my feet with the caption, "He blew my socks off!"

But Dale just laughed! Instantly, I thought of how recently the kids and I read about how both Abraham and Sarah at different times in the journey just laughed out loud at the thought of having a child in their old age. [Beseeched God very quickly that He would not give us another child! Hah! That would be absurd wouldn't it?!] But there is something about God doing the absurd that just makes us giddy with joy.

And there it is...abiding joy. Cling to Him, obey His commands, trust that His desires become our desires, ask for those desires confidently and quickly and stand back and laugh with joy as He performs what only He can...the absurd!

Okay, the grain of sand is definitely cracked open and there is a whole blessed universe inside!

Deeply Impressed

In a previous post, Waiting on Him  I made the statement that "I have turned provision for us over to Him and daily ask Him to either provide for us miraculously or to deeply impress upon us how we are to do it." And in another recent post, He is Rapidly Putting This All Together I admitted that while so focused on Him and this ministry that He's putting together I noticed I wasn't worrying about money anymore. When faced with the first of the month rent coming due,  I was confident in asking, "Do I need to keep praying everyday that I trust You to either miraculously provide or have You deeply impress upon us how we are to provide or do You just have that covered?" I instantly felt His Spirit assure me, "You don't need rent today...let's talk about it when you do."

I've recently had a few conversations with different people that expressed concern over this approach to asking for His provision. I now know some of the concern raised was that maybe I was looking for God to speak in a hugely obvious way. And I understand why as Christians living by faith, we shouldn't always be seeking "signs and wonders".  In John 4:48 Jesus even sounds like He is a little honked off that the officials are asking for them.

But honestly, I'm not looking for signs and wonders or even handwriting on the wall ( Daniel 5 ). As I said in my post two days ago ( Don't You Want to Fly? ) I just want to be smack dab in the middle of His absolutely, best ever, perfect will for me. Amen!

Well, the rent did come due and we faced a lot of opportunities to doubt. We even had a conversation where some desperate options were mentioned. But through it all, amazingly...no, supernaturally...I had a sense of peace and calm that was totally given by the Holy Spirit. All day Thursday and Friday, I just kept reciting over and again all of the Scriptural promises God has given to me in the last two weeks. I kept telling Him that even if no money came or no solution presented itself I would praise Him for Who He is...not what He's done. His Holy Spirit reminded me that He would not give me all of these promises, confirm time and time and time again that this is His path He has laid before us and then take His hands off and say, 'Okay, now YOU figure out how to pay your rent and survive the next two weeks.' He just wouldn't do that.

Yesterday morning, I was praising Him that I now knew we would have enough rent, but living on $15 for a family of six for the next two weeks was going to be pretty difficult and I just needed Him to guide me on what to do. [Side note: In our American culture, I know it makes people uncomfortable to discuss actual dollar figures. Part of it I think is whatever your family upbringing instilled in you...but I've also begun to realize I think part of it is false humility. If we truly believed everything we have is God's, why would we be ashamed, uncomfortable or embarrassed to say how much  (or how little!) it is? So what, if I only have a little bit left? It's not mine anyway, right? Okay...now disembarking from soap box...]

I had confidence...only given by Him no less...that He would come through...and of course, He did! While I was praying Friday morning, the thought "popped" into my head that we have this extra refrigerator that we brought with us when we moved. For awhile, I was stocking up on baking supplies and items I need for my unique dietary requirements so we truly did need two. But as money has dwindled and we can stockpile less, both fridges where not being used to even half capacity. I felt like Holy Spirit was saying, "Put it on craigslist for $200". So that's what I did.

I spent most of the day Friday (in between taking care of the kids and running errands) cleaning both fridges, sorting, purging, and combining everything into one refrigerator. Now, if you know me, you will know that I am not someone that gets excited about cleaning...in fact, I think it's a colossal waste of time and for some people it is a form of idolatry. (I can say that because it's NOT an idol for me. Hah!) I have never had a home that was like stepping into a model home. Hey, I have kids...it's never going to be perfect. But yesterday, I was downright excited all day to be cleaning these refrigerators. There was a deep satisfaction in knowing that my God was absolutely faithful to impress upon me what I should do and that I was obeying Him.

I mean, I could have waited until today, right? No...absolutely not! I'm learning that when the Spirit says, "Move!" I need to say "Where and how fast?" By about 7 p.m. last night, for this and a few other reasons, I was wiped out. I sat down to eat some dinner and get the craigslist posting ready. I researched a few other refrigerators that were listed and realized that this price of $200 was actually a little low. When I first started the listing, I even bumped it up to $250...but I felt a very strong, "No, I said $200." I obeyed and the listing was finally posted somewhere around 7:30 p.m.

As I prayed for God to lead the right person to the listing, the thought crossed my mind that even if it didn't sell and we just donated it, at least we would have a decrease in our electric bill. Also, maybe this is God just asking us to downsize and let even one more little thing go because He's preparing us to be that much more streamlined with wherever He is leading us. After all, if nothing else, it's one less thing to clean, right?

I explained all of this to Dale late last night when he got home and he was interested and supportive, but not as excited as I was. I'm okay with that. These sorts of things are never as exciting for a third party...but I fell asleep in the peace of knowing I'd obeyed.

I sort of piddled around this morning and the phone rang (wrong number) around 9:15 a.m. but I noticed that I had a voice mail. Somehow I'd not heard it ring at 8:15 a.m. That's when someone left a message wanting the refrigerator! That's right...13 hours after I posted it! I called him back, he was at our place with cash in hand and it was gone by 10:30 a.m. Wow! Satan even tried to make me doubt our safety in letting a stranger in, but I told him to be gone and not poo-poo on my parade. I would be careful and leave the door open.

But here's the funny thing...this was a young man...I mean young...and he had a friend with him. Neither one reeked of smoke (unusual in Kentucky), neither had any tattoos or piercings, they were both very polite and even mentioned that they'd cleaned the wheels of the dolly they were using so they wouldn't track dirt in on our carpet. After they left, I thought, "Okay, am I just overanalyzing this God, or did one of Your kids need a fridge and this was Your way of helping both of us out?" Either way, the guy was thrilled and didn't even really check out the refrigerator that much...I pointed out the defects I'd already listed in the posting so that he could examine them more closely, but he didn't much care.

As if this wasn't enough...then the mail came, we received another fiancial blessing that was totally unexpected. What an amazing feeling to, for the first time, never once doubt that He would come through and seeing Him not only do it...but do it BIG! Giving a tithe portion of our blessing to Boundless Ministries even covers the paper and ink I told God I needed a few days ago to get us started.

How could anyone doubt God's desire to not only provide, but also His ability to deeply impress upon us how we can be a part of it? Beloved child of God, I am not the only one that He wants to speak to this way. He wants all of you...your every thought, desire, need, want, care, worry, scheme, dream and pleasure. He desires to be so intimate with you that  He can break into the middle of your day and say, "Okay, now I want you to do this," and you answer, "yes!" He wants you to ask Him about every decision...yes, every decision. The joy of being smack dab in the middle of His perfect will is unexplainable apart from His Almighty Spirit. Don't waste another day...run to Him, call on Him, seek Him, beg Him until you get an answer. And yes, I've been at this long enough that I know even when the answer is long (or even in my mind late!) in coming, there is still great joy to be found in the intimacy you can have with Him.

I do not doubt His loving Hand is all over this ministry He is calling us to and given the barrage of fiery darts being thrown by the enemy, I have no doubt it is exactly what the evil one does not want us to do. But as long as I draw breath I will BELIEVE that everything we have been through has been to bring us to this place in our lives where we can choose to be in the center of His perfect will and find joy in the struggle.

Hang on! I'm downright giddy at what He is doing and how He is doing it. I humbly expect Him to do huge things. I hope this doesn't sound too coarse, but I feel like He's just been "chomping at the bit," waiting for me to let Him explode all over my life. I'm ready...how about you?!