Bowed Down

So apparently, I wasn't prepared for the emotional toll working at a new office would take on me when I began this tax season. The last two years I have encountered the occasional hard-luck or tumultuous life story...but this year is different...and that's putting it mildly!

I know that every person has a story...but this year almost every person wants to share their story. It's inevitable I guess. When you ask about dependents, who gets to claim which child and you're documenting head of household status...the stories just seem to gush out them. And I have to confess all of that gushing is washing all over my soul.

It sounds a bit melodramatic, I know...but it's taken me a few weeks to figure out the reason why I felt so depleted and empty every night after coming home. It's not exactly a job that requires physical exertion. And the mental (mathematical) exertion is mostly limited to data entry. But then there is the human factor and that's where the "messiness" comes in.

What I've realized is that I'm truly not judging them...okay, with the exception of the men that are there with single moms wanting the woman's tax refund NOW and angry because she's not getting back as much as prior years. That gets my blood boiling a little I have to admit!

But instead of judging...I've realized I'm grieving. All day long I hear story after story of the mess they've made of their lives and to some degree, it was taking it's toll on me emotionally and even physically.

I am thankful for a loving God though that gently awakened me to what was taking place and says, "Angela, don't take on their sadness...their brokenness. No...just love them." Then last week, three times, He intersected my reading with the following verse:

"Why are you bowed down, O my soul?
And why are you clamorous within me?
Expect God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence." (Psalm 42:5)

This is a verse I have taped to my bathroom mirror, but it had been many, many weeks since I'd read it. After a family we know went from the heights of joy to the depths of grief within two days time last week, I began praying this verse for them. My prayer was for them to "expect God" and for His Presence to be real.

And now I've begun praying this for myself too. My soul need not be 'bowed down and clamorous within me' when I hear the devastation that so many families deal with regularly. Instead, I want to expect God to help me and them with His glorious Presence...even if it means that in order to feel and know His Presence they have to sit down to do their taxes.