Tax Day 2012

Yeah!

It's finally here! And probably no one is more excited than me. It's been a tough season...and that's saying something. You'll know I kept the frustration in too long when you find out that yesterday my lunch was accidentally locked in a room no one had a key for and although I kept my composure for two more hours (with a very rumbly tummy too!), I finally blew a gasket when Dale picked me up for our anniversary dinner (post coming soon!).

Yes, it was immature and petty and yes, I'd also realized my new $200 reading glasses were in that room and my absolutely indispensable Klean Kanteen water bottle...but really? Did I really need to have such an emotional breakdown over these?

I realized right away it wasn't this stuff that was truly bothering me. It was all of the interpersonal stuff that's happened this season about which 98.9% of the time I've kept my mouth shut. But yesterday was excessively busy and I'm just plain tired of being treated like the scum under someone's nails when I've gone over and above what was scheduled or expected of me for the last four months.

So although it was just a lunch (which obviously I survived without!) and a few things that I knew I could retrieve once the door was opened...I was steaming. But even as I swallowed my pride, kept my cool and the fury of all the pint up emotions under control while I finished work, there were a few blessings...of course there were because that's the kind of God I serve.

I had a few moments of down time (very few!) and God's Spirit just kept reminding me of what I heard Pastor Marksberry say Sunday and I'd first heard from Bill Hybels about 10 years ago, "Every person we make eye contact with throughout the day is a soul loved by God and someone He desires to be in His kingdom." Holy Spirit was nudging me to remember that even the ones that won't make eye contact with you, will barely speak to you and treat you as if you don't exist in their world...are still pursued by God and desired for His kingdom.

The next blessing? An older gentleman, Gary,  that I've been working with and has been very kind to me as I've helped guide him through learning the ropes this year, leaned over in his chair at one point and said, "Angela, do you need some money for another salad or something?" I know my voice wavered as I considered his kindness, smiled and said, "No, I'll be fine...but thank you...for asking." Missing my lunch also just gave me more room to enjoy our anniversary dinner a few hours later!

I'm smiling even now just thinking about these.

I also reflected on the great conversations I had with James, a preparer that worked in the same office earlier in the season. He was a former pastor and at a time when I had some confusion and questions, God opened up some discussions with James that were encouraging and precisely what I needed to hear on those days.

As always, even in the pettiness of my immature, selfish moments, my God is amazing. He doesn't let me wallow and even after venting to Dale later...His gentle Spirit reminded me that losing my lunch for the day was minor compared to the billions who probably didn't even have lunch yesterday.

Oh God...purge my selfish heart!

So yes, it's Tax Day 2012...and I'm thrilled it's over. But I've also learned a lot about myself this season...and that has been a very humbling thing.