I began on Monday to learn about self-control as it is manifested in the fruit that the Holy Spirit wants to produce in a Jesus follower's life. This is the last fruit of the Spirit in Living Beyond Yourself, the Beth Moore Bible study that I've been working through.
And I now know what my next big lesson will be...food...or more accurately, my worship of it. If you know me, it's obvious that I struggle with food. And if you've known me very long, you've probably seen my weight go up and down several times over the years. But I've known ever since I went through The Weigh Down Diet 12 years ago, that this is a spiritual issue. I fervently believe that it is also a spiritual struggle for anyone that struggles with their weight.
You can talk to me all you want about genes, metabolism, carbs, fat grams, sugar, portion control, meat vs. vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, exercise, yoga, etc., etc., but I will always come back to 'It is a heart issue.' If I am overweight, it is because at some time in my life, I have worshipped food instead of worshipping God. To quote an old church cliche', I've had the wrong thing on the "throne of my heart".
Now true, I could be eating in moderation, exercising, etc., now but because I shot my metabolism in the past, I can't lose weight...but I still contend that in some way, at some time excessive weight is a result of not just a lack of discipline, lack of self-control or lack of desire. It's ulitmately, a lack of turning to God when I am stressed, worried, celebrating, excitied, or tired, but rather, turning to food instead.
And honestly, you may believe it's hereditary, only because you've never known any differently. But someone, somewhere in your family tree started shoving down their feelings and emotions with food. So while we're told it could be genetic, it's more likely that it's behavioraly-genetic (yes, I just coined a new phrase!). My kids are living proof of this. I took very intentional steps to NOT pass down my obsession with food. In some ways, even as diligent as I've attempted to be, they have still learned some of my behaviors. But, praise the Lord, the cycle of childhood obesity has been stopped in my children.
And I know I'm not alone in pursuing emotional comfort instead of God. Perhaps the number one spiritual issue that distracts we Americans from being able to accomplish miraculous things through the power of the Holy Spirit is our lack of self-control or put another way...our over indulgence. It could be overindulgence in food, sex, alcohol, TV, internet, or anything. I'm sure many cultures are suceptible to this, but maybe ours more than any other. Just look around you...we have an excess of everything...everywhere we look.
I watched a documentary recently called Food Matters. One gentleman contended that Americans almost don't have a choice but to be fat. Just in the last 20 years or so, every place you go now, food is available. It's everywhere...even at the gas station, the coffee shop, the bookstore, and the library. And how many fast food places do you pass on your way to any destination that you may be going? (Don't even get me started on how we're bombarded by sexual images and attacts on our God-given sexuality!)
But none of this justifies my over indulgence. And you may be feeling pretty smug right now thinking that you don't have a problem with food. But maybe for you it's exercise, buying stuff, gossip, cleaning your house, playing video games or watching TV. Honestly, I'm beginning to believe that anything I spend more time doing than I spend time talking with God or reading His Word is an idol and at some point He is going to start attempting to root it out. After all, isn't the first of the Ten Commandments, "You should have no other gods before Me."?
Sorry if I'm stepping on any toes...but trust me...mine are nearly crushed!
Also, I've learned through 30 years of dieting failures that this isn't about finding the right way to count calories, portion control, stepping up my exercise routine or becoming the "biggest loser". This is about submission to an Almighty God who created my body to begin with and CAN be trusted to tell me what to put into it and when. I actually learned the theory behind this over 15 years ago when my first child was born. When she was fed on demand as a newborn, it just clicked that 'If God created us this way, what happens to make us lose this natural hunger/satisfaction control?'
But knowing this is the way God created us and putting it into practice are vastly different skills. As I implied earlier, I even went through a weight loss program at our church 12 years ago that was based on this premise. The Weight Down Diet used Scripture to reveal to you how God designed our bodies to only eat when we're hungry and then only eat until we're satisfied. Anything else is idolatry. But again, head knowledge is not heart knowledge.
As James wrote, (my paraphrase) 'We shouldn't just be hearers of the Word, but also doers of the Word.' (James 1:21-25) I finally feel like I'm allowing the Holy Spirit to permeate every known part of me. Every morning, I pray through my confessions and concerns to Him and ask Him to fill every single fiber of my being. I invite Him to work in and through me and to have total control. Doesn't it make since that He would begin to say..."Angela, there's not room in here for Me and food. You're going to have to choose. One choice will bring you Life. One will bring you death. You choose, but I want you to choose Me."
The Life He will give doesn't mean I'm going to live to be 100. I still live in a fallen world where we're exposed to toxins and stressors that can cause cancer at any time. And my continued Vegan lifestyle is not so I can reach the age of 120. I just feel better when I don't eat meat or dairy. But ultimately, I know that's not the issue. I can still be overweight eating bread, fruits, veggies and nuts. Or even if I'm not overweight, if I'm obsessed with writing down what I eat, tracking points, fat grams or calories...I'm not trusting the One who wants to have control of everything.
So while this won't be a fun part of the journey, I know it's a necessity. And the joy that will result will be worth all of the tears and pain. If I'm to live a crucified life, how can I not be willing to give Him everything? Even my love of food!
No comments:
Post a Comment