Wait For the LORD

Even though some might view it as mundane, it has been a blessed day in the Lord. [Funny how as I walk further on in this journey, I sound more like an old church lady! I guess they didn't always sound that way either!] But why so blessed? Because He has been faithful to give me Scriptures and reminders of just how amazing He is!

I've been starting my secluded time with Him each morning reading the daily devotion from Jesus Calling. I'd begun doing this because some days I pray and meditate so long that I don't get to my Bible study as often as I'd like. Each day the author, Sarah Young, includes at least two and often more Scriptures that pertain to the devotion she has written.

I'm am always encouraged by this little devotional book, but I am often challenged as well. Today was a blend of both. Here's the part that hit me:
"Thank Me for your neediness, which is building trust-bonds between us. If you look back on your journey thus far, you can see that days of extreme weakness have been some of your most precious times."

Immediately, I was reminded of my pure petrification (that is a word, right?) at going out to ask business owners for donations for our 24-Hour African Famine Event. I blogged about this some in I Needed This One Today.

The next situation Holy Spirit reminded me of ties into the Scripture mentioned in that same blog post, Hebrews 12:1. Interestingly enough, I spoke to the ladies of our home school co-op this past Friday on this exact same Scripture. But Holy Spirit was having me tie it into the idea of Weightlessness that God first began to plant in my heart and in my head back in April.

Why can't we experience a complete absence of worry, guilt, doubt, fear, shame, regret, etc. here and now not just after we die? After all, didn't Jesus teach His disciples to pray, "Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."? (Matthew 6:10) Isn't just a little further down in Chapter 6 where He goes into great detail about why we shouldn't worry? And in verse 33 He commands me to "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things (food, clothing and drink) will be provided to you."

So how come we are still such a stressed out, overwrought, depressed, guilt-ridden and shamed culture...and I'm not talking about non-Christians...I'm talking about those of us in the church? Could it be...is it remotely possible...that the primary reason is because we don't "Wait for the LORD"?  In fact, either while I was speaking or while praying for the groups of ladies during each of the three sessions on Friday, I felt specifically led to stress that becoming "Weightless" is not just another task for them to do. They are not to try to take it into their own hands to fix...but to go the One that knows them best...tell Him honestly, "God, here's the "stuff" I need to dump."...ask Him how and wait for Him to show you.

It seems I've been having a lot of this same discussion recently. And it's not just been with one or two people...it's becoming a repeated theme. Now, it might be asked in different ways...using different words...but what I'm coming to realize is that it all seems to boil down to this same idea: 'How can I (Angela) possibly know that the thoughts, ideas, plans, rationales, etc. that I am experiencing are truly from the Holy Spirit?' Put another way: 'How can you possibly discern that what you're describing as the Spirit of God's leading, voice, plan, decision, etc., is in fact, Him and not you?'

Funny enough the biggest reason that I know it is Him and not me is one that may actually sound arrogant if I were to quickly reply thus: "I know it's Him...because I don't feel the need to defend this."

To some, that may sound prideful and rude...but only I (and even better yet, God) know my heart. And even though I may be passionately explaining why I know it's the Holy Spirit...that's because I so very much want them to experience the same freedom of taking their hands off of their lives. In my heart I know  I am not just defending my actions. I am at complete peace with God defending Himself to them...that's not my job! And if I walk away from a conversation and the other paryt still doesn't understand what I'm saying or is even a little angry with me...I'm okay with that...all I can do is speak truth. It is not my burden to make someone see my point of view and agree with it.

But as I've been having some of these conversations what repeatedly comes up is to remind them that I am a planner. I've also blogged about this a few times before. And for the first time, I have no long range plans. I have no agendas. I have no desire to get from A to B in a specific amount of time. This from the lady that has wasted not just hours but days or even weeks of her lifetime developing plans that never see the light of day...and then being frustrated that they don't come to fruition. No...I have become content to "Wait For the LORD". To be truthful though...there are still some issues where I am running ahead...and God in His patience and grace is revealing those to me, helping me process through them with Him and lovingly guiding me on how to change this behavior.

The freedom though, that comes from knowing that I unequivocally abdicated my control of my life and repeat doing so each and every morning...to the Creator of the Universe and to trust that He will lead me, guide me, love me and whisper to me where to turn and when...is worth absolutely every pain, heartache, trial, temptation, tragedy and disgrace I've had to face to get here.

I just told someone last week during one of these conversations, 'I have spent almost 43 years taking everything into my own hands and doing it my way. I'm sick (to the point of puking) of living my life this way. I want no part of being in control again. I make a mess of it so I'm going to let Him be in charge.'

The follow-up to all of these conversations, lessons shared and memories remembered today wasone of the passages to read for Jesus Calling, Psalm 27:13-14,
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD." (bold emphasis mine)

Yes, in His timing, in His way and even in His power (given by His Holy Spirit), He will display His active goodness in my LIFE. I don't have to wait until Heaven. His kingdom is here and now! But, what do I have to do? That's right..."Wait for the LORD".

I know this is long...but I can't leave this off...because so many of you don't even know about this! Back in May, I had what I thought was a great idea to host a "free garage sale" to single moms. They would be able to come and shop for free clothes and small household items that had been donated. With very little prayer and thought, I forged ahead and approached my pastor and I think my cell group about this and was very pleased with myself for thinking of it. After all, it had to be a God thing, right?
It came down to a leadership huddle for our church on a Saturday morning and Holy Spirit had been tugging on me about this idea for a few days. He would not let it go. But right before I left for this meeting, I got face down on the floor and said, "Okay, You win! I'll let it go! I don't understand why, but You do and that's all I need to know. Yeah, I'll make a fool of myself in front of these leaders, but that's okay...I'll do it for You." At the meeting, when it was my turn to speak about this idea of a garage sale, I said something like, "I'm a little embarrassed to say I have to let this go. For whatever reason, I'm not supposed to do this...at least not now." Everyone was gracious, but the enemy still can give you a little nudge that maybe you're doing the wrong thing and others just won't understand.

But I left it behind, didn't ask again why and have been learning many lessons since May...especially about While I Wait... I may never have known why He asked me to let go of the single moms' garage sale idea. Yet, He is so kind to give me a special blessing of assurance as to how He puts everything together.

Have you figured it out yet?

A few hours ago, my youngest and I are driving back from the grocery store and like a whammy out of left field He reminded me that if I...in my own strength and determination...would have proceeded with that event...which would have still been a good and loving thing to do...He would not have had the opportunity to lay on my heart the perfectly timed 24-Hour Famine for African Relief Event!

That's right, one of the dates I had wanted to do the garage sale was the Saturday after Labor Day...the day we began our fast.

Now, I'm sure God could have still done both...but there's no way that I could have. And plowing ahead with what I thought was a good idea, instead of being able to "Wait for the LORD" would have meant that I would have missed out on all the lessons and blessings that I've shared on here for the last 4 weeks. I know there would have been different lessons and different blessings to be learned by doing a free garage sale for single moms...but I have become so absolutely amazingly aware that they wouldn't have been the best lessons that God had for me at exactly the time He wanted.

What does this mean for my life? Well, for our fast-paced, never-a-moment-to-ourselves kind of frantic, hysteria-filled lives that pervade every single part of the American culture (unless you're Amish!), it may look like I'm doing nothing except being a mom, a home schooler and a wife. But please, don't discount the work...sometimes the battles...that are going on beneath the surface. And trust...even though it may not be in your timing...I am at peace delaying until He shows me His. Because, ultimately...I just want to "Wait for the LORD!"