Suffering

Throughout the last month, there seems to be this common thread running through my thoughts, my Scripture readings and thus, these blog posts. Sometimes it's vague, sometimes it's obvious...but as I look back over the last four weeks...it's definitely there. The title of this post sums it up completely...suffering.

Now I don't exactly feel like I'm suffering at the moment, so I have to stop and ask the question: Why this theme? And why now?

You know, I wish I could say that every day I wake up with an absolutely clear vision of what my purpose, plan and even goals are for the day. But that's just not the way it works for me. More likely, I stumble my way through each day...attempting to keep my eyes open for how God is working and where He is leading...and hoping I understand and obey the lessons He wants to show me along the way.

So as I sit on this side of the last month and look back, this common theme rises to the surface. It's there in when I was reminded to be Thankful for the Privilege and even in the movies I watched like Slumdog Millionaire. When I shared how I felt parched in Isaiah 58. I know that may not seem like suffering, but it is a "privation" of sorts. Anytime I'm not fully standing in the Love of my Abba, my soul is in some way suffering.

And again, when feeling distant and far from God...like standing at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, the deprivation can be unbearable because I have experienced the feeling of being as close as His shadow. In the absence of that, there is pain. While even contemplating a Christmas unit study with my kids, the plight of our fellow man and our response to it, rose to the surface as I picked A Christmas Carol for our curriculum.

Finally, Andrew Peterson's music has provided great encouragement in the face of The Silence of God, while Dancin' in the Minefields and the promise that There WILL be a Last One!

During this time when all of these thoughts or lessons have been running through my head, I read a section in Repenting of Religion where Gregory Boyd writes about how we descendants of The Fall, want to always have an explanation for the suffering that surrounds us. It makes absolutely no sense to us why tens of thousands of innocent children have died in the last six months from a famine in Africa. Surely behind the failed marriages or crumbling families or impoverished neighbors that we know, there has to be a place to point our fingers or even wag them if we dare! After all, haven't we been taught that we "reap what we sow"?

But Boyd writes this:
"Perhaps nowhere is the fallen impulse to reject ambiguity more evident than in the way religious people tend to interpret suffering. We live in a  morally ambiguous world in which fortune and misfortune come upon people in an arbitrary fashion. Yet the fallen, moralistic impulse to reject ambiguity inclines many to insist that those who suffer misfortune deserve it or that their suffering is morally justified because it serves a higher cosmic purpose. Indeed, these have been the two dominant explanations for evil within the Christian tradition.
It is significant that Jesus never embraced either explanation. Never once did Jesus suggest that any of the multitudes of suffering people to whom he ministered were being punished or disciplined by God through their suffering. Though he constantly ministered to "the dregs of society," never once did he ask an ethical question of them or raise an ethical suspicion about them. Nor did he ever suggest that they were suffering for a greater good. Instead, he uniformly attributed their affliction to demonic forces (e.g., Mark 9:25; Luke 11:14; 13:11-16; cf. Acts 10:38). And his only concern was to manifest the will of his Father by healing and delivering those he confronted."

"Jesus and the authors of the New Testament assumed that the cosmos was much more complex and ambiguous than allowed for by the traditional explanations for evil. They saw the world as under siege by the Accuser, whom they called "the ruler of this world," "the god of this world," and "the ruler of the power of the air" (John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11; 2 Cor. 4:4; Eph. 2:2). While they assumed that every aspect of creation that didn't align itself with the will of God was directly or indirectly the result of fallen human or angelic wills, they never speculated about why things unfold just the way they do. They did not pretend to know much about the virtually infinite chain of influences that lie behind each and every event that takes place. they thus didn't try to penetrate the ambiguity of the world and explain why one person was afflicted, another demonized, another crushed by a fallen tower, and another untouched altogether. They did not try to reject the ambiguity of the world by finding God's will in suffering. They rather worked in the midst of the ambiguity of the world to apply God's will to suffering." (I've underlined exactly what I'd underlined in my book.)

Thanks for bearing with such a long passage. I could not have said it better!

I know with every fiber of my being this is a lesson God's Holy Spirit wants to teach me...for myself and to be shared with others. If I'm going to minister to women...particularly single moms...I can not have an attitude that is contradictory to what Jesus taught. I can not approach the subject of a failed marriage, a rebellious child, a bankrupt portfolio seeking explanations or blame. Do we not see that we just drive ourselves insane trying to explain away the situations for which there is a "virtually infinite chain of influences"?

Holy Spirit brought me face-to-face with this attitude of blame even in myself this morning. I've been beating myself up over an area which I struggle. For days I've been asking why I fail in this time and time again. I've been trying to develop an action plan to avoid being vulnerable, my thoughts have been consumed with blame and how to fix this. And Bless His Name!...this morning, He broke through and I finally listened!

Yes, it was Repenting of Religion again: "Instead of trusting in God to love them and defend them in their sin, Adam and Eve became their own defense attorneys. They trusted their own knowledge of good and evil to protect them rather than trusting God."

And there it was...I don't have the knowledge of all things...good or evil. How can I say that any one person (even myself) is to blame for my struggle...my suffering? [Again, I reiterate...what I'm calling suffering for myself is not anything physical. I speak of a spiritual suffering only in this situation.]

Just so He knew I was listening, He perfectly timed a portion of Jesus Calling today too! "Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles--and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory."

To the naked eye, another may never see my struggle...my suffering...but when each day I trust Jesus to overcome my weakness with His strength, I am a firsthand witness to His miracles...His Glory.

Now here's the awesomely awesome part...the part He gave me over the weekend and because I wasn't listening very well, was delayed in my fitting it into the bigger puzzle:
"Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your graven images plated with gold. You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to them, "Be gone!" (Isaiah 30:20-22)

He placed this Scripture passage in my path on Saturday, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I have lived this...I have experienced this very thing. And His promises are always faithful and true! So if during financial devastation I witnessed this intimately...can't I count on Him to apply it to my life this time too? Absolutely!

When you experience suffering of any form or measure (spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc.), God wants to be your Teacher. During this suffering, if you train your eyes on your Teacher, He will no longer hide Himself! Amen! That's enough right there, isn't it?! But wait...His Holy Spirit will also whisper in your ears His Word telling you "This is the way, walk in it". You'll know whether to turn right or left.

And the blessed consequence that happens? That's right...all of those idols veneered with silver or gold even...you realize just how false and defiled they are...that they are impure things. My new phrase is that it's "all smoke and mirrors compared to God's reality"! The crazy thing is that in the midst of the suffering...these idols I've clung to...possibly for years...I will finally wake up and say "Be Gone!"

Do you know what I'm talking about? If you've ever allowed God to work in the midst of your suffering, I can guarantee you've experienced this, even if you didn't realize it. Allowing Him full access in the midst of devastation and heartbreak can help you break free from any idol: a relationship; a house; a job; a church; a sin; a guilty pleasure; a hobby; a vice; a painful past; a schedule; a joyless future; an American Dream...any thing we place before our relationship with Him!

So while I fervently believe and pray I will share with myself and others until my last breath that there is definite ambiguity in our suffering, allowing Him to love us through it brings definitively obvious miracles!



**Endnote: I pray what I have written has not contradicted my belief that there is no grand cosmic purpose to our suffering. Rather, my prayer is that you sense God's desire to apply His will and healing to it.**

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