The First of the Lasts

I promise to try to keep it together until the end...but here goes...

Today our oldest started her last "first day" of school, at least as an enrollee of The Barthauer Academy. And today, she became a teacher. She's currently teaching her younger siblings Art History and for her first day, she did a phenomenal job...even assigning homework. They were all creating and talking and laughing...and I didn't have to supervise. In fact, I was politely asked to leave the room so as not to disturb the teacher's "ju-ju". [Ha! My word...not hers!]

But seriously, this entire year will be a series of lasts and oddly enough...I'm okay with that. For a few years now I've known that God has been preparing me for this. Our summer has been filled with weeks of Abbey working and even leaving town to stay with family, friends and participate in missions. I'm not one prone to visions but about a year and a half ago, I had a specific image implanted in my mind of one very proud momma putting her child on a plane (okay it could be a bus) sending her off into the big, wide world to serve the God who loves her more than I ever could.

And here's the rub...I sort of can't win no matter how I feel about this. I share with friends that I'm ready, but then I'm excited when she returns home from a trip. This is seen by many as my inability to let go. But I happen to have a personality that is okay "living in the tension" (what a friend calls living in the "gray"). This tension happens to be knowing, accepting and readily acknowledging that she is not mine to keep...and yet enjoying the moments when she's home.

I've known since Day Four of her life that she was not ours and that a God who saw fit to give her life twice must have had a pretty outstanding purpose for her. So over the next year or less, forgive me if I get a little teary now and then. Please don't read into this that I'm not ready to let go. Instead, try to understand that there's a heart that is swelling so big the extra fluid needs be squeezed through my tear ducts before I bust with pride. And how does she feel about this transitioning year? Last night on Facebook she posted the following:

"Tomorrow starts day 1 of my senior year of high school. This summer has definitely helped confirm that the passions I have in life are all pieces of one big puzzle God is fitting together for me. I was able to fall in love with three different cities, travel to a different country and help work with children in a spiritually deprived province, further my love for art, and get to know some awesome people that I will never forget. Here is to hoping this last year of school will lead me to greater things."

Yesterday was my birthday. I have to admit, that was the best present I could have ever received!
Amen!