And I am not exaggerating!
Last Thursday, it was my turn to lead our small group in discussion at the Believing God Bible study. Lo and behold, the topic for the week was the tongue. Ugh! We meet on Thursday mornings and by Tuesday afternoon, I only had one day of the homework completed. This is not like me. Normally, I try to stay on top of it all so I can get the full benefit without hurrying through it all. But going over day one of the workbook...where the topic was James 3 and taming the tongue...I had to process for a few days and try to come to grips with living this thing out before I stood up in front of 20 women and told them they needed to do the same.
The tongue "is a restless evil and full of deadly poison." (James 3:8) Not exactly tea-party conversation here. I completed the homework...sorted through a lot of yuck I needed to give God...and when Thursday morning rolled around...still felt completely inadequate to stand up and facilitate a conversation about how the tongue "is set among the members as that which defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of someone's life and is set on fire by hell." (James 3:6)
Yikes!
Thursday as I was getting dressed and ready in my bathroom, I was literally doubled over with my hands on my knees, moaning and asking God "Why?" Why did it have to be me? The one that struggles with her tongue more than anyone I know. The one who unfortunately has all too often with my tongue "blessed our Lord and Father and with it cursed men who have been made in the likeness of God." (James 3:9) You'll find it as no surprise that when I memorized James at this same time last year, this is the passage that was most difficult to learn. I am a woman "of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5).
As I was praying and processing and meditating on His Word, it wasn't that I had any divine epiphanies. There was nothing new for me to learn on this subject...but bless His magnificent Name...He kept graciously reminding me of a few things over and over again.
Last Thursday, it was my turn to lead our small group in discussion at the Believing God Bible study. Lo and behold, the topic for the week was the tongue. Ugh! We meet on Thursday mornings and by Tuesday afternoon, I only had one day of the homework completed. This is not like me. Normally, I try to stay on top of it all so I can get the full benefit without hurrying through it all. But going over day one of the workbook...where the topic was James 3 and taming the tongue...I had to process for a few days and try to come to grips with living this thing out before I stood up in front of 20 women and told them they needed to do the same.
The tongue "is a restless evil and full of deadly poison." (James 3:8) Not exactly tea-party conversation here. I completed the homework...sorted through a lot of yuck I needed to give God...and when Thursday morning rolled around...still felt completely inadequate to stand up and facilitate a conversation about how the tongue "is set among the members as that which defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of someone's life and is set on fire by hell." (James 3:6)
Yikes!
Thursday as I was getting dressed and ready in my bathroom, I was literally doubled over with my hands on my knees, moaning and asking God "Why?" Why did it have to be me? The one that struggles with her tongue more than anyone I know. The one who unfortunately has all too often with my tongue "blessed our Lord and Father and with it cursed men who have been made in the likeness of God." (James 3:9) You'll find it as no surprise that when I memorized James at this same time last year, this is the passage that was most difficult to learn. I am a woman "of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5).
As I was praying and processing and meditating on His Word, it wasn't that I had any divine epiphanies. There was nothing new for me to learn on this subject...but bless His magnificent Name...He kept graciously reminding me of a few things over and over again.
- I need to be impeccably above the standards of this age...not only in my spoken word...but in my written word as well. Facebook should not be a platform to air my grievances...whether they are personal or against an entire people group. Neither will I condescend to fight through texting, messaging or wall posts. And this blog should always be used as a tool to bless (aka. speak well of) instead of curse (doom) my fellow man whether I can yet call them brother or sister in Christ or not.
- The post I wrote a year ago about Jeremiah 31:3 "The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying "I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness." is just as true today as it was last October. In the way that a salve or poultice will "draw out" the yuck in a wound so that true healing can begin...God himself slathers His lovingkindness all over our "yuck"...drawing it out so that true healing and growth can begin.
And here's something of a new thing I did learn during the tortuous week of self-examination: The drawing never ends! In God's perfect timing and mercy, He begins drawing out from the surface and slowly, yet assuredly, He takes away layer and layer of "yuck" so that as the internal is purged and refined, the external radiates His gorgeous Light more clearly.
So when you come across that time in your life when you feel like you're struggling in an area that you've worked on before, maybe He's just "drawing" out at a deeper level, calling you to a deeper walk, so the Light of His Love will shine forth more brilliantly, piercing the deeper darkness in a way we never could have imagined.
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