Friday, October 4, 2013

Internal vs. External

It seems everywhere I turn there is this running theme: God is not concerned with what I do but He is very interested in who I am.

I shared my friend Chandra's powerful words. Yet, too many times to count, I have struggled with this overwhelming desire to do something for Jesus...and not just something...but something HUGE. I have wrestled with the passion to serve vs. being in the limelight. I want everyone to know this amazing Abba (Daddy) that consumes so much of my life. In all honesty, at times I have to adamantly sift through whether this is because of Him drawing me to this or my "need" to be noticed.

I sat through one of the most profound Beth Moore sessions I've ever watched or listened to yesterday at the Believing God Bible study I attend. The insight she taught regarding God's priority of the internal over the external was a resounding affirmation to what He has already been teaching me. I sat there with all of my accompanying "Amens!", oohs, aahs, moans and sighs as God's Spirit challenged me to take my eyes off of this big, unknown "something" out there in the vast expanse of Christendom and to instead refocus with laser-like precision on what He longs to do inside of me.

This morning as I was doing my ritual morning catch-up on Twitter and Facebook, God decided to sum it all very concisely for me...just in case I'd missed it so far. And the quote came from Gregory Boyd.

"If you think you're going to DO something that will give your life more significance than it already has, you are in deceptive bondage."

When I want to proclaim to the nations all that I think my Abba would love for me to share, I lose sight of the harvest He's already procuring in me and the lives of those immediately surrounding me. This is a constant struggle for me and has been for many, many years. I know we all long for significance and apparently my Enemy knows this is particular weakness of mine. Seeing this "longing" described as bondage was the proverbial "slap in the face" I needed. In fact, I think the quote is going up on my mirror.

Jesus left us with the the command to go into all the world and make disciples (see Matthew 28:19-20) but He never left it entirely on my shoulders. He is the One that is drawing all men to Himself, not me. And when I forget that I'm one of those that needs to be made a disciple, I'm putting myself in the wrong place...Teacher instead of the Student I was designed to be. 


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