[I almost entitled this post, "My Baby's Heartbeat", but I didn't want anyone else's heart to skip a beat in the split second they might think we were expecting!]
I have known for a few years now that our baby, Leah (9), is full of compassion, mercy and service to others. These are her strengths given by her Abba that has a divine plan for their use. When someone is crying or bleeding, she is the one...by their side...looking with her piercing gaze into the eyes of the one in pain...usually rubbing their arm, back, head or whatever she can to console them. When two people in our family are fighting, if she is not one of them, she has often cried over the words flung in anger or the grief expressed by the parties involved.
Over time, I've realized that I will need to guide each of our children into the awareness that their greatest gifts can also be their greatest weaknesses. This is a lesson I have learned for myself only within the last two to three years. But it makes sense doesn't it? What better way could our Enemy stall, hamper or even defeat us than in the very strengths that God has given us to use for His Kingdom?
All of this was brought home to me this week as Leah had a couple of sad days over something she'd seen in a movie. Being the youngest of four, she has seen many PG-13 movies and (as her older siblings frequently remind me) exposed to things I would have been more guarded about with them. This has had its benefits and drawbacks, but overall, I have been very careful to attempt to remain faithful to the call God gave me from the beginning to allow our children to actually have a childhood. It's one of the top five reasons why I felt compelled to home school.
But sometimes, based on each individual child, something happens that sets them off. Such was the case when I watched The Boy in the Striped Pajamas this week. I'd been watching it alone for about 20 minutes when Rebekah, who had already read the book, joined me. Then a little later Noah and Leah watched about the last hour or so with us. I had to explain a few things as the movie went along, because it's mostly written from a child's perspective. Thus, when the Jewish child says, "My dad went on a work detail and I haven't seen him again," I had to tell the kids that meant he wouldn't be coming back.
I don't want to spoil the movie for you if you haven't already seen it, but if you know that it's based on the Holocaust, you can intelligently surmise that it has a sad ending. At about 2:30 a.m., I found out just how sad it had been for Leah.
When I got that tap...tap...tap...on my shoulder while I lay sleeping, and I saw the crying puddle embodied by my child standing before me, I immediately knew what had happened. But I wisely (thanks be to God for making me aware in the moment) didn't draw attention to why she couldn't sleep. Instead she pulled up a pillow and blanket on our floor and waited it out until morning, tossing and turning most of the time. At one point, we even got up to get, what we have affectionately dubbed, "the puke bucket" because she was trying to rationalize that she might even be getting sick.
The next afternoon, she and I had some time to talk. I found out she was greatly distressed about the older kids and I going to the midnight movie to see Iron Man 3. No assurances of fun by spending alone time with Dad could console her. She finally blurted out, "Well, I know I'm not going to sleep again tonight."
I decided it was time to talk about the movie in depth. I tried to offer comfort by telling her that it was a good thing to be sad when we are confronted with such horrible evil...it's why I cry at Les Miserables or when I read or see something about the destitute or downtrodden. It's God's Spirit in us crying out that this is not the way He created us to live.
And then I almost cried, yet again, as she attempted to put into words exactly what she was experiencing...I pray I never forget it:
"I'm okay...as long as I'm playing, or doing something else...but then when I stop...I remember and now I don't feel like I'm going to be sick anymore......but my heart feels heavy." (emphasis mine)
Tell me what 9 year old is tormented with nausea and a heavy heart when confronted with evil and I will show you a child who will be used by God to demonstrate His glory in a world that desperately needs to know Him!
I was humbled, to say the least.
I fumbled through some things that I felt I should share with her and after some much needed processing, prayed with her and God's Spirit did comfort her in her grief. But here's some lessons that I learned, shared with Leah and that I'd like to share with you:
- A heavy heart is a good thing. It is a sign of compassion, love, mercy and grace. When people are hurting, we should hurt with them. We should enter into their suffering with them.
- We can't become paralyzed by our grief. When our Enemy knows our strengths, he will attempt to make us weak. Recognizing that the plight of others grieves us is good. The inability to act upon it out of depression or fear is not.
- Recognizing our blessings can heal our grief. Becoming a more thankful person is one of my life's goals. Sharing that with my child was exactly what she needed. Praying our thanksgiving to God for all our gifts and the blessing of life to share with others helped break the stronghold of sadness she felt.
- Acknowledging our humanness is essential for perspective. Getting on our knees to symbolize God's ultimate sovereignty and control, while confessing that there is no way we can comprehend why bad things happen to innocent people, was a big step in opening up a whole new world to the huge heart that beats within her tiny body. It can do the same for all of us.
- Finding God's heartbeat in ours is amazing. Understanding that her heart would not hurt were it not for God's heartbeat drawing close to hers, can bring confidence for action in the future when confronted with the evil in this world.
I'm sure there are many, many more...but these were the big ones. I would be remiss if I did not add that this opened my eyes and heart to the possibilities of what God has planned for this little lady. Hang on baby, it's going to be an amazing ride!
No comments:
Post a Comment